What to do with oogling men?

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MichelleTherese

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I have an annoying problem which has led me to decide to cover my hair like I’m some kind of Amish woman. (I’ve already been asked once if I’m a Mennonite…) It’s my hair: men just can’t keep their eyes off of it and the older the man is the more verbal he gets about how “beautiful” my hair is etc etc. I’ll be in a public place and it’s like someone turns on a spotlight - it makes me very uncomfortable.
Can hair cause men to lust?? Am I doing something wrong by wearing my hair uncovered and “making” men oogle it?? I like my hair but GEE WIZ guys! Lay off!! Even fellow women go nutty over it - and that gets me all vain and feeling pretty and before you know it I get a chip on my shoulder…
Oy!
I do not feel that every woman MUST or “has to” cover her hair - I’m just borrowing the Amish/Mennonite coverings to keep the oogling down to a minimum. I dress modestly so as not to cause men to lust…but I feel like a failure because of my hair.
It isn’t even that great anyway!!! I don’t understand what the big deal is. My fiance likes my hair long so I do not want to cut it off - besides, when I do cut my hair short I look like a boy with a bossom hahahaha!!!
Does anyone here have the same problem with dressing modestly and yet getting oogled just the same??? How do you handle such compliments so that a) the giver doesn’t feel like you are being rude yet b) they quit going on and on about it??? I don’t want to be nasty!
I look like I’m Amish! AAAAAHHHH!!! Maybe I should have a picture of the Virgin Mary embroidered onto my capps…hehehe
GOD BLESS!!!
 
Ooops I just realized that I posted this in the WRONG forum. Sorry about that…
 
Say something like “God has blest me with it and I thank Him.” Use it to get them to think about God.
 
Is it possible that these men just legitimately think your hair is really beautiful and they aren’t intending to oogle you sexually or whatnot? I can honestly say that there have been one or two women I have known that just honestly had amazing hair. I never lusted after them or oogled them, but I certainly was very struck with their hair. Others may disagree, but to me a persons hair can be just as much an example of God’s beauty as can be a flower or something.

Of course there is also a good chance they are just perverts.
 
I have the same problem with my body. And, I just say thank you and I am happily married. and, quickly move on.

I think it has something to do with that story were the lady lowers her hair from the tower so that her beloved can climb up. But, the time it takes the hair to grow long enough to reach the ground from the tower window, the beloved would be too old to climb.
 
Ok, well I shall weigh in a bit.

Just because a man looks at a woman or compliments her hair or says she looks nice doesn’t mean that she has some sort of control over him or that he is ogling her. I will compliment a woman on how she looks, especially if I think that she has put a lot of effort into her health. I do the same thing with a guy. If it looks like he made a real effort to improve his health and strength, then I talk to him about it. People like to talk about whatever they spend the most time doing in a day.
 
Yes. Beautiful female hair can lead a man to lust. But mere hair-lust is a far better sort than many others which can be imagined.
 
I understand that you want to be modest and not lead others to sin, but that only goes so far. You have no control over what other people think. Be modest, live to the standards you should, but don’t beat yourself up when a guy stares or gives you a compliment. From my husband and male friends, I’ve learned that just about anything can make a man think about sex. I bet men in cultures where women wear burkas see a woman and still think about sex. I’m not saying that we should wear skimpy clothes and be immodest, but we can’t possibly control others; they’re minds are their own. Do what makes you comfortable.
 
I’m a man and I’ve never had the corresponding problem. Vanity has never been a problem for me. I’ve had life-long acne and I’m looked on as a leper.

My suggestion is to strike up a conversation and get these men to contribute some money to your favorite cause, e.g. the local women’s shelter.

suggestion two: ask them is this is the way to the AIDS testing clinic?

suggestion three: carry a cell phone and learn to dial 9-1-1 without looking at it.

p.s. don’t “do” anything “with” them.
 
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Crumpy:
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suggestion two: ask them is this is the way to the AIDS testing clinic?

