What to do when a priest's homily offends you?

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Killing an innocent child is a terrible sin and a priest saying something in a homily not directly against you is nothing compared to what you should deserve if it was not for our Lord’s Passion. Take the offense if you find it…but it seems to me that what he said was not offensive at all.

Be thankful for his time and Christ-like compassion with you.
 
BSHoop96 said:
Well as painful at is was, your explanation explains a lot and now I can say I think you totally took it the wrong way.

You say this is a sensitive, wonderful priest and he has helped you greatly in trying to heal this terrible of wound. Couldn’t he have been using the occasion to point out that even he, a priest, found out he was capable of something as serious as killing? I think perhaps he was sending a message that we are all capable of tremendous sin and through God’s mercy we can be forgiven.

*Perhaps he put himself in the uncomfortable postion of admitting that to help you. *

If he has been as wonderful and sensitive and helpful as you say, perhaps you should have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to the rest of the homily. Perhaps he knows you well and was hoping this would let you know you are not alone and now you have to forgive yourself and “sin no more”. 😦
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I see what you are all saying.

But it is still very different for me. Of course we are all capable of killing another person. But actually doing it - actually having an abortion - makes you a monster in the eyes of many.

Thanks everyone for the different perspective.
 
stuart12 said:
Killing an innocent child is a terrible sin and a priest saying something in a homily not directly against you is nothing compared to what you should deserve if it was not for our Lord’s Passion. Take the offense if you find it…but it seems to me that what he said was not offensive at all.

Be thankful for his time and Christ-like compassion with you.
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Wow - thanks for that 😦
 
MrsMeganMc said:
He did not say “we are capable of sin” and if he would have said that - it would not have hurt me.

I also did not say it was specifically directed at me.

I do not ask that he tailor things to fit my needs - but - I think it he should approach every homily with compassion for others. He did not display compassion last night.
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How so? From what you posted he said absolutely nothing offensive at all. He merely said that he was capable of killing someone and so was everybody else. That is not offensive in the least. It merely points out a fact.

You really can’t expect the priest to walk on eggshells because something he says might possibly offend someone. Priests have to deal with life and death issues. Homilies can’t all be about love love love love and nothing else at all. There are other issues facing us.
 
if you have went to confession and received our Lord’s forgiveness, rejoice. we all mess up and His mercy is there for all of us.

I cant just say. ‘oh, thats the modern world, dont worry about it’. It was sin that put our Lord on the Cross and all of us have played our part in that.
 
withwind said:
I would ask this question - Does this truth offend God and you in the same way?
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I read your post and saw that you had dealt with abortion. I am sorry that you had done it and I could understand it is still difficult for you to go through this emotionally. I have a friend who had done this and I try to be sensitive when she is around.

I could see that you feel guilty and it hurts you when someone mention this again and it seems directly to you.

I would pray for you to get healed but also to be a witness to Christ’s mercy. Do not let your past bring you down but allow yourself to be available to others who are about to make this mistake.

I am sure you don’t want to make this mistake again and I believe deep down in your heart, you don’t want others to do this either.

What if during this homily, somebody sitting in the pew is about to make this mistake and the homily changes her mind?

Please pray to accept what the truth is and God’s mercy for us sinners.

The homily is not meant for a single person but for all of us including me so that we are aware of it and bring this awareness to others through prayer and other means.

God bless.
 
I’m sorry the words of the priest hurt you.

First of all, I’m going to address your concern in a general way. If you are offended by something a priest says then there could be two main reasons that I see. First, is that the priest says something that might be generally offensive no mater who says it or where it is said. It could be an off-color joke or a story that you wouldn’t want children to hear. The other possibility (and what happened in your case) was that the priest’s words were hurtful to you, for whatever reason, but probably wouldn’t be to most people.

If a priest says something that is generally offensive then he should be called on it. If what he says seems offensive to a minority of people then maybe those who are offended need to examine themselves. Perhaps it’s merely a difference of opinion on politics or economics or discipline. Maybe the priest favors a particular opinion on a matter for which the Church allows a variety of opinions. Such matters call for an “agree to disagree” ruling. If you think the priest is targeting you was being thoughtless when he should have known better then maybe you need to speak to him privately. I would not accuse him doing something deliberate.

I think it’s important to point out that the First Reading yesterday was the story of how Cain killed Abel so that is no doubt why the priest spoke of how it is possible to kill someone. The Responsorial Psalm kind of stuck with a similar theme. Granted, the priest could have chosen to address the Gospel in his homily (which did not deal with killing). In fact, for all we know, the priest did address the Gospel too.

I think that you just happened to be at a Mass for which the reading was painful for someone such as yourself. …And very likely for other people in the room too. You may very well not have been the only person in the room struggling with the same past.
 
stuart12 said:
if you have went to confession and received our Lord’s forgiveness, rejoice. we all mess up and His mercy is there for all of us.

