When and how does mothering your husband become a detriment to marriage?

[SwizzleStick]

That’s why I asked in my above post if the op’s husband was color blind.

I know I should have done more reading before I posted at all (I hadn’t seen your post until you directed me to it), but I went with my first reaction instead.

My husband drives much more aggressively than I do, faster and such, and with his partial color blindness, sometimes seeing the lights for him is challenging and makes riding with him, um, interesting. I comment too frequently on his driving. Perhaps some might use the term “mothering” in regards to my comments, but I consider it “nagging.” So does he. So, maybe I do “mother” my husband in some ways. I just didn’t realize anyone would think of it as such. And, to be honest, I’d prefer not to because I just don’t associate my husband with that at all.

 

[GhostMan]

Sorry, fellas, but I don’t care if your biggest fear is to have your wife turn into a mother. YOU did that to her. So help her carry the load. Most women here have worked full time at some point in their lives. They can relate to your job and fatigue. But at the end of the day you come home and work is done till the next morning. They are still wife/mom/homemaker all evening, all night and into the morning. And doing it with pregnancy. You cannot walk in those shoes ever. So don’t judge. I’ve seen husbands who actually help their wives. They prove it can be done cheerfully and lovingly. And their wives often are grateful. And have more energy to then give back to them.

Sorry, wrong. God creatred the mother. We don’t mind you being wife and mother, but to reject us because you now have something more interesting is to reject your role as wife.

Your post is insulting and demeaning to men. I’m sorry you married a loser, but stop lumping all men into that camp, Some of us feed the bady, change her, get up at night and walk her, take off from work to take her to the doctor. You are tired? What did you expect? It is this type if smack over the head man hatred that drives me crazy her. The OP is angry that her husband won’t eat beets. Someone suggested, in a later thread, that her children may be in danger. Don’t you see the over the top bashing of husbands here? Aren’t you tired of slapping half the human race with a giant bat? Sheesh. She said she is tired of doing kind acts because she is now a mother and you don’t correct her? If a man complained that his nursing wife would not give him sex you’d eviserate him. Have some sense of equality. You - not the quoted person, nor the OP, jsut the general thrust of women here - seem to dispise all that is man. Sorry, gals, we are created in God’s image too. You may dislike the image, but take it up with the Creator.

Sigh is there a single woman who doesn’t hate the man she married? Is there a content woman? A woman who doesn’t long for a reason to invalidate her marriage?

Unfair of me? Maybe, but read the countless threads about the evils of men and get back to me.

The threads about men and porn get 1000s of posts. The threads about women disrespecting men die a lonely death. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[rayne89]

Sorry, wrong. God creatred the mother. We don’t mind you being wife and mother, but to reject us because you now have something more interesting is to reject your role as wife.

Your post is insulting and demeaning to men. I’m sorry you married a loser, but stop lumping all men into that camp, Some of us feed the bady, change her, get up at night and walk her, take off from work to take her to the doctor. You are tired? What did you expect? It is this type if smack over the head man hatred that drives me crazy her. The OP is angry that her husband won’t eat beets. Someone suggested, in a later thread, that her children may be in danger. Don’t you see the over the top bashing of husbands here? Aren’t you tired of slapping half the human race with a giant bat? Sheesh. She said she is tired of doing kind acts because she is now a mother and you don’t correct her? If a man complained that his nursing wife would not give him sex you’d eviserate him. Have some sense of equality. You - not the quoted person, nor the OP, jsut the general thrust of women here - seem to dispise all that is man. Sorry, gals, we are created in God’s image too. You may dislike the image, but take it up with the Creator.

Sigh is there a single woman who doesn’t hate the man she married? Is there a content woman? A woman who doesn’t long for a reason to invalidate her marriage?

Unfair of me? Maybe, but read the countless threads about the evils of men and get back to me.

The threads about men and porn get 1000s of posts. The threads about women disrespecting men die a lonely death. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Wow…
Um I adore my husband . I loved being married. I think the male species is awesome. You didn’t see a group of women running into the World Trade Center to save those people did you? Men are natural protectors and providers. (You always get some exceptions but the majority are.)

This is a silly example but the first that comes to mind. I watched the movie Black Hawk Down a few years back. After the movie was over I said to my husband men are just awesome creatures. How do you guys do that? :bowdown2: To go into a circumstance of near certain death to try to save others. Just amazing to me. Now not every man is a an Army Ranger but they just have that type of thing built in and I love that about men. My husband works long hours in a stinky, grimy shop so I can be a 90% stay-at-home mom. There have been times when there was mandatory over that he worked more than 30 days straight with no time off. So yeah I can make something besides lima beans for dinner and call to make his doctor appointments for him.

