What would you do, anti catholic family

[Jennifer132]

Hi all, I would appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut into our situation. My family (myself, husband and five children) are converting to the Catholic faith. All our extended family and friends are devout evangelical Protestants, and varying degrees of anti-Catholic. My extended family visits a few times a year and stays with us, friends obviously are local and visit from time to time (less now that we have chosen the Catholic faith).

My issue is, we have Catholic stuff now–not just books, but we say Catholic prayers, read from Catholic Bibles, we have rosaries, etc. So far whenever people are coming over I put away the Catholic stuff, we say more Protestant-like prayers, etc. but I know that probably isn’t feasible forever, plus I’m not sure what message that is sending to my children… Certain people are particularly sensitive (been hurt by the Catholic Church in the past) and as our guests I don’t want to make them uncomfortable, but it is awkward to hide our new beliefs and customs.

You might be surprised how much this comes up–my younger kids might ask the grandparents to read from a Catholic children’s bible, my older daughter’s friends might ask what a rosary is for if they saw it laying around (the answer would likely offend or scandalize her friends), at meals our prayers are different, the sign of the cross will stand out, crucifixes instead of empty crosses, etc. etc. maybe I’m overthinking it?..

What do you recommend we do in the long run? I do not want to drive these dear people further away, but I do not want to pretend we haven’t changed at all, because we have.

 

[pensmama87]

I would not hide your things. It is your home and you may display what you like.

I didn’t grow up religious, but is it typical (besides for example saying grace before a meal, or for an explicitly religious occasion) for a lot of prayer to occur in the home when guests are present? To me that is very different. We say evening prayer as a family, which does involve some Catholic prayers, but really, other than that it’s a hymn and Scripture reading, with every family member mentioning a few intentions. If we have overnight guests they are invited to participate, but if it’s not overnight we just wait until our guests go home. I don’t see that as hiding our faith but just paying attention to being good hosts.

 

[1ke]

maybe I’m overthinking it?..

Yes, I believe so.

What do you recommend we do in the long run?

Just live your life. Don’t put things away, don’t change what you do. I mean, if you have Jewish friends for dinner, don’t serve pork, but I mean other than catering to some obvious courteous things like that-- I wouldn’t worry about it.

I remember as a (non Catholic) kid, I had a Catholic friend and at dinner not only did they do prayers, they did a Marian NOVENA at dinner. They had little cards they handed out to visitors with all the novena prayers on it. Generally, those of us who weren’t Catholic just sat there quietly while the family prayed their novena. It never seemed to deter parents from letting us go over to said friend’s house.

I do not want to drive these dear people further away, but I do not want to pretend we haven’t changed at all, because we have.

You are just WAY over thinking it.

Just go about your business as if nothing is unusual. I’m sure they will too.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Convert here in an all Protestant family!

I wouldn’t hide it. I WOULD include them (those who have faith) to the extent possible. After all, they too are Christian, though imperfectly. Jewish and Muslims might also find this hospitable.

You could, for instance, ask if they would wish to add any prayers after you have said your normal ones. Also, it’s not wrong to do as you have been and using a more spontaneous prayer style. It was actually the Catholics (not the Protestants) who first used this style. Many cradle Catholics tend to forget that!

But I certainly wouldn’t hide anything “Catholic.” You are what you are! Be proud of it! But certainly help others who believe in God in any way feel included to the extent possible. This may actually open doors for further discussion one day!

 

[kptrs]

My first reaction is to say that if these “dear people” are going to become so offended by a Rosary being displayed in your house and disown you over such a thing, then… I’d be bold enough to say you’re better off without said people in your life. As we teach our children, real friends accept the real you. If you have to pretend to be someone you’re not around certain people, those people are not your real friends.

Now if you were continuously trying to convert them in a “pushy” fashion, I’d understand them being defensive. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing.

Leave your house the way it is when guests come over, and if they don’t like it, they may see themselves to the door.

 

[kptrs]

Also…you don’t have to answer this, but in what way have they been hurt by the Church? I’m a bit leary of people who change religions because one religion tells them something they don’t want to hear. An example that comes to mind is something along the lines of, “pastor won’t let child receive Confirmation because the family only goes to Mass twice a year and well, how dare they ask us to go to Mass every weekend and actually practice our faith if we want to have our child confirmed. I’ll just go join this other church that doesn’t require weekly church attendance because that’s a better fit for me.”

