When and how does mothering your husband become a detriment to marriage?

[BeeSweet]

How much and what kind of mothering of your husband is too much? I can understand mothering as a sort of discipline to be a detriment, such as taking away privileges or such. I’m asking more about the nurturing and care taking aspects of mothering. For instance, I will pick out my husband’s clothes for him. I do nag him to eat all the vegetables I put on his plate. If he has any sort of ailment, from a skin rash to a headache, I hear about it first before he takes any steps to address the problem himself.

He tells me he appreciates the mothering I do of him, although I don’t really suspect that he looks at it as if I am mothering him. I believe he feels this is what a good wife is supposed to do for her husband. Problem is, with a toddler and another on the way, I’d really rather not be his mommy too, anymore. I would like to change the game plan a bit. I’m not sure how to address it without hurting his feelings though. He’s grown accustomed to being babied over the course of many years. And now that I’m a stay at home mom, it feels like what was a free act of loving generosity has become an expected duty. Some of what I used to enjoy has actually become burdensome. We’ve gone through some huge changes in lifestyle in the last few years, obviously some changes have been a whole lot easier to make than others.

So where does a healthy relationship draw the line on nurturing? And what kind of problems can arise from having too much mothering going on in a relationship? It seems that men can do the same thing to women, and when they do it’s called “controlling,” but when women do it, it’s called “mothering.” Controlling is obviously a problem, no one wants that, but “mothering” sounds so sweet and like something to be desired. That being the case, curtailing mothering acts can seem like you’re loving less. How do you keep from leaving that kind of impression?

 

[catherineajt]

I learned, through watching my own mother “mother” my father, that it never works in the long run. My mom would tell my dad to “stop picking your fingers” (he has psoriasis, as do I, and yeah, we shouldn’t pick it but he’s an adult, for pity’s sake!). She nagged him to eat properly…he ended up eating “naughty” foods on the sly at work, and had a heart attack at 60. Essentially, deep down he resented her “mothering” him, even though on the surface he never said anything.

I can understand telling one’s spouse about an ailment first–I usually have to tell my husband if i’m not feeling well!–but that’s as far as it goes around here.

When I got married, my mother took me aside and said, “Now, remember, you have to MAKE a man do the things you want him to do.” I looked at her and said, “Mom, I can’t MAKE [DH] do anything he doesn’t want to do, and moreover, I wouldn’t want him to do it because I MADE him!”

Treating a spouse as a child never fails to backfire. For one, they’ll never learn to do things on their own. What if something happened to you, God forbid, where he had to handle the household and his own needs on his own?

What I do for my husband:

Keep the house tidy and organized, and clean, so that when he comes home we ALL have a nice, neat house to enjoy.

I’m a SAHM. He has the peace of mind knowing I am home with the kids, and that they’re happy and healthy.

I keep my spending in check. This relieves him of some financial anxiety, I hope.

I have dinner ready most nights when he comes home (mainly because the kids gotta eat, and so do I, but we try to be ready to eat when he comes home anyway).

I do my utmost to show him respect and the affection a wife should for her husband.

What I DON’T do:

Tell him to eat his vegetables. He’s a smart guy, he knows that they’re good for him and if he wants to eat them, he will. And did you know that if you eat enough fruit you don’t have to worry about veggies? Really.

Pick out his clothes. Well, aside from him asking me to pick out some new T shirts for him while i’m shopping, that is. He buys his own clothes, mostly, and he decides when he needs new ones, and what to wear. I do tell him when I like what he’s wearing, but that’s about it.

Tell him how to spend his time. I learned very early on to never say, “Shouldn’t you be doing X?” Bad, very bad.

The care and nurturing of a spouse is VERY different than what a mother does for a child. however, when we are moms it’s hard not to transfer that kind of role to our spouses, but we should do our best to not confuse the two.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**I think there is as much of a difference between “mothering” and “nurturing” as there is between “fathering” and “providing/protecting”.

