What you would have told yourself back then

[zz912]

What would I have told myself back then? First thing, I would have kicked my arse several times. I was a punk, and you are too.

After a good beating, then I would have given myself the following John Wayne quote: “Life is tough, life is tougher when you’re stupid.”

And believe me in this, you are stupid. Well maybe not stupid, but ignorant. You (like every teenager) thinks they know everything. You don’t. In fact, you know VERY little. Something that hasn’t occured to you (and doesn’t occur to any teenager) is that your parents were your age once, and they thought just the same way you did. But guess what, over the years and the hardships of life, they found out they were wrong!

If I could talk to myself back then, I would tell myself to listen to and mind my parents. They have a lot of experience and have travelled the road you are about to go down. Maybe it would be smart to learn the right things to do, and the wrong things they did and not have to repeat the same mistake.

There are few things in this world more annoying than a teenager who thinks they know everything.

 

[Sierrah]

Hum. I’m glad you posted this and got it all in the open instead of hanging on to it. I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. I can unstand. I had a miserable adolence myself but my parents were’nt the problem. I’m not going to tell you to go to confession because well that’s really something you have to decide on your own. You to go with an open heart and mind to GOD. It sounds to me as if maybe your parents either ignore you or just don’t listen in either case just remember you can only control how you react and behave not how they do. Don’t give them the power to hurt you or agrivate you so much. Maybe somewhere underneath they get off on that. Some people do. People only have as much power as you give them. Don’t give it to them. It took me years to learn that one. I know it seems like a long time but 1.5 years will fly by faster then you think then you’ll be on your own and can more directly make your own choices. Pray about and try to hold out for the day when that happens. As for the prono…well I don’t unstand the draw of all that it never did anything for me and is very disrespectful of people both men and women…it causes poeple to view each other as objects and not human beings…think about that. If you ever want a lasting relationship with someone I would try to avoid it. Also remember the devil often likes to find our weaknesses and take advantage of them too…I’ve always believed he was more of a behind the scenes worker. I would also find someone you trust to talk with even if that’s a friend, neighbor or maybe a priest. Couciling my help to. Good luck. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I know it’s hard to understand now, but you have to learn to think beyond the next 18 months of your life… 18 months is not forever.

Go ahead and truly analyze your parents - get to the root of their “issues” and really see what it’s like to walk in their shoes… (just humor me with this, okay?)…

Sure, mom doesn’t share her feelings and has issues with alcohol. Why? Did her parents drink? Does your dad drink? Did someone close to her get killed by a drunk driver. Something is *emotionally *driving her to this illogical view of alcohol (and yes, to the point where she won’t even receive the Precious Blood - it’s an illogical view). Consider being sympathetic to whatever has broken her. Pray for her healing.
What about dad? Does he work for a “big business”? What impact has he had in your life? What is “broken” about him? Does he show love to your mother? How is their relationship?
Clearly you are responding to some brokenness in your family life - could people have made better choices? SURE! Everyone sins and we are the product of not only our upbringing (parents’ sins), but also our own choices (your sins). You can’t change your parents’ sins, but you CAN pray for them. You CAN change your own sins (pornography, drugs, honoring your mother/father) though. BTW - honoring your parents does not mean enabling them in their own sinful ways - it means truly loving them for who they are, despite their broken nature.

Take 20 minutes (put on a timer) and really focus and think about your parents lives - put yourself in their shoes *SYMPATHETICALLY * and ask why *they *are so broken and why *they *are so hurt. I know (I truly remember) you don’t care about your parents, nor do you want to know what happened in their lives to understand them better - it’s not on your to-do list… but try… at least as a gift to them for Christmas. Ask Christ to open up your heart and express a little charity toward them in some small way.

My prayers are with you and your parents… I’m sorry it’s going to be a rough 18 months until graduation.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I also suggest you print all of this out for your future self.

