What's the take on a Catholic marrying a pastor?

[Spertch]

I’m having a disagreement with one of my friends on whether or not a practicing Catholic can marry a “non-denominational” Christian pastor. :banghead: I understand that it would be an extremely awkward situation, but I’m trying to come down to the bottom line of if the whole thing’s even morally acceptable. Any thoughts are extremely appreciated!

 

[BlestOne]

It would be awkward for sure… but it is possible if the bride gets all the proper dispensations and all…

The problems that could potentially come up would be about her role in her husbands church… most protestant churches expect the wife to play some sort of role within the church. Other than that… raising the kids Catholic might be a problem too… how do you say to your husband… dear, I am obligated to raise our children in my church not yours?

 

[ChristinaM]

I’ll be the first to say I don’t have any backing from the Catechism on this but it just sounds like a really, really bad idea, for the reasons BlestOne stated. The Protestant denominations seem to have pretty high standards and expectations for their pastors and their families. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I don’t think a congregation would be very happy with their pastor’s wife and kids being Catholic. They put a lot of emphasis on the husband’s “spiritual leadership.” From their POV, if a man can’t even lead his wife out of a “false church” how would he be able to lead his congregation properly? The only solution I could see would be the Catholic caving and going to her husband’s church. If I were a priest (and I’m not, mind you) I wouldn’t be minded to grant a dispensation if there was such a low likelihood of the Catholic maintaining their faith.

Now I’ve written all this assuming the Catholic was the wife and the pastor was the husband. Could definitely be the other way around, but I think there would still be the same concerns.

 

[yellowbird]

I can’t imagine a non-denominational congregation hiring a Pastor who’s wife is (gasp!) Catholic. Wouldn’t they think, if this guy can’t even “lead his own wife to Christ” how is going to lead the congregation? It sounds like career suicide.

 

[Inman]

A big challenge for such a relationship would be that faith of the wife is that the protestant pastor’s ordination, if he has one, is invalid. It seems that would be a terrible strain on the unity of the marriage–honey I know you think you are a reverend, you are really just a layman. Alternatively there would be concern that she would give scandal by impliciting endorsing his ordination or position.

A checks for a joint account that say Rev. and Mrs. Jones. Same problem would come up in an number of different scenariors.

I also agree it would be really bad for his career.

Imagine the reverse, would a bishop ordain a married man a deacon if his wife was a protestant? I doubt it.

 

[panoikei]

I can’t imagine a non-denominational congregation hiring a Pastor who’s wife is (gasp!) Catholic. Wouldn’t they think, if this guy can’t even “lead his own wife to Christ” how is going to lead the congregation? It sounds like career suicide.

Why not? There are probably more Catholics in the non-denominational church than there are protestants.

 

[masuwerte]

Imagine the reverse, would a bishop ordain a married man a deacon if his wife was a protestant?

Why not? He would have needed a Bishop’s dispensation to marry her in the first place.

 

[SMHW]

To the best of my knowledge there is no prohibition against such a circumstance, assuming the couple gets the proper dispensation (which most Catholic priests have the authority from the bishop to grant).

But as ChristinaM says, it’s probably a very, very, bad idea. And I can’t imagine any priest giving permission without more counseling than is typical for a mixed marriage.

 

[Corki]

Why not? He would have needed a Bishop’s dispensation to marry her in the first place.

You don’t need a Bishop’s dispensation to marry a non-Catholic Christian; only to marry a non-baptized person. Of course, you need a dispensation if you get married in her church too.

 

[leonie]

You don’t need a Bishop’s dispensation to marry a non-Catholic Christian; only to marry a non-baptized person. Of course, you need a dispensation if you get married in her church too.

Actually, you do need a dispensation to marry a nonCatholic. It’s become a very routine thing now. Most priest do it automatically without telling the couple.

 

[Crazy_Diamond]

To the best of my knowledge there is no prohibition against such a circumstance, assuming the couple gets the proper dispensation (which most Catholic priests have the authority from the bishop to grant).

But as ChristinaM says, it’s probably a very, very, bad idea. And I can’t imagine any priest giving permission without more counseling than is typical for a mixed marriage.

I agree with SMHW, other than the number of "very"s. And I would hope a priest would want more counseling, but sadly that’s not necessarily saying much. There’s not that much counseling to begin with.

Before my wife and I got married I looked into the mixed-marriage business… If I were to do it today I’d have the resources to go into a lot more depth in canon law and whatnot. So this isn’t the most informed answer you could get. Based on what I read at the time, though, I don’t think the Vatican sees any difference between a non-denominational protestant pastor and a non-denominational protestant layman. If she was marrying an Anglican priest, that might be different, but even then it might not be different by much. Since any non-denominational layman might start a church tomorrow and become a pastor, I’m not sure there’s any practical way for canon law to differentiate in any case.

Sure, practically speaking there’s a difference between marrying a pastor and a layman; but is it any greater a difference than between a Catholic marrying a doctor who performs abortions versus one who doesn’t? I haven’t ever heard of a priest looking into the profession or professional ethics of either potential spouse. Maybe the priest really should be expected to look into the profession. However, this seems the sort of thing best left up to the local priest and bishop rather than trying to make a generalized canon law.