I cant just say. ‘oh, thats the modern world, dont worry about it’. It was sin that put our Lord on the Cross and all of us have played our part in that.
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Yes…I realize that and I have never asked that anyone tells me that what I did was okay or that I should not worry about it.

I just don’t understand why you would say something like what I did was a “terrible sin” and think about what I “should deserve” for what I did.

Do you not think that I think about what I deserve EVERYDAY of my life!

This is what I am talking about - there is saying things that are true, yet have NO compassion in them at all.
 
Well it was a terrible sin, and theres no relativising of that. I have committed plenty of mortal sins myself and I realise that I deserve nothing but hell for what I have done, but I am grateful for the Lord calling me out of the darkness to serve Him.

Yes, lets talk about love, but lets not forget that sin does exist. It has spread throughout the earth and has brought suffering and death.

You have been forgiven, ‘go and sin no more’
 
MrsMeganMc said:
Yes…I realize that and I have never asked that anyone tells me that what I did was okay or that I should not worry about it.

I just don’t understand why you would say something like what I did was a “terrible sin” and think about what I “should deserve” for what I did.

Do you not think that I think about what I deserve EVERYDAY of my life!

This is what I am talking about - there is saying things that are true, yet have NO compassion in them at all.
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You deserve to forgive yourself, God has! Maybe that’s the answer to your OP! God Bless.
 
MrsMeganMc said:
I was responding to MiddleMan saying that my priests time was too valuable for me to confront him.

It was a truthful statement that made me feel singled/called out.

Again - I really don’t feel comfortable getting into details here - but the root of it is that the priest knew that I was there. He knows I go to Monday mass and it is held in a small chapel with about 30 people. And for him to make that very harsh statement, which is true - but really had no place in his homily is what really hurt me. I feel as though he should have known better than to say something like that which lacked such sensitivity/compassion when he knows that at least myself - has struggled with certain things.
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Honey, first of all there may have been many others dealing with this same issue (many at this Mass) and it needed to be addressed. Maybe he could have said it differently but he didn’t. Since it sounds like you have a good relationship with this Priest do make an appointment and talk to him about it. You may find out that you are not the only one he has talked to about said issue, or maybe you are the only one courageous enough to do so but he is seeing this in others.

It is hard to say one way or the other unless you talk to him about.
 
This problem originates with pride.
The Priest spoke out against murder and rightly so.
If he spoke out directly against abortion again he would be right to do so.

You sinned, you received absolution and now need to forgive yourself but being offended by a Priest for preaching the truth is pride and nothing more.

I feel that this “poor me” syndrome is what hampers a lot of priests from preaching exactly what they should preach.

If all Priests were to be careful not to offend or to take into consideration the sensitivities of some folk present they could only preach on the weather.

In a Parish that has had more than it’s fair share of suicide, we have a Priest who still preaches on it and reminds us that it is against the sixth commandement. Last Sunday he called it an evil act. I am sure that there were folk there who were directly affected by suicide but the Priest has a moral obligation to remind us of the tenants of the Faith.

Taking your offence for what it is, you could then justify the offence of a rehabilitated paedophile who was present in a congregation where a Priest spoke out on the evil of sexual abuse of children.

I congratulate them for their courage to face evil and call it my name.
 
Do you expect priests to never speak out against abortion because you had one? The priest can’t even bring up the subject of murder, which is far more encompassing than abortion, because of your emotional state? Have you ever considered there may have been someone else there who had committed murder and needed to hear a homily like that? You would be surprised at the type of sins people have committed—going to daily Mass doesn’t make you immune from them. You seem to be going under the assumption that you are the worst sinner in the Church & that no one has committed sins like you have.

I am actually offended when a priest doesn’t talk about abortion.

A long time ago, I was sexually assaulted. Our priest constantly gives homilies on St. Maria Goetti and how she fought off her attacker, --that she was willing to die rather than sacrifice her purity. Do you think I am banging on his door telling him how much he offends me with his homilies? No, I don’t-- it is painful to hear sometimes but it is not all about me; the priest can’t taylor his homily to my emotional baggage.

Maybe you need to go to Project Rachel so you can heal better from the trauma of your abortion. Here is a link to the website:
hopeafterabortion.com/
 
I’m going to reply from the perspective of the preacher (since, in fact, I am one). I am assigned to a parish with over 4,000 families. There isn’t a sin in the world that I can preach on that someone in the parish hasn’t committed. If I worried about who might hear what I say then I could never preach about divorce (statistics say that 50% of Catholic marriages end in divorce), I couldn’t preach about cohabitation as 20% of our people are living together without benefit of marriage. There are many people in my parish who have had an abortion.

Yet I must preach about these things – they are evils to be avoided. When people fall into these situations we are there to help them to deal with them as your priest has helped you.