25 years from now when you have a teenage son who knows it all and is condemning you for the fact that you have sold out and how immoral and stupid you are, you can show him that once you knew all the answers, but having a teenage son obviously made you stupider with each passing year. It’s like him being in the house sucks out all your brains into his head, right? Is that how it goes? He won’t believe you ever were “the man” and wanted to rebel against Evil Authority. Or that you had an opinion about anything that didn’t come from “society.” Or that you would ever understand the need to be independent, since you will have been working the daily grind for some corporation to put a roof over his ungrateful head, which will mean you are corrupt and a sell-out yourself.

Yeah… write a letter to your future son about how cool you once were. He won’t believe it. He’ll be pretty sure you never had any hopes or dreams or individuality or brains of your own. But if he sees all the old people yelling at you for being a punk it might give you some street cred.

Join the circle of life, pal.

Someday some silly teen will be judging you. Better start making your story good now so they won’t be able to condemn you for being a “druggie” or a “perv” or a bum.

Because whatever you do to make yourself “independent”, your own kid will likely do the opposite to be different from YOU.

Also someday you can call your parents and complain about your kid. They’ll understand, and also they’ll laugh after they hang up the phone. They will have been waiting for that day to come around.

 

[jenlovesyu]

As many others have said, you are going through a natural phase that all people go through. I am only 19 but MAN if I could walk up to my 17 year old self I would slap myself the side of my head.

Wait until you experience something life-altering before you write everyone off just yet.
Life is hard, it gives you the test first and then the lesson afterward.

It’s ironic how much I resented my mother throughout my life. Always thought she never understood me, didn’t care about me. I wanted to be everything she wasn’t

As time went on though, little by little, I started realizing how similar me and my mother are and how much she cares for me.

I almost died in a car accident last year. However it wasn’t the accident that presented the most danger. The nurses at the hospital were being highly irresponsible and almost had me take someone else’s meds! If my mom (who is a nursing instructor) hadn’t been there by my side all night I could have suffered greatly. She stayed because she wanted to make sure I was safe.

It wasn’t until I got pregnant with some guy who doesn’t care about his own child that I REALLY realized how much my mother cares for me. She’s been the most supportive person ever since she found out.

So you see, wait until something big happens in your life so you’ll see just how “lame” your parents are. They might just be the only people who truly want what is best for you.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Jen, doesn’t being a mother yourself really teach you the most about how much a mother loves a child?

I hope you and your little one have a very merry and blessed Christmas!

 

[Waacm]

Alright, So thanks for your thoughts everyone, and sorry if I’ve been arrogant.

Maybe I can be more clear about my intentions for anyone else wanting to respond to this, and give me advise. I do care what other people think, even those around me like my parents. I am on this forum asking for advise because I am cautious and try to have a well formed conscious, because the catholic church teaches that a well formed conscious is our highest authority on earth. I deeply believe that the catholic church has absolutely everything right, not just because I choose to believe that, but because of facts, and history, and many other little things in life that are too numerous and detailed to explain.

I know why my mother is the way she is when it comes to alcohol. I understand where she is coming from, and even though my father won’t be specific about his young life, I have deduced what has made him the way he is as well. See, I want to be a psychologist someday, and I have always tried my hardest to know and understand what is a factor in someone’s life that makes them think and act a certain way. I am not oblivious to my parent’s feelings, or thoughts. And thus far, I’ve predicted them fairly accurately. I am not going to divulge on my mother because I don’t feel that is going to help this conversation go in the direction of giving me advise, but it’ll just become a debate.

