What to do when people are rude at Mass?

[robertaf]

cheese_sdc:

Wow, you would thank somebody for committing assault on your children?

You betcha!!!
You call that assault?
I agree 100%. A few more kids could use a little “assault” by their Christian family.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Barb

I still must practisewhich hand goes on to of which lets see left on top of right (I practise as I walk up the aisle). And then yesterday I was reading “God is Near Us” by B16 where he was quoting Cyril of Jerusalem on how they received Communion in the fourth centurary and thinking to myself am I doing this wrong. Only to realize its more important what’s in your heart. And the right knee is the right knee.

Michelle

I am glad that at least choir went well. It should give you hope for this church.

 

[WanderAimlessly]

I would of stared back without my glasses. I have a stare that makes dogs cower in the corner.

In all seriousness, I do know what I would do. I am the type that tends to be the “bull in the china shop”.

There is an interestince situation in my parish. There is a women who sits near the back of the church. Before the ushers even start up to the front to direct people to get in line, she is up there waiting to receive. She has done it twice.

PF

 

[netmilsmom]

WanderAimlessly:

There is an interestince situation in my parish. There is a women who sits near the back of the church. Before the ushers even start up to the front to direct people to get in line, she is up there waiting to receive. She has done it twice.

PF

Maybe she’s incontenent. I’m not being smug here. Does she leave after then come back? There was one lady in my old parish who did this for just that reason.

 

[Joan_M]

WanderAimlessly:

There is an interestince situation in my parish. There is a women who sits near the back of the church. Before the ushers even start up to the front to direct people to get in line, she is up there waiting to receive. She has done it twice.

PF

Actually, I have been told by a priest for whom I have a great deal of respect, that it is canonically incorrect for people to go up to Communion row by row, since it points out clearly those who do not go. He says we should not be neat like this, because some people who would be embarassed to just stay in their row may go to Communion when they shouldn’t. It is much better, although not neat, for people to just join the line whenever they like - not row by row.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone from the back being the first!

 

[robertaf]

We may have all sorts of different Mass styles and behaviors accross the country but in my mind, a brat is a brat no matter where they live.

We have allowed way too many kids to get out of control.

Kids with good manners use to be the norm, today, they stick out like a sore thumb.

Many kids lack manners so much you can only imagine the parents.

How many of you men take your hats/caps off inside a building.
Should I go on?

 

[kaymart]

robertaf:

We may have all sorts of different Mass styles and behaviors accross the country but in my mind, a brat is a brat no matter where they live.

We have allowed way too many kids to get out of control.

Kids with good manners use to be the norm, today, they stick out like a sore thumb.

Many kids lack manners so much you can only imagine the parents.

How many of you men take your hats/caps off inside a building.
Should I go on?

How true, my friend, how true:yup: Rude kids and their ignorant parents seem to rule the world lately. When a boy says Sir (or Mr. and Mrs, please, thank you.) he’s a little sissy, years ago they callled that manners and respect.

 

[netmilsmom]

robertaf:

We may have all sorts of different Mass styles and behaviors accross the country but in my mind, a brat is a brat no matter where they live.

We have allowed way too many kids to get out of control.

Kids with good manners use to be the norm, today, they stick out like a sore thumb.

Many kids lack manners so much you can only imagine the parents.

How many of you men take your hats/caps off inside a building.
Should I go on?

It’s funny but I hear people say how mannered my daughters are. I think they are just kids who have been given set boundries. I don’t see them as exceptionally well behaved but obedient.
If parents set boundries, kids know how to behave. It’s when parents keep saying, “Susie don’t do that.” and when the child continues, the parent does not act immediately, there are problems.

Kids will push the envelope to find where it will stop. We as parents need to put the brakes on it.

Is that right?

 

[Al_Masetti]

Wink.

It will freak them out.

 

[kaymart]

netmil(name removed by moderator):

It’s funny but I hear people say how mannered my daughters are. I think they are just kids who have been given set boundries. I don’t see them as exceptionally well behaved but obedient.
If parents set boundries, kids know how to behave. It’s when parents keep saying, “Susie don’t do that.” and when the child continues, the parent does not act immediately, there are problems.

Kids will push the envelope to find where it will stop. We as parents need to put the brakes on it.

Is that right?

Yes, good parents do, no doubt, but who is going to put the brakes on that mother and others like her?Children live what they learn and with a poor excuse for a mother (or father) what can you expect???:banghead:

 

[robertaf]

Parents are a big problem.
Many of them do not discipline their kids but they pitch a fit if someone else does it, even teachers.
Then they whine and are totally bewildered when the kids get in trouble.

We live in redneck country (I call it). It is beautiful up here in Northern California but there is a lot of folks who shouldn’t be out in polite company, if you know what I mean.

I work for the State and we have formal legal hearings in our office.
I don’t know how many times, I hear the judge ask some guy to remove his hat.