I am so far from a man hater its not even funny. So there.

 

[deb1]

Sorry, wrong. God creatred the mother. We don’t mind you being wife and mother, but to reject us because you now have something more interesting is to reject your role as wife.

Your post is insulting and demeaning to men. I’m sorry you married a loser, but stop lumping all men into that camp, Some of us feed the bady, change her, get up at night and walk her, take off from work to take her to the doctor. You are tired? What did you expect? It is this type if smack over the head man hatred that drives me crazy her. The OP is angry that her husband won’t eat beets. Someone suggested, in a later thread, that her children may be in danger. Don’t you see the over the top bashing of husbands here? Aren’t you tired of slapping half the human race with a giant bat? Sheesh. She said she is tired of doing kind acts because she is now a mother and you don’t correct her? If a man complained that his nursing wife would not give him sex you’d eviserate him. Have some sense of equality. You - not the quoted person, nor the OP, jsut the general thrust of women here - seem to dispise all that is man. Sorry, gals, we are created in God’s image too. You may dislike the image, but take it up with the Creator.

Sigh is there a single woman who doesn’t hate the man she married? Is there a content woman? A woman who doesn’t long for a reason to invalidate her marriage?

Unfair of me? Maybe, but read the countless threads about the evils of men and get back to me.

The threads about men and porn get 1000s of posts. The threads about women disrespecting men die a lonely death. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think that all the posts that I have written about my hubby have been positive. He is a wonderful man, so it is easy to write nice things about him.

I stay off threads about porn, for the most part, because we don’t have that problem in my house. I wouldn’t add anything to the discussion.

My hubby works long hours AND goes to school full time, so that he can one day provide a better living for our family. He is a hero to our children and a great man. And to top all that off, he still surprises me with flowers sometimes. Yeah, he is a bit of a slob and still likes video games but I can deal with those faults, just like, I hope that he can deal with my eccentricities.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Sorry, wrong. God creatred the mother. We don’t mind you being wife and mother, but to reject us because you now have something more interesting is to reject your role as wife.

Your post is insulting and demeaning to men. I’m sorry you married a loser, but stop lumping all men into that camp, Some of us feed the bady, change her, get up at night and walk her, take off from work to take her to the doctor. You are tired? What did you expect? It is this type if smack over the head man hatred that drives me crazy her. The OP is angry that her husband won’t eat beets. Someone suggested, in a later thread, that her children may be in danger. Don’t you see the over the top bashing of husbands here? Aren’t you tired of slapping half the human race with a giant bat? Sheesh. She said she is tired of doing kind acts because she is now a mother and you don’t correct her? If a man complained that his nursing wife would not give him sex you’d eviserate him. Have some sense of equality. You - not the quoted person, nor the OP, jsut the general thrust of women here - seem to dispise all that is man. Sorry, gals, we are created in God’s image too. You may dislike the image, but take it up with the Creator.

Sigh is there a single woman who doesn’t hate the man she married? Is there a content woman? A woman who doesn’t long for a reason to invalidate her marriage?

Unfair of me? Maybe, but read the countless threads about the evils of men and get back to me.

The threads about men and porn get 1000s of posts. The threads about women disrespecting men die a lonely death. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Wow. What are you talking about? Where in the world did all of this come from? And how did you arrive here? I love my husband. I’m not his mother. I am his wife, his partner, his lover, his helpmate, the mother of his children, one half of him and together we make a whole. We will remain thus until one of us ceases to draw breath. Then, hopefully, while here, we will have lived in such a way as to help each other enough that we both get to Heaven so we can enjoy the Beatific Vision together there.

I do NOT hate my husband and I do NOT long to invalidate my wedding vows. You have no idea what you are talking about and your remarks are offensive and very insulting. How dare you make such statements about something you know NOTHING about? I’ll say a prayer for you today because JC might like that, but you are way off the mark, sir.

 

[tapiocapudding]

Add me to the club of women who adore their husbands. Sure he has his faults. But I’m of the opinion that my own faults are a lot a worse But honestly in this thread it seems most of us love our DHs. I don’t see many examples of women disrespecting their husbands at all.

 

[deb1]

I will agree with Ghost man partially. THere are some very vocal women who enjoy complaining and whining about men in general. If he is exposed to this type of behavior, I could see why it would make him mad. But guess what, it makes us women mad also.