What I mean by that is that as women part of our role as a good spouse is to be the nurturer. Making sure our families (that includes hubbies!) eat properly, get medical care etc is just a part of our God given vocation. But mothering, on the other hand, indicates an imbalance in the relationship. It is when the woman assumes that hubby can’t take care of himself (physically, financially, emotionally etc) so there for steps up and takes control, much like a mother would of her minor children. But often this is started by the husband NOT wanting to or not being able to do things himself… it can be quite a vicious cycle…

It is comparative to a husband’s role as provider/protector. Same things a father does for his children but without the control. A husband can provide and protect without controlling all of his wife’s decisions etc.

The key to this is control. Who has it and why. Who doesn’t want it and why.

And every marriage is different. So if you are having feelings of being overwhelmed and underappreciated you and hubby need to be able to talk about it. But remember that there are tow sides to every coin…do you often verbalize how much you appreciate hubby going to work and providing for you and the kids? I know that I myself as a wife/mom can often take that for granted… so when i find myself feeling takem advantage of I first stop to think if hubby might be feeling the exact same way.**

 

[GhostMan]

As a husband, I want to feel “Cared for” by my wife. I want her to be concerned about me, do little acts of kindness for me, overlook some of my faults and generally treat me like I am special. I expect that I need to do the same for her. Acts of kindness are a huge thing for many men, it is how we give and receive love.

Mothing is when it crosses the line between acts of kindness to nagging or “making” me do something. Fixing me vegetables that I like is an act of kindness. Trying to force me to eat lima beans is mothering. One is done out of love, the other out of a spirit of judmentalism. See the difference? It’s an attitude, not a lists of do’s and don’ts.

Acts of kindness are the backbone of a marrige; mothering is disrectful, arrogant, judgemental and mean. Only you know when you are doing each type. Well, your husband has a pretty good idea too, but you get my drift.

 

[BeeSweet]

As a husband, I want to feel “Cared for” by my wife. I want her to be concerned about me, do little acts of kindness for me, overlook some of my faults and generally treat me like I am special. I expect that I need to do the same for her. Acts of kindness are a huge thing for many men, it is how we give and receive love.

Mothing is when it crosses the line between acts of kindness to nagging or “making” me do something. Fixing me vegetables that I like is an act of kindness. Trying to force me to eat lima beans is mothering. One is done out of love, the other out of a spirit of judmentalism. See the difference? It’s an attitude, not a lists of do’s and don’ts.

Acts of kindness are the backbone of a marrige; mothering is disrectful, arrogant, judgemental and mean. Only you know when you are doing each type. Well, your husband has a pretty good idea too, but you get my drift.

I don’t always want to do things his way though. The vegetables for example, his list of acceptable vegetables is about 3. I like just about all of them. It’s not fair to me to expect I only make the things he likes. I know brussels sprouts and beets just about stimulate his gag reflex, but they’re two of my all time fave veg. I don’t want to feel like my preparing beets one night means that I’m not giving him what he wants or neglecting what he needs. And making two sets of veg… now that’s mothering! Besides, cooking is an avenue of expression, it used to be something I really enjoyed doing. Now, I have to make sure the toddler gets fed what he wants, and the husband gets fed what he wants. Honestly, if I served macaroni and cheese every night, I’d bet they wouldn’t care, but I can’t eat like that, and no one should, it’s just not sensible. I figure if I’m going to do the work of planning, getting the groceries, cooking, and serving, the least anyone can do is eat what I give them. Ben Franklin once printed in the Farmer’s Almanac: “The man who can not eat his wife’s overbaked bread without complaining ought to be compelled to bake it himself.”

I like that when I do nice things those things can be interpreted as signs of love, but the absence of those nice things shouldn’t necessarily be construed as an absence of love.

I know he’ll never eat beets, but I have been able to get him to choke down brussels sprouts when they’re saute’d in butter and olive oil with herbs. I don’t make them very often, but when I see them in the store, were it not for his aversion, I’d buy them and cook them every week. That’s an act of kindness, but not one he’ll ever know happened. sigh…

I like lima beans too. I made them for him once. Just once.

