I never said your point isn’t valid.*
I am thinking about the audience at all times.
Say a potential revert comes on this website for the first time and this is the first thread they read. If they don’t see encouraging words it might form a bad first impression for them of the site like: “I came here to learn and people are whining instead of encouraging and teaching.” I’m out of here."
I always think of how to prevent that from happening. Passer bys want an inviting place where they can find hope. Lets all think of them when we post a message.
This particular thread, by its very nature, was asking people to vent, and get it off their chests.
I used to work as a Spanish interpreter in mental health. Some people used to ask me how I could stand to listening to other people talk about their problems all the time like that. They asked me if that was depressing.
To me, it actually honestly wasn’t, because I could see that, by simply having the opportunity to be allowed to talk to someone about what’s wrong, not have to try to place a fake smile on it, was actually, in and of itself, extraordinarily therapeutic.
I LOVED listening to people vent, because I’d see them get it off their chests. They would trust us enough to confide in us even about their inner more secrets, concerns, and problems. We needed to respond and be supportive, by affirming this emotion, not telling them to be quiet, talk about something “positive”.
I felt GREAT working in mental health. It was my FAVORITE place to work of all of the places. Mental health rocks, because I saw it not in that people were “whining” or complaining, but opening up, working their feelings out with someone they trusted. I saw people improve greatly through this entire process.
I’ve seen people come through the door, a mess, go out feeling so much better.
I don’t think it’s wrong to even talk about “negative” feelings. Sometimes, we basically need to from time to time. If it’s all the time, then it’s chronic and problematic, but I see nothing wrong with expressing emotions, positive AND negative, from time to time.
In fact, in counseling, we WANTED people to talk about their problems, not just go through saying it was all okay, smiling and laughing, when their lives were in a state of crisis.
Some people have this false belief that it’s wrong to ever talk about anything “negative”. Talk about what we need to, and to heck with what other people think.
How can we ever expect to help anyone if they are not made to feel it’s okay to express their complaints, concerns, and problems?
That’s why counselors are sought after. People sometimes NEED to talk about their problems, not try to sweep them under the rug.
People on CAF are no exception. If people who come on the forum can’t understand that, I am not sure what to tell them.
People sometimes come on here to vent, and feel affirmed, supported.
When you told me to “swallow my pride”, or look at the man in the mirror, it wasn’t actually responding empathically.
Empathically is responding in affirmation to the feeling, at least initiatially. If one wants to, then, try to change the direction to what you believe is more “positive”, then after that, that can happen, and if done in that order, I believe it would be better received.
To respond empathically, you could say something like, “Wow! No family for Christmas! That’s got to be rough!” or something to that effect and THEN say, “Had you tried volunteering?”
Phrase it more in a question, gently, because you were actually giving some unsolicited advice. I wasn’t really asking for any advice, just answering the question, creating an awareness of the very real incidence of depression at Christmas time.
