What would you do if you think your mother is a sociopath?

[Eleanor61]

I do hope that it works out, but I have to agree that it certainly doesn’t sound like sensory processing disorder, which often accompanies Asperger’s syndrome and which several of us in my family, myself and my oldest son, have. My son does share some traits with my mom who had NPD, but generally this is an autism spectrum issue, and your mom, due to her skillful manipulation ability, just doesn’t land there.

In the end labels do not matter as long as you are getting the distance, boundaries, and encouragement you need. All the best!

 

[mommamaree]

I did some research last night. SPD makes no sense and does nothing to explain any of my mom’s behavior. Add to that, the whole conversation was very “woe is me”. I had a nightmare last night, or rather, a dream that put the pieces together in my mind to lead me to wake up and realize she was probably just making a play for my sympathy. Sensory processing disorder doesn’t fit at all and it implies zero culpability. Her crying on the phone, with a nonsensical explanation, and profusive over-emotional apologies…it all adds up to another example of a nonapology. I don’t even know if she is truly seeking counseling for this, or if she was lying. It wouldn’t be the first time she lied.
Oh well. Fact is, she isn’t trustworthy. Also a fact, my therapist is developing a picture of what I suffered and how to help me. She has given me some good things to get started with. My health and the health of my family is what I am going to focus on. My mother may or may not end up being a part of our lives. But that is MY decision. It is not going to be dependent upon my mother’s wishes or words anymore.

 

[newf]

It is hard to heal when you keep getting shot at.

I think you should consider cutting off all contact with your mom while you focus on YOU. You have a good counselor who can help you see your life in relation to your mom more clearly. And you need time to process the new things you are learning. Plus, you need to focus on your husband and children.

You are fortunate that you live some distance from your mom. I think it would be helpful if you just told her you are taking a 6 month sabbatical from her. You will not respond to phone calls or letters or other family members who try to contact you for her. If mom shows up at your house, you will not allow her in. You need space to think and heal.

Once you have become stronger, you might like to re-engage with her. But you will know she hasn’t changed, only you will have. And you won’t be so devastated by contact with her…which you also might like to keep to a minimum.

 

[Eleanor61]

It is hard to heal when you keep getting shot at.

I think you should consider cutting off all contact with your mom while you focus on YOU. You have a good counselor who can help you see your life in relation to your mom more clearly. And you need time to process the new things you are learning. Plus, you need to focus on your husband and children.

You are fortunate that you live some distance from your mom. I think it would be helpful if you just told her you are taking a 6 month sabbatical from her. You will not respond to phone calls or letters or other family members who try to contact you for her. If mom shows up at your house, you will not allow her in. You need space to think and heal.

Once you have become stronger, you might like to re-engage with her. But you will know she hasn’t changed, only you will have. And you won’t be so devastated by contact with her…which you also might like to keep to a minimum.

Having been through this, I would say this would definitely be the wisest path to take. No contact. No exceptions. Probably permanently.

 

[mommamaree]

Having been through this, I would say this would definitely be the wisest path to take. No contact. No exceptions. Probably permanently.

This is still an option on the table for me and my husband to discuss. I had a hard time communicating to my counselor in one hour the magnitude and severity of the problem. It was per her suggestion I take my mom’s call yesterday. However, I then lost sleep and had nightmares following. I don’t know what else I can do, but go “no contact” for a while and try to get her voice out of my head.

 

[mommamaree]

It is hard to heal when you keep getting shot at.

I think you should consider cutting off all contact with your mom while you focus on YOU. You have a good counselor who can help you see your life in relation to your mom more clearly. And you need time to process the new things you are learning. Plus, you need to focus on your husband and children.

You are fortunate that you live some distance from your mom. I think it would be helpful if you just told her you are taking a 6 month sabbatical from her. You will not respond to phone calls or letters or other family members who try to contact you for her. If mom shows up at your house, you will not allow her in. You need space to think and heal.

Once you have become stronger, you might like to re-engage with her. But you will know she hasn’t changed, only you will have. And you won’t be so devastated by contact with her…which you also might like to keep to a minimum.