 

[RWMorris]

I let my mother-in-law mother my husband - I don’t do it anymore. Tell him to eat his vegetables???You must be kidding!
My husband is a grown man and I have four children, plus a lot of students. I don’t have time to mother him and he would be surprised if I did try. We each do our own laundry, take turns at cooking and cleaning and parenting chores, and just generally behave like grown-ups.
I do, however, smother him with love and appreciation, which he enjoys!

 

[GhostMan]

I think, having over a quarter century experiece in being married, that you might need to decide which battles you want to fight. Is cooking two different veggies really that much of a sacrifice? If he’s a slob and it drives you crazy, then - perhaps - you have to either learn to live with slightly lower standards, or do the work to your own satisfaction.

Would you want him to apply the same standards to you? How would you like it if he constantly compared you to other women - women who had not had children and might not have changes to their bodies? What about if he complains about your cleaning, cooking, shopping, or mothering style? Is this “fair” for him, or out of bounds?

you asked when it was mothering and I submit that when you lack the proper respect for your husband, then you have crossed the line. He is due respect from you; to withhold that is to steal from him. Maybe he doesn’t deserve respect, at least in your eyes. (We’re talking average Joe here, not abuser, drunk, druggie, pervet, etc), but you are still required to respect and love your husband because of his office, if nothing else. He, in turn, is required to respect, love, cherish and care for you - if not for who you are, then for your position as wife.

Is he a good man? A provider? A father who cares for his children? A man who serves God? If so, then who cares if he hates beets. Cook them for yourself and your children, but make a big deal out of ensuring that he knows you also provided for his needs.

This is more of a general rant, not really directed at the OP, but our society so devalues the roles of husband and father that it has made it acceptable to mock, disdain and give contempt to most men.

Why not celebrate the good men?

Back to the OP. In the initial post you said you have another one one the way and you want to stop mothering your husband. To me, reading text only, not knowing you, that is a huge warning sign that you are transferring your nurturing from your husband to your children. If he’s feeling nagged and belittled and not cared for, lacking respect from the one person he needs it from the most, you will not like the man he becomes.

You want to be loved? Love your husband. You want to be cherished? Respect your husband. You want to be accepted? Accept your husband.

Do not allow yourself to become only a mother to children. Your husband will be there when they grow up - and, believe me, that happens fast. Twenty years from now, do you want to be alone, even if you are still living together as man and wife? Do you want to look across the room and question your life’s decisions?

 

[catherineajt]

I don’t always want to do things his way though. The vegetables for example, his list of acceptable vegetables is about 3. I like just about all of them. It’s not fair to me to expect I only make the things he likes. I know brussels sprouts and beets just about stimulate his gag reflex, but they’re two of my all time fave veg. I don’t want to feel like my preparing beets one night means that I’m not giving him what he wants or neglecting what he needs. And making two sets of veg… now that’s mothering! Besides, cooking is an avenue of expression, it used to be something I really enjoyed doing. Now, I have to make sure the toddler gets fed what he wants, and the husband gets fed what he wants. Honestly, if I served macaroni and cheese every night, I’d bet they wouldn’t care, but I can’t eat like that, and no one should, it’s just not sensible. I figure if I’m going to do the work of planning, getting the groceries, cooking, and serving, the least anyone can do is eat what I give them. Ben Franklin once printed in the Farmer’s Almanac: “The man who can not eat his wife’s overbaked bread without complaining ought to be compelled to bake it himself.”

I like that when I do nice things those things can be interpreted as signs of love, but the absence of those nice things shouldn’t necessarily be construed as an absence of love.

I know he’ll never eat beets, but I have been able to get him to choke down brussels sprouts when they’re saute’d in butter and olive oil with herbs. I don’t make them very often, but when I see them in the store, were it not for his aversion, I’d buy them and cook them every week. That’s an act of kindness, but not one he’ll ever know happened. sigh…

I like lima beans too. I made them for him once. Just once.

Um…okay. I personally love brussels sprouts. Nobody else in the house does. I make them for my lunch, or for a separate side dish for myself, along with a really easy vegetable like corn that everybody else likes. Personally, I do not feel downtrodden by this, nor do I resent that my family dislikes brussels sprouts. Why on earth would I deny myself a nice, healthy vegetable? I’ve even made myself sauteed cabbage (another veggie shunned by my family) and enjoyed it. It’s not an act of kindess if you feel like you’re being a martyr to his vegetable aversion, and frankly, that’s how you come across.

