What to do about my mother

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Check out Heart Mind and Strength a Catholic apostolate. Find a book about toxic people written by Gregory Popchack.

I feel for your situation, but it does look like you are stuck in a cycle of placating your mom and being hurt and frustrated when she acts like she always acts. There is a way to honor her without being involved or affected by her drama. Actually the best way to honor her is to not feed the drama machine.

As for seeing your sisters, I would visit them outside of the home.
 
Be the better person and send her a card. I have a hard time finding a Mother’s Day card for my mom every year, but if I look around a bit, I can usually find one that says “Wishing you a lovely day.” or something like that. It’s kinda hard sometimes when all the cards talk about what a wonderful mom she’s been, and how she’s been there for you every step of the way, etc.

Just don’t drop to your mom’s level. She wants you to so then she’ll feel more justified at being mean to you. Being nice will make her feel more guilty…or at the very least set her a good example. At least that’s the way I look at it…🙂
 
kesa82 said:
The OP puzzles me, and some of the replies really puzzle me.
  • apparently your mother objected to your marriage ?
  • apparently your mother did not give you leave to go.?
Apparently the answer was a catagorical no, you did what you pleased anyway. And you got what you wanted. Repeat : You got what you wanted. Is this not so ? Sorry , but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Granted, to be honest it does sound like your mother is a stubborn control freak, but so do you. And 10,000 people taking your side doesn’t change the fact. All that means is that you won a popularity contest.
Sorry if this sounds uncharitable , but I would be the first to admit that I don’t even know you. 🙂
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She is an adult; since when should her mother have had veto power over whether she married or not? That is absurd. She married a good man, in the Catholic Church, and moved so that he could find work in his field. Sounds like a very healthy and normal development to me - nothing to do with “control” on the OPs part at all.

My older daughter moved to another state to establish residency for grad school, married and has lived there since. Younger daughter will also move away, at least temporarily, following her upcoming wedding. Would I love to have them both here? Yes, but that’s not what’s currently best for them. The mother needs to get a grip on reality and grow up.

And, OP - do send a card, at least; I subscribe to the “kill them with kindness” philosophy.
 
gam3rchic said:
I hear you Shiann. I think I will send her a card at least. It’s just so hard when someone has stabbed you in the back to not fall into the “spiteful” category 😦
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Well if it was just ‘someone’ who stabbed you in the back, I’d say ignore the person and not have any more contact with them EVER AGAIN.

But, sad to say, this isn’t just someone. This is your mother. God felt that position SO HOLY that he made a commandment regarding it.

Don’t misunderstand, we need not treat our mothers as ‘holy’, but the position they hold as our mother IS.

Who knows why she’s acting in such a way. You needn’t get caught up in her drama EVER. I agree with those that say to visit but not cater to her woeful self serving drama. Be kind, and respectful of the position she holds (mother) and then go home to your husband and pray for her.

:hug1:
 
Thank you all so much once again!!! Every time I have a family crisis you all make me feel better! When we first were moving and my mom made me feel like the biggest scum on the earth you all helped me sooo much!!! Granted, DH is there for me too, but he’s not the real sensitive type so I need some other women to help pick me up, if you kwim 😃

I am gonna buy her a card tomorrow, one that is real general. DH bought a card tonight, but it’s real mushy and I feel like I would be lying if I sent it. So, I’ll look tomorrow for a general “have a happy mother’s day” card, like what kevinsgirl said. In my heart, I do believe I would regret it if I didn’t send anything so this at least will ease my conscious.
 
Alright, I sent her a card that I added a message that goes like (generally) “even though you disagree with choices I’ve made in my life, I still love you as my mom, happy mother’s day.”

It’s short, sweet and to the point…just how I like it! 😃
 
Shiann said:
w311 d0n3!

👍

:hug1:
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Hahaha! Thanks Shiann, needed that laugh!! :hug1:

I also called her on the phone to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. I’m glad I did even though the conversation was short. Maybe one day she’ll not be so angry. 🤷
 
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