What to do when priests disagree in the confessional?

[Sir_Knight]

I have a particular sin that I commit semi-regularily but I’m not really sure if the sin is venial or mortal. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is not very clear on this and I have asked this question directly on the open board and received mixed answers with a few telling me not to formulate a conclusion from OPINIONS on a discussion board.

So, I decided to ask this question during confession and was told that it was not a mortal sin and that it should not keep me from the Eucharist. Even though it was a venial sin, I still confessed it the next time around and the priest asked me if I had received communion with this MORTAL sin on my soul. Because, if so, I needed to confess that as well.

I explained that I was under the impression that it was a venial sin. He said that since I didn’t know, it lessen the guilt but for the future, I should not approach our Lord in the sacrament with this sin upon my soul.

So, I’ve been asking this question during confession of several priests and the response is pretty much evenly divided. I’ve even mentioned to the priests that other priests have told me the opposite and their reply has been that the other priests were wrong.

While in my particular case, this deals with a SPECIFIC sin. My question is – how does one deal with this in GENERAL when priests disagree and other sources are unclear?

 

[LittleDeb]

I have a particular sin that I commit semi-regularily but I’m not really sure if the sin is venial or mortal. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is not very clear on this and I have asked this question directly on the open board and received mixed answers with a few telling me not to formulate a conclusion from OPINIONS on a discussion board.

So, I decided to ask this question during confession and was told that it was not a mortal sin and that it should not keep me from the Eucharist. Even though it was a venial sin, I still confessed it the next time around and the priest asked me if I had received communion with this MORTAL sin on my soul. Because, if so, I needed to confess that as well.

I explained that I was under the impression that it was a venial sin. He said that since I didn’t know, it lessen the guilt but for the future, I should not approach our Lord in the sacrament with this sin upon my soul.

So, I’ve been asking this question during confession of several priests and the response is pretty much evenly divided. I’ve even mentioned to the priests that other priests have told me the opposite and their reply has been that the other priests were wrong.

While in my particular case, this deals with a SPECIFIC sin. My question is – how does one deal with this in GENERAL when priests disagree and other sources are unclear?

Um, stop committing the sin? Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

In all seriousness, I think really examining what the particular priests are teaching on other things will help clarify. If this one can be interpreted different ways, look at moral issues that are much more clear and concrete and see how they teach on that. It will probably clarify which priests have a deep understanding of venial and mortal sin.

May God bless you in your efforts to overcome this particular struggle.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Um, stop committing the sin?

Yeah, well that is the ultimate goal but until I get there

May God bless you in your efforts to overcome this particular struggle.

Thank you.

 

[kentuckyliz]

It would probably be a good idea to stop going to a bunch of different priests taking a poll.

Find one priest who in your discernment is really solid, and make him your one regular confessor and/or spiritual director, and stick with a regular schedule of confession that you two work out to be best. (Monthly? Biweekly? Weekly? Whatever.)

Going regularly to one priest will help him help you better.

I’m a schlub with the same sins and tendencies after all this time. Ah, the mercy of God is so good. He keeps forgiving me and loving me in spite of my schlubbitude.

God bless you!

 

[Sir_Knight]

I’m a EMHC. I regularily minister to the ill, elderly and home-bound. I normally go to confession (usually it works out to be weekly) the morning that I bring communion to people to ensure that I am as free of sin as possible. Consequently, I go to confession to whoever is there at the time.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

One of my Jewish bosses once explained thatn in Judaismn if one is unsure of something one should ask a rabbi. One may then do as he directs with no fear of sinning. HOWEVER, one is not allowed to ask two rabbis and select an answer. I think the same might apply in Confession.

 

[catharina]

Posters, IMO, your responses are both brilliant and classic.

SirKnight, with no offense to you, it’s so clear that having ONE regular confessor would solve your problem so one might wonder why you plan to stick to the habit that created the problem: that is, confessing to any number of priests prior to carrying the Holy Eucharist to others. Not to make to fine a point of this, but really I do believe that most EMs of the Eucharist are not in the habit of continuing in a behaviour that anyone would judge to be mortally sinful. Maybe you will pray about this, choose ONE confessor and do some study of the issue based in strong Theology. Prayers for you as you approach your problem.