Someone asked if my father is abusive. Yes, he is. Not physically, though in my youth there were instance of that too, but he is abusive mentally. My sister is 19 and suffers severe self-esteem issues because he has called her stupid and moronic so many times that she believes him. Every time she tries to do something, he is calling her stupid in the back of her mind, forcing her to think that she can’t do anything. To me, he has not done such things. He only praises me for being wise and educated. What he has done to me is be prejudice and biased. I just got over my first relationship, and it lasted 2 months. The entire time, he never met her (because I didn’t want to put her in that situation) and yet he said that my relationship with her doesn’t have his blessing because “She is liberal and protestant.” So me telling him the truth about the woman I like just ended with me being forced to twist his arm to let me do ANYTHING. That is REALLY encouraging me to tell the truth ever again(sarcasm)… I am on the verge of dating another girl, and I think she is Lutheran, so I really want to tell him that she is catholic, just so he won’t be such a prejudice douche. Whenever he tries to talk to me man to man about dating and such, he always insinuates that sex is all I’m after. If that were true, would I have had my first girlfriend at 16? Wouldn’t I have at least kissed a girl by now? To some psychological degree that may be true, but my honest intentions aren’t to have sex. I believe what the catholic church teaches and I love it’s doctrine of chastity. That’s why I’m so deeply bothered by my pornography issues… I don’t feel like it’s something I can just quit, because I’ve tried so many many times, and it never works. Smoking marijuana has actually helped thus far. I’ve been 2 days now without pornography and it’s because I’ve been busier because of Marijuana. Not really a lasting solution, but until God decides to intervene, I don’t see how it’ll happen.

Back on topic, my father is insanely zealous, and it makes him hard to approach about anything. Ever since we become catholic, ANY conversation turns into a rant about how Catholic’s are right, and protestants are wrong, and screw the world because it doesn’t have anything right. I made the mistake of saying that Martin Luther TRIED to do some good. (I said this because of my AP European class) And I got grounded indefinitely. FUN! I THINK I’LL TELL HIM WHAT I THINK ABOUT OTHER ISSUES AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM ON A DAILY BASIS, BECAUSE THAT ENDS VERY WELL! :banghead:

Is what I said making sense? Am I being that illogical in my reasonings? I can’t tell my dad a damned thing, and it’s his fault, so he can suffer the consequences. If that means I don’t respect a word that comes out of his mouth any more, then so be it. If that means that I have a deep hatred of his racist, prejudice, propaganda-filled ways, then so be it.

Last night I dreamt that there was a nuclear fallout of some sort that left maybe half of the population of America alive. My parents were never mentioned in the dream, but my sister and I were running about our state trying to find shelter and food and such. I liked it more than I like living as I do now… My whole point in telling you guys that thing about me thinking my life would get better if my parents died, is really to focus on the emotional state of mind I am in. Forget the money, the only reason that was even brought up was because I wanted to tell you why I said my life would get better rather than just say that it would and leave it at that. I found it very strange when I first had that thought that when I imagined life without my parents, no tears came to my eyes, the idea of sadness was not even in my mind. I figured that was an unusual reaction to “loved-ones” dying. I’m not one to really hold back tears… If a movie is sad, and I’m really into the movie, I’ll cry. One time all I did was think about what if my dog died, and I cried. I cried over “Click”, that Adam Sandler movie, and even “eight crazy nights.” And yet I don’t find it sad to think of a world without my parents. It’s like I’ve hit the stage of acceptance over their death before they’ve even died. Maybe because they’re dead to me, on the inside? I know that sounds horrible and I know that’s not normal… I’m not trying to justify it, I’m just tell you what is up…

 

[jenlovesyu]

Absolutely Liberano! Becoming a parent changes your life forever.

Aw, God bless & Merry Christmas to you and your family too!
There’s nothing better than spending Christmas with the ones you love

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Okay, this letter would have been a better one to start out with.

When you look at the Commandments… the first three are about our relationship with God and our obligations to our Creator. The next 7 are about our relationship with our neighbor. In some ways they are in descending order of seriousness. If you examine them closely someone’s right to life takes precedence over their good name, which takes prcedence over their right to property. All are serious, but even among the top ten things you can do to alienate yourself from God for all eternity, there is a hierarchy of values.