It IS an act of kindness to plan your menus with your family’s preferences in mind. If they love mac and cheese, try making it from scratch…it’s wonderful. And you get to cook. And serve it with some great fruit for nutrition.

I adore spicy food–chili, mexican, wasabi, you name it…but my family does not. It’s painful for my husband to eat spicy food. I know I can get whatever i want if we eat out, or if i’m really feeling deprived, I can make it for my lunch.

 

[Catholic90]

I don’t always want to do things his way though. The vegetables for example, his list of acceptable vegetables is about 3. I like just about all of them. It’s not fair to me to expect I only make the things he likes. I know brussels sprouts and beets just about stimulate his gag reflex, but they’re two of my all time fave veg.

My husband’s list of acceptable veggies is corn, potatoes, and carrots. Sometimes green beans. I like pretty much everything. I learned a LONG time ago to always have one of his acceptable vegetables, and if I want something else, to make that just for me and/or the kids, if they like it, too.

I know he’ll never eat beets, but I have been able to get him to choke down brussels sprouts when they’re saute’d in butter and olive oil with herbs. I don’t make them very often, but when I see them in the store, were it not for his aversion, I’d buy them and cook them every week. Don’t make him choke down anything. That is mean. If you like them, cook them for yourself (even every week), but do not make him eat them. That’s an act of kindness, but not one he’ll ever know happened. Don’t be a martyr! sigh…

I like lima beans too. I made them for him once. Just once. If YOU like them, make them for you, but again, don’t make him eat them!

Make him his can of corn or whatever, and you make your veggies. You will both be happier. Trust me…been there, doing that!

Oh, and as for the clothes…let him pick out his own…

 

[BeeSweet]

Back to the OP. In the initial post you said you have another one one the way and you want to stop mothering your husband. To me, reading text only, not knowing you, that is a huge warning sign that you are transferring your nurturing from your husband to your children. If he’s feeling nagged and belittled and not cared for, lacking respect from the one person he needs it from the most, you will not like the man he becomes.

See that’s the problem, I AM transferring some of my nurturing to the children. They need it a whole lot more than he does, and they need it from both of us. He should back me up when I serve dinner and tell the children to eat their vegetables, and he should set the example by eating them himself, no? If I make one set of vegetables for myself, and then one for him, then what if I have to make one for our son, and then another for our next child? You know who’s not going to get the veg they want? Me, because I won’t bother! And when I say I tell him to eat his vegetables, I do, but it is a half hearted joke between us. He doesn’t like them but he does eat them. For years I didn’t know that he doesn’t like broccoli, but that was one of the vegetables that I thought was on the short list of acceptable fare.

I used to nag him more I think. We’ve been together for 14 years. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m not trying to with hold anything, that’s my dilemma. What used to be something I considered fun has become an undesirable responsibility. He’s used to getting a lot of attention in the mothering dept., but now that I am actually a mom, well… I dunno, it just seems that that’s not my role where he’s concerned. It seems like that’s the kind of attention he prefers, and my having dwindled some of that attention is in his mind less love, when it’s not. I’m just tired, and I don’t want to be mom to everyone all the time. But transitioning is confusing because of the emotional baggage attached to the responsibilities inherent to the job of mom. I don’t expect my mom to make me spaghetti and meat balls, or wash my clothes, or vacuum my room (even if I did live with her now), but I don’t think her not doing those things for me means she loves me less. Make sense?

I’ve got myself into a bit of pickle by being nice for a very long time. It’s not that I don’t want to be nice anymore, I’d just like to lessen some of my responsibilities, or rather share them. Not sure how to approach the issue without raising the hair on the back of his neck. It’s a sore spot with a lot of folks, apparent by just the few posts seen here. I’m not mad. I’d just like things to change so I can enjoy myself a bit more I guess, rather than feel like all I do is work. People are SO sensitive…

 

[BeeSweet]

Don’t make him choke down anything. That is mean. If you like them, cook them for yourself (even every week), but do not make him eat them.
If YOU like them, make them for you, but again, don’t make him eat them!

