What's your reason for using NFP to avoid a baby?

[RedSparklyShoes]

Right now, we’re avoiding due to my health as I’ve been very ill for several months and also emotional reasons as I lost my Dad not quite a year ago and there’s just so much going on from that. For a while, it was because I was on a drug that is ill advised for pregnant women.

 

[maryjk]

I have a uterine anomaly. I can’t carry a baby to term. Only 30% of babies born to women with this anomaly survive. I am blessed to have one child.

In addition, I am on medication for a chronic illness that causes severe birth defects or miscarriage. It is used for early term abortions.

 

[Rau]

I’m just really surprised that pretty much all the reasons given in response to the original query are such “acute” issues. Eg. grave health issues, etc, risk of financial poverty, etc.

If use of NFP is limited to such circumstances, the logical conclusion would seem to be quite large families? Rightly or wrongly, I suppose my wife and I just formed a view of what was our planned family size, and then worked to that plan. Thus, we seek to avoid pregnancy now that the target size is reached. My feeling is that that is pretty typical - though not if the responses in this thread are a guide!

It also occurs to me that were “large” family sizes commonplace (not the case in the western world), global population pressures would become severe. A stable global population is simply not possible if average family sizes are much above 2.1 children! So perhaps that suggests another (potentially) valid reason to use NFP?

 

[underacloud]

I’m just really surprised that pretty much all the reasons given in response to the original query are such “acute” issues. Eg. grave health issues, etc, risk of financial poverty, etc.

If use of NFP is limited to such circumstances, the logical conclusion would seem to be quite large families? Rightly or wrongly, I suppose my wife and I just formed a view of what was our planned family size, and then worked to that plan. Thus, we seek to avoid pregnancy now that the target size is reached. My feeling is that that is pretty typical - though not if the responses in this thread are a guide!

Rau, I suspect that many people who do not have “acute” reasons simply don’t want to post their reasons here in case they are subject to criticism for not having sufficiently grave reasons.

There are probably many people who have read this and are comfortable in the choices they make, but not to the point of subjecting them to the critique of internet strangers…which I know was not the objective of the thread, but sometimes these sorts of threads end up heading in that sort of direction.

Personally…we’re saving for a boat…and a Lexus…oooh, do Lexus make boats?

 

[maryjk]

Rau, I suspect that many people who do not have “acute” reasons simply don’t want to post their reasons here in case they are subject to criticism for not having sufficiently grave reasons.

There are probably many people who have read this and are comfortable in the choices they make, but not to the point of subjecting them to the critique of internet strangers…which I know was not the objective of the thread, but sometimes these sorts of threads end up heading in that sort of direction.

Personally…we’re saving for a boat…and a Lexus…oooh, do Lexus make boats?

You are right.

I have met people that figured that I should have had surgery to fix my uterus, regardless of the chances of a good outcome. That God’s business is miracles so I should be trying to get pregnant and allowing God to work miracles. Heck, I have been told that on this web site.

So I am sure there are people out there that would tell people that “I am overwhelmed” isn’t a valid reason. Or, “I am caregiver to my elderly relative” isn’t enough.

We also have to realize that children aren’t just there for the asking. Many women are getting married later in life. Fertility isn’t what it was then they were younger. A friend of mine has had 4 miscarriages. So if you look at her, she may seem to be closed off to life. Yet, she very much wants to have a baby.

And although many of the issues here sound acute, they could go on for years.

 

[PaulGH]

I’m just really surprised that pretty much all the reasons given in response to the original query are such “acute” issues. Eg. grave health issues, etc, risk of financial poverty, etc.

If use of NFP is limited to such circumstances, the logical conclusion would seem to be quite large families? Rightly or wrongly, I suppose my wife and I just formed a view of what was our planned family size, and then worked to that plan. Thus, we seek to avoid pregnancy now that the target size is reached. My feeling is that that is pretty typical - though not if the responses in this thread are a guide!

It’s also possible that health problems that could complicate pregnancy, financial hardship, and overwhelmed parents are more common than one might think.

It also occurs to me that were “large” family sizes commonplace (not the case in the western world), global population pressures would become severe. A stable global population is simply not possible if average family sizes are much above 2.1 children! So perhaps that suggests another (potentially) valid reason to use NFP?

Possibly this could be a valid reason to use NFP, if we lived in a world where most people had 6+ kids (or something like that), and where the population was growing faster than the earth’s ability to support that population. I don’t know if it would be a valid reason, but I think perhaps it would be.

But we don’t live in that world – not even close. More and more countries are having the opposite problem – namely that fertility rates are below replacement level, leading to an aging population and eventually a shrinking population. I believe that the entire world population is projected to begin dropping in just a few decades from now.

I believe that the criteria for using NFP to avoid pregnancy is that the couple must have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy. But as to exactly what constitutes a serious reason, that is left to the prayerful discernment of the couple. There is no official list of valid reasons.

 

[PaulGH]

One additional point that I want to add:

I don’t think that people should second-guess a couple’s decision to use NFP, except perhaps in extreme cases – such as if a couple says “we plan to use NFP to avoid ever having children, because we want to live a rich and luxurious lifestyle, and kids will get in the way of that.” Of course, I have never heard of a couple using NFP for such an extreme reason, so in practice, I don’t think that people should second-guess. The decision to use NFP is a personal one, that should be between the couple and God, and not subject to the approval of others.

However, I can also sympathize with the tendency to want to second-guess. Now that my wife and I truly have to avoid another pregnancy for the foreseeable future, I feel sadness and loss at the thought that we may never have another child. Even though we are blessed with four children already, I grieve for the possible premature end of our child-bearing years. And I am sure that what I feel absolutely pales in comparison to what infertile couples experience.