If that’s the case, there is even less cause for them to be offended by your conversion.

 

[Bonnie]

What do you recommend we do in the long run? I do not want to drive these dear people further away, but I do not want to pretend we haven’t changed at all, because we have.

Starting now & continuing - be Catholic. You won’t drive friends & family away if they love you. If your being Catholic means they won’t see you again - then pray for them.

My mother truly believed that Catholics went to hell - she cried when I told her I was converting. But over time she came around. Especially after I married because my husband loves to talk about the faith (& is more knowledgeable than I) & mom was quite taken with him.

She was coming so close to Catholic beliefs that had she lived longer, she might have converted. Same for my dad. I had given him a holy card that had a beautiful prayer on it. I told him he could ignore the saint’s picture, but the prayer was great. He still had it when he died. We also found a small crucifix he had pinned to his desk. I have no idea where that came from.

And as for Catholic art - our house looks like a Catholic store. Nobody - not pagans, 7th Day Adventists, evangelicals - has complained or asked us to remove anything.

 

[po18guy]

I would not hide your things. It is your home and you may display what you like.

Jennifer132,

Since the Catholic faith is the fullness of the Gospel, I would leave everything as is. Be prepared to give an explanation of everything Catholic that they hold to be pagan, superstitious or even demonic. Tell them gently that many of their beliefs are new to Christianity and that you have traced history back and are convicted by the Holy Spirit (that’s HUGE to them) that it is the Church which Christ founded. As well, the Church and her sacramentals (Rosaries, pictures, holy cards, etc.) are nothing to be ashamed of, as each calls you to a deeper relationship with Christ.

You might lose your family for the sake of the Gospel. For a time. Jesus taught us this.

Explain that you are even more Christian than before. Be prepared to give reasons for the hope that is within you (1 Peter 3:15). Here is a thought: Speaking of Saint Peter, by hiding things and avoiding Catholic prayers, you risk the hypocrisy of Peter when he withdrew from the Gentiles and ate only with the Jews (Galatians 2:11-12). Just a thought. You are converting, yes, but even more: you are calling them to the fullness of Christ.

As our Lord taught, there is no looking back or going back (Luke 9:62). Here is something that I have noticed: ‘protestant’ prayers (generic term) tend to drop the Lord’s Name countless times in the course of a single prayer. Why? He heard them the first time His Name was invoked! Rhetorical question: Since he heard them the first time, is not the repetition of His Name risking that dreaded “vain repetition” that Catholics are accused of?

If you enter their homes, you might see a bible - maybe not. How does a visitor know, on first glance, that they are even Christian? Upon entering your home, the whole world knows that you love Christ. Crucifixes, artwork, your bible, prayer candles, holy cards - evidence of love of Christ is everywhere.

You are in a tough situation, but challenges make champions.

 

[MaryT777]

I agree with the others that state to leave your home as it is and follow your normal routine as a family. I think it’s wonderful your family engages so much in the many ways you do with the Faith and also kind of you to think of others.

I agree that you are probably overthinking the situation. I hope your family visits go well in spite of this and God Bless.

Mary.

 

[pianistclare]

Jennifer132,

Since the Catholic faith is the fullness of the Gospel, I would leave everything as is. Be prepared to give an explanation of everything Catholic that they hold to be pagan, superstitious or even demonic. Tell them gently that many of their beliefs are new to Christianity and that you have traced history back and are convicted by the Holy Spirit (that’s HUGE to them) that it is the Church which Christ founded. As well, the Church and her sacramentals (Rosaries, pictures, holy cards, etc.) are nothing to be ashamed of, as each calls you to a deeper relationship with Christ.

You might lose your family for the sake of the Gospel. For a time. Jesus taught us this.

Explain that you are even more Christian than before. Be prepared to give reasons for the hope that is within you (1 Peter 3:15). Here is a thought: Speaking of Saint Peter, by hiding things and avoiding Catholic prayers, you risk the hypocrisy of Peter when he withdrew from the Gentiles and ate only with the Jews (Galatians 2:11-12). Just a thought. You are converting, yes, but even more: you are calling them to the fullness of Christ.