 

[Sir_Knight]

One of my Jewish bosses once explained thatn in Judaismn if one is unsure of something one should ask a rabbi. One may then do as he directs with no fear of sinning. HOWEVER, one is not allowed to ask two rabbis and select an answer. I think the same might apply in Confession.

Suppose that one confessor is advising you incorrectly? When I was in early twenties, I was told in confession that masturbation was not a sin and I should not let it keep me from the Eucharist nor do I need to confess it in the future. I followed his advise for several years until he was transferred and then I learned that I had been living in serious sin and it took several more years of struggling to break the sinful habit that I developed.

For that reason, I tend to question things and want to be as sure as I can be.

SirKnight, with no offense to you, it’s so clear that having ONE regular confessor would solve your problem so one might wonder why you plan to stick to the habit that created the problem: that is, confessing to any number of priests prior to carrying the Holy Eucharist to others.

Read my reply above

Not to make to fine a point of this, but really I do believe that most EMs of the Eucharist are not in the habit of continuing in a behaviour that anyone would judge to be mortally sinful.

If you read my link in the opening post, you see that the “sin” that I am in the habit of performing is an action that most people are not even aware of it being a sin – let alone a mortal sin.

Maybe you will pray about this,

I have.

choose ONE confessor

and suppose he advises me incorrectly?

and do some study of the issue based in strong Theology.

I have. There are two threads going on right now on this board concerning this sins and some folks are arguing that it isn’t a sin at all.

Prayers for you as you approach your problem.

Thank you.

 

[Sir_Knight]

PS: For those who haven’t followed my original link, the “sin” that I am talking about is not performing the Friday Penance.

 

[catharina]

PS: For those who haven’t followed my original link, the “sin” that I am talking about is not performing the Friday Penance.

Thank you for pointing out the fact that your original post contained a link. (You are a tech wizard.) Maybe you could begin a plan for each of your Fridays that would suit you in any event. E.g., plan to say a litany on your knees every Friday … or something along those lines. Or if your bishop is requiriing something more, make up your mind to commit to that instruction.

 

[kentuckyliz]

Well, if you’re going to wank, at least wash your hands before taking the Holy Eucharist to others.



Sorry bad joke.

 

[Al_Masetti]

I have been in this situation many times.

After discussing it with several priests in confession, they all suggested I find a personal spiritual advisor.

After a number of years of this, one confessor VOLUNTEERED for the job of being my personal spiritual advisor.

So, my advice to you is to consider all the priests in your area, whether they are in your parish or not, and ask in the confessional if he would volunteer to be your personal spiritual advisor and could you call him to arrange an appointment at his convenience.

It happens all the time.

In addition, consider subscribing to Scrupulous Anonymous.

 

[rwoehmke]

I have read your original posting as well as the rest of the comment. It is painfully obvious that the USCCB has bound us under pain of mortal sin to abstain on Ash Wednesday and the Fridays of lent. They have given the option to abstain on all Fridays or to do an alternate form of penance. If the Fridays of lent are still serious matter why isn’t it logical that penance on the other Fridays is also serious matter?

I know there will be priests out there who will not take this matter seriously. My advice to you would be do the safe thing. Determine some form of penance to be done on Fridays or even all the days of the week, something like an extra ten Hail Marys or a daily Act of Contrition (You can make up your own) or even better a daily pause to consider both the good and the bad that you did that day and express sorrow for the bad and thanks for the good. After a month it will be so habitual that you would no longer have to worry. Or say on Friday you eat a lighter meal and set aside a buck or so for the poor or the missions. It doesn’t seem onerous to me to find some alternative to not eating meat and make it a habit.

There will be days at first when you forget, but to forget is no sin. Actually in my opinion a more appropriate Friday penance instead of abstinence would be to require fasting. Eating fish or cheese is sometimes inconvenient, but its certainly not very penitential except in the sense that one must obey someone else.

You will note I did not say that it absolutely was a mortal sin, but that it does seem to be a reasonable position that is morally safe. My opinion is you could ask twenty priests and get nearly as many different answers.

 

[StCsDavid]

I have a particular sin that I commit semi-regularily but I’m not really sure if the sin is venial or mortal. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is not very clear on this and I have asked this question directly on the open board and received mixed answers with a few telling me not to formulate a conclusion from OPINIONS on a discussion board.