Before we got married, my wife wrote a long letter to her priest telling him what she knew of my character and what my friends said about me, about what she knew of my spiritual life and that sort of thing. I wrote him a letter as well about my thoughts and my intended approach to the marriage, including that, if she were to die young, I would make sure her children learned about Roman Catholic theology and tradition, enough to be able to make their own fair choice between traditions. I also promised not to ask her to make a reciprocal promise, for the simple reason that it would place an undue burden on a single mother under any circumstances.

The woman who wants to marry this pastor - who knows what sort of communication she’s had with her priest and bishop? Or what sort of communication her intended has had with them either? If she’s an average Catholic and he’s an average nondenominational pastor, of course they’re asking for more than their fair share of religious squabbling. They may, on the other hand, be the sort of radicals who understand the principles and history that each of their traditions is based on and know (as much as anyone can) how to deal with the conflicting areas.

 

[Crazy_Diamond]

Why not? There are probably more Catholics in the non-denominational church than there are protestants.

LOL! Here in the Southwest, I’ve certainly seen a number of churches where, from a Catholic perspective, that was true!

 

[Crazy_Diamond]

Why not? He would have needed a Bishop’s dispensation to marry her in the first place.

Not necessarily. She might not have been Protestant then. But I think the bishop would want to see evidence (like years of faithful support for his work in the Catholic church) that she wasn’t going to undermine him. Hopefully there will be enough of a rush to the diaconate in years to come that this actually comes up as an issue. The priests could certainly use the help of a lot more deacons.

 

[Just_Lurking]

Actually, you do need a dispensation to marry a nonCatholic. It’s become a very routine thing now. Most priest do it automatically without telling the couple.

Technically speaking, it is not a dispensation, but the permission of the bishop that is required to marry a non-Catholic Christian. A dispensation is only required to marry a non-Christian.

And there is no requirement that the wife of a Catholic deacon be Catholic. Says the Vatican (see [here](http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/c...educ_doc_31031998_directorium-diaconi_en.html)):

1. “In the case of married men, care should be taken that only those are promoted to the diaconate who have lived as married men for a number of years and have shown themselves to be capable of running their own homes, and whose wives and children lead a truly Christian life and have good reputations”.(41)

Moreover. In addition to stability of family life, married candidates cannot be admitted unless “their wives not only consent, but also have the Christian moral character and attributes which will neither hinder their husbands’ ministry nor be out of keeping with it”.(42)

 

[Just_Lurking]

Oh, and as to the original question. It is certainly problematic for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian who believes that Catholics need to be “saved” from the Catholic Church.

The assumption that non-denominational pastors automatically fall into this category is unwarranted. And if they do not, I see no reason to hold the pastor’s career choice against him (or her).

 

[KingAlfred]

I’m having a disagreement with one of my friends on whether or not a practicing Catholic can marry a “non-denominational” Christian pastor. :banghead: I understand that it would be an extremely awkward situation, but I’m trying to come down to the bottom line of if the whole thing’s even morally acceptable. Any thoughts are extremely appreciated!

I think it’s acceptable, and actually, nothing to worry about.

 

[Crazy_Diamond]

I think it’s acceptable, and actually, nothing to worry about.

Well, that’s quite bold of you. My wife’s friends were kind of worried about her before we got married (except those who knew me). “You’re marrying a Protestant?? Talk to me, what’s going on!!”

I’m curious what makes you take a different tack.

 

[Skip_Wiley]

I’m having a disagreement with one of my friends on whether or not a practicing Catholic can marry a “non-denominational” Christian pastor. :banghead: I understand that it would be an extremely awkward situation, but I’m trying to come down to the bottom line of if the whole thing’s even morally acceptable. Any thoughts are extremely appreciated!

No, the pastor should not marry a practicing Catholic. What’s more, the pastor should know this and, if he does it anyway, then I believe he should be removed from the pulpit.

 

[Skip_Wiley]

I’ll be the first to say I don’t have any backing from the Catechism on this but it just sounds like a really, really bad idea, for the reasons BlestOne stated. The Protestant denominations seem to have pretty high standards and expectations for their pastors and their families. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I don’t think a congregation would be very happy with their pastor’s wife and kids being Catholic. They put a lot of emphasis on the husband’s “spiritual leadership.” From their POV, if a man can’t even lead his wife out of a “false church” how would he be able to lead his congregation properly? The only solution I could see would be the Catholic caving and going to her husband’s church. If I were a priest (and I’m not, mind you) I wouldn’t be minded to grant a dispensation if there was such a low likelihood of the Catholic maintaining their faith.

Now I’ve written all this assuming the Catholic was the wife and the pastor was the husband. Could definitely be the other way around, but I think there would still be the same concerns.

What’s more, how would the wife submit to her husband as spiritual head of the household when her first allegience is to the pope?

 

[KingAlfred]

Well, that’s quite bold of you. My wife’s friends were kind of worried about her before we got married (except those who knew me). “You’re marrying a Protestant?? Talk to me, what’s going on!!”

I’m curious what makes you take a different tack.

Contrary to Catholic teaching on marriage, I believe compatibility is the main issue. If they love each other and are blessed with compatibility, religion shouldn’t matter. Part of compatibility is mutual acceptance and support. Also, as long as the pastor is accepting of his wife’s Catholicism, their mutual Christianity should serve them well. Conversely, I was once married to a devout Catholic, and, quite unfortunately, our mutual Catholicism couldn’t save our marriage. We were not meant for each other.