What to do with oogling men?

  • Thread starter Thread starter MichelleTherese
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I expect many will disagree with me but this is my belief. The attractiveness of one to another, our beauty, is a part of our sensuality and this cannot be denied. It is a part, although not a large part, still a part of the attraction a man and woman in marriage have for one another. You know in your heart that your hair has caused others to sin through jealousy, anger, envy, lust, etcetera. The fact you feel uncomfortable is a sign that you are, unintentionally, the cause of a ‘near occasion of sin’ for others. A young man asked Jesus what more he needed to do to follow God more perfectly. He was told to sell all that you have and so the man went away sad for he was very rich. Rich in this case can mean proud as well as wealthy. I believe you are seeking the right path in possessing your beauty for your loved one while trying to minimize its impact on others. Praise God for that. As for the priest comments on the beauty of a man and a woman, I am concerned. Where the eye is, is where the heart is and there your treasure lies. Let us try to keep our eyes on Jesus and Mary as the examples of giving glory to God.
 
Just when I’m finally learning that women appreciate a positive comments about their hair, necklace, etc. I am 46 years old and now suspected oogler.

If a woman doesn’t like that, then she had better hand me a pledge that she has never “wished” any man would give her such compliments – no matter what man.

Sometimes we old farts are teaching the younger ones how to be romantic, as well. If a woman has gone to the trouble of wearing a nice necklace, or having beautiful hair (it takes good hair plus your NOT messing it up) or whatever, and I have occasion to have verbal interchange with her, such as a cashier at the checkout stand, then I will simply say, “I like your necklace” especially if it is a cross, or say, “your new hair style looks nice.”

If I’m turning off women by that, then they haven’t made it very clear, as they are usually very pleasant. A woman who dresses nicely for one man, then balks when another notices her, should stay home with those particular clothes only for her husbands, and wear peasant rags when she goes out if that’s how she wishes to be viewed. Either that or if she doesn’t want people to see her at all, she can stay home all the time. When in public, we all have to get together somehow, so when people say pleasant things, let’s not get in the way of there being a pleasant situation.

Alan
 
It also occurs to me that there are charities who can take your hair, if it’s more than 12 inches, and make it into a wig for cancer patients.

If your hair causes you to sin, consider giving it to cancer patients who have none; I’m sure they would be totally impressed at your gift.

One of my nephews had a very long ponytail, and grew it just enough until he could give it away and now is clean shaven.

Alan
 
Alan, all things in moderation. I believe the original comments refer to excessive, over abundant, out of the ordinary appreciation for her hair. Please keep those encouraging, holy words of comfort coming for God has blessed us and wishes us to thank Him for His blessing through those through whom He extended the blessing. May God keep you now and forever in His love and protection. Just pray your words are appropriate for many are the roads to Hell paved with good intentions.
 
40.png
John-the-Seeker:
Alan, all things in moderation. I believe the original comments refer to excessive, over abundant, out of the ordinary appreciation for her hair. Please keep those encouraging, holy words of comfort coming for God has blessed us and wishes us to thank Him for His blessing through those through whom He extended the blessing. May God keep you now and forever in His love and protection. Just pray your words are appropriate for many are the roads to Hell paved with good intentions.
Click to expand...
Sigh. I will let you be the judge this time. I can tell you are holier than I am, and probably kinder.

Peace, and Have a Nice Day. 🙂

Alan
 
Just tell them that lice are the “pearls of God” and offer them your comb as a minor reward the compliment… then see them run. 🙂
 
Michelle,

How much is too much? I mean if you truly have exceptional hair it may be that you’ll get exceptional compliments.

I dunno. You really have to call 'em as you see 'em. I would say that when a guy compliments a particular feature, he’s likely being sincere.

There’s some Psalm about being “wonderfully and fearsomely made” or words to that effect, maybe commit that to memory and recite it everytime. It’s not bad to thank the men, but then to direct the attention to God is probably precisely what the Creator had in mind when he created you.

I’ve complimented women on their hair more than once and I don’t ever recall it being an occasion of sin. There was one time however when the words, “Bad hair day?” slipped out of my mouth!:eek: The funny part was, her style was entirely intentional.
 
Black Jaque:
I’ve complimented women on their hair more than once and I don’t ever recall it being an occasion of sin. There was one time however when the words, “Bad hair day?” slipped out of my mouth!:eek: The funny part was, her style was entirely intentional.
Click to expand...
A coworker once told me, “Alan, with you, every day is a bad hair day.”

The same friend told me at a different time, “oh, sporting the Albert [Einstein] look today?”

