What you let your child do this?

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mega1

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I have a basic question for parents. If your spouse wanted your 8 year old to get into acting to make money and the child says THEY want to do it (because spouse said they’d make a lot of money) … Would you agree to it?

Not talking about drama class. Child getting an agent.

Thoughts?
 
No, because any money the child makes is not available until the child is at least 18. And it’s a very difficult business filled with negative criticism that could be damaging emotionally to any person, esp. a young one.
 
mega1 asks :** “If your spouse wanted your 8-year-old to get into acting to make money, and the child says THEY want to do it (because spouse said they’d make a lot of money) … Would you agree to it?
Not talking about drama class. Child getting an agent.”**

Sure, why Not?

If that child is NOT going to study acting, then that particular Kid has a One-in-a-Million chance to work in the Acting World.

And, if my Wife wanted to try to Buck the Odds … I would happily allow her to run out and attempt to Hire an Agent.
Of course, her Odds against finding an Agent who would be interested in representing my average child are ALSO pretty High.
And, once that Agent is hired, then our telephone will probably NEVER ring from him.
Out of Sight … out of Mind … AND, my Family feels like they have done something Real.

Truly, if your Kid (and your Wife) are interested in a Pie-in-the-Sky scheme, let them have their Fun.
It is better to allow my Kid to try to do something against all odds, than to force him to ONLY go after things that are Easy.

In the Future, however, if my Kid was offered $100,000 for doing an acting Job, THAT would be the time I would sit down with the WHOLE Family and discuss the Pros and Cons of working in Show Business
 
DH would have loved to do that sort of thing as a child. So when an “agency” expressed interest in our daughter it brought the conversation to the forefront. He wanted her to have an opportunity her did not have.

Basically all the money she earned would be strictly HERS but it would going to go right into the college fund. And I get to put a stop to it if it’s taking a toll on her emotional well being.

I smelled a rat though. I did some research and the agency turned out not to be an agency after all.
 
I have hesitated to post on your various questions because I really didn’t think anything I would say would be helpful, but when I read this, I just had to chime in. One of our sons enjoyed middle school dramatics, and thought that he might enjoy trying to get into acting or at least modeling. We looked into this for him. We found out that to get started, a kid has to have a folio of professional photographs, and other expenses are involved. You are still not guarenteed any work.

Our son wanted to make money, but he found out that the only way to do it was the old fashioned way. He got a job in a sports shop. I was leery of his working during the school year, but he stayed on the honor roll, so I did not make him quit the job. He got himself an ROTC scholarship to a prestigious Jesuit university, served in Iraq, and got a job when he got back with a government contractor. He has since moved to a better job, and is still in the army reserve. The army and his employer helped him with grad school tuition, and he will graduate from a very high ranked MBA program in May. He is making plenty of money. Tell your son that that is the best way to try to make money. My son is twenty-nine, still a young guy, even by your son’s standards,

The worst thing about this situation to me (I have read your other threads), is that your husband, who has been using you to support him, get him clients for his business etc, is now trying to use your son! I am sure that he has told this little boy how much money he will make, and how great it will be. The chances of that are nil, and you, of course, know it. When you try to bring a little reality into the conversation, he will accuse you of throwing cold water on his great plans. You son will have believed what his father told him, will be upset with you, too. I hate to suggest separation to anyone, but you need to become a mother bear now, and think of your son. His father is trying to use that little boy to do his job as husband and father, of supporting the family!
 
mega1 said:
I have a basic question for parents. If your spouse wanted your 8 year old to get into acting to make money and the child says THEY want to do it (because spouse said they’d make a lot of money) … Would you agree to it?

Not talking about drama class. Child getting an agent.

