What's It Like Being the Only Catholic in Your Family

[Gordon_Sims]

In all honesty,i hate being the only Catholic in my family, though to be technical my family are all Catholics, they just don’t practice.

This sounds like my family, all of whom were raised Catholic and most of whom still profess to be Catholic, at least when it suits them. Other than me, only my mother goes to Mass every week. Some go occasionally (“occasionally” meaning lots of different things, including some non-denomination, one-size-fits-all Christian churches because you know we’re all the same), but most are Christmas/Easter at best. Some in the extended family get to be openly hostile if we ever mention anything religious. Others view it as something to mock or criticize and will quickly make jokes about priests raping altar boys if you mention anything Church-related outside of your kid’s First Communion or Baptism, and the two big holy days. Several got to the point where they were regularly criticizing the fact that we still “force” our kids to do “that stuff,” and a couple were telling our kids behind our backs that they we shouldn’t be mistreating them that way (we don’t see them anymore). We’ve found ourselves uninvited from a couple family functions because we refused to skip Mass. It’s not that we were going to have to miss the event to go to Mass, but we were going to be 15-30 minutes late which led to us then being told we weren’t welcome. The handful of others who were going to be similarly late for reasons other than Mass were still welcome (we were told, “you can skip that for once!”). One got in the habit of telling me and others how she was a much better Christian than I was, even though she hadn’t seen the inside of a church since her wedding. I unfriended another one on Facebook recently after they fell into the habit of making nasty comments every single time I mentioned anything even remotely religious (that wasn’t the only reason, but the last comment was what got me to realize I didn’t need that sort of negativity in my life). I don’t know that I’d say it makes me feel lonely since a lot of them have been going to great lengths to drive us away for a very long time, but it is pretty disappointing to see what’s become of these people.

 

[aidanbradypop]

I will officially be Catholic in about five or six months, but I will be the only one in my family. (I actually do have a few Catholic aunts and uncles and cousins, but I hardly ever see them.) My family is not really religious. My parents are “Christian,” but only nominally. When I was growing up religion was not something we talked about and seemed to make things awkward if it ever came up. I am sure some people here have similar backgrounds. If you do, how did you and your family handle your becoming Catholic?

I actually have not told anyone in my family that I am going to be Catholic soon. They don’t even know that I have been exploring religion for quite some time. How could I tell them in the least awkward and most subtle way possible?

I was the only Catholic in my entire family for many years. I am from the southeast part of the US which is the “bible belt” of America. For most, you are to be a fundamentalist Protestant or risk Hell. Mormons, Catholics, JW…etc are all damned lol. I’m speaking in general of course. Some Protestant I met were actually very friendly, still praying for me of course, but friendly nonetheless.

I converted at age 12. I proclaimed it proudly to anyone who cared. I knew some backlash would come of it but I felt I had to proclaim my faith to others. It was and still is tough. My wife and sons are now Catholic. My wife told my sister-in-law that we decided to place our oldest son in the Catholic School system. He is five and will start in the fall of this year. My sister-in-law made a wise crack about “why put him in a Caathoolic Schoool?” It was drawn out of course as a sign of her disgust. If it were a Protestant school then she would not have had any disdain for it.

You will encounter people who still hold a grudge towards the Church. I suggest you lovingly correct their false understanding of doctrine and present an example to them of how the Church is growing you spiritually. You may be the only Catholic they ever know so make sure they know a true Catholic. No pressure!

 

[Issa87]