Things weren’t always like that. To think I used to like to get my hair cut because the (young female) hair cutters would oogle over how soft and optimally curly my hair was…

Alan
 
I would think by wearing an Amish style headcovering you are probably drawing a lot more attention to yourself than the beauty of your hair could possibly ever draw.

I don’t know, if God gave you beautiful hair, why not let other people admire it, and offer their compliments up to God?
 
Alan,

Heh-heh. Kind of funny but among guys, being called “ugly” is sort of complimentary. It would hurt if a woman were to say it though. I guess when another guy calls ya ugly he’s saying he’d wouldn’t mind you covering his back in a fight.

So if you’ve got a look that could stop a tank - hey you’re alright with me buddy.
 
Oh, and one last thing Theresa, just be patient. The compliments will likely fade away. Age has a way of doing that you know.
 
Black Jaque:
Alan,

Heh-heh. Kind of funny but among guys, being called “ugly” is sort of complimentary. It would hurt if a woman were to say it though. I guess when another guy calls ya ugly he’s saying he’d wouldn’t mind you covering his back in a fight.

So if you’ve got a look that could stop a tank - hey you’re alright with me buddy.
Click to expand...
You speak with definite air of authority. I am compelled to agree.

Alan
 
Alan from Witchita: you missed my point entirely. A compliment is NICE. But carrying on and on and on…that is what makes me feel uncomfortable. Yes, women DO like to be told, “Your hair looks nice!” But then, stop. My problem is with the men who continue to blather on and on about my hair and others start to stare and more guys join in until I feel like I’m standing naked in a crowd. Do you politely compliment a woman or do you badger her half to death with your compliments for five, ten minutes until she retreats from the room or hides behind a newspaper??? That’s the difference between a gentleman and an Ooogler.

“I believe you are seeking the right path in possessing your beauty for your loved one while trying to minimize its impact on others.” Amen! That and I’m also trying to avoid VANITY. Do you know how easy it is to get full of yourself when folk go on and on about something that is great about you??? I don’t think I have fantastic hair - I think I’m just odd because lots of women chop theirs off. So I stick out like a sore thumb. I want to do exactly what you said, and I also want to avoid getting vain as a peacock.
 
As an ex-Mennonite…let me tell you: the more you cover up, the more the men’s fantasy will run riot 😉 It’s true! These days when I don’t dress ‘modest’ (hate the word!), just jeans and a t-shirt, I don’t get half the stares I used to get in my long shapeless dresses and bonnet! Think about it…the mystery…that’s what men like!

Anna x
 
**“I would think by wearing an Amish style headcovering you are probably drawing a lot more attention to yourself than the beauty of your hair could possibly ever draw.” **
**Excellent point. I wondered about this myself. But c****heck this out: **

** Talk about totally unexpected ractions! Ever since I started wearing hats/head coverings I’ve been given ten times more respect then ever before! Men open doors for me, folks don’t swear or talk dirty around me. Even women treat me with respect rather then competing with me, like we women are wont to do around one another. There’s just something about covering my head that causes people to behave! I certainly wasn’t expecting THAT to happen. Wild, huh??**
**Gee wiz! I have “bold” stuck or something. Pardon my exessivly bold post!!!
Code: 
     Now I'm not so timid about walking by a group of guys or walking into a crowded room. Odd huh?? I'm not kidding though! Sure, folks do stare - and I've had a few laugh into their hands but not many - but the entire tone of the room becomes one of tangible politeness. Even the kids are nice!! I deffinately am curious as to why a head covering can DO this to people???? Now I'm not just covering to keep oogling to a minimum (and to keep from causing occasions of sin) but I'm doing an experiment hehehehe!!!
 
40.png
dulcissima:
I would think by wearing an Amish style headcovering you are probably drawing a lot more attention to yourself than the beauty of your hair could possibly ever draw.
Click to expand...
BINGO! Somebody got it! Yes, this is true… I went to a Mennonite school in Holland, most of us lived on the Veluwe which is where the Mennonites live, but very occassionally we’d go into ‘town’ (in our case Arnhem) to shop…and BOY did we get stares! As if we were from Mars! Trust me on this: the more you cover up, the more people will look and a lot of men find the ‘unobtainable, mysterious’ woman VERY attractive! Honestly, the moment I left and started wearing what everyone else was wearing, I just ‘blended into the crowd’ and got NO reall stares or remarks. Strange, but true!

Anna x
 
MichelleTherese said:
Alan from Witchita: you missed my point entirely. A compliment is NICE. But carrying on and on and on…that is what makes me feel uncomfortable. Yes, women DO like to be told, “Your hair looks nice!” But then, stop. My problem is with the men who continue to blather on and on about my hair and others start to stare and more guys join in until I feel like I’m standing naked in a crowd. Do you politely compliment a woman or do you badger her half to death with your compliments for five, ten minutes until she retreats from the room or hides behind a newspaper??? That’s the difference between a gentleman and an Ooogler.
Click to expand...

