What to do when you have a low libido and still need to please your husband

  • Thread starter Thread starter Tezza
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rose_kelly said:
I don’t like that term “wifely duties” You will obviously feel demoralised if you see yourself as his property or sex slave.

Reading between the lines its a failure in communication that’s causing the problem.
Hopefully Tezza with the help of prayer the issue can be resolved if you love each other, but only if mutual understanding can occur, and try to become a little more assertive too, I’m sure that would help.
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I’m not sure how else to put it other than “wifely duties”. I don’t feel like his property of a sex slave, but I also don’t feel like having sex a majority of the time, and it’s not fair to withhold sex from my husband. Again, I’m trying to reconcile my understanding of TOB in regards to the unitive act of lovemaking when it feels like a chore.

My newest tactic is to move his hand to a different part of my body. Seems to be more effective than talking:)
 
Tezza said:
I don’t know if this was a problem, and I would never ask. From what I gather by a few of his statements, he’s never had this much trouble in the bedroom before, so I guess it’s me. He’s also never been with a devout, TOB Catholic who tries to live that sex is more than a pleasure act. HIs response at times is, “Sometimes sex is just sex. Why do you have to make such a big deal out of everything?” And yes, he is Catholic, too.

The books thing is not a good idea. He resents it when I try to get him to read books on marriage, so I doubt he’d read something on lovemaking.

**That’s not great that he won’t read books on marriage, given that he’s failed at it a couple times already.

I think a secular sex book will get a better reception than a marriage book, though. Give it a try–he may surprise you.

I think I would shelve TOB with him, and just point him toward secular sex advice that you find helpful (particularly advice for middle aged couples). If sex is for pleasure, it ought to be pleasurable, right?
**

I married him. I made my bed, I guess I need to learn to have more sex in it.
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Being grimly dutiful is not the way forward for you.
 
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