I’m pretty much the only practicing catholic in my family. I have a great-aunt who I think goes, but I’m not close to her nor do I plan to be. She never made an effort to reach out to me when I was very sick, but talks to my mother regularly. I was an adult by then. -She’s known to have her favorites, and I’m not one of them, not to mention her husband is a perve and made me feel very uncomfortable at age 12.
Anyway, it can be hard to be the only practicing catholic. My dad grew up going to mass and was an altar boy, but stopped going when he was 13 or 14. About 25 years later when I was 19 my dad decided he needed God in his life after all. (He used to give me dirty looks if I asked to say grace at dinner when I was about 10, so I quickly learned to just say it to myself.) However, when he found God again, he became protestant.
For a while he seemed somewhat open to catholicism, somewhat not. When I started the RCIA I was still really sick and couldn’t drive, so he wasn’t happy about taking me to RCIA every week, not that he had anything else to do during that time, but to ask my dad to do ANYTHING that isn’t his idea is a burden to him. Luckily, I have god parents/sponsers who have been taking me to mass since RCIA.
On my first Ash Wednesday I decided to skip school (college) to go to mass. My dad made me feel so guilty, and then ended up showing up. He also went up to get the ashes, BUT then after mass he took my mom out to eat and he ate a hamburger! I wanted to tell him to wash off the ashes since he didn’t understand what they meant nor did he seem to care when I said he wasn’t suppose to eat meat.
Recently, he’s been hostile towards my faith. A couple weeks ago we had a public adoration at church for the first time. It’s only once a month and I wanted to go and told my dad about it and asked him if he wanted to go. He said no. I told him what my plans were for that day, “Adoration hour at 3pm, confession at 5pm, public adoration at 7pm .” My adoration hour fell on the same day as the public adoration. Well, my dad said that “when you do something you go all out. You can’t just be in the middle, you have to go all the way.” -Talking about catholicism. I told him it was God, and that was a good thing. I also told him about the year I converted to catholicism and how I was happy at the Assemblies of God church I went to, but felt there was something missing, how I was reluctant to pray the rosary that my friend kept bugging me about, but once I did it brought me closer to God and into the catholic church.
He obviously didn’t get it, because the next day when I asked him to take me to confession (it got canceled the day before) he said, “You are obsessed! You spent 5 hours at church yesterday, can’t you get enough?” 5 hours was an exaggeration on his part. I was at church for 3 hours. 1 for holy hour, 30 mins waiting for confession that was canceled, and an hour and a half at the public adoration. Funny thing is, I know I’m not obsessed. I haven’t been keeping up with the daily bible readings or my prayers except during adoration hour. (I say grace before a meal and talk to God during the day, but you know, it’s not the same.) So I wouldn’t consider myself obsessed. He also went on to say, “Everything that comes out of your mouth is catholic, and that’s very annoying.” lol I don’t know what to say to that. I was very disappointed that he said those words in front of my 15 year old brother who has been expelled from school for the last year and could really use some guidance. I thought, “Way to go, Dad. That’s sure setting a good example for my brother to follow.”
So, at times, it is hard, but then again, I have NEVER been like my parents. My dad once told a counselor that “I beat to my own drum.” I have always had to stand up to or correct my parents in one thing or another. Funny, over the years it seems like at the moment I am always wrong in their eyes, but about 3 years later my dad will acknowledge that I was right. Which is more yielding than my mother who will never acknowledge her faults or apologize for anything. So, even though my dad is more hostile, he needs guidance and recognizes it, I, (through the holy spirit I presume) was providing that guidance that he rejected years earlier. My mother won’t yield. She doesn’t say much about catholicism, other than we are very judgmental and she would never be catholic because it is too boring. Oh, and if I die before her, she wants to cremate me because I will be dead and won’t know any better. (I’ve tried to tell anyone who will listen that she feels that way, but I want a mass and a burial.) But I pray my health will continue to improve and I will outlive my mother.
Yeah, not a very healthy household. I will be happy when this stage of my life has passed and I’m on my own and thriving. (Prayers would be great.)

 

[WildCatholic]

I saw in another thread that you live in the Lincoln diocese in a rural community. I moved north of Lincoln about 6 months ago, about 6 miles south of Wahoo and go to St Wenceslaus. People here have been very friendly, it’s a great place. The Lincoln diocese is a large area but if you live on the north side and get to St Wenceslaus sometime let me know and we’ll save you a seat.

Thank you, I actually don’t live too far from Wahoo myself (i’m about a half hour to the west, and my mother actually taught in Weston Nebraska for a time. I do have a church to go to, but Wahoo seems like a nice community, but I think a lot of the same things would happen there, not so much with me, but my family (people would still know who my mom was, and people wondered why she left). I’m glad its great for you though, and i’d love to stop by Hat4

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I won’t be Catholic until Easter Vigil, but I am the only soon-to-be Catholic in my immediate family. I have a Great Aunt and Great Uncle and a few cousins who are Catholic. I didn’t grow up around them, the funny thing is I look and act more like them than I do my immediate family. It is strange. haha.
No one has came out and told me I was going to Hell or anything like that. I am a very blunt and opinionated, so they know better to say anything to me. Some have said things to my mother. She tells them that they need to evaluate themselves before they speak ugly about me.