So, I decided to ask this question during confession and was told that it was not a mortal sin and that it should not keep me from the Eucharist. Even though it was a venial sin, I still confessed it the next time around and the priest asked me if I had received communion with this MORTAL sin on my soul. Because, if so, I needed to confess that as well.

I explained that I was under the impression that it was a venial sin. He said that since I didn’t know, it lessen the guilt but for the future, I should not approach our Lord in the sacrament with this sin upon my soul.

So, I’ve been asking this question during confession of several priests and the response is pretty much evenly divided. I’ve even mentioned to the priests that other priests have told me the opposite and their reply has been that the other priests were wrong.

While in my particular case, this deals with a SPECIFIC sin. My question is – how does one deal with this in GENERAL when priests disagree and other sources are unclear?

First of all your purpose for going to confession is not to gain consensus, but rather forgiveness and absolution. So whether the priests agree on the severity of the sin at the time you confess it is pretty much irrelevant. The potential consequences of committing a mortal sin are horrific. Since you have about an even split on those priests who say it’s mortal and those who say it’s venial, why not error on the side of mortal? Otherwise you run the risk of rationalizing to yourself, “Oh this is just a venial sin,” and lose sight of the fact that venial sin is the second worst thing you can do to your soul…mortal sin being the first.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Thank you for pointing out the fact that your original post contained a link. (You are a tech wizard.) Maybe you could begin a plan for each of your Fridays that would suit you in any event. E.g., plan to say a litany on your knees every Friday … or something along those lines.

I start each Friday with the intention of abstaining from meat and giving up one meal with one meal being not a full meal but a partial meal. Some of the time, circumstances cause me to consume meat (I’m on the run and I can only eat while driving – causing me to grab a burger or a hot dog … I could eat a candy bar but from a health perspective, I need to minimize my sugar intake). I do so with the intention of substituting a rosary at the end of the day.

Sometimes, events do not allow me to get the rosary in before midnight. Scheduling or lack of scheduling on my part is my problem.

Or if your bishop is requiriing something more, make up your mind to commit to that instruction.

That’s the thing, nobody seems to know what the bishop requires. Maybe I should arrange to go to confession with him

 

[Sir_Knight]

I have read your original posting as well as the rest of the comment. It is painfully obvious that the USCCB has bound us under pain of mortal sin to abstain on Ash Wednesday and the Fridays of lent. They have given the option to abstain on all Fridays or to do an alternate form of penance. If the Fridays of lent are still serious matter why isn’t it logical that penance on the other Fridays is also serious matter?

I know there will be priests out there who will not take this matter seriously. My advice to you would be do the safe thing. Determine some form of penance to be done on Fridays or even all the days of the week, something like an extra ten Hail Marys or a daily Act of Contrition (You can make up your own) or even better a daily pause to consider both the good and the bad that you did that day and express sorrow for the bad and thanks for the good. After a month it will be so habitual that you would no longer have to worry. Or say on Friday you eat a lighter meal and set aside a buck or so for the poor or the missions. It doesn’t seem onerous to me to find some alternative to not eating meat and make it a habit.

There will be days at first when you forget, but to forget is no sin. Actually in my opinion a more appropriate Friday penance instead of abstinence would be to require fasting. Eating fish or cheese is sometimes inconvenient, but its certainly not very penitential except in the sense that one must obey someone else.

You will note I did not say that it absolutely was a mortal sin, but that it does seem to be a reasonable position that is morally safe. My opinion is you could ask twenty priests and get nearly as many different answers.

I’m sort of doing what you are saying and I am getting better at it, but sometimes circumstances prevent me from completing the Friday Penance. Which is why I want to know if I have a mortal sin on my soul if I fail to perform the penance?

 

[catharina]

I start each Friday with the intention of abstaining from meat and giving up one meal with one meal being not a full meal but a partial meal. Some of the time, circumstances cause me to consume meat (I’m on the run and I can only eat while driving – causing me to grab a burger or a hot dog … I could eat a candy bar but from a health perspective, I need to minimize my sugar intake). I do so with the intention of substituting a rosary at the end of the day.

Sometimes, events do not allow me to get the rosary in before midnight. Scheduling or lack of scheduling on my part is my problem.