I checked the phone record. Yesterday, she spent 45 minutes of my time moaning to me about how hard her life is and begging my to not abandon her and insisting she will never get well unless people love her enough to help her. Today, I am emotionally exhausted. Last night, my “nightmare” was about her wanting to anihilate and replace me. Then I woke up to a similar reality. I am so stupid. I fall for the same **** EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! But 12 to 24 hours later, I realize what I have done.
I am taking this advice. I am preparing to send her a text/email saying that I am taking a sabbatical from her, just as you described. And then I will block her number so I can have some peace for a while and start to heal. Thank you for offering a clear plan for me to follow. I feel so broken today and I needed just this sort of help. God bless you.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

I just wanted to add- I know what you are going through. It is exhausting. They do not change. There’s nothing anyone can do- save pray. I cut off all contact and do not/did not feel loss. What does that tell you? I am surprised your therapist told you to talk to her, unless it was to show you what she is…

I feel no spite or anger toward my mother, there’s just nothing. I tried, and was trained to accept her coldness (to put it mildly) and to her credit she succeeded in her parenting goals.

I suspect, if go total no contact, you won’t ever want to go back. Peace.

 

[mommamaree]

I just wanted to add- I know what you are going through. It is exhausting. They do not change. There’s nothing anyone can do- save pray. I cut off all contact and do not/did not feel loss. What does that tell you? I am surprised your therapist told you to talk to her, unless it was to show you what she is…

I feel no spite or anger toward my mother, there’s just nothing. I tried, and was trained to accept her coldness (to put it mildly) and to her credit she succeeded in her parenting goals.

I suspect, if go total no contact, you won’t ever want to go back. Peace.

Thanks, bonvivant Hermit.
I just finished sending the message of “no contact”, worded almost the same as suggested above, except I gave no reason for it. My counselor advised me not to give a reason for not wanting to talk to my mom, even though my counselor did not suspect I might make it so long a time. She said my mother has no right to know a reason, and that she will twist any offered reason to use it against me. I really needed the help all of you have provided me here. The past 24 hours especially have been like a microcosm of my whole life. I feel good about life, so I accept phone call or visit, and then WHAM the life is quickly drained from me. My husband is even more sure, now that he has details of the phone call, that she is doing it on purpose and that she is a sociopath or something equally dangerous. I felt so weak, but I am strong enough that I was actually able to say ENOUGH! Thank God for that strength, and for all of you.

 

[graceandglory]

Disclaimer: I am working on this issue right now, through self-help books and supportive people. I also plan to go back to my counselor soon, in order to get help to make some decisions. So, I am not expecting anyone to tell me what I should do or offer medical advice.

So what I am needing is feedback. I am researching on narcissism, sociopathy, emotional abuse, etc. Yet I am still very much emotionally attached to my mother (obviously) and have a hard time believing what I suspect about her. Other people see it very clearly, and have no hesitation in proclaiming her a sociopath, or at the very least, an incorrigible narcissist. My emotional idea of who my mother is seems to not be at all in touch with the reality of who she is, and this disconnect in my thinking is evidenced in how deeply and how often she is able to hurt me.

My question is, then, is this normal for emotionally abused people? Is it common for them to be so emotionally attached to their abuser (maybe sometimes purposefully constructed by the abuser in creative ways?) that they cannot acknowledge the reality of who their abuser is? Also, human behavior being so complex, is it possible for even someone demonstrating sociopathic traits to act generously or to seem kind at times? Or is it all part of their plan to control their target? Are there ways that I can learn to hold onto the REAL reality, instead of it slipping through my fingers like water as soon as my anger at the latest outrage subsides?

I guess that is more than one question…sorry about that. I am still so new to this whole concept, yet the situation with my family of origin has gotten very bad (AGAIN) and I need to try to figure this stuff out very quickly so that I can make some decisions. Any book or online recommendation would be greatly appreciated, too. Thank you so much everyone for whatever bits of wisdom you have to offer!

Dear mommamaree:
My mother is a sociopath.
Your issue is not to diagnose her or to really understand her past, “she is sick.”
Because she is sick, you now have your own personal “issues” to deal with.
This is your spiritual journey.
I have been on the same deep, honest, personal journey, and I pray for yours.
Many adult child of alcoholics books helped me; only because some of our realities overlapped. I bet there are adult children of schizophrenic parents books out there now.
First do a google search for your key terms, then look for books on amazon.com and read the reviews to see if they are good.

