Whats a Christian way to deal with not nice people?

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Elena321

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In my view the people on Catholic Answers forum are for the vast majority lovely and answer/discuss with respect,kindness and level headedness even if people have opposing views.

I wish people were like this everywhere.
I had a discussion elsewhere online about a “deep” topic (inhumane treatment of youth in Australia Detention centre) and stated that torture/inhumane treatment was never justifiable and in return some people responded with sarcasm,aggression,anger and hostility towards me.
I kept trying to respond in a kind and rational way but it never seems to make them “soften”.

How do you deal with unpleasant people who act aggressive and cant be reasoned with and does just praying for them work?
 
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15.1.

Actually I prefer to stay away from such people, and I wouldn’t engage in online discussion with twerps/angry people. You’re not going to change them. That’s why I quit posting on our local news Facebook page, it was dominated by the harsh and cruel types.

I live with a relative who’s like that at times, (not my husband) and try to remain as gentle and dignified as possible in our dealings, but sometimes have to insist on being spoken to with respect. It seems to work.
And prayer certainly works, though we may not often see the results.

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Elena321 said:
In my view the people on Catholic Answers forum are for the vast majority lovely and answer/discuss with respect,kindness and level headedness even if people have opposing views.

I wish people were like this everywhere.
I had a discussion elsewhere online about a “deep” topic (inhumane treatment of youth in Australia Detention centre) and stated that torture/inhumane treatment was never justifiable and in return some people responded with sarcasm,aggression,anger and hostility towards me.
I kept trying to respond in a kind and rational way but it never seems to make them “soften”.

How do you deal with unpleasant people who act aggressive and cant be reasoned with and does just praying for them work?
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I like to dance with people like that. Because they usually have 2 left feet. And I need to sometimes let myself be free to twist and turn in an open way. Around and around we can go. And the longer it lasts the more fun it can be. 😉

But I guess the true answer for you is to find 1 thing they say that you can agree with. Then validate that for them, while turning around and making your case politely.

You’d be amazed how many grumpy people can be turned with a careful, “Well, you do have a point there, however…” They’re no longer really arguing with you from the same angle. And sometimes you’re suddenly even friends! 🙂
 
Avoidance works… the ones i have trouble with are those who are nasty to me at my market stall when they know it is for charity… Picking a lovingly crafted item up, asking the price, then dropping it with a look of disgust and and accusation of extortion… one of the worst handled almost every item ( we call them “maulers”) then settled on a rather lovely cabled hat … " I could knit this in half an hour" Gratuitous nastiness and one can onlu really feel sorry for someone like that!

But in daily life, avoidance is great.
 
Rosebud77 said:
Avoidance works… the ones i have trouble with are those who are nasty to me at my market stall when they know it is for charity… Picking a lovingly crafted item up, asking the price, then dropping it with a look of disgust and and accusation of extortion… one of the worst handled almost every item ( we call them “maulers”) then settled on a rather lovely cabled hat … " I could knit this in half an hour" Gratuitous nastiness and one can onlu really feel sorry for someone like that!

But in daily life, avoidance is great.
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I sell things also so I can relate to that too.
It can especially affect the seller if the items are handmade and made with love.
It can be upsetting when they can’t see or value the hard work and love that went into it or claim “extortion” / state they can get something much cheaper at Target or Kmart (or whatever the US equivalent is).
They want to bargain with poor market sellers (they must think the sellers are rich or something!) but funnily enough never bargain with the staff at their local Kmart/other cheapo store.
They don’t understand/appreciate that things are only cheap at their “Kmart” due to it being a mega wealthy company which gets many items mass produced by Chinese labourers for next to nothing.
It can also be upsetting when the buyers can’t distinguish between qualities and expect that they should get high quality items for low prices like the low quality “equivalent” at Kmart.
They don’t understand that sellers themselves have to pay higher prices for the higher quality supplies that they make the items with.

I don’t get too upset with this myself because luckily where I leave buyers arn’t too bad that way and most are respectful but I think its much worse in US (where you are?) and people are more blunt.
I tend not to take better quality/higher price items to markets in poorer areas because of the reasons that you mentioned and feel pity because some can be very poor and some can be nasty due to their own personal misery.
I don’t know what sort of area you attend markets but maybe you could go to ones in more higher socioeconomic areas when people might be less financially stressed/happier/not only consumed in their worldview and more willing to help charity?
 
Elena321 said:
I sell things also so I can relate to that too.
It can especially affect the seller if the items are handmade and made with love.
It can be upsetting when they can’t see or value the hard work and love that went into it or claim “extortion” / state they can get something much cheaper at Target or Kmart (or whatever the US equivalent is).
They want to bargain with poor market sellers (they must think the sellers are rich or something!) but funnily enough never bargain with the staff at their local Kmart/other cheapo store.
They don’t understand/appreciate that things are only cheap at their “Kmart” due to it being a mega wealthy company which gets many items mass produced by Chinese labourers for next to nothing.
It can also be upsetting when the buyers can’t distinguish between qualities and expect that they should get high quality items for low prices like the low quality “equivalent” at Kmart.
They don’t understand that sellers themselves have to pay higher prices for the higher quality supplies that they make the items with.