And right in the middle, in an odd placement is that one, Number 4, “Honor your parents.”

Ever wonder why that one comes even before “Thou shalt not kill.” ?

Your parents are the boundary between you and God. They are God’s hands on earth. As you respect them and give the parents you can see honor and respect and obedience, you are learning to give it to the God you cannot see.

Their job is to raise you and educate you in God’s path. It is a daunting and serious obligation that should strike terror in more parents’ hearts if they really thought about it.

And you owe them the respect of that position, not because they are not fallible beings, but because God set them as your parents, in His place, to guide you until you are an adult. And even then, you are not to grieve them in their old age.

Like an ambassador in another country stands in the person of a king or president, your parents stand in place of God to teach and instruct and care for you.

Your father is abusive and a bigot. I am sure he learned that from his father. He is also sexist and doesn’t give your sister credit for having a brain (because she’s just a girl??)

I hope you take every chance you can to tell your sister “You know, dad is wrong about you. Your instincts are good and you have that female intuition, and don’t doubt yourself. You are very talented, blah blah blah…”

You can do much to help override your father’s ignorance and toxic message.

Learn from him what not to do.

Feel sorry for the man who was raised to judge others like that.

But respect the man who obviously was able to see the truth about Catholicism and bring his family to it. Give him credit for that. If that was the only thing he ever did for you, someday you will see it as an inestimable gift. Thank him for that. Tell him that you now see the world from both sides and you can be an example for Lutheran girlfriends who have much in common with Catholics spiritually (More Lutherans, sadly, believe in the Real Presence than Catholics according to some polls). You have a unique opportunity to evangelize.

No, you are not called to lie to your father about your friends. That is immature. The truth is not something you should be afraid of. Not the truth about yourself, not the truth about your friends or your family. Instead of attacking your father, ask him if he was bullied into the faith or if he became Catholic because someone made the truth appealing to him. And do you do that by telling them they suck?

Be kind, be better than him.

Your detachment from them is part of the teenage process of individuation. One dream doesn’t mean you would not cry if they were really dead. Trust me. Thinking how you would react when you get a phone call because someone died and how you really act when it is real are often two different things.

Your father and you both need to find a way to communicate with respect. Your attitude when you came here must be what he encounters and he tunes YOU out. If you learn to debate an issue and not the person, you might find you can make him see a different point. I suggest you take a class in debate to learn to frame issues in a constructive manner.

And drop the drugs and the porn. Choosing one of two evils is still an evil.

Your father’s estimation of your view of sex is spot on. It is all about sex with you. Or you wouldn’t be battling porn so much. He was a teenage boy once too. Accept that he recognizes a truth about you that you dont’ want to face.

Good luck.

 

[musicality]

Waacm,

My father and I have had our fair share of issues too. It’s safe to say that there are times when both of us are just stubborn idiots unable to see a contrasting view due to our mutual deep seated disagreements. That does not mean that a meaningful relationship cannot develop.

It takes a great deal of strength to vow that you will not get upset and start screaming during an argument. Only one party needs to act like a man and grow up. If you see a conversation turning sour, calmly say that you would like to end the conversation before it turns into a shouting match. If your father continues to talk, wait for him to finish, thank him for his (name removed by moderator)ut and calmly go on about your day.

My worst days when my parents occur when I fail to follow the advice I just gave you.

You assert that you cannot overcome lust until God intervenes. To an extent, you are correct because it is extremely difficult to overcome something that is both psychologically and physiologically based. That being said, stop waiting for God to act. He has already given you a conscience to tell you that this act is completely against his will.
Pot is not helping you overcome pornography. It’s just another sinful distraction from God’s will for you. If anything it may just be a placebo convincing you that you are truly free from pornography. When you feel tempted by lust, say a Hail Mary or prayer of your choice. Remind yourself of the commitment you want to make to your future wife. Also, click the chastity link at the top of this page for more help!

