What to do when you're an only child

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Matrix_Refugee

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…and people get on your case because your parents didn’t give you brothers and sisters? I was a difficult kid to raise (ie. emotionally very sensitive, health problems that were expensive to treat) and it wasn’t until recently that we found out part of the reason why: turns out I have an autism spectrum condition, and there was the off chance that if we had more kids, we would have had ones with more severe forms of it. Plus, my mom has a depression problem and there were times when she could barely keep her head up, let alone take care of the house and homeschool me. We didn’t have a lot of help from our extended family, since many of them were emotionally abusive to my parents, which compounded the situation. And then I get co-workers, etc. who get on my case telling me my parents should have had more kids. I’ve tried explaining the situation, but then they turn around and accuse me of making excuses. What do you tell these people?
 
You tell these rude people such as this that they have no manners and that your parents personal decisions are none of their business.

If they bring it up again, tell them the disussion is closed and walk away.
 
I’m an only child as well, and I’ve also had (rude!) people ask me why my parents didn’t have more children. My stock answer has always been:

“My parents knew they couldn’t improve on perfection.”

😉 😉 😉

*Stella
 
**Just goes to show you that people will butt their noses in anywhere for any reason. Look at the majority of threads here and they’re all about couples being told NOT to have lots of (or even ANY!) kids… but your case proves that there are people out there that are bound to be rude no matter what.

In your particular case I would stop explaining. It’s nobody’s business why your parents never had anymore kids. And it’s not your fault!!! My husband and I had our first child 2 years ago… she is a “difficult” child and if we don’t end up ever having more i’d hate to have her think it was because of her. That is not a responsibility/guilt that you should have.
Next time someone has the audacity to offer their opinion on a family matter, politely ask them how it is any of their business and what they want you to do about it…time travel, force your parents to have more now (if they are still able) or adopt, go out and make a bunch yourself and then let your parents raise them…what? See if they can give you an answer or if they just feel like making you feel bad and judging your parents too.:rolleyes:**
 
I like Stella’s remark myself.😃

People are nosey, as Malia says. It’s none of their business if there’s one or fifty one kids in your family.
 
Stella76 said:
I’m an only child as well, and I’ve also had (rude!) people ask me why my parents didn’t have more children. My stock answer has always been:

“My parents knew they couldn’t improve on perfection.”

😉 😉 😉

*Stella
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I should remember that one. I don’t get too much flak anymore, but when I was younger, I did get the questions about why my parents only had me, etc., and some of the questions were posed in such a way as to imply that my parents were bad people because of it.

Ugh, rude people.
 
Matrix_Refugee said:
…And then I get co-workers, etc. who get on my case telling me my parents should have had more kids. I’ve tried explaining the situation, but then they turn around and accuse me of making excuses. What do you tell these people?
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I guess you can’t choose your co-workers but you can gently point out that their colossal rudeness is not only offensive but unprofessional, and that you will reluctantly have to consider a formal complaint to the highest levels if their harrassment does not stop, along with a suggestion that the continued employment of such crass individuals could be harming your company.

If these people are your friends get new ones. I follow the HenryII advice, never complalin, never explain. There is no real answer to trogs like this except favoring them with the same glance you would give to a cockroach who has just crawled out of your lunch.
 
Say “I’m really flattered you think there should be more people in the world like me.” and leave it at that.
 
My son just happens to be home this weekend, and after reading this I quizzed him.

“Did/do any of your friends ever bag on you about being a only child?”

“Sometimes, I just dismiss them as not knowing any better. I know why I’m a only child, it was not y’all’s call. I do know it has its advantages, and I think that makes some jealous.”
 
Matrix_Refugee said:
What to do when you’re an only child…and people get on your case because your parents didn’t give you brothers and sisters?
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First of all I take as par for the course.

I don’t understand why some people follow up finding someone is an “only” with personal questions such as those you (and I) are asked. But then people also ask the unmarried why they are unmarried but if we ask married people why they are married, sometimes the answer is “don’t ask such personal questions”.

Also find it interesting that some people assume that “onlies” have been spoilt. Sometimes what we do get is more attention but that comes out of the fact that our parents were able to give us more time because there was only one of us. Also sometimes our parents were able to buy us something new, like a new bike, because there only one to buy not a number. They weren’t spoiling us but giving us the best they could afford.

I think the comment I found most hurtful was when I suggested that Mum having bad time having me, and me coming early, was part of the reason I am an only was being told I was selfish in doing so as that stopped Mum and Dad having more children. Once I was a teen I know how unfair this was and that I had no control about when I arrived.

Also some of the adverse comments about onlies not being able to share, taking family arguments too seriously are, I think, the result of us being onlies not something intrinsic or the result of being spoilt. We didn’t have to share in the way that children from large families had to and when our parents argued we were more affected than in a family where there were many children who could discuss what was going on and give each other support.
And then I get co-workers, etc. who get on my case telling me my parents should have had more kids. I’ve tried explaining the situation, but then they turn around and accuse me of making excuses. What do you tell these people?
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I’ve stopped explaining - and say that’s the way it is.

With persistent people I ask them why their parents had the number of children they had. Okay I’m being personal but so are they. By doing that I hope to make that point.
 