You are clearly still affected by the reality of your actions – and will be for the rest of your life. Yet God still loves you. I’m going to assume you’ve been to confession and are reforming your life. The first reading for next Sunday tells us that God forgives our sins for His sake – not for ours. God cannot live with our sins so He forgives and, once He’s forgiven, He forgets. I think that you are still dealing with forgiving yourself.

If you are hurt by what the priest said by all means talk to him. Tell him that you are still hurt and why. God always brings good out of whatever happens, and He will find a way to help you to heal, to move beyond your own pain. I see that the previous poster has mentioned Project Rachel – and I second the recommendation.

My God bless and keep you in the palm of His hand!

Deacon Ed
 
Deacon_Ed said:
I’m going to reply from the perspective of the preacher (since, in fact, I am one). I am assigned to a parish with over 4,000 families. There isn’t a sin in the world that I can preach on that someone in the parish hasn’t committed. If I worried about who might hear what I say then I could never preach about divorce (statistics say that 50% of Catholic marriages end in divorce), I couldn’t preach about cohabitation as 20% of our people are living together without benefit of marriage. There are many people in my parish who have had an abortion.

Yet I must preach about these things – they are evils to be avoided. When people fall into these situations we are there to help them to deal with them as your priest has helped you.

You are clearly still affected by the reality of your actions – and will be for the rest of your life. Yet God still loves you. I’m going to assume you’ve been to confession and are reforming your life. The first reading for next Sunday tells us that God forgives our sins for His sake – not for ours. God cannot live with our sins so He forgives and, once He’s forgiven, He forgets. I think that you are still dealing with forgiving yourself.

If you are hurt by what the priest said by all means talk to him. Tell him that you are still hurt and why. God always brings good out of whatever happens, and He will find a way to help you to heal, to move beyond your own pain. I see that the previous poster has mentioned Project Rachel – and I second the recommendation.

My God bless and keep you in the palm of His hand!

Deacon Ed
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Dear Deacon Ed;
Best reply I’ve seen yet in this thread. Thank You.
What do I do when a priest’s homily bothers or offends me ?
Pray for him and humbly give him the benefit of the doubt.
And no I’m not afraid to say that I myself might be wrong in mistakenly misinterpreting what the priest is trying to convey.

On a side note I have never had any luck or help from Project Rachel that I’ve seen a number of people on this site speak highly about. I am a heterosexual male rape victim who was gang raped in the past at gunpoint. I have written numerous sincere and respectful emails to their U.S. and Canadian websites, with absolutely no replies. While Project Rachel might be helpful to some people in some areas of concern I don’t believe they have the resources or expertise in other areas.
 
All I want to add is prayers for you. Know that I will remember you at Adoration, and am sending you a virtual hug.
 
centurionguard said:
Dear Deacon Ed;
Best reply I’ve seen yet in this thread. Thank You.
What do I do when a priest’s homily bothers or offends me ?
Pray for him and humbly give him the benefit of the doubt.
And no I’m not afraid to say that I myself might be wrong in mistakenly misinterpreting what the priest is trying to convey.
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And I sure hope my parishioners pray for me when what I say offends them!
On a side note I have never had any luck or help from Project Rachel that I’ve seen a number of people on this site speak highly about. I am a heterosexual male rape victim who was gang raped in the past at gunpoint. I written numerous sincere and respectful emails to their U.S. and Canadian websites, with absolutely no replies. While Project Rachel might be helpful to some people in some areas of concern I don’t believe they have the resources or expertise in other areas.
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It may be that you have addressed the wrong organization. Project Rachel specifically deals with issues following an abortion. They do not deal with rape except incidentally. You might try hopeforhealing.org – they do have resources that address issues of male rape.

Deacon Ed
 
Without knowing the statement and context we can speculate until the cows come home on all sorts of stuff.
MrsMeganMc said:
I was responding to MiddleMan saying that my priests time was too valuable for me to confront him.

**It was a truthful statement that made me feel singled/called out. **

Again - I really don’t feel comfortable getting into details here - but the root of it is that the priest knew that I was there. He knows I go to Monday mass and it is held in a small chapel with about 30 people. And for him to make that very harsh statement, which is true - but really had no place in his homily is what really hurt me. I feel as though he should have known better than to say something like that which lacked such sensitivity/compassion when he knows that at least myself - has struggled with certain things.
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MrsMeganMc,
It sounds to me as if you’re are still raw with grief and guilt from your abortion. Abortion hurts the mother worse than anyone. Your baby is now with the Lord in Heaven now, you know that don’t you?

If I were you, next time you counsel with this priest whom you love and respect, share with him how sensitive your wound still must be because you feel so hurt still that even his words in his homily cause you great pain.

Believe me, though, that your sins are not the first he has heard of and that his words were not directed at you. Priests have heard it all and they know of God’s mercy on us weak humans.
 
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