That’s the thing, nobody seems to know what the bishop requires. Maybe I should arrange to go to confession with him

Ever hear of Grilled Cheese? Since you have time-constraint issues, why not plan on a pick-up meal of Grilled Cheese or bring a cheese sandwich from home? Also almost any litany can be said reverently and easily (and quickly) before bedtime.

IOW, why continue to set yourself up for failure? (Doooooh.)
Make your adjustments in advance of Friday. As to the bishop, when he wants folks to know, then they’ll know. It’s a privilege when adults are allowed to make their own penitential plans.

 

[Sir_Knight]

First of all your purpose for going to confession is not to gain consensus, but rather forgiveness and absolution. So whether the priests agree on the severity of the sin at the time you confess it is pretty much irrelevant. The potential consequences of committing a mortal sin are horrific. Since you have about an even split on those priests who say it’s mortal and those who say it’s venial, why not error on the side of mortal? Otherwise you run the risk of rationalizing to yourself, “Oh this is just a venial sin,” and lose sight of the fact that venial sin is the second worst thing you can do to your soul…mortal sin being the first.

I am errorinng on the side of caution and assuming that it is a mortal sin as you suggest but I would like to know for sure. Picture this … I get called to bring our Lord to the homebound on Thursday. Thursday morning I go to confession and visit the homebound with communion. Then, on Friday, due to the circumstances described in my previous post, I fail to perform the Friday Penance. If it is a mortal sin, then I need to go to confession again on Saturday in order to be able to receive our Lord during Sunday mass.

I go to confession and confess that sin and the priest tells me that it is not a mortal sin. Fastforward a couple of weeks and the same thing happens. This time I go to communion because the priest from my previous confession told me that it was not a mortal sin and therefore should not keep me from the Eucharist. Fast forward another week and I go to confession again and confession the VENIAL sin of missing the Friday Penance and am told that it was a mortal sin.

See the circular problem? Going back to my original question of what to do when priests disagree on this matter?

 

[lizaanne]

I start each Friday with the intention of abstaining from meat and giving up one meal with one meal being not a full meal but a partial meal. Some of the time, circumstances cause me to consume meat (I’m on the run and I can only eat while driving – causing me to grab a burger or a hot dog … I could eat a candy bar but from a health perspective, I need to minimize my sugar intake). I do so with the intention of substituting a rosary at the end of the day.

You are making this way more complicated than it has to be. My DH and I NEVER eat meat on any Friday. He works many 12 hour days, we are a one car household, and there are times when all I can do is run through a drive through as well. There is always a fish sandwich with your name on it - trust me, I know where they all live. If you didn’t plan well, the time to make that decision is when you are deciding where to eat at the last minute - not AFTER you have ordered the burger. If you don’t like fish, or can’t eat it, ask for a cheese burger with out the burger. If they act like you are weird, use it as a teaching moment and tell them that you are Catholic and you don’t eat meat on Fridays.

Still waited till it’s after midnight and you just totally missed the ENTIRE day? Well then, at that point, I would have to say that all the opportunities you had in a 24 hour period are just lost to excuses. There is always an opportunity to do penance - be more creative than just saying a rosary. There are always opportunities to not eat meat - be more creative than just a burger or hot dog.

I think that your problem is not overcoming this sin or nit-picking the mortal/not mortal issue - it is overcoming making excuses. Find the opportunities - they are there if you just look for them.

~Liza

 

[Sir_Knight]

Ever hear of Grilled Cheese? Since you have time-constraint issues, why not plan on a pick-up meal of Grilled Cheese

Wendy’s, KFC, etc.; do not serve grilled Cheese.

or bring a cheese sandwich from home?

That goes back to my lack of planning for various situations.

Also almost any litany can be said reverently and easily (and quickly) before bedtime.

Friday is a late night for the kids and bedtime is usually after midnight since they can sleep in on Saturday – it’s the onlyt day that they can do that.

IOW, why continue to set yourself up for failure? (Doooooh.)
Make your adjustments in advance of Friday.

Yeah, I need to work on my scheduling better to handle a wider range of circumstances.

Thank you.

PS: But I would STILL like to know for CERTAIN if it’s venial or mortal? And how to determine that?