We live in such a judgemental society. Why is their business?? Oh well, ignorance is bliss, as my mother would say. My husband and I only have one child, our pride and joy I may add (even if he is 15 and a world-know-it-all). Why didn’t we have more, because of miscarraige and a broken heart. Had nothing to do with my son.

Next time people say that, tell them judging is a sin. So is jealousy. :tsktsk:
 
Ah, rude people! I personally have received more comments from large-family Catholics asking me when we’re going to have our next one (hey…how old’s your youngest now? isn’t it about time to have another??) than I ever have from people being negative about us having six. These same people who have no problem asking me when I’m having my next one are hugely offended when they are pregnant with their 6, 7, 8, etc and people ask them if they’re done yet. This has led me to the conclusion that few people truly have enough tact to keep their opinions to themselves when it comes to family size!! I try to let it all roll off me, but it can be hard when somebody is truly just flat-out rude about it.

As for your situation, how about “Well, apparently Jesus didn’t mind it—if it was good enough for Him, it’s good enough for me!” Yeah, I have to admit I’ve pointed out the fact that our Mother Mary had only ONE when friends/family are judgmental toward us (or another couple) not having a dozen!!

What all this HAS done for me, though, is this…I NEVER make negative comments to ANYBODY about their family size/family planning decisions.

God bless,
Lauren

P.S. And I’ve known plenty of well-balanced, kind, wonderful people who were onlies and plenty of selfish, unkind, and downright unpleasant people who came from large ones. There’s a whole lot more involved in the development of a child than family size.
 
thought of another answer that should work for anyone who is on the receiving end of extreme rudeness, no matter what the family size, “You will have to ask God the next time you see him, as he is the one who determines our family size.”
 
Our son is an only child… and we adopted him. When he was a baby, we kept getting asked when we were going to get him a baby brother or sister. We said we were leaving it up to God. As he got older, people would ask if we wished we’d had more children. We’d say whatever God wanted for us was fine (although deep down, I sometimes wished He had sent us more, but I didn’t want to sound ungrateful for what He DID send us!)

Then one time a co-worker (during a breaktime discussion on my BIL’s 12-child family) hit me with, “Oh, yeah, well, you’re such a good Catholic, so how come you only have one kid?”

I replied, “Because we haven’t been able to have children and we adopted him.”

After a stunned second, she continued, “Well, why don’t you look into IVF or surrogate parenting, then?”

And I replied, “Well, like you said, 'cause we’re good Catholics. We take whatever God gives us.”

Sometimes I don’t know what confuses people more… Catholics who have large families, or those of us who don’t use IVF and the like to build our families. Darned if you don’t, danged if you do! 🤷
 
Matrix_Refugee said:
…and people get on your case because your parents didn’t give you brothers and sisters? I was a difficult kid to raise (ie. emotionally very sensitive, health problems that were expensive to treat) and it wasn’t until recently that we found out part of the reason why: turns out I have an autism spectrum condition, and there was the off chance that if we had more kids, we would have had ones with more severe forms of it. Plus, my mom has a depression problem and there were times when she could barely keep her head up, let alone take care of the house and homeschool me. We didn’t have a lot of help from our extended family, since many of them were emotionally abusive to my parents, which compounded the situation. And then I get co-workers, etc. who get on my case telling me my parents should have had more kids. I’ve tried explaining the situation, but then they turn around and accuse me of making excuses. What do you tell these people?
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That’s very interesting. I’m an only child, too, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten flak for being one. Personally, I liked being an only child when I was younger, but it does get a bit lonely at times without siblings. I had a lot of cousins growing up, so I suppose they were kind of like siblings, and I was the youngest in the family on my mom’s side, and those were the cousins that I hung around. OK, maybe there’s is something to an only child and youngest being spoiled, and it’s double whammy in my case. I really don’t think I’m spoiled, though. I’ve read somewhere that an only child is like the oldest in triplicate, since they are always around adults and are expected to behave like grown-ups, besides all the expectation, as in pressure, heaped on them since a very young age. Before I start sounding like a broken record, I do like being an only child, and I keep telling myself that.

Cheers!
 
lovemysix said:
As for your situation, how about “Well, apparently Jesus didn’t mind it—if it was good enough for Him, it’s good enough for me!” Yeah, I have to admit I’ve pointed out the fact that our Mother Mary had only ONE when friends/family are judgmental toward us (or another couple) not having a dozen!!
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Good point. I wonder if the Holy Family ever caught flak for Jesus being an only child. From the Bible, it seems like a lot of people had lots of kids back then, and a large family was seen as a blessing, so I find it hard to believe that Jesus wasn’t taunted for His lack of siblings, or Mary wasn’t given a hard time because she just had one baby.

The King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Lamb of God, Emmanuel, was an only. Thus it can’t be such a bad thing. 😃
 
I used to tell people my parents went for quality, not quantity . . .

I was an only child (born in 1950). My father was an only child (born in 1924). Neither one of us had any objections with our station in life, although I had three chidlren of my own – each one of which would have preferred to have been an only child . . . Actually, come to think of it, I do believe each of my three BELIEVE they were actually only children . . . 😉

When I was growing up, people used to ask me if I didn’t want to have a brother or a sister. I told them, yes, sometimes – but I also wanted to have a pony and I didn’t get that either. 😃
 
Ask them in an offended tone of voice "“Well, what do you expect ME to do about it??”
 
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