When is NFP morally acceptable in marriage?

[mdmealey]

The best guide you can use when deciding whether it is licit to use NFP is to ask yourself this question:

“Does love call for it?”

If a husband sees that his wife is overwhelmed and that another child would hurt her emotionally or spiritually, then love calls for NFP and abstinence.

If a wife sees that her husband is stressed because of finances and that another baby would further stress and burden him, then loves calls for NFP and abstinence.

If a couple wants to space their children 4 years apart because they believe that the best way to love their children is to give them the most attention they can in the early years, then love calls for NFP.

If a couple wants to space their children 15 months apart because they believe the best way to love their children is to give them many siblings, then love calls for NFP (at least for a few months).

See what I mean?

Don’t let anyone guilt you into deciding when you’re ready to have a child. “I’m not emotionally or spiritually ready to have a baby right now” is not a smokescreen for “I’m selfish and materialistic and want to contracept using NFP.” Jesus came to free us from the legalism I’ve seen many practicing Catholics fall into when it comes to NFP.They seem to have this idea that you must have a default number of children (usually 8-10) and only when the mother has cancer should you abstain (but really, it’s preferable just to “let go and let God.”) Rubbish!! God gave us the wonderful gift of NFP, the gift of reason, and the gift of the Holy Spirit to discern if love calls for avoiding pregnancy or generously offering to welcome a new soul. God wants our joyful cooperation in the creation of new souls; he doesn’t want it to be a resentful duty put onto us by others who want to judge our holiness by externals like family size.

For a great article about this, see theuniversityconcourse.com/VII,1,4-20-2002/vanSchaijik.htm

All that being said, I can say as a mother that having chidren will bring great love into your life and marriage and sanctify you both more than just about anything. Take the road less traveled and have your babies sooner rather than later…but only if Love himself calls you to do so. =) (IOW, pray about it!)

I’m a sympto-thermal NFP teacher. You can contact me via my profile if you have any more questions or would just like to talk more about this. Hope this helps.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Well said mdmealy!


Malia

 

[Youngcatholic]

It is this idea of mandated responsibility in parenthood that makes me hesitate to have children right away. In ways, I already want to have children and start our family. I guess it’s kind of like Christ’s life- He knew (at a point) that his purpose of becoming human was to suffer and die, but He didn’t rush off to be crucified as soon as He realized that was His Father’s Will. That isn’t to say that He wasn’t ready or willing to die, and wanting to give of Himself for us at any moment, but that he knew there were other important things He needed to accomplish before that. In the same way, FI and I know our vocation together lies in parenthood, and even though we may wait, we are ready, willing, and even desiring to have children as soon as we can licitly do so.

This is a really good point!!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

vluvski:

It is this idea of mandated responsibility in parenthood that makes me hesitate to have children right away. In ways, I already want to have children and start our family. I guess it’s kind of like Christ’s life- He knew (at a point) that his purpose of becoming human was to suffer and die, but He didn’t rush off to be crucified as soon as He realized that was His Father’s Will. That isn’t to say that He wasn’t ready or willing to die, and wanting to give of Himself for us at any moment, but that he knew there were other important things He needed to accomplish before that. In the same way, FI and I know our vocation together lies in parenthood, and even though we may wait, we are ready, willing, and even desiring to have children as soon as we can licitly do so.

Trying to do God’s will when you realize it is not really “rushing” it. It can actually be what God wants. Jesus’ always did His Father’s Will, when and how He was supposed to. The fact that He wasn’t crucified before was because it was not His Father’s Will, if it would have been His Will to do it earlier, Jesus would have done it earlier. In Jesus’ case it wasn’t earlier, but in other people’s case it can be. (St. Agustine comes to mind, hehe)

 

[vluvski]

This weekend FI and I met with our marriage prep priest. Our sessions so far have been very informal, since we are well-ahead of the prescribed 6 month period. I’ve let FI take care of arranging all of the church requirements since I’m keeping myself busy with the more frivolous concerns of the wedding. He had asked the priest if there were some specific topics we could cover, and the priest said Ok, but he gave no indication as to what he had in mind. We had plans to bring up the NFP issue, but didn’t mention it ahead of time.
When we got through the general “How’s the new job? How’s school?” dialog, he explained that he thought the single most beneficial thing to do in order to build a strong marriage would be to embrace the Theology of the Body, particularly by practicing NFP rather than use ABC. I guess it would have been difficult for him to ascertain where we stood on the issue since we never brought it up with him before, so it was really great to hear him speak with such conviction, yet with such love, compassion, and understanding by presenting the call to chastity in marriage as something that will bring us closer together and to God, rather than ‘just another set of rules.’
At that point, we explained that we’re already in agreement with the Church’s teaching, that we both have copies of Theology of the Body, and that we’re trying to discern the propriety of having children right away versus postponing children.
Aside from the extremes of “we’re not having kids” or “we’re only having one [perfect] child,” and “we’re going to have a child every 2 years for the extent of our fertility” (he didn’t include the ‘let go and let God’ option some people prefer), our priest recommended that we pray about it and come to an agreement together as to when and how long we will use NFP to postpone a pregnancy. He implied that this approach lends itself better to the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law.
For those of you who have offered private conversation, I may take you up on it when I have more time.
Peace!