What to say to someone who Always leaves Mass early

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Laura_B

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Hi:

The parish I attend has a Catholic school. At the Saturday evening Mass, one of the staff members (not a teacher but someone fairly prominent in the school) and her family is almost always there and always leaves right from Communion.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge and there may be a legitimate reason (sick family member, the call for the heart transplant just came in (again 😉 ), but from what little I can know, it is just a bad habit. Not only is she cheating herself and her teenage-and-above children of the full liturgy but I wonder if she is add that much more fuel to the fire of those who think, “See? She’s leaving Mass early again and she works for the school. It’s not so bad if I do it too.”

I do pray for her and her family and I have held my tongue and tried to remove the plank(s;) ) from my eye first, but I rather feel that (pardon the cliche) “God is putting it on my heart” to say something. Is there a leaflet, an article or just a kind, charitiable thing to say or do in this case.
Thanks in advance for the help. God bless you and yours
 
I don’t think that there is anything that you can say. Some of the nicewst people continue to do it even after the subject is addressed from the pulpit. I would just pray that the Lord enlighten them as to the significance of the Mass and what it is that they are missing out on. It bugs me too, but then I realize that I am allowing myself to be drawn away from the One I should be spending my time with to focus on someone else’s splinter. 🤷
 
We have a very prominent TV news personality who always leaves mass early. The reason is that he wants to get home and not get stuck talking to people who would obviously want to approach him after Mass. He often goes with his family and I guess he also is saving them from having to stand around. Also he could be controversial at times and I guess would like to avoid an argument right after he receives communion.
 
Laura_B said:
Hi:

The parish I attend has a Catholic school. At the Saturday evening Mass, one of the staff members (not a teacher but someone fairly prominent in the school) and her family is almost always there and always leaves right from Communion.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge and there may be a legitimate reason (sick family member, the call for the heart transplant just came in (again 😉 ), but from what little I can know, it is just a bad habit. Not only is she cheating herself and her teenage-and-above children of the full liturgy but I wonder if she is add that much more fuel to the fire of those who think, “See? She’s leaving Mass early again and she works for the school. It’s not so bad if I do it too.”

I do pray for her and her family and I have held my tongue and tried to remove the plank(s;) ) from my eye first, but I rather feel that (pardon the cliche) “God is putting it on my heart” to say something. Is there a leaflet, an article or just a kind, charitiable thing to say or do in this case.
Thanks in advance for the help. God bless you and yours
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The pastor of one parish that I attended put a sign up in the foyer on the side that you saw coming into the church it read, “Please turn off all cell phones and pagers.” on the side you saw leaving the church it said, “Remember, only Judas left the last supper early.” (And yes the word Judas was in bold red print and underlined). As for whether or not it was appropriate I’m not sure, but it certainly was effective.
 
why not just ask? say my child is in your class, or knows you from school, and he wants to know why we can’t leave Mass before it ends, because you do. I know you must have a good reason to blow off the last blessing and dismissal, but I need to know what to tell my child. well, maybe you could phrase it a bit more politely than I did.

but don’t assume, I frequently have to leave early, especially if Mass has gone beyond the usual time, so I don’t leave a class unattended, or if the adult who is supposed to be supervising the child or youth class is not around. I am sure most people know what I am doing, although I try to be inconspicuous and leave just before the last song begins, but some might not.

Father also asked me why some of the teens leave early, and it is because they serve as ushers, hand out bulletins etc. so they go to the back right after communion to man their stations. but they know to “stand at attention” for the last blessing and dismissal, and not to leave before the communion prayer ends.
 
The thought occurred to me that perhaps she has to do something administrative-related or Church related, due to her position?

I don’t know. Maybe it is just a bad habit. I have taught my children that we do not put on coats to leave until the priest has exited, but it was not until very, very recently that my youngest could sit through Mass. Perhaps you could approach her and ask if the school could address general etiquette during Mass for the sake of the children’s education, and then say, such as we don’t leave until the Priest has finished the Mass? And, we shake Father’s hand… and we don’t chew gum… things like that?
 
Janechantal53 said:
I don’t think that there is anything that you can say. Some of the nicest people continue to do it even after the subject is addressed from the pulpit. I would just pray that the Lord enlighten them as to the significance of the Mass and what it is that they are missing out on. It bugs me too, but then I realize that I am allowing myself to be drawn away from the One I should be spending my time with to focus on someone else’s splinter. 🤷
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If they do not have health, caretaker, job or other immediate concerns, why do people continue to leave right after receiving even when it has been preached upon from the ambo? We have a retired priest (a well respected former pastor) who has preached strongly on this matter and it continues.