Make him his can of corn or whatever, and you make your veggies. You will both be happier. Trust me…been there, doing that!

For goodness sake folks, I’m not putting a bib on the man and spoon feeding him brussel sprouts! I tried a different cooking method to see if he could tolerate the durn things, and he said they were better cooked that way. That’s what I meant by “he choked them down,” just that he ate them even though he still didn’t like them just to try the new cooking method I had attempted.

Honestly, we’re just going to have to disagree on this whole “cook a whole bunch of different things so that everyone gets what they want.” I was not raised that way, I will not raise my children that way, that’s just really bad manners to not accept graciously what is is served to you. The world does not work that way either. Sometimes you gotta take what life gives you and not complain.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Honestly, we’re just going to have to disagree on this whole “cook a whole bunch of different things so that everyone gets what they want.” I was not raised that way, I will not raise my children that way, that’s just really bad manners to not accept graciously what is is served to you. The world does not work that way either. Sometimes you gotta take what life gives you and not complain.

**I see where you are coming from, I really do. But I can also see that you have a bit of a stubborn/obstinate streak (takes one to know one). YOU are the one wanting/needing a change. It is up to you to figure out how to get what you want/need without hurting your hubby. First step would be talking to him.

I am sure you wouldn’t feel very good about him as a husband if he started resenting the fact that he “has” to financially care for you AND the children and decided to take a lower pay/stress job that would provide for the kids and himself but cut out your extras that you have come to see as a sign of his affection for you.

So the question really isn’t whether cooking two different kinds of vegetables is a sign of love (and not doing it a sign of not being loving) but whether or not your husband sees it that way.

Oh, and I just LOVE your last line…God gave you a husband who likes a few select veggies…cook them for him and don’t complain
**

 

[1ke]

It seems to me when you boil it down what you are needing is a redistribution of the “division of labor” around the house.

Set a time to talk to your DH about the increase in your workload that two children has brought into the household. Tell him you need help, and that he will need to take up the slack in some areas where you used to do things for him.

I also think you might benefit from the book The Five Love Languages. If acts of service is the “love language” your DH prefers, this will be a difficult adjustment for him. The book might shed some light on both of your preferences, how they may be different, and how that may be causing conflict and a feeling of not being “appreciated.”

I do agree that you should pick your battles, and you also seem really unflexible regarding the food thing. DH will eat anything and I am the picky eater. Maybe that’s why I see things differently than you. To answer your question of shouldn’t people eat what’s put in front of them… my answer is NO. If I don’t like it, I’m not eating it-- and making someone eat when they are a kid does not “cure” picky eating. Trust me, I was made to sit at the table until I ate my veggies by my stepmom… and when she finally gave up and let me leave the table the veggies were still there.

I cook stuff for DH that I don’t like and I make things for myself that I do like. It’s all about your personal tolerance for flexibility I suppose.

As for men “mothering” and it being called “controlling”… my DH can “control” the trash can and lawn mower all he wants! ha!

No, seriously, I think we women are quick to think DH is taking us for granted when we ourselves take them for granted too. I’m married just under 3 years now and suddenly I can’t change light bulbs, take out trash, or fix small things around the house… hmm… I did that just fine for 38 years before I was married.

I think when we point our finger, we have to realize there are 3 pointing back at us. Try to focus on what your DH is doing for YOU…

 

[BeeSweet]

It seems to me when you boil it down what you are needing is a redistribution of the “division of labor” around the house.

That’s it in a nutshell. He does work a lot of hours though. A whole lot, nearly 60 hours a week for almost the whole past year. I really wasn’t struggling as much before he took on that workload (and I started school), but it’s kind of an untouchable subject since as a contractor he’s paid overtime for all those hours. The money is nice, but it would be nicer still if he were here to help out more. Yes, I’ve told him so, yes, he understands that, but the money is louder than I am I guess!