So if someone is in that state of mind where they long for more children but can’t have them (whether due to infertility, or health problems, or past choices such as sterilization, or an unwilling spouse), that person may have a strong emotional reaction if they perceive that a couple may be avoiding children for selfish reasons. Such a person might easily think, “Hey, here I am praying every day, practically begging God to bless us with another child, and you choose not to have one just because [insert perceived selfish reason].” That emotional reaction is probably not reasonable or charitable, and it is almost certainly not correct to act on it by saying something (because we may be completely wrong about their reasons being selfish, and because it’s none of our business). But nevetheless I do understand where such a reaction could come from.

 

[The_Bucket]

So I am sure there are people out there that would tell people that “I am overwhelmed” isn’t a valid reason. Or, “I am caregiver to my elderly relative” isn’t enough.

Which is something the Church explicitly teaches against, so that’s sad. We’re not here to play God’s enforcer and we’re explicitly taught not to second-guess other people’s reasons for using a proscribed and perfectly legitimate method for spacing births. But yet it continues. Of course, sin continues unabated elsewhere so it’s not surprising in the least.

For us, we’re about to have our third in six years shortly, though this one was spaced well off from the first two (who are about to be 5 and 4). I think it was good reason to space this one so far off because of our income situation and my wife’s health. Our first was born under terrible circumstances that nearly resulted in his death and put my wife in a bad way for quite some time.

She had a classical c-section beneath the skin so we’re explicitly told to space at least 18-24 months, if not more, between births to allow the uterus to heal. Sadly the cut and a physical anomaly also makes it more likely that we won’t be able to go beyond four children without having serious risk of rupture. So we’re girding ourselves for LAM and then strict/fairly strict conservative NFP for at least 6-12 months after that. Maybe when our youngest approaches 18 months we’ll loosen up a bit but one day at a time, yes?

 

[ishnianqueen]

You are right.

I have met people that figured that I should have had surgery to fix my uterus, regardless of the chances of a good outcome. That God’s business is miracles so I should be trying to get pregnant and allowing God to work miracles. Heck, I have been told that on this web site.

So I am sure there are people out there that would tell people that “I am overwhelmed” isn’t a valid reason. Or, “I am caregiver to my elderly relative” isn’t enough.

We also have to realize that children aren’t just there for the asking. Many women are getting married later in life. Fertility isn’t what it was then they were younger. A friend of mine has had 4 miscarriages. So if you look at her, she may seem to be closed off to life. Yet, she very much wants to have a baby.

And although many of the issues here sound acute, they could go on for years.

One of my friends has an issue with people seeing large families and calling them “Good Catholic families.” Just as what you were saying, very often there are either serious reasons for avoiding OR there are medical issues that make it next to impossible for them to have children. A good Catholic family is one that accepts the children they’re given, regardless of if it’s 0 or 20.

 

[thewanderer]

One of my friends has an issue with people seeing large families and calling them “Good Catholic families.” Just as what you were saying, very often there are either serious reasons for avoiding OR there are medical issues that make it next to impossible for them to have children. A good Catholic family is one that accepts the children they’re given, regardless of if it’s 0 or 20.

 

[Rau]

It’s also possible that health problems that could complicate pregnancy, financial hardship, and overwhelmed parents are more common than one might think.

Possibly this could be a valid reason to use NFP, if we lived in a world where most people had 6+ kids (or something like that), and where the population was growing faster than the earth’s ability to support that population. I don’t know if it would be a valid reason, but I think perhaps it would be.

But we don’t live in that world – not even close. More and more countries are having the opposite problem – namely that fertility rates are below replacement level, leading to an aging population and eventually a shrinking population. I believe that the entire world population is projected to begin dropping in just a few decades from now.

I believe that the criteria for using NFP to avoid pregnancy is that the couple must have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy. But as to exactly what constitutes a serious reason, that is left to the prayerful discernment of the couple. There is no official list of valid reasons.

You are right in that the actual global fertility rate at present is only slightly above the replacement rate of 2.1 babies per woman. The higher rates are pretty much limited to Africa. If we in the rest of the world were averaging, say, 4 children, I believe that would become a serious global problem. The scientific information I’ve read suggests the world is currently overpopulated, even though some countries currently have birth rates below replacement level. (Birth rates have halved in the last 50 years.)

It seems to me that NFP (in general) is a necessary practice. Without it, I expect we would see populations grow unmanageably.

 

[thewanderer]

You are right in that the actual global fertility rate at present is only slightly above the replacement rate of 2.1 babies per woman. The higher rates are pretty much limited to Africa. If we in the rest of the world were averaging, say, 4 children, I believe that would become a serious global problem. The scientific information I’ve read suggests the world is currently overpopulated, even though some countries currently have birth rates below replacement level. (Birth rates have halved in the last 50 years.)

It seems to me that NFP (in general) is a necessary practice. Without it, I expect we would see populations grow unmanageably.

That could be true… but I also think it is important to note that if in any given country that is not overpopulated in which the fertility rate is below replacement it would be unnecessary to use NFP or contraception for the sake of avoiding overpopulation as the children born in that country are most likely going to live in that country and the country is not in danger of overpopulation. If americans started having even fewer kids it would not make africa any less populated. So it seems a little silly to me for people in countries with below replacement fertility rates that are currently neither overpopulated or close to being overpopulated to use the large population and fertility rates of Africa as a reason to avoid having children in their own countries.