I have tactfully asked four people (who I know) away from Mass why they leave early. All four took on far away gazes and changed the subject. It’s almost like some are on auto-pilot when it comes to attending Mass? Is this fairly unique to Catholics? I am fascinated at the behavior I often see.
 
Hi:
Thanks for the responses. Here’s an update:

As it happens, by God’s grace, the subject happened to come up in a multi-way conversation involving me, the person in question and some others. I was able to state my views in a generalized way (I.E., not pointing my finger at her and berating her, just commenting that people in general who habitually leave Mass early trouble me). She said she left Mass early because she was with her toddler grandson (I had not noticed him before. I don’t think he is with her every weekend) and that basically he took all her patience during Mass and implying that he would not take even that 10 minutes more.
I said nothing but mentally noted that I managed to raise three kids without leaving Mass early. I also noticed that he seemed fine the few minutes I saw him the following weekend. (However, I was making a concerted effort to not look in their direction and keeping my mind on the Liturgy.)
To answer the previous poster’s question: Her postion with the school does not generally require any work on Saturday evenings after Mass that I’m aware of.
At any rate, I am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to get the issue off my chest in a general way. Perhaps a seed has been planted…

God bless you and yours
 
Laura, not all kids are the same. Unless you’ve dealt with a child who can’t sit through Mass, you may not know what exactly she is dealing with. The fact that your own children were able to sit through Mass when they were toddlers is good for you, but it says nothing about this child, or his grandmother’s caregiving skills. Elderly people also sometimes leave early for reasons pertaining to their health and physical comfort. The best thing to do in this situation is recognize that she has a burden that you do not have, and refrain from judging her. She is trying to do the best she can.
 
Laura_B said:
. She said she left Mass early because she was with her toddler grandson (I had not noticed him before. I don’t think he is with her every weekend) and that basically he took all her patience during Mass and implying that he would not take even that 10 minutes more.
I said nothing but mentally noted that I managed to raise three kids without leaving Mass early.
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your children were undoubtedly raised in a climate of good discipline inside and outside church. she unfortunately has little or no control over how that grandson is taught to behave in public and just has to deal with the consequences. I heartily sympathize with her. but you are quite right in your approach, a general comment rather than accusatory and probably helped the others present as well.
 
Laura_B said:
Hi:

The parish I attend has a Catholic school. At the Saturday evening Mass, one of the staff members (not a teacher but someone fairly prominent in the school) and her family is almost always there and always leaves right from Communion.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge and there may be a legitimate reason (sick family member, the call for the heart transplant just came in (again 😉 ), but from what little I can know, it is just a bad habit. Not only is she cheating herself and her teenage-and-above children of the full liturgy but I wonder if she is add that much more fuel to the fire of those who think, “See? She’s leaving Mass early again and she works for the school. It’s not so bad if I do it too.”

I do pray for her and her family and I have held my tongue and tried to remove the plank(s;) ) from my eye first, but I rather feel that (pardon the cliche) “God is putting it on my heart” to say something. Is there a leaflet, an article or just a kind, charitiable thing to say or do in this case.
Thanks in advance for the help. God bless you and yours
Click to expand...
Unless you’re their pastor you say absolutely nothing…
 
I wouldn’t say anything. You don’t know the circumstances. I usually have to leave early b/c I work Sat 3-11pm and Sun 8-4am. The earliest Mass I can find close enough to work is at 7am. Hopefully I can resolve my situation soon.
 
I agree with other posters that you should not say anything negative to her. Maybe the easiest thing to do would be to ask her. Something inoffensive like, “I saw you at Mass Sunday and I wanted to say hello, but you left early. Is everything okay?” Let her explain her reason for leaving early and then leave it at that.
 
My first parish as a deacon had a problem with a crowded church being more than half empty at the end of Communion. The pastor was asking for ideas to help stop this. I suggested we put up a sign over the main exit, “Judas was the first person to leave mass early.” He did not do it as he did not want to offend anyone. That parish still has this problem.
 