 

[EasterJoy]

I did some research last night. SPD makes no sense and does nothing to explain any of my mom’s behavior. Add to that, the whole conversation was very “woe is me”. I had a nightmare last night, or rather, a dream that put the pieces together in my mind to lead me to wake up and realize she was probably just making a play for my sympathy. Sensory processing disorder doesn’t fit at all and it implies zero culpability. Her crying on the phone, with a nonsensical explanation, and profusive over-emotional apologies…it all adds up to another example of a nonapology. I don’t even know if she is truly seeking counseling for this, or if she was lying. It wouldn’t be the first time she lied.
Oh well. Fact is, she isn’t trustworthy. Also a fact, my therapist is developing a picture of what I suffered and how to help me. She has given me some good things to get started with. My health and the health of my family is what I am going to focus on. My mother may or may not end up being a part of our lives. But that is MY decision. It is not going to be dependent upon my mother’s wishes or words anymore.

…very “woe is me”…that is very bad, as you know, but not as bad now, because you are on to her.

Remember what Martha Stout wrote (underline mine):

*After 25 years of listening to victims, I realize there is an excellent reason for the sociopathic fondness for pity. As obvious as the nose on one’s face, and just as difficult to see without the help of a mirror, the explanation is that good people will let pathetic individuals get by with murder, so to speak, and therefore any sociopath wishing to continue with his game, whatever it happens to be, should play repeatedly for none other than pity.

More than admiration - more even than fear - pity from good people is carte blanche. When we pity, we are, at least for the moment, defenseless, and like so many of the other essentially positive human characteristics that bind us together in groups - social and professional roles, sexual bonds, regard for the compassionate and the creative , respect for our leaders - our emotional vulnerability when we pity is used against us by those who have no conscience.

Most of us would agree that giving special dispensation to someone who is incapable of feeling guilt is a bad idea, but often, when an individual presents himself as pathetic, we do so nonetheless.

Pity and sympathy are forces for good when they are reactions to deserving people who have fallen on misfortune.

But when these sentiments are wrested out of us by the undeserving, by people whose behavior is consistently antisocial, this is a sure sign that we something is wrong, a potentially useful danger signal that we often overlook.

(…)
In long retrospect, sociopathic appeals for pity are preposterous and chilling.

Sociopaths have no regard whatsoever for the social contract, but they do know how to use it to their advantage. And all in all, I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him.

When deciding whom to trust , bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person’s forehead as you will ever be given. A person whose behavior includes both of these features is not necessarily a mass murderer, or even violent at all, but is still probably not someone you should closely befriend, take on as your business partner, ask to take care of your children, or marry.*

IOW, your mother has dug herself a very deep hole. The only way she is going to get out of it is to renounce your pity, quit expecting you to come half way, a quarter of the way, or even a tenth of the way. Rather, if she is one of the 1 in 10,000 people who have a history as she has who ever repents, she will come back only asking for you to open the door, and in the return she will make herself responsible for all the moves, even if it means covering 1,000 miles on her own. The day that happens, you have a beginning, and that is all. There is no reason to hold your breath for that day and there is certainly no way you should be the one who tries to teach her this. If she ever “gets” this, it won’t be from you.

 

[mommamaree]

…very “woe is me”…that is very bad, as you know, but not as bad now, because you are on to her.

Remember what Martha Stout wrote (underline mine):

*After 25 years of listening to victims, I realize there is an excellent reason for the sociopathic fondness for pity. As obvious as the nose on one’s face, and just as difficult to see without the help of a mirror, the explanation is that good people will let pathetic individuals get by with murder, so to speak, and therefore any sociopath wishing to continue with his game, whatever it happens to be, should play repeatedly for none other than pity.

More than admiration - more even than fear - pity from good people is carte blanche*. When we pity, we are, at least for the moment, defenseless, and like so many of the other essentially positive human characteristics that bind us together in groups - social and professional roles, sexual bonds, regard for the compassionate and the creative , respect for our leaders - our emotional vulnerability when we pity is used against us by those who have no conscience.