You talked about empathy in your last post-being aware of how others are feeling. That’s what the posters in this thread are trying to get at with you. The best advice that I can give you is as follows:

Like I said before, go and talk to a priest. In addition it may be beneficial to talk to a guidance counselor at school. Pray. Then pray some more.

These forums are great, but you really should sit down with someone face to face.

 

[Sierrah]

You father sounds like a female relative of mine who has a good heart but is very stubborn and there’s no differing with her on anything. The best way to deal with people like that is to take them with a sense of humor. Harder to do when it’s a parent but the only other alternative is to fight it out which isn’t the christian thing to do unless it’s a moral issue. I find it a little strange that you dad is so worried about the religion of who your dating. At your age it’s not like your going to run off and get married or anything. Regardless I don’t being untruthful is a good option either. Just keep in mind not to let him get you worked up. Some people get off on that weather they realize it or not. I’ve seen my sister years ago just through a comment out to get a reaction from my family…I quit paying attention to it and after a few years it stopped when she wasn’t getting the rise out me she wanted

 

[flyingfish]

Someone asked if my father is abusive. Yes, he is. Not physically, though in my youth there were instance of that too, but he is abusive mentally. My sister is 19 and suffers severe self-esteem issues because he has called her stupid and moronic so many times that she believes him. Every time she tries to do something, he is calling her stupid in the back of her mind, forcing her to think that she can’t do anything.

…

If that means I don’t respect a word that comes out of his mouth any more, then so be it. If that means that I have a deep hatred of his racist, prejudice, propaganda-filled ways, then so be it.

…

My whole point in telling you guys that thing about me thinking my life would get better if my parents died, is really to focus on the emotional state of mind I am in.

I’m sorry for what you are going through.

It is completely understandable and natural that you should feel this way about your parents. You’ve watched your father destroy your sister’s mental health and your mother stood by and did nothing.

It’s unfortunate that some parents behave this way, but I would agree with you, your life would have been better off without the abuse.

Is counseling an option for you and your sister? Can you get some counseling through school?

The best thing you can do for yourselves now is get an education and become independent. Focus on that, rebelling against your father is completely pointless unless it makes you study and work harder.

If I were you, I wouldn’t waste my time on arguing with him or even thinking about him. When he became abusive he lost the right to your respect or your time.

I would be more understanding of your mother though, was he abusive towards her as well? Did she grow up in an abusive family and ended up choosing an abuser herself? If you’re going to argue with anyone, make her see the damage she did by not protecting her children from abuse.

 

[yellowbird]

Dear 17 year old self:

Your parents are selfish idiots who should’ve never had children. They have made about a million mistakes and it’s too bad that you were stuck with them… but it is what it is. Forget about all the ways they’ve mistreated you… dwelling on it will get you no where. Besides, being a parent is harder than you can even imagine. Trust me on this one. Try to remember the good things … you’ve had shelter, you’ve had food, and they didn’t often physically beat you. Many many kids grow up in far worse conditions.

Right now you are powerless and you don’t like your life. Here’s your ticket to freedom: Get a good education. FORGET the partying… don’t get high - ever. Nothing good comes of it. Ditto w/ the alcohol. In fact, if you continue on that path, I promise you’ll do things you regret.

Stay close to God. He’s really all you have in the world. We’ve already discussed your parents… friends aren’t much better. God - He really does love you. So many times you will be at the very bottom rung and I PROMISE you God will be right there, holding you up. Don’t fight Him. He really does know what’s best. Go to mass when you don’t feel like it. How can you have a relationship with someone you never bother to go see? You can’t.

Your life is going to be what YOU make it… so choose wisely. You’ll be 40 years old before you know it. Seriously, it goes by that quickly. And guess what? When you are 40 your Dad will have been dead for 5 years and you’ll miss him. Impossible to believe now… but you will. Your Mom will still drive you nuts, but she’ll be a better grandma than she ever was a mother and your kids will love her like crazy.