I also think you might benefit from the book The Five Love Languages. If acts of service is the “love language” your DH prefers, this will be a difficult adjustment for him. The book might shed some light on both of your preferences, how they may be different, and how that may be causing conflict and a feeling of not being “appreciated.”

Well, since that’s about the millionth time I’ve been told to read that book, I think I might just pick it up. If they have it on CD, I’ll get one for him to listen to on his commute to and from work too.

I do agree that you should pick your battles, and you also seem really unflexible regarding the food thing. DH will eat anything and I am the picky eater. Maybe that’s why I see things differently than you. To answer your question of shouldn’t people eat what’s put in front of them… my answer is NO. If I don’t like it, I’m not eating it-- and making someone eat when they are a kid does not “cure” picky eating. Trust me, I was made to sit at the table until I ate my veggies by my stepmom… and when she finally gave up and let me leave the table the veggies were still there.

I cook stuff for DH that I don’t like and I make things for myself that I do like. It’s all about your personal tolerance for flexibility I suppose.

Man alive, there are some really passionate picky eaters on this board! I admit that’s a huge pet peeve of mine, but I have always catered to him, only on occasion serving items he doesn’t care for. When it comes to adding additional menu items when I’m already wanting to reduce some of my responsibilities though, well that’s just not sensible! And with multiple children, that’s entering the realm of plain stupidity. No offense to anyone who makes that choice…

 

[rayne89]

I don’t always want to do things his way though. The vegetables for example, his list of acceptable vegetables is about 3. I like just about all of them. It’s not fair to me to expect I only make the things he likes. I know brussels sprouts and beets just about stimulate his gag reflex, but they’re two of my all time fave veg. I don’t want to feel like my preparing beets one night means that I’m not giving him what he wants or neglecting what he needs. And making two sets of veg… now that’s mothering! Besides, cooking is an avenue of expression, it used to be something I really enjoyed doing. Now, I have to make sure the toddler gets fed what he wants, and the husband gets fed what he wants. Honestly, if I served macaroni and cheese every night, I’d bet they wouldn’t care, but I can’t eat like that, and no one should, it’s just not sensible. I figure if I’m going to do the work of planning, getting the groceries, cooking, and serving, the least anyone can do is eat what I give them. Ben Franklin once printed in the Farmer’s Almanac: “The man who can not eat his wife’s overbaked bread without complaining ought to be compelled to bake it himself.”

I like that when I do nice things those things can be interpreted as signs of love, but the absence of those nice things shouldn’t necessarily be construed as an absence of love.

I know he’ll never eat beets, but I have been able to get him to choke down brussels sprouts when they’re saute’d in butter and olive oil with herbs. I don’t make them very often, but when I see them in the store, were it not for his aversion, I’d buy them and cook them every week. That’s an act of kindness, but not one he’ll ever know happened. sigh…

I like lima beans too. I made them for him once. Just once.

Cooking more than one kind of vegetable really is not that difficult and I am a lazy cook. My hubby hates lima beans I make them for myself and open a can of corn for him. Not really hard and not worth forcing the issue. I detest seafood, I’ll make it for my hubby on occasion but probably not nearly as often as he’d like. When we go out to eat I do try to make sure it’s a place that serves seafood so at least he can have it then.

 

[dessert]

**I think there is as much of a difference between “mothering” and “nurturing” as there is between “fathering” and “providing/protecting”.

What I mean by that is that as women part of our role as a good spouse is to be the nurturer. Making sure our families (that includes hubbies!) eat properly, get medical care etc is just a part of our God given vocation. But mothering, on the other hand, indicates an imbalance in the relationship. It is when the woman assumes that hubby can’t take care of himself (physically, financially, emotionally etc) so there for steps up and takes control, much like a mother would of her minor children. But often this is started by the husband NOT wanting to or not being able to do things himself… it can be quite a vicious cycle…

It is comparative to a husband’s role as provider/protector. Same things a father does for his children but without the control. A husband can provide and protect without controlling all of his wife’s decisions etc.

The key to this is control. Who has it and why. Who doesn’t want it and why.