Thoughts?
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I’ve been following your story for a long time, my dear, and knowing the situation with your husband, I really don’t think this is a good idea. Does your son REALLY want to do this, or is he going along with it to please his father and to keep the peace in your house? You also mentioned in another thread that your son is having bad dreams and sensing the tension in your house, and your husband just yells at him. I don’t know all the details, but based on all your other threads, I’d say this is some crazy scheme of your husband’s to make more money and he is using your child to do so. There is a lot of pressure in a child acting career. And it doesn’t happen overnight. It take a long time to work your way up the ladder of success. How do you think your husband will handle the situation? Will he put undue pressure on your son to succeed? Will he yell at your son if he does not get enough auditions or make enough money? Is your husband going to let your son keep the money he earns, or is your husband going to use it for himself? Forgive me if I’ve crossed any lines by saying this, but I really do think it’s something you need to think about very carefully.

Your child needs to be your first priority. Children are innocent and very fragile; it really does not take much to break them. You really need to take a stand against your husband’s actions.
 
No no I definitely see the trend here. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable whether I was married still or not.

My son is very much into money. It scares me. I don’t know how to “fix it”. But the money is the only reason he wanted to try acting.

I sometimes worry that even I can’t fix the money focus my son already has.

He was crying over what kind of car we get to replace a lease that is about to expire. I try to tell him stories about my very frugal childhood. It is just getting outpaced by my husband who spends the most time with him.
 
Marysann said:
I have hesitated to post on your various questions because I really didn’t think anything I would say would be helpful, but when I read this, I just had to chime in. One of our sons enjoyed middle school dramatics, and thought that he might enjoy trying to get into acting or at least modeling. We looked into this for him. We found out that to get started, a kid has to have a folio of professional photographs, and other expenses are involved. You are still not guarenteed any work.

Our son wanted to make money, but he found out that the only way to do it was the old fashioned way. He got a job in a sports shop. I was leery of his working during the school year, but he stayed on the honor roll, so I did not make him quit the job. He got himself an ROTC scholarship to a prestigious Jesuit university, served in Iraq, and got a job when he got back with a government contractor. He has since moved to a better job, and is still in the army reserve. The army and his employer helped him with grad school tuition, and he will graduate from a very high ranked MBA program in May. He is making plenty of money. Tell your son that that is the best way to try to make money. My son is twenty-nine, still a young guy, even by your son’s standards,

The worst thing about this situation to me (I have read your other threads), is that your husband, who has been using you to support him, get him clients for his business etc, is now trying to use your son! I am sure that he has told this little boy how much money he will make, and how great it will be. The chances of that are nil, and you, of course, know it. When you try to bring a little reality into the conversation, he will accuse you of throwing cold water on his great plans. You son will have believed what his father told him, will be upset with you, too. I hate to suggest separation to anyone, but you need to become a mother bear now, and think of your son. His father is trying to use that little boy to do his job as husband and father, of supporting the family!
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What she said. ^^^
 
mega1 said:
No no I definitely see the trend here. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable whether I was married still or not.

My son is very much into money. It scares me. I don’t know how to “fix it”. But the money is the only reason he wanted to try acting.

I sometimes worry that even I can’t fix the money focus my son already has.

He was crying over what kind of car we get to replace a lease that is about to expire. I try to tell him stories about my very frugal childhood. It is just getting outpaced by my husband who spends the most time with him.
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Dare I say, your husband is having a terrible influence on your son. What are you going to do about it? What you are doing isn’t working. You need to find a solution and FAST.
 
Because we had identical twins, they did have some interest by agents, etc. when they were babies and toddlers.

We decided that they could indeed be in a movie or on TV, if it was something that they could watch, as a child. That left out all the R rated, most of PG13’s…

Ultimately, we opted out, despite the money.
 
mega1 said:
I have a basic question for parents. If your spouse wanted your 8 year old to get into acting to make money and the child says THEY want to do it (because spouse said they’d make a lot of money) … Would you agree to it?

Not talking about drama class. Child getting an agent.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Your husband has psychological problems. NO it is not a good idea, particularly in YOUR situation.
 
mega1 said:
I have a basic question for parents. If your spouse wanted your 8 year old to get into acting to make money and the child says THEY want to do it (because spouse said they’d make a lot of money) … Would you agree to it?

Not talking about drama class. Child getting an agent.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
It really does depend on the child. Frankly, I would try drama classes first. This might be enough to allow the said child to try out acting without all the stress of a manager and actual work. Kids go through phases and this might be just that.