People who tell you to enjoy being 17 because it’s the BEST time in your life are totally lying. It’s not. Life gets sooooo much better. So hang in there.

Love,
Me.

PS. Don’t buy the white sofa.

 

[Waacm]

So here is my problem at this point. I’m hearing what you guys are saying, and what you all agree on is that I shouldn’t drink alcohol or do weed anymore. My only problem with that is that I like them, and don’t feel there is anything ultimately wrong with them. I mean, I’ve even got it from my priest that weed, when not abused, should be treated like alcohol as far as morals go.

Earlier today one of my newer friends dropped by and wanted to see if we could hang out and have me stay the night. His parents are okay with pot, so we would have ended up ripping a bong for a while that night and then playing video games and then falling asleep. What would have been so wrong with that? I know that the bible says that we need to be sober, and vigilant so as to protect our souls and such, but if I make sure to surround myself with people I can trust when I smoke weed, and make sure not to go over board (like getting stoned, instead of just buzzed) then what is so wrong about that?

Maybe it falls under self control and my issues with that. At this point in life I really don’t feel like I can stop my pornography usage no matter how much I want to, so in the past months when I haven’t been going to the confessional regularly, I’ve just let it happen, instead of trying to stop it. Sometimes with that mentality it’s been easier to not fall into it, where-as I would think about not doing it so much before that it’d be nearly impossible to avoid it. My spiritual life really hangs in the balance with this issue… How can God have let me fall into this place? There wasn’t a test that I went through to get here, nothing was obvious, I was young and this world was unknown to me, and I just jumped in because I didn’t know any better, why must I suffer the consequences for the rest of my life for something I did out of ignorance? I would love to see a counciler, or spiritual director, or someone who I can talk with about it and finally get over it with… But how is that going to happen? I have school, work, homework, church volunteering… How is a 16 year old suppose to just start seeing someone like that? It doesn’t seem feasible to me and that really depresses me. In fact, that reason is one of the many reasons why I long to get away from home. Living more independently without someone to go through to do things would make going to a therapist or whoever so much easier for me…

My mom isn’t letting me go hang out with my newer friend tonight, and is using the cop-out excuse that the weather is bad, which it’s not and that isn’t stopping them from letting my sister be out 'til 10:30 and later. She was going to force me to go to daily mass with them, but she didn’t time things right. Now I’m sitting here contemplating just sneaking out to a party where probably a good amount of my weed is going to be used…

I know you guys will read that and say “Ah ha! She isn’t so bad, she knows what’s up and it’s God hand in your life stopping you from being stupid!” So why do I find that so very hard to believe? Why doesn’t God just talk to me? I use to pray more, but I got tired of getting the cold shoulder. I’m not atheistic in my views, I believe he is up there and in control, but that just makes me not like him much because he lets so many things happen, and then stops things that I like, like me getting to this party. If I had said that it was Sam, my older friend, that wanted me to spend the night, I could have went and there wouldn’t have been a fuss. Again, not very encouraged to tell the truth lately.

 

[stringbeanduck]

As one Junior in high school to another, I want to say that you should really think about going to daily Mass. You are at a time in your life where there is a lot of influence. I can’t tell you what to think of your parents, but I can say in most cases parents are a good thing. You should really respect them. If you have good parents who are good Catholic folks, love them and honor them. Because let me tell you from experience that it sucks when you have to parent them instead of them parenting you.

Porn is very damaging to the soul and that is something I insist you rid of. Yes alcohol, tobacco, and IMO sometimes marijuana can be used in moderation depending on the person and situation, but one must be very careful. In your situation it would probably be a good idea to avoid these for now. At this point of your life you can easily screw it up with one or more of these. Not to mention being in an environment that encourages hard drugs it’s easy to be affected by alcohol and then take something that could kill you or thinking your okay to drive when you are really not. Know who you are with and make your plans wisely. This why I don’t spend my time around teenagers much at all because they are so unpredictable in party situations. I would advise you not to go to that party.