Does anyone remember how it use to be in a restaurant?
Men seated the ladies, always took their hat or cap off and used reasonably good table manners. The children were taught the same thing.

I am nearly 70 years old. If I should have to wait to be seated, and there is a waiting area with seats, I am amazed that not only the kids are not taught to stand and give me a seat but their fathers remain seated while I stand.

My parents would have died of embarrassment if we acted the way many kids do today, besides the punishment we would get when we got home. We wouldn’t soon forget. But my parents never forgot their manners that I can remember, either.

 

[netmilsmom]

kaymart:

Yes, good parents do, no doubt, but who is going to put the brakes on that mother and others like her?Children live what they learn and with a poor excuse for a mother (or father) what can you expect???:banghead:

As my sister used to say, “Pick up the child and smack the mother with him.”

 

[maendem]

Feanaro's Wife:

What happened to Christian charity and compassion?

I in no way suggest that anyone should be a doormat for someone else to walk all over, but if we only treat nice people nicely then how are we supposed to help bring those who stray from the flock home?

Take it as a challenge to act in a Christian manner when faced with those who act least like it.

Malia

I agree completely, Malia, but charity does not exclude direct, truthful and assertive responses, or turn us into mealy-mouthed and slavish yes-sayers. (You didn’t say it does, I know, but many think so).

As the wonderful Spanish saying goes, “If they do it to you once, it’s their fault. If they do it to you twice, it’s your fault.” Someone stares at me more than 5 seconds…and they will hear from me, nice and clear, quiet room or not.

 

[MarthaMartha]

netmil(name removed by moderator):

As my sister used to say, “Pick up the child and smack the mother with him.”

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

maendem:

I agree completely, Malia, but charity does not exclude direct, truthful and assertive responses, or turn us into mealy-mouthed and slavish yes-sayers. (You didn’t say it does, I know, but many think so).

As the wonderful Spanish saying goes, “If they do it to you once, it’s their fault. If they do it to you twice, it’s your fault.” Someone stares at me more than 5 seconds…and they will hear from me, nice and clear, quiet room or not.

I guess I am just thinking long term results here. While it may feel darn good to put a rude person “in their place”, that person will generally leave with the impression that you were rude!

It does nothing to change their future behavior but hurts their impression of Christians/Catholics.

If you choose to be the bigger person and introduce yourself and be polite, it gives a good example to them as well as the people around you about how to be charitable in the face of rudeness.

I used to be the type who would put people in their place for their own good… until I realized that it was my own good I was really looking out for.

Malia

 

[maendem]

Feanaro's Wife:

I
I used to be the type who would put people in their place for their own good… until I realized that it was my own good I was really looking out for.

Malia

That’s certainly often the case

My point was that one should be assertive in responding to rude treatment, but that the response itself does not have to be rude. As you point out, introducing oneself politely may sometimes do the trick, as well as leave a good impression.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

That’s certainly often the case

My point was that one should be assertive in responding to rude treatment, but that the response itself does not have to be rude. As you point out, introducing oneself politely may sometimes do the trick, as well as leave a good impression.

I’m glad you understand what I was trying to convey! Sometimes things that make perfect sense in my head come out as a confusing post, lol.

I completely agree that one needs to be assertive without being rude. I just think some people’s definition of rude is a bit off.

In some cases it is best to simply ignore the offending person(s). Other times it is best to say/do something. No matter what the choice, say a simple prayer that the Holy Spirit guides your words or actions. It is all too easy to justify our own rude behavior by telling ourselves that it was necessary.

Malia

 

[robertaf]

netmil(name removed by moderator):

As my sister used to say, “Pick up the child and smack the mother with him.”

:yup: Great line, I agree completely. I will have to remember the quote.

 

[mjdonnelly]

robertaf:

My parents would have died of embarrassment if we acted the way many kids do today, besides the punishment we would get when we got home. We wouldn’t soon forget. But my parents never forgot their manners that I can remember, either.

Mine also. We would find out the meaning of ‘the fear of God’ when we finally made it home. That is if they didn’t remove us from mass on the spot, go outside to take care of the issue, and then return. As kids, we were always more afraid of the returning part, since everyone would know and would be ‘staring at us’.

 

[Anna_s_Mom]

Have glory in the fact that you have more warmth and compassion than those women!! You obviously have morals and know how to treat others, while many people do not. I suppose we should feel sorry for those girls and that woman because they must feel so badly about themselves that they have to belittle others to make themselves feel good.
I noticed that other suggestions to you were to find a different time to go to mass. Never should we let others make us feel badly enough that we stop doing the things we want to do. continue to go to mass and then treat yourself to breakfast. Next time after mass find those women and say something like " I’m concerned about you. You must have a very poor self image if you feel the need to stare and giggle at me to make yourselves feel good. If you would like to talk I will listen." If you can’t say something like that just march in there proudly and hold your head high. You are the better person.