Most of us would agree that giving special dispensation to someone who is incapable of feeling guilt is a bad idea, but often, when an individual presents himself as pathetic, we do so nonetheless.

Pity and sympathy are forces for good when they are reactions to deserving people who have fallen on misfortune.

But when these sentiments are wrested out of us by the undeserving, by people whose behavior is consistently antisocial, this is a sure sign that we something is wrong, a potentially useful danger signal that we often overlook.

(…)
In long retrospect, sociopathic appeals for pity are preposterous and chilling.

Sociopaths have no regard whatsoever for the social contract, but they do know how to use it to their advantage. And all in all, I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him.

When deciding whom to trust , bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person’s forehead as you will ever be given. A person whose behavior includes both of these features is not necessarily a mass murderer, or even violent at all, but is still probably not someone you should closely befriend, take on as your business partner, ask to take care of your children, or marry.

IOW, your mother has dug herself a very deep hole. The only way she is going to get out of it is to renounce your pity, quit expecting you to come half way, a quarter of the way, or even a tenth of the way. Rather, if she is one of the 1 in 10,000 people who have a history as she has who ever repents, she will come back only asking for you to open the door, and in the return she will make herself responsible for all the moves, even if it means covering 1,000 miles on her own. The day that happens, you have a beginning, and that is all. There is no reason to hold your breath for that day and there is certainly no way you should be the one who tries to teach her this. If she ever “gets” this, it won’t be from you.

Thank you for this reminder. Did you type all this out? That must have been exhausting. But thank you thank you.
I needed this reminder. I just read that book about a week before beginning this thread. And that passage hit me like a ton of bricks then. How quickly I forget.

Do you remember in the last book of the Harry Potter series, after Harry faces Voldemort and allowed him to strike a fatal blow without defending himself, he experiences a NDE in which he talks with Dumbledore to process what has just happened and what choices lay before him now? Harry keeps getting distracted by the pitiable, whimpering shred of Voldemort’s soul, which was naked and raw. Dumbledore advises him wisely to pay no mind to it appeals for pity or it’s helpless state. Harry listens and goes on to make his first totally free choices, and leads others to free themselves, too. Anyway, that passage in the book on sociopaths make me recall this scene with the same mixture of revulsion and pity I experienced the first time I had read it. And it feels quite analogous to the process I am going through now. My mother has had her claws in me so long that I got used to the pain, only crying out occasionally as they dug deeper, but overall, I remained unaware that I had a bloodsucking parasite/vampire manipulating me and hypnotizing me. Now, I am wising up and throwing off her death grip on me and recognizing the dangers of pitying the horrible creature.

 

[Eleanor61]

I do not know if this book has been mentioned already but I found it incredibly helpful.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers [Paperback] by Karyl McBride

It was given to me by a psychologist friend. It is available from amazon, in kindle as well.

amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1349892385&sr=1-1&keywords=will+i+ever+be+good+enough

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you for this reminder. Did you type all this out? That must have been exhausting. But thank you thank you.
I needed this reminder. I just read that book about a week before beginning this thread. And that passage hit me like a ton of bricks then. How quickly I forget.

Do you remember in the last book of the Harry Potter series, after Harry faces Voldemort and allowed him to strike a fatal blow without defending himself, he experiences a NDE in which he talks with Dumbledore to process what has just happened and what choices lay before him now? Harry keeps getting distracted by the pitiable, whimpering shred of Voldemort’s soul, which was naked and raw. Dumbledore advises him wisely to pay no mind to it appeals for pity or it’s helpless state. Harry listens and goes on to make his first totally free choices, and leads others to free themselves, too. Anyway, that passage in the book on sociopaths make me recall this scene with the same mixture of revulsion and pity I experienced the first time I had read it. And it feels quite analogous to the process I am going through now. My mother has had her claws in me so long that I got used to the pain, only crying out occasionally as they dug deeper, but overall, I remained unaware that I had a bloodsucking parasite/vampire manipulating me and hypnotizing me. Now, I am wising up and throwing off her death grip on me and recognizing the dangers of pitying the horrible creature.