Now I must drive my family up to Michigan for Christmas right now. That’s probably gonna take me a while, not to mention I don’t know how I’m going to awake for Christmas Eve dinner and Mass. lol I would really like to spend time talking more about this to you, but I unfortunately this is where my obligations lie. You’ll be in my prayers. Be safe and think wise.

 

[flyingfish]

So here is my problem at this point. I’m hearing what you guys are saying, and what you all agree on is that I shouldn’t drink alcohol or do weed anymore. My only problem with that is that I like them, and don’t feel there is anything ultimately wrong with them. I mean, I’ve even got it from my priest that weed, when not abused, should be treated like alcohol as far as morals go.

Personally I don’t have a moral issue with alcohol or weed, the problem is that you are so young and your brain is still developing.

There is some evidence that smoking weed can trigger mental disorders in people predisposed to them. All drugs have a negative effect on the brain.

This is a health issue, if you are drinking and smoking weed frequently then it is a problem.

It is also a problem from the standpoint of criminality, if you get caught with weed, it can severely hurt your future.

 

[Cat]

Stop blaming everybody and everything else, especially God, for your life.

Yes, it’s OK to recognize that your parents have been a factor in developing your personality, and that they have contributed some negative personality traits. This is the case for everyone in the world. No one has perfect parents.

But then get over it and live your own life. At seventeen, you are too old to blame other people for your attitudes and choices. Grow up. As long as you continue to blame others, you are still a little child saying, “He started it!” or “It’s not fair!”

You may need some counselling to “get over it.” That’s OK, too. Have the guts to go get the counselling. It sounds like a short-term counselling situation to me, not a lifetime of “therapy.” You just need a few counselling sessions to learn how to accept your parents and family and make peace with them in your mind and heart.

At this point, you are probably covered for this kind of thing through your parents’ health insurance. If not, use the money that you are using for alcohol, pot, and your journey to pay for counselling.

What you need to learn is how to be happy regardless of your situation. I would suggest reading Corrie ten Boom’s book, especially The Hiding Place. In the midst of the most hellish horror on this earth, the concentration camps of the Nazis, Miss ten Boom and her family were happy. Your happiness does not come from your circumstances. There are people who are rich with everything this world has, including physical beauty, wealth, fame, popularity, talent, etc.–but they still kill themselves. And there are people like Miss ten Boom, or others who live under conditions of extraordinary hardship–but they are happy.

Learn to live above your circumstances, including your parents. That doesn’t mean ignoring them, or denying reality. It means acceptance.

Stop using alcohol and pot. They are numbing you to reality. You don’t need this. Be happy all by yourself. Don’t use a drug to change your feelings. When you are an adult in every sense of the word–paying for all your own expenses, living completely on your own–then you can choose to use a drug like alcohol to change your real feelings and gain an artificial temporary pleasure feeling. But don’t do this when you’re a teenager. Live a REAL life, not a fake one.

Who’s paying for your college? Is it your parents? Or did you earn a scholarship? Or are you taking out loans? Or are you in a job where you make enough money to pay for college and live on your own?

If you are working in a job where you are making enough to pay for college and your own expenses–wow. My suggestion to you is write a book and tell other teenagers how to do this. For that matter, most adults could never pay for college and support themselves at the same time. Wow.

If you earned a scholarship, congratulations. Enjoy college.

If you are doing loans, good luck. You will paying them off for a looooonnngg time. You say you dislike “big business.” Well, I hope you have a good job to pay off those loans.

If your parents are paying for your college, shame on you. Show some respect. They may have bad personality traits that truly are irritating, but man, wow, if they’re paying for your college, you should bow down and thank them. Truly, most parents don’t do this with their children because they can’t afford it, or because they refuse to go into debt at a point in their lives where they should be saving for their retirement.