 

[mikkentarraha]

As others have said, it is quite lonely. I live in the Bible Belt and come from a huge family that’s about 40% Southern Baptist, 40% Methodist, and the remainder various flavors of Pentecostal and Wesleyan. I’m quite possibly the first Catholic in the bunch since the Reformation.

My situation is compounded a bit because I came to the Church entirely on my own. So I didn’t know anybody in the parish then, and still don’t know very many now, and never had a real “guide.” I didn’t even have a sponsor until a week before the Rite of Election, when the wife of our RCIA leader agreed to step in, possibly out of sheer pity. On a practical level, this also means that I don’t have anybody to ask when I have questions. Our RCIA tended more toward theory than practice, which left me still wondering about when to make the sign of the cross and when to kneel and what the heck people take holy water home for and things like that.

I’m also single, childless, and have a severe social phobia, which means I don’t bond well with others, so even after three years, it’s still very lonely. To a point, I’m used to being lonely, but when the holidays come around, it can get almost painful.

And dealing with my family… sigh My familial relationships are not good at the best of times, but of all the completely foreign-to-their-understanding things I’ve done in my life, this may be the single hardest thing for them to comprehend. I’ve been through the whole “but you worship Mary” thing with my mother more times than I can count (she now questions me every Sunday if I’ve been “to church” and once asked if I had to sign an attendance sheet) and at a funeral last year, when a particularly annoyingly evangelical cousin started gushing about how happy she was that I was finally going to church, I was very tempted to ask her “Did my grandmother tell you it was Catholic?” just to see what happened. (It was a funeral. I refrained.)

Luckily, I don’t have to deal with most of them very often these days.

My favorite, though, was when my mother found out that we use gasp REAL WINE. She looked at me in horror and said “But I thought you didn’t drink!” Because, you know, Communion is the same as going on a bender. headdesk

It’s an adventure.

 

[haastiin]

Hmm. Is anybody on here the only Catholic in their family who are active Protestants? That would be my situation if I decide to enter the Church.

I grew up “Baptiterian.” When my parents met, my dad was in the upper echelons of the I AM Movement (See “I AM Activity” in Wikipedia). I even had a 'personal blessing" from foundress Edna Ballard as an infant. My mom grew up in a very Calvinist Presbyterian church in South Dakota. After their marriage, my dad gradually converted to Christianity and the three of us started going to “Eisenhower’s Church” in Denver. It was there “we preach like Baptists and sing like Presbyterians” - fundamentalist Bible-based preaching singing every verse of every hymn - became the coined term Baptiterian.

Eventually - six kids later - we relocated to SE Denver and to a RCA church there. Our whole family was deeply involved in “church society.” My dad was on the Session (governing body), served as a deacon and later as an elder, taught Sunday school, led prayer groups and with my mom sponsored the young adults and help lead the “Two-By-Twos,” a group of young marrieds that stayed friends for over 40 years; most of them have passed on. I was in all kinds of church groups for kids, eventually became one of the leaders in the Christian Endeavor organization, and was even “pre-sem” when I started at Hope College in Holland MI. This was in the mid-60’s.

I left Hope, started at a local community college in Denver, was known as a Jesus Freak, dropped out, tuned in, turned on, and saw the Light. I was a frequent visitor to Immaculate Conception Cathedral in downtown Denver and was more strongly drawn to becoming Catholic with every visit, but did not know how. Enter Viet Nam and the draft.

I was selected, shipped off to the Air Force in San Antonio, eventually ended up in a medically-related training program, and all 13 of my classmates were Catholic. Problem solved! I was inducted April 5, 1969 by an Air Force Chaplain. Two weeks later at our Wedding Mass I married a remarkable woman who helped crystallize my new church identity (my church changed by my commitment to full-time Christian service only increased), and my family thought their son/brother had “changed his faith so he could marry her.” Not so, not so. God changed my church and along with it gave me an amazing vocation: Marriage.

My home-family accepted the idea that I was still a Christian (“Are you Christian or Catholic” is a question that has bothered me since about 4th grade), that I do not worship idols (though the statuary is still suspect in their eyes), and that I am very happy with my choice (which I see not so much as a choice but rather a luxurious gift). Around 4-5 years after we got married, I received a surprising gift from my mom: A rosary. It is still the one I use most.