And every marriage is different. So if you are having feelings of being overwhelmed and underappreciated you and hubby need to be able to talk about it. But remember that there are tow sides to every coin…do you often verbalize how much you appreciate hubby going to work and providing for you and the kids? I know that I myself as a wife/mom can often take that for granted… so when i find myself feeling takem advantage of I first stop to think if hubby might be feeling the exact same way.**

Malia you always have the best advice. Your little girl is sure cute.

What my dh tells me to eat my veggies:thumbsup:

 

[rayne89]

As far as catering to all people tastes and making different food for each child. I really doubt all your children will have completely different preferences. I really hate making food an issue. I never make my child eat something she doesn’t like. There’s rarely been a whole meal where she can’t find something to eat. SHe can always make herself a sandwich. She by chance is not a picky eater. It’s funny the food thing seems to have taken over the thread.

I’ve been married 17 years and I used to do the whole mothering thing, and yes it does seem to change one kids come along. Our natural mothering instincts now have a proper outlet. My poor hubby it went from one extreme to another before we found the proper balance. There are times when hubby asks me to pick what he should wear. Not everyday, usually to special occasions. He does come to me if he has an ailment he’s unfamiliar with, and yes I usually am the one calling the doctor to make him an appointment. He works really hard for us so I really don’t mind doing the little things.

Really try to look at it in the big scheme of life. I really can’t imagine making more than one kind of vegetable as being a difficult task. If you choose not to do that he should have the choice not to eat something he doesn’t like without hearing you nag.

You can’t have it both ways. You want to give up the mothering role, it’s not your job to make a grown man eat anything. As far as picking out his clothes if this has become very bothersome ask him to pick out his own but than don’t criticize his choices. As far as ailments he probably trusts your knowledge. I’m guessing there are small things he does for you that escapes your notice just as there are things you do for him.

 

[Catholic90]

For goodness sake folks, I’m not putting a bib on the man and spoon feeding him brussel sprouts! That’s good! I tried a different cooking method to see if he could tolerate the durn things, and he said they were better cooked that way. That’s what I meant by “he choked them down,” just that he ate them even though he still didn’t like them just to try the new cooking method I had attempted.

Honestly, we’re just going to have to disagree on this whole “cook a whole bunch of different things so that everyone gets what they want.” I was not raised that way, I will not raise my children that way, that’s just really bad manners to not accept graciously what is is served to you. It is also not good parenting to FORCE children to eat something they strongly dislike! I always offered a few choices, and when they were younger they had to try 1 bite, but if they did not like it, that was the end of it. They did not have to eat it. If they absolutely liked nothing for dinner (rare), they could always make themselves a PBJ sandwich. What is wrong with offering 2 choices - corn for him and brussel sprouts for you? It really is not that hard! The world does not work that way either. Sometimes you gotta take what life gives you and not complain. But not usually dinner in your own home!

 

[Island_Oak]

Given the weight and health issues most people are struggling with these days, it would hardly hurt anyone and likely help to have a variety of fresh veggies AND fruit for dinner.

This week, fr’instance, for our family of 5: Sun. we had marinated gingered chicken, jasmine rice w/ currants, sauteed fresh corn cut off the cob, roasted zuccini; Mon.: grilled salmon, kobe beef hot dogs (1 kid won’t eat salmon), curried rice w/ lime, garbanzo beans and lentils, steamed green beans with lemon, rainier cherries & sliced peaches. Tonight, since it’s been raining most of the day, it’s French onion soup and a tossed green salad + maybe a bowl of red + green grapes. All local, fresh from the farmer’s market, healthy and no one leaves the table hungry.

Try and introduce some variety…you might expand your options…

 

[kage_ar]

I was the queen picky eater as a child. Thank GOD mom and dad never made food a power struggle.

I hated tomato sauce. If mom made spaghetti or lasagna, she would leave some pasta out plain for me.

Dad hated peas. If she fixed peas, there would also be green beans or corn.

Mom made sure that there was one thing on the table that all 6 of us liked. We were free to eat a meal of the one thing we liked.

You do not have to fix a separate meal for everyone, just, give everyone something to eat.