I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, and perhaps it’s just my anecdotal experiences, but from reading the break-up stories here and from other experiences, I notice that women are very adept at considering you as dead to them if their love/romance for you is gone. Like the song, she becomes “as cold as ice” when it comes to the man whose heart she has just broken. I hope I’m conveying the phenomenon I’m thinking of here.
How come women are so good at this?
Well, a lot of times, men say that they came home, and she was gone, no notice whatsoever. However, if they would be honest with themselves, I think in the majority of cases, there were signs there was trouble, but this got ignored, sometimes months or years.
Some women say, repeatedly, what the problem is, ask for help, but the man will often say it’s not his problem. Sometimes, she will ask, even beg him to go to counseling. Again, that often doesn’t happen, either. Often, they hear things like, “It’s YOU! YOUR problem!” Okay, so she goes alone.
She may distance herself progressively more in almost predictable stages, if one knows what to look for.
She usually goes through the SAME stages of a breakup as the man, in many cases, just before he does. When she is warning him there’s trouble, and he’s going on, ignoring her, that’s when her love is starting to die.
She may not be able to confide in him, talk to him, feels uncared about, unloved, unappreciated, disrepected, in many cases.
She often will not get the emotional support she’s looking for, be at least tempted to look outside the relationship for what she would like to get within the relationship.
If men would only listen. I don’t know what it is about men. Women basically shout, and it often takes a wakeup call, like leaving him before he’ll realize there’s a problem. He will act like it’s a surprise.
In some cases, there will be no talking, intimacy. There will be fighting, disagreements, or intimacy only for sex’s sake, no love. Sometimes, the man is the only one getting pleasure there, a very one-sided, selfish act of “love”, not noticing his partner is often never satisfied, just going through the motions for him.
There can be a feeling that there will be this fighting, or not speaking, and then the man will come together, just want sex, or maybe not even that.
If the woman gives him sex, she can feel that he will interpret this to mean “All’s well”. So, some women try to give a stronger message, move into a separate bedroom. Sometimes, even this isn’t enough, and it takes moving out of the house.
It can practically take hitting the man over the head before he will admit something’s wrong, often blame the woman 100% for what wrong, not realizing that in the majority of cases, he often played at least a part.
To say the woman is 100% responsible for the breakup, and he is 0% responsible usually isn’t accurate. In most cases, it’s both. Sometimes, it is also the man that makes the woman’s life difficult for a bunch of reasons, but he may not want to see, or admit that.
It’s just often easier to blame the woman.
I think many, if not most, women would love to be in a loving relationship and marriage. However, after the marriage, it can be quite disappointing, becoming routine, drudgery, boring. The chase is often gone, zero romance. If there’s sex, that’s it, but no romance.
For a woman, romance can feel tantamount to love. It can help women get through all kinds of things, I suspect, from childbirth right on down.
Sometimes, women put up with such thankless, tedious, ugly, disgusting work, changing poopy, smelly diapers. They can be viewed as someone who doesn’t “work”, because it isn’t outside the home. Women can feel so unappreciated, put down.
It can be less than intellectually stimulating.
Sometimes, housework, cleaning toilets, kids fighting, not getting enough sleep and rest can be quite exhausting.
I think most women wish there would be a remnant of courtship after marriage, but generally, the “dating” all but stops not long after the rings are exchanged.
A lot of women more or less NEED romance to function, sexually. Otherwise, sex becomes just another bodily function. Sex for women, for example, is largely emotional and mental.
Men often miss the point, think women need bigger, but maybe she’d just like a man who touches her because he cares, not because he wants something from her, is trying to get somewhere.
If men could ever “get” this, they could probably actually have the women in their lives eating out of their hands instead of wanting to divorce them.
When you date, there are all these expressions of love…gifts, flowers, going out. It’s just disappointing when it ends is all, and it’s hard. There’s a longing for that stage when there was passion, romance, beauty, and love.