We were a deeply spiritual family - praying together, church and Sunday school together, even anti-Catholic together (my dad and I spent a summer visiting Catholics trying to persuade them to come to our RCA church). I am still the only Catholic among my siblings; both parents have passed as has one sibling. One has espoused the LDS Church, two are still connected to conservative evangelical denominations, and one blames God for every bad outcome of all his foolish decisions. I never made it into the clergy - even missed my chance at the Lay Deaconate - but God has given me another ministry writing a Bible study blog at aloha-friday.org.

If you feel the Holy Spirit tugging at your sleeve to come toward the Catholic Church, I encourage you to accept that as a gift to be opened and cherished.

 

[haastiin]

I am also a new convert (2012). None of my family is Catholic. Some of them are secular -protestant-something (non practicing) or just plain pagan never having been raised in any faith or baptized.

It is lonely because, loving them, I would like to share my faith with them. But they get uncomfortable and embarrassed when I bless myself before meals or try mention my joy and happiness. They are not interested in my sharing my faith with them. None my family came to Easter Vigil when I was received into the Church. However, I knew when I converted that it would be so. So there was no surprise there. Other than that, they are not aggressively against my conversion either. They just don’t want to have anything to do with it. They have no idea that I attend Mass everyday now, probably thinking that I have been brainwashed! On holidays I work around their schedule going to mass extra early or late.
BUT… I am actively praying for their conversion!

However I have found a whole new family in the Catholic Church and that is a joyful thing. I don’t regret having entered the RCC. It is the best thing I have ever done.

After 44 years of “post -conversion” life as a Catholic, I agree. Smartest thing I ever did! Besides, my life is living proof that I gained more than I lost. :extrahappy:

 

[haastiin]

Omdog! LOL I could not get over this one! I was in a laughing fit rolling over! haha. Don’t feel bad, those things can happen. You should try reading again, I’m sure you will be just fine. When I went up for my confirmation I messed up and started laughing which got the priest laughing with me. It’s okay to make mistakes, even if the entire time you were struggling. I feel for you that you were so embarrassed. I would have been, too. But I would have laughed it off, because there’s nothing else you can do, really. These experiences humble us. Go ahead, have another go at it. :flowers: I always cross myself when I step on stage for a dance recital. (I get stage fright.)

Great stuff from both of you! Aye, give it another try. I’ve seen many instances where a bit of humility was the big boost to courageous testimony.

 

[haastiin]

@ mikkentarraha ~~ What a wonderful testimony! Thank you for your candor.

@ all who have posted: I would love to have a transcript of all these posts to share with the Welcoming Home group in our Parish! Thank you for sharing these moments in your lives. they show that indeed the Holy Spirit is very busy among us expanding and brightening The Kingdom. If you’ve had this kind of singularity in your background as I have, I urge you to make praying for all of us “singletons” a regular part of your prayer life. We’re like a unique little group of cousins in a VERY large family!

:grouphug:

 

[andyklein]

Update:

I still haven’t told them. It’s unbelievable, I know. In a few hours my life will literally be changed forever yet I haven’t shared it with the people that mean the most to me. The reserved seats for my family will be entirely empty tonight.

I still am not even close to telling them, and I really have no intentions to at this point. I can’t live a clandestine life like this forever, can I?

 

[CarolNoel]

Appreciate your update, but how are you doing now? Those seats were not empty. They were filled with angels and saints praying for you. God’s Blessings always.

 

[Archangelic]

You sound very similar to me just a couple years ago. I am the only Catholic in my immediate family.

The one thing I can tell you is to not be afraid to tell them about it. Though they knew I was attending a Catholic church to check it out, they didn’t know I had been confirmed in until after the fact, when my mom found the certificate. I regret not telling them and inviting them to witness it.

 

[onmyknees]

I too am the only practicing Catholic in my immediate family Sadly my father who was a great Catholic role model for me passed away three yrs. ago. I miss him terribly.

My three older sisters are of the new age religion for many years now. My older and younger brother left the faith yrs. ago. My mother has been influenced by her liberal friends to believe that the Church is in need of change. She still practices her faith because she has guilty feelings if she doesn’t. Whenever we talk about our faith we end up disagreeing.

I can really emphasize with all of you about having to attend mass all alone, especially on Christmas Eve and Easter Vigil. I came back to the Church at 45 yrs. so it was too late for my two sons who are in their 20’s. One an is atheist, the other ssa My husband has never wanted to go to Church. He goes fishing and hunting instead. Praying for them all.

Wish we could all get together and go to mass together.