No, I knew the passage I wanted, and found it posted on the internet, where I could cut-n-paste it. Don’t punish yourself about forgetting…the sociopath spends his or her life conning people into going against their better judgment and make their hay by ensnaring other people in their natural desire to think the best of others. Your mother was undoubtedly an expert at this game before you were ever born.

You can believe a crocodile might be innocent, because it is its nature to be a stealthy predator. Once you know that nature, though, you’d never trust it. The problem comes when you are brought to believe it is unfair not to treat a crododile as if it were merely one of the fishes.

You don’t have to make a moral judgement about your mother’s culpability for all her wrongdoing. You can leave that to God. Who knows, maybe she is making the best of a very bad set of moral equipment. That’s not your worry. All you have to do is make a judgement about what behavior she is most likely to exhibit, and especially what behaviors are most likely to harm you or those you love, and to dole out your trust accordingly.

“Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves.” Matt. 10:16

Once a dove knows what a crododile is, it is wary of crocodiles. It is that simple.

 

[mommamaree]

I do not know if this book has been mentioned already but I found it incredibly helpful.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers [Paperback] by Karyl McBride

It was given to me by a psychologist friend. It is available from amazon, in kindle as well.

amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1349892385&sr=1-1&keywords=will+i+ever+be+good+enough

Thanks Eleanor. (that was my mother’s mother’s (maternal grandmother) name btw, and is the middle name for my second daughter. Lovely name.
I have that book and am a third of the way thru it. It is amazing how quickly I began “accidentally” amassing a stack of the best books dealing with this. Then I come to CAF and get suggestions to go read such-and-such a book, only to run and check my growing library and discover I already have it. I must have a very powerful prayer warrior on eart or in heaven praying for me. Considering the dramatic conversion I went through after my first miscarriage several years ago, which Ibelieve in my heart is due to my little saint in heaven advocating for me, I would not be surprised to find out on my last day that my second liitle saint, whom I miscarried in May, has been spending the first days of his/her eternity advocating for mommy to be free of the psychological destruction done to me by my parents, which ramped up horribly during the days I was miscarrying the baby.
Anyway, I am rambling a lot the past couple days in this thread. So sorry. I do have this book, however miraculously it, and all the others, ended up in my hands.

 

[newf]

Mommamaree, Good job on taking your sabbatical!

I just want to remind you that as you get some time under your belt, you may start to ‘forget’ how bad things have been. It’s not in your nature to think badly of someone, and when the bad things aren’t happening (because you mom is not allowed in your life at this time), you begin to forget about them. It is at this point that I think you need to be on guard. People like your mom can wear velvet gloves, but underneath there is a knife and she will have no problem stabbing you when you least expect.

Allow yourself the full amount of time you have established before you contact her again. Stand strong during the holidays and birthdays and other events where a ‘normal’ mom would be welcomed.

I want to encourage you that you are doing the right thing. It seems to go against everything we are taught. Remember not everyone understands the situation you have. And those people with good relationships cannot even imagine how a mother could be so cruel. Unfortunately, you know all too well.

 

[mommamaree]

Mommamaree, Good job on taking your sabbatical!

Thank you so very much.

I just want to remind you that as you get some time under your belt, you may start to ‘forget’ how bad things have been. It’s not in your nature to think badly of someone, and when the bad things aren’t happening (because you mom is not allowed in your life at this time), you begin to forget about them. It is at this point that I think you need to be on guard. People like your mom can wear velvet gloves, but underneath there is a knife and she will have no problem stabbing you when you least expect.

You are so right. I do this every time. And I need to remember that this coping mechanism might have gotten me through my childhood under the roof of my parents, but it is crippling to me now.

Allow yourself the full amount of time you have established before you contact her again. Stand strong during the holidays and birthdays and other events where a ‘normal’ mom would be welcomed.

She has already responded to my text, within two hours even. She said “Okay. That is fine. It is for the best. I love you. One thing though, what about Christmas and birthday gifts for the kids?”
Translation: She is saying “I understand how sick you are dear and that you need to get well before we can have a good relationship because, as much as I love you, YOU are the one with the problem. And I have no intention of honoring your sabbatical, but you just go right on with your crazy ideas. And just so you know, you are depriving your kids and your niece of what is owed them, by not allowing contact between us.”