As our Lord taught, there is no looking back or going back (Luke 9:62). Here is something that I have noticed: ‘protestant’ prayers (generic term) tend to drop the Lord’s Name countless times in the course of a single prayer. Why? He heard them the first time His Name was invoked! Rhetorical question: Since he heard them the first time, is not the repetition of His Name risking that dreaded “vain repetition” that Catholics are accused of?

If you enter their homes, you might see a bible - maybe not. How does a visitor know, on first glance, that they are even Christian? Upon entering your home, the whole world knows that you love Christ. Crucifixes, artwork, your bible, prayer candles, holy cards - evidence of love of Christ is everywhere.

You are in a tough situation, but challenges make champions.

THIS^^^^. For sure.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I will get bashed for this.

But as one who has been there and done that, above all don’t be smug and snooty about it! As a convert I have never in my life seen such snootiness and “holier than thou” attitudes as I have as a Catholic. It’s just sickening. Tactfulness and charity go a long way. They really do. I have gained far more ground in evangelizing family and friends by not bein uppity and defensive about it. SHOW your newfound love of Christ! Listen to their hurts and confusions, apologize for the wrongdoings of Catholics (especially our clergy!) LOVE them into being Catholic.

 

[CatholicGuy31]

What do you recommend we do in the long run? I do not want to drive these dear people further away, but I do not want to pretend we haven’t changed at all, because we have.

I have a friend who married someone who was hurt by the Catholic Church. Before marrying my friend he would have nothing to do with the Church. After moving to where my friend lives he is starting to see a very different side to our Church and his attitudes are slowly changing.

I think some people just have the wrong image of the Catholic Church which may have come from isolated incidents, media or commonly held views. For example some Muslims believe we have 3 different gods and that we worship doves and fish.

Maybe you can find a way to start showing them the true meaning of the Catholic faith that will challenge and hopefully change some of their mislead beliefs. Initially it would probably be best to go with a more subtle approach. Praying for them is also important as is to remain patient.

 

[GLam8833]

Good for you that you have “come Home”!!
When I converted to the Catholic Church it
is like changing a 40 watt. light bulb and
replacing it w/ a 100 watt. bulb!!
Pray for your relatives and friends that they
live UP TO the amount of Light that they
have ATTAINED and that they will come
to see the Truth that the Catholic Church
is the Pillar and Support of!! 1 Tim 3:15

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

My immediate family is mostly Protestant, and if they were to come over where I live, I would not change a thing about my house. It is what it is and my beliefs are what they are, as well as theirs.

I would not hide anything or change any prayers said at dinner time, etc. If family/friends don’t want to participate, they can sit there silently until the prayer(s) are over.

 

[Bonnie]

I will get bashed for this.

Not by me!

As a convert I have never in my life seen such snootiness and “holier than thou” attitudes as I have as a Catholic. It’s just sickening. Tactfulness and charity go a long way.

I really hope you were just unlucky - I haven’t seen too much of that. But then, I’m kind of oblivious sometimes. But I agree, tactfulness & charity are the way to go. Also hanging onto your temper. Simply explaining things but not trying to convert the other works quite well.

 

[Jennifer132]

I’m not understanding how they express being “anti-Catholic”.

Because they are sensitive about and feel uncomfortable with Catholicism?

.

My mom in particular IS anti catholic. When she found out about our conversion she said she was incredibly upset and disappointed and that pretty much she feared for my salvation and threatened never to visit us again (my children adore her and I also have a strong bond with her, which now has been injured, unfortunately). She did come and visit after all, but when she took my children to the museum she started antagonizing them “do you really believe Mary is more important than Jesus!?” Etc. They are ten and eleven. They tried to tell her that’s not true but she kept bulldozing them. They both ended up crying. We had to tell her that wasn’t appropriate at all.

My brother said reading the council of Trent documents made him nauseous. And that the Church teaches that it’s okay to worship bread.

