What's the Catholic position on lack of sex in marriage?

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I know our role as married couples is to be fruitful and multiply, so what if one partner wants sex all the time and the other never wants it? Should one be reduced to going through the motions so the other is not deprived?
 
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BeautifyU:
I know our role as married couples is to be fruitful and multiply, so what if one partner wants sex all the time and the other never wants it? Should one be reduced to going through the motions so the other is not deprived?
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Yes. 👍
 
The role of sex in marriage is more than just being faithful to the “be fruitful and multiply” commandment. It is also unative in nature. It bonds the married couple together.

In the situation you described, I would explore all medical reasons the other spouse may not want to have sex. For men and women, there are various medical conditions that may restrict libido- and those should be explored.

Once the medical stuff is ruled out, I would find a good Catholic counselor who could help you explore why one spouse is reluctant to engage in the marital embrace.

In conjunction with both these, I would purchase the book “Good News about Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West.

And yes, sex should not be withheld from either spouse under healthy normal circumstances.
 
Are you saying the church teaches this? Or is this just your opinion? Beacuse this is a serious problem that needs to be handled appropriately. Due to physical and psychological ailments, one partner has no sexual desire at all.
 
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Shiann:
And yes, sex should not be withheld from either spouse under healthy normal circumstances.
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Yes, it can. There are such things as Joshephite marriages, named after St. Joseph, that are marriages in which both couples are celibate through all of their married life.
 
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KingdomHallsEnd:
Yes, it can. There are such things as Joshephite marriages, named after St. Joseph, that are marriages in which both couples are celibate through all of their married life.
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I also realize this- thank you for pointing it out. I assumed the OP was approaching this from the perspective of a married couple where this vow was not taken considering the OP viewed the lack of sex as a problem.
 
I think you should take this question to the “ASK AN APOLOGIST” forum… IMHO
 
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BeautifyU:
Are you saying the church teaches this? Or is this just your opinion? Beacuse this is a serious problem that needs to be handled appropriately. Due to physical and psychological ailments, one partner has no sexual desire at all.
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If this is the case, you should seek your nearest medical facility (Catholic preferably) in conjunction with seeking the advice of your local spiritual advisor. They would be able to deal with the complicated particulars of your situation.
 
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KingdomHallsEnd:
Yes, it can. There are such things as Joshephite marriages, named after St. Joseph, that are marriages in which both couples are celibate through all of their married life.
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But they BOTH have to agree. And this is far from normative and would need to be discerned by a competent spiritual director before it would be allowed.
 
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BeautifyU:
Are you saying the church teaches this? Or is this just your opinion? Beacuse this is a serious problem that needs to be handled appropriately. Due to physical and psychological ailments, one partner has no sexual desire at all.
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The church does teach that we should not withold ourselves sexually from our spouses. However, that is under normal circumstances. If a person has physiological and psycological problems they need to deal with these and seek treatment so that they can resume normal sexual relations.
 
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KingdomHallsEnd:
Yes, it can. There are such things as Joshephite marriages, named after St. Joseph, that are marriages in which both couples are celibate through all of their married life.
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Really? When we went through marriage prep we were specifically asked if there were any condition of which either of us were aware that would prevent us from engaging in intercourse. When we inquired why this was being asked, we were told that if either was unable to consummate the marriage, it would be invalid in the eyes of the church.
 
Island Oak:
Really? When we went through marriage prep we were specifically asked if there were any condition of which either of us were aware that would prevent us from engaging in intercourse. When we inquired why this was being asked, we were told that if either was unable to consummate the marriage, it would be invalid in the eyes of the church.
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Here’s Jimmy Akin’s take-

jimmyakin.org/2005/07/marys_marriage.html
 
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BeautifyU:
I know our role as married couples is to be fruitful and multiply, so what if one partner wants sex all the time and the other never wants it? Should one be reduced to going through the motions so the other is not deprived?
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The way you pose the question presents the answer.

One person wants ‘sex’ all the time…

In marriage, sex is about renewing our wedding vows wanting to unite completely with the person we married. It’s not about fulfilling lustful desires. We aren’t called to be rabbits.

So the real problem isn’t that one or the other isn’t in the mood as much and what should that person do, as much as it is one person is seeking sexual release from the other instead of wanting to give of him/herself to the other completely out of love.

It’s the person wanting the sex all the time who has to relearn what it means to be a married Catholic, imo, because if that person truly loved the spouse, he/she would know everything about his/her needs, wants, desires, aspirations, etc…and he/she would be striving to help that spouse meet all that any way he/she can.
 
I’m not sure what the Church’s position is on this. This has never been a problem for our marriage really, sure ebbs and flows, that’s normal. I would say though if this area is completely OFF kilter, like months go by without intimacy, it needs to be addressed by a counselor. I think other issues are involved here, that can’t be avoided. All things are possible, don’t lose hope. Many marriages have been thru such crises, and they have been made even better when they come out of the darkness.
God Bless~~;)
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifyU
I know our role as married couples is to be fruitful and multiply, so what if one partner wants sex all the time and the other never wants it? Should one be reduced to going through the motions so the other is not deprived?
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Yes. 👍
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I have another vote for YES.
who knows maybe you will start to like it. Sex is a wonderful gift from God. Go through the motions gladly as a gift to your spouse.

Go through the motions. Be loving and giving.
 
Island Oak:
Really? When we went through marriage prep we were specifically asked if there were any condition of which either of us were aware that would prevent us from engaging in intercourse. When we inquired why this was being asked, we were told that if either was unable to consummate the marriage, it would be invalid in the eyes of the church.
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I recently researched this for a different thread. The church considers an uncomsummated marriage valid, but not indissovable. The church will not marry people who cannot complete the physical sex act (impotency, serious psychological frigidity, other physical deformity or injury).
They cannot even marry for a Josephite marriage. All whom the church marries must be physically capable of completing the act.

A Josephite marriage is one in which no sex takes place by common agreement of the partners. But still, the partners must be capable of completing the act in case one or both later decide they wish to consummate the marriage.

Without consummation, the marriage can be dissolved. Once it has been consummated it is considered indissoluable.

This can all be found in the catechisms teachings on marriage. Sorry, I do not have cut/paste capabilities here so I cannot provide the quotes.

cheddar
 
This is basically the point Jimmy Akin was making on his website above- but you did a very good job cutting through all the philosophy and getting to the point 🙂

👍
 
From Sr. Mary Lucy’ column.

dailycatholic.org/issue/2001Jan/jan19get.htm

Have I unreasonably denied my spouse his or her right to the marital act?

When a couple contracts marriage, they give one another the uninterrupted, permanent, and continuous right to each other’s bodies. Spouses must strive to respond to the physical and emotional needs of one another. To refuse the marital act violates the physical needs of one of the spouses, thus placing him or her in the occasion of sin. … However, it also must be remembered that spouses cannot look upon each other merely as objects of use. There are times, then, when a married person, in consideration for their spouse’s inability to perform the sexual act, or their lack of desire to do so at a given moment, should say no to the desires of the body. In this situation, love and respect for the other would respond with a spirit of self-control."
 
“Just do it anyway?”:mad:

It’s not exactly rape, but close enough to it to be really offensive. I guess under some definitions it would be.:eek:

is staying far, far away from Catholic guys now
 
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