I need to figure out call block fast. I am not very cell phone-savvy so I am waiting until my husband gets home this evening so he can show me how to do call block. Also, as much as I will want to tell my mother when the baby is born, that is a disaster waiting to happen, especially considering her behavior when she came to visit after my third baby was born.

I want to encourage you that you are doing the right thing. It seems to go against everything we are taught. Remember not everyone understands the situation you have. And those people with good relationships cannot even imagine how a mother could be so cruel. Unfortunately, you know all too well.

Yes, it is hard to realize that a lot of people would imagine me to be either a liar or unhinged myself. But that is the honest truth of it. People even have a hard time believing someone is being battered unless they witness the bruises themselves, so why would it be any easier to accept someone’s story of psychological abuse?

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you so very much.

You are so right. I do this every time. And I need to remember that this coping mechanism might have gotten me through my childhood under the roof of my parents, but it is crippling to me now.

She has already responded to my text, within two hours even. She said “Okay. That is fine. It is for the best. I love you. One thing though, what about Christmas and birthday gifts for the kids?”

Translation: She is saying “I understand how sick you are dear and that you need to get well before we can have a good relationship because, as much as I love you, YOU are the one with the problem. And I have no intention of honoring your sabbatical, but you just go right on with your crazy ideas. And just so you know, you are depriving your kids and your niece of what is owed them, by not allowing contact between us.”

I need to figure out call block fast. I am not very cell phone-savvy so I am waiting until my husband gets home this evening so he can show me how to do call block. Also, as much as I will want to tell my mother when the baby is born, that is a disaster waiting to happen, especially considering her behavior when she came to visit after my third baby was born.

Yes, it is hard to realize that a lot of people would imagine me to be either a liar or unhinged myself. But that is the honest truth of it. People even have a hard time believing someone is being battered unless they witness the bruises themselves, so why would it be any easier to accept someone’s story of psychological abuse?

Maybe just stop answering the phone, period. The sabbatical can last until approximately the Second Coming. Then you can re-visit things, if it seems appropriate.

As for “…insisting she will never get well unless people love her enough to help her…”, you know that the truth is exactly the opposite of what she is implying it is. She will probably never “get well”–meaning, learn to and agree to consistently act in a manner that shows mutual compliance to reasonable and healthy social norms–but if she does it will be because she makes the calculation that no one is falling for her act any more. “Loving her enough to help her”–if it is even judged to be worth the risk considering the remote chances of success!–cannot be done without extremely strict and ever-vigilant boundaries…forever. She can no more be put into a position of trust than an alcoholic can be put into a position where they are left alone with free drinks.

The most difficult behavior to extinguish is behavior that is rewarded at unpredictable intervals. Conversely, when behavior that was consistently rewarded at one juncture is suddenly not rewarded at all, the behavior is far more likely to die out. It is very important that you not reward her behavior at all any more. She either toes the line, or she doesn’t get a crumb. It will not hurt her, and in fact if anything is going to coax her to join the world of socially adaptive behavior, that will be it. It is all on her, but if you draw a line in no uncertain terms, it will only help her get out of her destructive life strategy.

Honestly, she’s exhausted all her chances. You will not be hurting her by cutting off contact and not looking back, and you may even be helping her to use more care with whatever relationships she still has. Maybe the next person who starts showing signs of health will garner some grudging respect for boundaries, since that person can say, “Do you want to lose me like you lost Mommamaree? Because if you violate my boundary again, you will. She was strong enough to do it, and so am I. You may con everyone else in your life, but your done conning me. Take that or leave it.”

 

[Eleanor61]

We had our phone line taken out. She never had our cell numbers. My mother was a phone terrorist.
She resented each child we had as she felt that they took attention away from her.
The pressure that she put us under not to have or adopt more children was incredible.

Do not second guess your decision. And never allow her access to your children. No cards, gifts, etc. no personal, verbal or written contact.

My sisters refused to talk to my mother or help me out when she was sick and I was caring for her, but now that she is dead they are mad at me because I would put in an appearance at the deathbed scene. No sense to it at all. Be prepared for family craziness.

 

[Eleanor61]

Sorry, that should have said “would NOT put in an appearance at the deathbed scene.”