F
fm1982
Guest
It has been a while since I last posted, I feel like my life has gone absolutely crazy, but I do not feel that things are improving.
I find that I am so angry, and that when I am trying to cool down, she will push and push to talk and I end up saying hurtful things. I know when I am unable to talk because I am too angry, but she will not leave me alone, even at 1:30 am when she wakes me up.
She has shown very little to no remorse for what she has done. She says she had “needs” and that there were many factors leading to the two affairs and that I am 40% to blame.
I am having such a difficult time trusting anything she says right now. She lied to me while we were engaged 7 years ago and defended it by saying “well it’s only a lie of omission, you never asked”. Perhaps I have the wrong idea about this whole committed relationship, preparing for marriage and ultimately married, but I would think that “are you/have you slept with anyone else while we were in a committed relationship” is not the type of question one would have to ask in the days leading up to a wedding.
She also will not take responsibility for what has happened now either. She will not take responsibility for the second affair (which started less than 10 days after the first one ended). She expected me to defend her against his wife when she found out. The poor woman was so destroyed when I talked to her in an information exchange phone call, but the one thing that she has that I don’t is hope. He told her absolutely everything, including some meetings/details that I suspected but had no confirmation.
To me the confession vs the denials until irrefutable proof was produced is causing me great difficulty in moving forward. I don’t feel that I can trust her at all, and that is making moving forward in this marriage almost impossible. I just feel so angry when she is around. At least his wife has the comfort of knowing he will tell the truth after the fact, no matter how painful, because there was no imminent threat of her finding out.
I am also concerned because I know she is lying to the “authorities” including child services about her condition. She says she can handle things with the children, but the second I walk through the door, she throws her hands up and tells me to deal with them. They are in daycare/school most of the week, so it is not a typical stay at home mom situation. She says that if we divorced she has lots of support…all her support is people who she had met in the last 3 months or so, she has no long term friends because she burns them out. She listed about 6 people, I listed only 3, but my three have been there for me for 15 years combined, her’s about a year combined. The babysitter who watches (known her for 6 months) our kids has said she is out in two months, she was very upset again today because my wife left two kids with her all day when the agreement was for only half a day. She is fed up, yet my wife has no problem listing her as “support”. The babysitter has told me that she has friends who do not want to spend time with her while she is spending time with my wife because she is too toxic. Unfortunately this is not the first time this problem has arisen. The babysitter is sick of being taken “advantage of”, has tried to bring it up with my wife, but ultimately caves because she is too “nice”, just like I have been for much too long.
When I got home with the kids and told my wife that the babysitter was upset because she thought the kids would be with her only half the day (as did I because that was the agreement), but she ended up having them the whole day, my wife went off the handle, was calling the babysitter names and so on. She went on about how it was only a few hours difference, how she was busy with other things (grocery shopping - I take all four with me as a “leisure” trip - they really are fantastic, just load up two in each grocery cart and off I go), and “only” got to sit down at Starbucks for half an hour before picking other kids up at school!!! This while the babysitter was watching our kids when she was not expecting it (and had called my wife to ask her to pick them up)!!
She also lied about about being suicidal. When we had a meeting with child services, she said she wasn’t suicidal, but just wanted a long vacation. This was after telling me in the last few weeks that she knew ways to kill herself, knew medication to take, knew where to drive off, etc, a few weeks that also included a trip to the emergency ward at the local hospital. So either she is/was recently suicidal, or using it as a tool to attempt to manipulate me into allowing her to do whatever she wants to do while expecting nothing from her.
She has used post partum depression as an excuse for everything. She has also said that she has been preganant/nursing for the last 6 years. I agree that it does take a toll, but when your husband is doing everything and does get sick and doesn’t want to get up one morning, I would think that despite all that you could suck things up for an hour or two to let him sleep in…
I find that I am so angry, and that when I am trying to cool down, she will push and push to talk and I end up saying hurtful things. I know when I am unable to talk because I am too angry, but she will not leave me alone, even at 1:30 am when she wakes me up.
She has shown very little to no remorse for what she has done. She says she had “needs” and that there were many factors leading to the two affairs and that I am 40% to blame.
I am having such a difficult time trusting anything she says right now. She lied to me while we were engaged 7 years ago and defended it by saying “well it’s only a lie of omission, you never asked”. Perhaps I have the wrong idea about this whole committed relationship, preparing for marriage and ultimately married, but I would think that “are you/have you slept with anyone else while we were in a committed relationship” is not the type of question one would have to ask in the days leading up to a wedding.
She also will not take responsibility for what has happened now either. She will not take responsibility for the second affair (which started less than 10 days after the first one ended). She expected me to defend her against his wife when she found out. The poor woman was so destroyed when I talked to her in an information exchange phone call, but the one thing that she has that I don’t is hope. He told her absolutely everything, including some meetings/details that I suspected but had no confirmation.
To me the confession vs the denials until irrefutable proof was produced is causing me great difficulty in moving forward. I don’t feel that I can trust her at all, and that is making moving forward in this marriage almost impossible. I just feel so angry when she is around. At least his wife has the comfort of knowing he will tell the truth after the fact, no matter how painful, because there was no imminent threat of her finding out.
I am also concerned because I know she is lying to the “authorities” including child services about her condition. She says she can handle things with the children, but the second I walk through the door, she throws her hands up and tells me to deal with them. They are in daycare/school most of the week, so it is not a typical stay at home mom situation. She says that if we divorced she has lots of support…all her support is people who she had met in the last 3 months or so, she has no long term friends because she burns them out. She listed about 6 people, I listed only 3, but my three have been there for me for 15 years combined, her’s about a year combined. The babysitter who watches (known her for 6 months) our kids has said she is out in two months, she was very upset again today because my wife left two kids with her all day when the agreement was for only half a day. She is fed up, yet my wife has no problem listing her as “support”. The babysitter has told me that she has friends who do not want to spend time with her while she is spending time with my wife because she is too toxic. Unfortunately this is not the first time this problem has arisen. The babysitter is sick of being taken “advantage of”, has tried to bring it up with my wife, but ultimately caves because she is too “nice”, just like I have been for much too long.
When I got home with the kids and told my wife that the babysitter was upset because she thought the kids would be with her only half the day (as did I because that was the agreement), but she ended up having them the whole day, my wife went off the handle, was calling the babysitter names and so on. She went on about how it was only a few hours difference, how she was busy with other things (grocery shopping - I take all four with me as a “leisure” trip - they really are fantastic, just load up two in each grocery cart and off I go), and “only” got to sit down at Starbucks for half an hour before picking other kids up at school!!! This while the babysitter was watching our kids when she was not expecting it (and had called my wife to ask her to pick them up)!!
She also lied about about being suicidal. When we had a meeting with child services, she said she wasn’t suicidal, but just wanted a long vacation. This was after telling me in the last few weeks that she knew ways to kill herself, knew medication to take, knew where to drive off, etc, a few weeks that also included a trip to the emergency ward at the local hospital. So either she is/was recently suicidal, or using it as a tool to attempt to manipulate me into allowing her to do whatever she wants to do while expecting nothing from her.
She has used post partum depression as an excuse for everything. She has also said that she has been preganant/nursing for the last 6 years. I agree that it does take a toll, but when your husband is doing everything and does get sick and doesn’t want to get up one morning, I would think that despite all that you could suck things up for an hour or two to let him sleep in…