My husband and I have paid for most of our children’s college, and we are in very bad shape for our retirement. For that matter, we have a lot of necessary expenses (car and house repairs, etc.) that we have trouble paying for in spite of two good incomes. At this point, we have no choice but to work until we die. But at least our kids are appreciative and loving. Maybe you should figure out where your parents are getting the money to pay for your college before you do any more criticizing of their inadequacies.

Finally, find some new companions. Sirach 6: 34 and 35 says “Frequent the company of the elders, whoever is wise, stay close to him. Be eager to hear every godly discourse; let no wise saying escape you.”

Do this. Dump any friends that advise you to use alcohol and drugs as a pleasure-enhancer to gain fake “good” feelings. If your parents are toxic to you at this point in your life, don’t spend extensive time with them, but only the time that is necessary to fulfil your family obligations (and be respectful and pleasant during these “duty” family times). Instead, seek out wise men (and women) in your school, church, community, and let them mentor you to become wise yourself.

I would suggest, since you asked, that you become involved with some kind of charitable organization where older wiser people can influence your personality and teach you about giving yourself and your talents to others. In our city, there is a volunteer organization for young people. There’s probably something like that in your town or city–ask your school counsellor about your volunteer opportunities. Or there are lots of opportunities in your parish or church–ask.

You are thinking so much about “you” and "yourself. Get outside of yourself and start serving others. In fact, I would suggest that you forget taking a journey and instead, join the Peace Corps or some other service organization (perhaps through your church) and spend a year or two serving others and finding your place in this world. This is one thing I agree with our President about–volunteerism. Every human being should figure out a way that they can give back to their world, help others, and make the world a better place. Do it.

 

[flyingfish]

If your parents are paying for your college, shame on you. Show some respect. They may have bad personality traits that truly are irritating, but man, wow, if they’re paying for your college, you should bow down and thank them. Truly, most parents don’t do this with their children because they can’t afford it, or because they refuse to go into debt at a point in their lives where they should be saving for their retirement.

In a normal situation, I would agree with you, but not when there is abuse. Abusive parents often financially provide for their children, that doesn’t negate the abuse.

You might as well say he should bow down and respect them for giving him food and shelter. Fact is, when people decide to have children they sign up for that, the feeding, the sheltering, the college. People who can’t fulfill their obligations as parents shouldn’t have children in the first place, and while it’s natural for children to be grateful and to love parents, that doesn’t apply to abusive parents.

 

[Cat]

In a normal situation, I would agree with you, but not when there is abuse. Abusive parents often financially provide for their children, that doesn’t negate the abuse.

You might as well say he should bow down and respect them for giving him food and shelter. Fact is, when people decide to have children they sign up for that, the feeding, the sheltering, the college. People who can’t fulfill their obligations as parents shouldn’t have children in the first place, and while it’s natural for children to be grateful and to love parents, that doesn’t apply to abusive parents.

It doesn’t negate the abuse, but it does provide some tools for dealing with the abuse. I stand by my comments–thank parents who pay for college. It’s not common nowadays.

And flyingfish, if college is an “obligation” of parents, no one would ever have children. It’s not realistic to expect parents to provide college for their children. We did so and we have nothing for our retirement–absolutely nothing–and we’re 52 years old. It’s scary. And it was probably foolish of us.

 

[flyingfish]

It doesn’t negate the abuse, but it does provide some tools for dealing with the abuse. I stand by my comments–thank parents who pay for college. It’s not common nowadays.

**And flyingfish, if college is an “obligation” of parents, no one would ever have children. ** It’s not realistic to expect parents to provide college for their children. We did so and we have nothing for our retirement–absolutely nothing–and we’re 52 years old. It’s scary. And it was probably foolish of us.

That’s not true, the children of parents who are genuinely poor and unable to provide generally have access to aid and loans.

People who have the money to pay for college but choose not to have to ask themselves why they had children to begin with, or why they had more than they could provide for.