I think though, that for the most part, the women on this thread have not been male bashing. I can’t speak for other threads because I haven’t been on every thread on this forum. Let me say that I don’t think that the OP is male bashing either.

I’ve wanted to start a thread asking women the most effective way to deal when other women start b^%$#ing about men but I couldn’t come up with a good title.

But remember Ghostman, if you begin to believe that all women act in a rude, obnoxious way then you are as guilty as those women of stereotyping.

Let’s don’t get off topic here. If you can think of a good title for such a thread Ghostman, email me or better yet, start the thread. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised at how many females agree with you on this issue.

 

[whatevergirl]

Okay, I have done that, but I only help him. And, that is because he is partly color blind and asks me sometimes if something is blue or black or if something matches. Or, if he has put together a questionable combination, I’ll mention it to him. Is helping him out in that regard considered “mothering?” I don’t consider it such. I consider it helping him.

I don’t consider it mothering, either.

 

[aurora77]

Sigh is there a single woman who doesn’t hate the man she married? Is there a content woman? A woman who doesn’t long for a reason to invalidate her marriage?

I adore my husband. He’s the strongest, kindest, most amazing man on the planet, even if he doesn’t eat his veggies.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Wow, Ghostman, I never said all men were losers. And since you quoted me, I’ll answer. My post was in response to an unkind comment about men who whine when their wives have babies and become (shocking!) MOTHERS. And how sad the men are now that they aren’t being mommied like before. Boo frickin’ hoo.

That’s life. It’s called being a grown-up. Adjust. Or stay single and play the field and be a little boy forever.

Too many men should have done that.

I did not say every man. I specifically mentioned that there are many men who help with the baby, diaper, clean up after themselves and don’t stand at the head of the line of people demanding the poor tired woman attend to their needs first.

I must have struck a nerve, though.

Wow. Just wow.

I’ll repeat, unless you have ever been pregnant, you can never know how tiring that is on top of everything else.

And for the record, I adore men. Just not the one I married who changed right after the wedding and bragged to people when his firstborn was two that he had never changed a diaper.

Here, I’ll quote your own very uncharitable post where you accuse women of being passive-aggressive because women who have never given birth before find out after their wedding and when they have a baby how much they change physically and how taxing it is, and so their desire to wait on hubby hand and foot is altered.

Nice, Ghostman!

As a husband, I really, really think you’re being dismissive when you say that now you’re a mother and you have to transfer nurturing from your husband to your children. No, actually you don’t. It seems like you had a long run of time with just the two of you, now you’re blessed with children you want to change the arrangements.

What I’m reading is a pretty passive/aggressive attitiude towards your husband; you seem to want to punish him for not doing what you want, how you want, when you want by taking away the acts of kindness you have languished upon him for a dozen years.

That will work, if you want a husband who throws his love and attention into the children, his hobbies, his job, sports, etc. It’s up to you. This isn’t about turnips; it’s about an attitude.

Marriage is a continual act of servanthood towards the other person. Everyday, without fail.

Men fear the transformation you are making. They marry a woman who is a friend, lover and companion and fear that she will turn into her mother. Not in a physical sense, but in a sense that she identifies with the title “mommie” more than “darling wife”.

You’re a mommie, congratulations. God has richly blessed you. If it defines you, though, then you’re husband will be in mourning for the rest of his life. Find a balance

So you’re accusing the woman of essentially playing bait and switch. Until anyone has a child, they cannot know how that will profoundly alter them and their identity.

Yeah, servanthood. It’s a two-way street. And sometimes both are slaves to young children and must put their own needs on the backburner. The last thing a woman needs when she is trying her hardest is a man whining that she is turning into her mother. Sadly too many men stay “husband” and never adjust to “father.” And the woman does all the work. If that wasn’t you, why did you yelp when I threw that rock?

 

[Sabda]

Wow, this thread has taken an interesting turn. To an extent I do agree with Ghostman. I have been on other forums that were strictly ‘mother forums’. I can not believe the negative attitude some of these women have about their husbands. It’s as if the man can do no right. While we may not have many women like that on this board, they are out there.

 

[whatevergirl]

I adore my husband. He’s the strongest, kindest, most amazing man on the planet, even if he doesn’t eat his veggies.

I agree…I love my husband more and more daily…I don’t know if I even knew what love truly was before meeting him…I always believed the cultural view of it…but, it really is about sacrifice, and my husband is very sacrificing, and loves the kids and me to pieces. It shows in his actions, and I could not imagine life without him. We are truly blessed.