I would also be concerned that dad is more interested in the money than the kid is. Acting, if a person is good at it, is hard work. Education has to come first and the child has to be able to deal with both in a sound emotional fashion.

If drama classes, theater classes and/or dancing and singing lessons go well for your child then they just might have a career there, if they don’t then the child has a chance t learn that prior to heavy obligatory situations where they are expected to work and earn money. Tread carefully.
 
Getting an agent will cost money. Plus, does the child have any talent for acting? Has the child expressed any interest in acting before the possibility of making a lot of money was mentioned? Does the child even know what is involved in acting? This situation doesn’t sound like the child initiated it, so I would say no.
 
No our son didn’t iniate it. He just got excited because his dad told him he could make millions possibly.

I said no and of course I became the bad guy.
 
mega1: "My son is very much into money. It scares me. I don’t know how to “fix it”.

So, you discovered that by Pooh-poohing your Son’s ambition, that you are the Bad guy.
Maybe, you can Let Go of trying to prevent your Son from making a (possibly) awful decision about his Life.

There is a BIG difference between just giving your Opinion that trying to get into acting is difficult (and that a lot of actors become snobs – or whatever) … AND, Drawing a Line in the Sand.
So, when you JUMP in there with both Feet, then you are making that situation into a **THAT … or … ME **issue.
This is not the situation that will end up being fruitful.

In fact, you ARE being a Party-Pooper to your Son.
Now, that you see that your influence is less than your Husband’s … don’t try it again.

What other ideas that he has had in the past, did you feel obligated to dissuade him away from?
Whatever number that is, I hope that the number will not go up again (unless he wants to join a Satanist cult, or something ACTUALLY important).
Good luck.
 
People are easy to think about how much money they will earn, and are very motivated about this money. BUT money is not all there is, we’ve forgotten that we need happiness, joy and motivation to get further, so the question you should ask your child is ’ when you would do this for let’s say 10 months, are you sure you are still happy and motivated to do the acting after all that time ? ’ I believe in many cases the motivation and happiness will be less, especially when kids are young they have this need to do something, but don’t really deeply think about it and give up on it very soon after they’ve started it.

Hope I’ve explained this in an understandable way.
 
Monicad, thank you. I’m a work in progress. The work on codependency really has shown me a lot.

Not easy to beat, though. I’m trying and praying.
Dacinom said:
Dear mega1,

I will keep you in my prayers, God bless you and the situation you find yourself in. I implore you to see a priest and get help for your marriage and family life. Recently you have posted here about:
  • separation from your husband
  • bankruptcy
  • husband embarrassing you
  • husband borrowing lots of money and suing people
  • much difficulty in your marriage
I believe this disagreement over your son and wanting your son to pursue acting is just ONE more thing. Your husband wants your son to act to make money, this is just part of the big picture and your marriage needs help and lots of it. People here on this forum are happy to continue to pray for you but please see your parish priest and get some serious help for your family. Jesus loves you so much you do not have to live like this. God bless you.
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I should also say… I went to see a priest last week. He told me that the only thing I could do was pray and try to be like ST Monica… And that I should pray with my son for my husband to turn around because God listens very closely to the prayers of children.

When I mentioned separation… He cautioned me from doing that … Saying that it almost always leads to divorce.
 
mega1 said:
No no I definitely see the trend here. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable whether I was married still or not.

My son is very much into money. It scares me. I don’t know how to “fix it”. But the money is the only reason he wanted to try acting.

I sometimes worry that even I can’t fix the money focus my son already has.

He was crying over what kind of car we get to replace a lease that is about to expire. I try to tell him stories about my very frugal childhood. It is just getting outpaced by my husband who spends the most time with him.
Click to expand...
From other things you have discussed and now this, you are in deep trouble and so is your son. You just might be too late to help your son. Your “husband” is about himself and no one else. I just can’t figure out why people stay together when there is a situation like the one you have shared. Hubby is a full on jerk.
 
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