I didn’t exactly miss hearing your point, but spoke to a different point. I understood you were making this distinction.

It is very rare in any circles where I’ve been for men to carry on like that unless there is a track record of this type of “game” going on. If this is in a workplace environment, in this country one can complain (supposedly without paybacks but don’t count on it) about a hostile workplace.
“I believe you are seeking the right path in possessing your beauty for your loved one while trying to minimize its impact on others.”
Click to expand...
Amen! That and I’m also trying to avoid VANITY. Do you know how easy it is to get full of yourself when folk go on and on about something that is great about you??? I don’t think I have fantastic hair - I think I’m just odd because lots of women chop theirs off. So I stick out like a sore thumb. I want to do exactly what you said, and I also want to avoid getting vain as a peacock.
This may help understand what has been happening. If your only particularly distinguishing feature is your long hair, most men could not be amused more than about 10 seconds over that. What I suspect – of course I am not there – is just from reading the way you write you are extremely self-conscious and feel you stick out like a sore thumb. Then you wonder why people can’t get off the topic when you yourself are there feeling that way. Feelings get transmitted, and what might be extremely painful to you may seem very playful to the men. This, taken to a much worse extreme, is part of the reason some men go too far; they don’t know WHAT emotion you’re showing, just that their attention to you is being noticed and reciprocated.

Darn… I have to leave yet again to run an errand so I can’t finish my thoughts here. Considering your following post, I think you have made a lot of progress, but please consider your own emotional role in egging them on. It’s kind of like tickling somebody – they laugh, so you think it’s funny and keep doing it, not realizing they are also gasping for breath and scared they will not get it. This is the clueless part of the “manly” perspective I meant to get to.

Alan
 
40.png
MichelleTherese:
I have an annoying problem which has led me to decide to cover my hair like I’m some kind of Amish woman. (I’ve already been asked once if I’m a Mennonite…) It’s my hair: men just can’t keep their eyes off of it and the older the man is the more verbal he gets about how “beautiful” my hair is etc etc. I’ll be in a public place and it’s like someone turns on a spotlight - it makes me very uncomfortable.
Can hair cause men to lust?? Am I doing something wrong by wearing my hair uncovered and “making” men oogle it?? I like my hair but GEE WIZ guys! Lay off!! Even fellow women go nutty over it - and that gets me all vain and feeling pretty and before you know it I get a chip on my shoulder…
Oy!
I do not feel that every woman MUST or “has to” cover her hair - I’m just borrowing the Amish/Mennonite coverings to keep the oogling down to a minimum. I dress modestly so as not to cause men to lust…but I feel like a failure because of my hair.
It isn’t even that great anyway!!! I don’t understand what the big deal is. My fiance likes my hair long so I do not want to cut it off - besides, when I do cut my hair short I look like a boy with a bossom hahahaha!!!
Does anyone here have the same problem with dressing modestly and yet getting oogled just the same??? How do you handle such compliments so that a) the giver doesn’t feel like you are being rude yet b) they quit going on and on about it??? I don’t want to be nasty!
I look like I’m Amish! AAAAAHHHH!!! Maybe I should have a picture of the Virgin Mary embroidered onto my capps…hehehe
GOD BLESS!!!
Click to expand...
I am a female and I often compliment women on their hair. My neighbor has the most beautiful, thick, wavy long hair and I am always telling her how lovely her hair looks. I don’t think that this is an issue of lust-I am a heterosexual female-but one of admiring something beautiful. Not everything that is beautiful is sexual to us.
 
Even the kids are nice!! I deffinately am curious as to why a head covering can DO this to people???
Click to expand...
They’re probably rubbing their eyes thinking that they are receiving an apparition of the Virgin Mary. Of course they’re keeping it to themselves wondering if they’re the only ones seeing it. 😃
 
My 14 year old has long beautiful hair…She gets alot of compliments on it just as I did when I was her age. I made the mistake of cutting my hair after such comments as, “Are you wearing any clothes under that hair?” And “Does it get tangled during sex?” When I was a teenager…like I would know??? I wish that I hadn’t cut my hair back then but I totally know where you are coming from!! It is sad that people can make us feel uncomfortable about having a truly outstanding attribute. I have had many years to think about how I would do things differently today…I liked alot of the comments people suggested, particularly this one:

Say something like “God has blest me with it and I thank Him.” Use it to get them to think about God.

I think a woman with long hair naturally attracts attention because it is rare to see these days…sad because it is really a very feminine and beautiful thing to see.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top