Deacon_Ed_B said:
My first parish as a deacon had a problem with a crowded church being more than half empty at the end of Communion. The pastor was asking for ideas to help stop this. I suggested we put up a sign over the main exit, “Judas was the first person to leave mass early.” He did not do it as he did not want to offend anyone. That parish still has this problem.
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As a deterrent, guilt doesn’t work as well as it used to on today’s Catholics.
 
I remember reading that one of the saints actually had his altar servers, carrying their lighted candles and all, follow someone who left church early.

The person stopped and asked them what they were doing and they were told to say something like ‘well, you so very recently received the Eucharist but didn’t stay in church, so we just had to come with you and adore’ or something like that. Got the point across without being mean-spirited.
 
I think the pastor should be the one to address things like this

You seem not to know much about her situation…This child could be a special needs child…He might be autistic …under the circumstances., she is probably doing the best she can
 
Laura_B said:
Hi:

The parish I attend has a Catholic school. At the Saturday evening Mass, one of the staff members (not a teacher but someone fairly prominent in the school) and her family is almost always there and always leaves right from Communion.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge and there may be a legitimate reason (sick family member, the call for the heart transplant just came in (again 😉 ), but from what little I can know, it is just a bad habit. Not only is she cheating herself and her teenage-and-above children of the full liturgy but I wonder if she is add that much more fuel to the fire of those who think, “See? She’s leaving Mass early again and she works for the school. It’s not so bad if I do it too.”

I do pray for her and her family and I have held my tongue and tried to remove the plank(s;) ) from my eye first, but I rather feel that (pardon the cliche) “God is putting it on my heart” to say something. Is there a leaflet, an article or just a kind, charitiable thing to say or do in this case.
Thanks in advance for the help. God bless you and yours
Click to expand...
Always assume innocence. Perhaps the mother has a second job which starts so soon after Mass, that she has to leave early to get to it or one of her teenagers do? Perhaps it is a compromise in order to get her teenagers to get to Mass in the first place? You don’t know what is going on in her personal life, so just assume innocence.

This is a matter that, if need be, it would be addressed by the priest. Perhaps he has already spoken to her about it and given her his blessing based on her situation.

In order for you to address the “God is placing it on your heart”, you need to take that with you to confession and obtain guidance from your priest about that to help you discern if it is really is “from God” or from another source - in attempts to distract you from the last part of the Mass, focusing on her and her family rather than on the priest’s blessing at the end of the Mass. I cannot tell you the source, that is up to the priest to discern and guide you; however, I can tell you from experience that not all things we think are from God are actually from Him.

In the meantime, everytime you see her leave early, rather than think too much about it, say a quick prayer for her and her family and then refocus your attention to the Mass.

I’m a single mom and I can’t even get my teenager to attend daily Mass once a day…getting her there once a week is very difficult - she drags her feet and we often get there so late we’ve missed most of the Readings. I can’t even get her to pray 1/4 of the Rosary every day, she complains her way through just 1 decade with me. Over time with persistence of Mass at least once a week and the Rosary, even only 1 decade, a day, I think God’s Grace will change her “teenage” bad attitude, but at the moment anything religious is pure torchure for her, she complains that I’m the “worst mom ever”. So if this woman you are talking about has a* couple* of teenagers, I can only imagine!?! I’m so happy that she’s able to get them there on time so they don’t miss out on the Readings - honestly I wish I knew how she is able to accomplish that feat! I’d venture to guess, she is doing the best she possibly can. Pray for her and ask God to help you to not let it bother you anymore.
 
We like to believe that people only leave Mass early for a good reason, but the fact is that many just leave because they want to. They got what they came for and they’re ready to go on to the next thing.
 
As I read through this thread I was reminded of a situation I was in some years ago (long before becoming Catholic) when I was the secretary to our priest. After most Sunday services people would approach me with requests for various things associated with my job. This was difficult, because I was at church for God, not as the priest’s secretary and seldom remembered the request made during my time off as it were. In that church it was customary for people to pray for a few moments before leaving, I always sat near the door, dropped to my knees for a few seconds (no prayer there), rose and made a hasty exit to avoid the situation. Could something like this be the reason in this case? Especially as she has teenagers and a young child with her, my teens used to roll their eyes and get very irritated when I was unsuccessful in avoiding job related discussions after church.

In another situation I was a teacher at a church school and there was a lady who kept asking me for enrollment forms for her grandchildren at Sunday services and I kept forgetting the request once I was at the school and in teaching mode. It caused a very uncomfortable situation.
 
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