What to do when your penance is to "do something nice?"

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bobperk

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From what I can tell (unless my method of searching is terrible) this question has not been asked in quite a while.

What are we supposed to do when our penance given at confession is to “do something nice” / “do something charitable” / “show someone how much you love them” or anything else along those lines?

It seems to imply that it should be an action besides praying, otherwise the priest could just say “recite three Hail Marys for someone you know is struggling” or something like that.

So what counts as “being nice?” Giving to charity? Helping someone carry a heavy load? Opening the door for someone?

To be honest, I prefer saying prayers for penance because at least I know I “met” the penance given to me.
 
Perhaps you could ask the priest to give you some examples of what he means when he tells you to do something nice? That way you would have some idea of what he means.

Blessings
 
Wow, you penance was easy. Give money to a homeless person is an easy one.

Imagine being a very wealthy young man, wanting to truly be right with God. Only to be told by the teacher too go sell all his investments and give all the money to the poor in order to inherit eternal life.

Matthew 19:16-22
The Rich Young Man
16 Then someone came to him and said, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” 17 And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” 18 He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; 19 Honor your father and mother; also, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man said to him, “I have kept all these;[ what do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this word, he went away grieving, for he had many possessions.
 
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bobperk said:
So what counts as “being nice?” Giving to charity? Helping someone carry a heavy load? Opening the door for someone?

To be honest, I prefer saying prayers for penance because at least I know I “met” the penance given to me.
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All of those things you mentioned, plus so many more options.

It is entirely up to you. Smile at somebody when you’d rather ignore them. Bring in a neighbor’s trash cans from the curb. Return an old lady’s shopping cart in the parking lot. The list is endless.

I actually like penances like this. I don’t scruple over when it has been completed, but I find that I keep coming back to it over and over for a couple of weeks, looking for opportunities to add to what I have already done. This is helpful when the penance has been directly related to my confession because it is usually something I have to work on. I mentioned such a case to my confessor a few months ago and he smiled and said, “That means it was a good penance.”
 
I would thing performing any of the corporeal or spiritual works of mercy would count.
 
I received that penance once not too long ago. I gave away a rosary to someone in need and listened to someone about their problems and gave them charitable advice.
 
Yeeeaaah… The only penance worse than that is “Become a better person”. Um. That’s exactly why I’m here, Father, and unless Sainthood is just around the corner for me I don’t expect to complete this penance you’ve given me until I take my last breath.

I’ve been given the “do something nice” penance only a handful of times (usually because when its given to me I swear never to confess to that priest again). Penance should be discrete enough such that you know when you’ve satisfied it. X number of prayers. Y number of actions. Z number of mortifications of the flesh. Anything else more abstract is just going to rack the brain of the penitent. “Do something nice.” How nice? To whom? How often? I pity the scrupulous who receive absolution from that priest.

A priest friend of me eventually told me that we can ask father to give us a different penance. He doesn’t necessarily have to oblige us, but most of them will, especially if we explain why it isn’t practical (or possible) for us to complete the penance.

To answer your actual question: assuming you’re generally a nice person to begin with just pay attention to your day to day actions. The moment you, say, yield your seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman, you’ve satisfied the penance. The moment you smile to a stranger, you’ve likewise done so. The moment you didn’t yell at someone throughout your day, you’re golden.
 
I like your reply the best so far. I believe that for this type of penance, one should “do something nice” anonymously so as not to seek gratitude for the nice act. Although not truly the intention, “penance” should lead one to be more humble. Saying prayers, meditating while kneeling in front of the tabernacle, or going to adoration are humble forms of penance. But I like that they are straightforward. If I do something nice for somebody I like, that is not much of a penance. So other posters are correct, perhaps one can ask the priest what he means by “do something nice.” For a friend or family member who I get along with? Doesn’t seem very “penitential.” But for someone I do not like, and anonymously? More humbling.
 
Love someone. Love desires the good of the other. Love does not count the cost. You love and you are loved. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance in making your love manifest and you will have your answer. Prayers can become mechanical, but love must come from the heart.
 
True, but we are supposed to do that anyway. My question is in relation to penance after confession. “Penance,” although not strictly its purpose here, implies a correction to one’s behavior. So perhaps doing “something nice” is appropriate penance if one’s main sins are that they are selfish. It’s a “punishment fits the crime” type of thing. Again, I was just looking for what others have done. Thanks for the reply.
 
“Thanks, but” tells me that have not heard what you want to hear. If you enjoy your penance, or desire a certain penance - it is not a true penance. Penance is making atonement for your sins. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. What if Father said that you must go and look like a fool for the Lord?

“Something nice” can be a visit to a lonely relative or neighbor. You don’t have to paint their house or pay their bills. Just pay a visit. You can even do more than one thing. Repair a broken relationship by humbling yourself. The smaller you make yourself and the larger you make others, the better you are serving your penance.
 
Bobperk, from what I have seen from so many people in this world, they, took, need to know what being nice is all about. They, too, need for someone to explain what a nice action is. But truth be said, most people know what being nice is all about. Something as simple as not flipping someone off who has cut you off when you are driving in traffic. Opening the door to the entrance of a business. Allowing someone to cut in line in front of you. Not using curse words when you get into an argument with someone. There are many things, simple things, that can be done that do not involve a lot of money or resources.
 
babochka said:
All of those things you mentioned, plus so many more options.

It is entirely up to you. Smile at somebody when you’d rather ignore them. Bring in a neighbor’s trash cans from the curb. Return an old lady’s shopping cart in the parking lot. The list is endless.

I actually like penances like this. I don’t scruple over when it has been completed, but I find that I keep coming back to it over and over for a couple of weeks, looking for opportunities to add to what I have already done. This is helpful when the penance has been directly related to my confession because it is usually something I have to work on. I mentioned such a case to my confessor a few months ago and he smiled and said, “That means it was a good penance.”
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Dittos…
 
The simplest of acts count. Even saying a short prayer for someone would be nice. If you think about it even ten Ave Marias is easy. So a nice act doesn’t have to be something huge. One thing to watch out for is to not think that since you would have done the nice act anyway then it doesn’t count. It does count. You just need to have the intention of fulfilling your penance when performing it.

Personally I hate these kinds of penances. As mentioned you can ask the priest for another one. You can also have another priest give you another penance.
 
Hold the church door open for an elderly person to enter/exit.
 
Do the dishes or laundry for someone. It’s legitimately helpful, and the misery those tasks entail should shave some time off of Purgatory.
 
I think that what the priest is trying to do is to teach us that there is more to holiness than just saying some prayers. Sometimes we show our love for God by doing an act of kindness to someone else.
 
In theory it’s a good idea, but I do think some guidance would have been better.
 
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