Our best friends also made us cry the first time we saw them after we told them we were converting. These are literally the sweetest people you will ever meet. Never a harsh word for anyone. We did not even know the husband used to be Catholic, but left the church as an adult. They wanted to “tell us all the things wrong with the church” --their words. They ended up making me cry. then they back pedaled when they saw how hurtful they were acting and apoligized, but of course it does change the relationship.

These are just a few examples.

I love these people and want them to become Catholic, or if not at least accept us as we are. So I’ve tried avoiding the topic as much as possible when they come over. But I understand and know I need to stop hiding it, which isn’t healthy either.

 

[pianistclare]

My mom in particular IS anti catholic. When she found out about our conversion she said she was incredibly upset and disappointed and that pretty much she feared for my salvation and threatened never to visit us again (my children adore her and I also have a strong bond with her, which now has been injured, unfortunately). She did come and visit after all, but when she took my children to the museum she started antagonizing them “do you really believe Mary is more important than Jesus!?” Etc. They are ten and eleven. They tried to tell her that’s not true but she kept bulldozing them. They both ended up crying. We had to tell her that wasn’t appropriate at all.

My brother said reading the council of Trent documents made him nauseous. And that the Church teaches that it’s okay to worship bread.

Our best friends also made us cry the first time we saw them after we told them we were converting. These are literally the sweetest people you will ever meet. Never a harsh word for anyone. We did not even know the husband used to be Catholic, but left the church as an adult. They wanted to “tell us all the things wrong with the church” --their words. They ended up making me cry. then they back pedaled when they saw how hurtful they were acting and apoligized, but of course it does change the relationship.

These are just a few examples.

I love these people and want them to become Catholic, or if not at least accept us as we are. So I’ve tried avoiding the topic as much as possible when they come over. But I understand and know I need to stop hiding it, which isn’t healthy either.

Remind your mom about the Prodigal Son. His father never threatened to disown the son, never put a wedge between the other relatives, and never acted uncharitably.

Frankly, most non-Catholics haven’t a clue what we believe or what we don’t believe. They are often shocked to learn that nearly the entire text of the Mass is Biblical. The don’t know that the Scripture is a huge part of our liturgy. This is a teachable moment for you.
They may never convert, that’s not the point. But they will see the Catholic Church through a new lens. The beautiful lens of their totally Christian daughter. Everything will be fine.
They love you. Just love them back.

 

[Bonnie]

Oh my word - you’ve got some problem people in your life! To protect your children, you may have to limit your relatives visits - what your mother did was unacceptable.

 

[Jennifer132]

Also…you don’t have to answer this, but in what way have they been hurt by the Church? I’m a bit leary of people who change religions because one religion tells them something they don’t want to hear. An example that comes to mind is something along the lines of, “pastor won’t let child receive Confirmation because the family only goes to Mass twice a year and well, how dare they ask us to go to Mass every weekend and actually practice our faith if we want to have our child confirmed. I’ll just go join this other church that doesn’t require weekly church attendance because that’s a better fit for me.”

If that’s the case, there is even less cause for them to be offended by your conversion.

My mom grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. Her mom was Catholic but did not go to Mass, and her dad was not religious. Both parents were alcoholics. She has seven siblings, all of whom have mental and addiction problems. My mom was forced to go to Mass and attend catechism classes with the nuns. She was devout as a teenager, but received the message that going to heaven is “all about works”. She eventually was evangelized by an evangelical group and had a conversion experience. From then on it was her belief that Catholics do not have faith at all. They work their way to heaven and they “took out the commandment about graven images and split another commandment in two”. It disgusts her that Catholics rely on the sacraments and “think a man can forgive sins.” When she to,d her parents about her conversion, they treated her very poorly, to put it very mildly. She left home shortly after that and she is the only one of her family to live a stable lifestyle.

I do not know our best friend’s story. I only know he grew up Catholic, and his whole family has now become Protestant (fundamental). But it is obvious he has very strong negative feelings toward the church.

I do pray for all my friends and family every day. And don’t mention it to them, but I even say a novena for them before they come to visit!

 

[saellis]

Would these folks start nailing crucifixes to their walls and handing out rosaries when you visit them? If not, then don’t start hiding your Catholicism.