 

[Through_Him]

I am so glad we are not alone. By this posting you are baptized. You are not alone. I felt that way too for a long time. You now have new brothers and sisters. I don’t hate my immediate family but they are not the greatest at mentoring. They couldn’t understand why I came back to the faith. In fact they felt I was a traitor to them, go figure. I love mass and the prayer. It isn’t easy to to explain, but just try to keep it simple don’t get into much debate. The church has been good discipline for me and I feel I belong because I have really gotten more aquainted with Jesus and prayer. MY family doesn’t like repeated word for word prayer so that was the hardest. Now I just sort of take over with the prayer if no one objects. I have been back 7 years. Sometimes people are just waiting for you to make the first move. You may be surprised you may be a good mentor to someone or get another catholic back. It hurts to not share special occasions as they would just criticize if they came so I don’t ask. Most did not believe when I told them only till they heard others say yes I have seen her. After all they will be watching so ever so more important to know it is committment wonderful as it is. I felt so lost now I feel found. My new brothers and sisters are not saints of course finding that out. But I am learning to work with them and then turn that friendship back to my family. I am not a saint of course so but have the guide I need to live the life God has for me. God Bless

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

I posted earlier in the thread. I just discovered a few weeks ago that my 8 year old great nephew, my 3 year old great nephew, and my one year old great nephew are all not baptized at all! I was shocked. I took it for granted the 3 year old and the one year old must have been baptized because my niece (who is a non practicing Catholic) married a Christian boy whose entire family belonged to a small church and whose brother is a minister and married them.

I have a new great niece whose parents (one of them my non practicing Catholic nephew) don’t attend any church. Waiting to see if she is baptized. My niece in law seems to like to do the “right things”, so I think she may get baptized.

 

[NoMoreTears]

Update:

I still haven’t told them. It’s unbelievable, I know. In a few hours my life will literally be changed forever yet I haven’t shared it with the people that mean the most to me. The reserved seats for my family will be entirely empty tonight.

I still am not even close to telling them, and I really have no intentions to at this point. I can’t live a clandestine life like this forever, can I?

I understand. I am the only Catholic in my family of hard core Lutherans and my husband is the only Catholic in a family of non-practicing and anti-Christian Jews but he doesn’t have contact with them.

What exactly are you afraid they will do? If you fear they will physically harm you or harrass you to the point of negative impact in your life, don’t tell them, and don’t have any contact with them at all.

If that is not the case, do not be afraid. Just tell them matter of factly and if they want to ask questions, answer the first question politely. If you see they are antagonistic or abusive, learn how to change the subject or say you have to hang up the phone or say you have to leave, in a nice way.

They cannot abuse or annoy you if you don’t allow it. Like Dr. Laura said, “A vampire cannot enter your house unless you open the door”. Obviously, not a real vampire, a person who likes to attack, diminish and negatively affect you.

If you only are worried about their acceptance, do not worry. The only thing that is important is Our Lord and He knows you are doing the right thing. Who knows, He may even have you in this situation to help them, indirectly. The most important thing is the truth. Stay close to it and you will receive assistance.

Just live the best Catholic life you can and keep learning. This will make them wonder and maybe attract them. It might take a LONG time. Pray for them daily. Let them initiate questions or discussions. If you don’t know an answer, or only incompletely, just be honest and say our faith is a moderately complex one and you have to check on it and get back to them. Invite them to mass with you on Christmas and Easter. Let them know that most people who dislike the Church do so because their understanding is incomplete. Pray the memorare every day, and DON"T WORRY!

 

[Soren_Itenu]

Every family is different, of course, but we had to deal with a whole lot of ugly coming at us from a never-ending parade of stupid.

I was raised low-church Protestant by a woman who thought marriage was like shoes: wear them out and get new ones.

My wife was raised by Protestant missionaries who lived in Europe and Japan.

My wife and I converted to Catholicism at the age of 30, and oh lordy, the crapstorm that followed.

I hope your experience is better!

 

[confusedgirl]

My dad was a cradle catholic but he stopped believing. Besides I live with my mom and brother so technically I am the only person at home that is converting to Catholicism.

 

[Wildkit]

I too am in a similar situation being the only Catholic, but I came across an item, that my non-catholic family members have trouble with. My question is, why do all these verifiable miracles only happen in this one church, including all the incorrupt saints that one can see today, Guadalupe, Fatima and the like. This also occurs in the Orthodox Church. Question,……is someone just trying to tell me something?

Yeah, if I don’t have an answer I don’t want to deal with, the question remains!