I don’t get too upset with this myself because luckily where I leave buyers arn’t too bad that way and most are respectful but I think its much worse in US (where you are?) and people are more blunt.
I tend not to take better quality/higher price items to markets in poorer areas because of the reasons that you mentioned and feel pity because some can be very poor and some can be nasty due to their own personal misery.
I don’t know what sort of area you attend markets but maybe you could go to ones in more higher socioeconomic areas when people might be less financially stressed/happier/not only consumed in their worldview and more willing to help charity?
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Bless your kindness… actually most of us find that it is the poorer folk who support us more than the richer. Just a small purchase often and it mounts up… The nasty ones just enjoy being nasty! . Hence the avoidance,

My prices start at 2 euros… I have lot of smaller items as I know that they selll better that the costlier ones… a lot at E5… all finely worked…

I will be stopping trading this year; need to retire and do less demanding work as I am well over 70 and in increasingly poor health so I am doing fewer markets and mostly in a small town where all the tour buses stop for a while, so I see mostly overseas folk.
Many of whom if they are travelling by car have been coming to buy from me for many years now,
You cetrtainly meet all kinds!
 
Elena321 said:
I had a discussion elsewhere online about a “deep” topic…
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There is your problem. Stay away from online “discussions” like that. You will not change anyone’s mind and will only end up becoming angry and frustrated.
 
When others are not open to rational, respectful discussion and fiercely defend their position without even listening to what someone else has to say…then walk away with the Lord, focus on Him, and pray for them.
 
Tim_D said:
There is your problem. Stay away from online “discussions” like that. You will not change anyone’s mind and will only end up becoming angry and frustrated.
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Disappointing but probably very true.
 
Rosebud77 said:
Bless your kindness… actually most of us find that it is the poorer folk who support us more than the richer. Just a small purchase often and it mounts up… The nasty ones just enjoy being nasty! . Hence the avoidance,

My prices start at 2 euros… I have lot of smaller items as I know that they selll better that the costlier ones… a lot at E5… all finely worked…

I will be stopping trading this year; need to retire and do less demanding work as I am well over 70 and in increasingly poor health so I am doing fewer markets and mostly in a small town where all the tour buses stop for a while, so I see mostly overseas folk.
Many of whom if they are travelling by car have been coming to buy from me for many years now,
You cetrtainly meet all kinds!
Click to expand...
Its really touching that its the poorer folk who are more likely to make a purchase for the charity funds raising.
Your prices for some of your stock are so extremely cheap so its really disappointing that people would still make nasty comments.
You sound like an amazing person that you are over 70 and have health issues but are still willing to help others!
 
See the sayings of Jesus is Luke 6:28 and Matthew 5:44

“Bless those who curse you” etc

And

of Paul in Romans 12:14
 
Dorothy said:
When others are not open to rational, respectful discussion and fiercely defend their position without even listening to what someone else has to say…then walk away with the Lord, focus on Him, and pray for them.
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Does praying for them work?Sometimes it seems that prayer makes no visible change.
 
Elena321 said:
Does praying for them work?Sometimes it seems that prayer makes no visible change.
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Here’s how I see it.

If you pray for them, you may or may not see any benefit from your prayers but you leave yourself open to the possibility such benefit may be realized. This might manifest itself in changes in those you pray for (change of heart, change of behavior, etc.) and/or changes in you (increase in patience, increase in peace of heart, etc.)

If you don’t pray for them, you close yourself to the possibility any such change might come about.

Conclusion: better to pray even if you see no improvement in them than not to pray and forego improvement in anyone.

As others have said often on CAF, God is not a gumball machine into which you put prayer and out comes what you ask for.

God bless 🙂
 
Matthew 7:6 comes to mind…
6 “Do not give dogs what is holy; and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under foot and turn to attack you.”
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Elena321 said:
Its really touching that its the poorer folk who are more likely to make a purchase for the charity funds raising.
Your prices for some of your stock are so extremely cheap so its really disappointing that people would still make nasty comments.
You sound like an amazing person that you are over 70 and have health issues but are still willing to help others!
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Working for others in need is lifeblood for many. Members of my extended family put their. very lives in danger and the work i can do is for them. I have a ll I need and more and they have so little. I will retire from street trading but still work, specialist knitting , writing, praying!!

Thank you as I was realising after I wrote that this year there have been fewer nasty comments. Once or twice the beauty of the people I serve has been humbling. A newly pregnant lady gently and reverently handling tiny hand knitteds… Grandmothers choosing small soft toys for the little ones… Old men buying whiskey marmalade with a twinkle in their eyes…( I am in Ireland by the way…)

But it has taught me that there are very few occasions on which I need to make a not nice comment… and I never give back anger for anger… The naughtiest thing I do when they cavil at hand knitted pure wool hat for E15 is to point to the craft shop across the road and remind them they are at least E30 over there… 😉
 
Elena321 said:
Does praying for them work?Sometimes it seems that prayer makes no visible change.
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Sometimes when I have been really really badly hurt, I ask God at the start of the day to bless the person every time I think of them… That way they get many many prayers…and we deal with the invisible do we not? A rude person is usually an unhappy person.

But I think also it is very important that we do shake the dust off our feet…
 
When someone says something hurtful, I offer the pain I feel for their conversion. Praying for people and realizing that it’s in God’s hands is the only thing that works for me. It’s likely, especially online, that you’ll just get a “tough” response if you try and debate. I also try and empathize with the pain someone who feels so angry or hostile must feel, even if they might not realize what they’re feeling.
 
What is dreadful is that while we can accept as the norm all the good things people say, a harsh and nasty person live on in the memory for years
 
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