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That is the funniest thing… 😃
 
My daughters have beautiful long tresses. I’ve always encouraged them to pull them back in a braid or low tail and then pull it up in a bun when they go to Mass.
Yes some men are turned on by beautiful hair.
You don’t need to cover it with an amish cap but you might consider pulling it back in church…nothing swinging and plume like…

Have you heard the 50’s song Chantilly Lace?

Chantilly Lace had a pretty face
and a ponytail hangin’ down
A wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk
Make the world go 'round
Ain’t nothing in the world like a big eyed girl
To make me act so funny, make me spend my money
Make me feel real loose like a long necked goose
Like a–oh baby, that’s a-what I like!
 
I would say that there probably are men who view hair sexually, but not in my case or any guys I really know. My advice is to not worry so much. You are justified if their comments seem inappropriate, but learn to take honest compliments as such. There is such thing as a false humility. Now if they were saying things about your legs or whatever, then we have a problem!
 
When on pilgrimage in Spain recently, I could not help but notice the women’s hair. Long, black, luxuriously glossy. I even pointed it out to my wife! I prayed about it sincerely, and concluded with all purity that appreciating such beauty was no different than loving the sacred art in the churches we were visiting. Or a glorious sunset over the mountains. It was no occasion of illicit desire on my part, but an honest praise of the Creator’s beauty.

God be praised, there is no created beauty greater than that of a beautiful woman. Be thankful. While some of us guys may be lustful jerks, there are others who find in womanly beauty a new reason to worship God.
 
A priest once told me that he enjoys looking at a beautiful woman, the same as any man. When he does, he tells himself how great God is to have created such beauty.

God’s work of art.

It wouldn’t surprise me that the men are appreciating your long hair because so many young women cut their hair shot these days.
“…and the older the man is the more verbal he gets about how “beautiful” my hair is etc etc.”
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Yep, sounds like nostalgia for the days when a woman’s hair was her crowning glory.
 
I think my irritation stems not from being complimented but from the fact that the men keep on complimenting. They go on and on and on and I get to the point where I feel like I’m standing there naked or something. A lot of times this carries on while the wives/girlfriends glower at me. I’ve been accused of trying to “steal” a man away from a woman because “you know guys like your hair so you wear it down to get their attention.” So I started to wonder…by wearing my hair down WAS I doing something wrong?? I began to always wear it in a ponytail but that didn’t help much either. Hence, Plan C: the Amishy capp thingy. THAT sure has kept the eyes off of me!!! (Well, except for the “what the heck…” stares I get but who cares about those.)

A compliment is nice and I’ll admit I certainly enjoy hearing good things about myself! But there’s a point where the opposite sex should shush and not make the man/woman feel like a porn star. I try and remember that when I’m confronted with a hot guy. “Respect him! He’s not a piece of meat!!” It goes both ways - but I hope I don’t ever see a man wearing an Amish capp hehehehe
 
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MichelleTherese:
I think my irritation stems not from being complimented but from the fact that the men keep on complimenting. They go on and on and on and I get to the point where I feel like I’m standing there naked or something.
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Yes, compliments are nice, but there are limits. Some things only need to be said once (if that), but after that, one has to wonder… what is the point?
 
You must really have amazing hair :rolleyes:

I’m trying to think and I honestly don’t recall EVER even thinking about giving a stranger a compliment on her hair. I certainly have seen women with nice hair but NEVER to the point that I thought it was THAT outstanding.
 
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MichelleTherese:
I think my irritation stems not from being complimented but from the fact that the men keep on complimenting. They go on and on and on and I get to the point where I feel like I’m standing there naked or something.
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That is certainly some strange behaviour. Part of the problem might be that you live in Alaska, where the ratio of single men to women is the highest in the United States. Sound like some pretty lonely dudes up there.
If it really bothers you, consider moving to Virginia or Georgia, where the opposite is the case. Then you’ll be beggin’ for compliments! 😃
 
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