When you keep falling back into the same sin...after confession

[whatevergirl]

Amen! This little book is a spiritual classic. It was a revelation to me. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

*I appreciate you chiming in here…I will definitely look into it.

Podo–thank you, also. I don’t know if they fall into mortal sins, but perhaps grave matter at times…impure thoughts I think (?) fall into grave matter. My motto? When in doubt, I confess…it’s just better that way. lol I love going to confession, sometimes life is hectic is all, and it can be difficult for me to get there, but glad I went today. And glad I asked the priest about my scruplous thinking at times…my penance didn’t seem very severe, so perhaps I am being scrupulous. I’m going to take his advice and not dwell! *

 

[po18guy]

My sister in Christ, it is precisely when we have been absolved of sin that we are most attractive to the evil one. He detests the purity and cleanliness of a soul which has been absolved of sin. He waits to lead you astray. He wants you to lose hope. He seeks that you fall into despair over repeated sin. The merciful Lord knows your every strength and weakness. Fight to overcome your weaknesses, but rely on Jesus, Who alone has overcome this world.

As the priest absolves us, we must then resolve to actively avoid that which leads us to sin. The evil one will send you temptations immediately after reconciliation. Post-reconciliation is a time of relief, but also one of watchfulness. Try the Saint Michael prayer immediately after reconciliation. He waits to do battle on your behalf.

Once we realize that it is the ego which leads to sin; that the devil is the very essence of ego, we will find it easier (but still not easy) to avoid that which we are naturally inclined to do. Pray to know yourself as both the Lord and the devil know you. It is then that you will receive the wisdom to avoid sin in all of its forms.

Also know that you walk the same path as Saint Paul. He was plagued by a sense of sinfulness throughout his ministry. This sense of our sinful nature is a grace from God which keeps our egos in check.

Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[whatevergirl]

Pray to know yourself as both the Lord and the devil know you.

This is perhaps one of the most remarkable posts I have read in my nearly 4 yrs of being on CAF. Thank you very much for this! Yes, I find for some reason…it’s the first 48 hours after confession that I start ‘‘feeling’’ tempted to fall into old sin patterns again, whatever they may be…grave, or venial. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t alone in thinking this…I sometimes envision the devil pacing outside of the confessional, frothing at the mouth, waiting to get a hold of us again. Í can’t thank you enough for saying this to me, here. :hug1:

 

[po18guy]

Thank you very much for this!

If it was at all useful, all praise goes to the Lord.

It is the least I can do in partial repayment for all of your prayers. Amen!

 

[Elizabeth502]

Responding to the Opening Post:

Worry and anxiety are not sins, even venial ones. They are psychological states. People who worry too much (I’m one of them) need some humor in their lives, some perspective, and to stop taking themselves so seriously.


Impure thoughts, when not carelessly or deliberately indulged in, can be merely temptations – particularly, as I say, when not sought – when an effort is made to avoid or escape them. They are all around us! I just had to turn the TV channel because some erotic scene was on some drama episode, without warning. One can be tempted, or distracted, but not assent and not prolong those temptations and distractions. When we succeed, those aren’t sins: they’re little triumphs.

Be of light heart.

 

[Lauds]

I go to confession at least once per month, sometimes twice. I don’t know if I’m being too scrupulous, or not, but let’s say, I confess the sin of worry…or anxiety…or having impure thoughts…whatever the sin might be, and I truly mean to avoid what leads me to that sin, but then a few days later, I find myself ‘‘falling,’’ should I go back to confess that same thing? I guess this could go with any sins…but, just wondering if anyone here has this same issue at times, with sins that you might struggle with? Not saying you shouldn’t confess those sins again, but if something becomes almost automatic…like you truly don’t intend to sin in that way ever again after confess…you really try to live a repentant life…but you stumble, is that considered a mortal sin, do you think? Maybe that is more of what I’m trying to ask. Thanks for your help with this.

Most people are struggling with the same old sins over & over, this is their weakness, & they will probably be fighting it till the day they leave this earth. I confess mostly the same sins over & over, One time I sat out on the Church parking lot deciding if I should even go in with the same old sins I sat there about 20 minutes, I decided to go in Or God decided for me, through his grace, I started with my confession by saying Father I am here with the same old sins over & over again, I told him I sat on parking lot deciding if I should even go to confession, he told me he was so happy that the devil didnt win out & told me no matter how often I fail, to keep coming to confession. He thought it was a beautiful thing that the devil didn`t win out.

 

[whatevergirl]

If it was at all useful, all praise goes to the Lord.

It is the least I can do in partial repayment for all of your prayers. Amen!

:hug1:

 

[whatevergirl]

Most people are struggling with the same old sins over & over, this is their weakness, & they will probably be fighting it till the day they leave this earth. I confess mostly the same sins over & over, One time I sat out on the Church parking lot deciding if I should even go in with the same old sins I sat there about 20 minutes, I decided to go in Or God decided for me, through his grace, I started with my confession by saying Father I am here with the same old sins over & over again, I told him I sat on parking lot deciding if I should even go to confession, he told me he was so happy that the devil didnt win out & told me no matter how often I fail, to keep coming to confession. He thought it was a beautiful thing that the devil didn`t win out.

I think I’ve done this a time or two as well…ha (sitting in car debating going inside) I am glad to see I’m not alone…thanks for your thoughts.

 

[whatevergirl]

Responding to the Opening Post:

Worry and anxiety are not sins, even venial ones. They are psychological states. People who worry too much (I’m one of them) need some humor in their lives, some perspective, and to stop taking themselves so seriously.


Impure thoughts, when not carelessly or deliberately indulged in, can be merely temptations – particularly, as I say, when not sought – when an effort is made to avoid or escape them. They are all around us! I just had to turn the TV channel because some erotic scene was on some drama episode, without warning. One can be tempted, or distracted, but not assent and not prolong those temptations and distractions. When we succeed, those aren’t sins: they’re little triumphs.

Be of light heart.

*Yes, sometimes something will pop up on tv, just out of nowhere…and maybe that thought will stir in my mind for longer than it should. Those types of ‘fleeting impure’ thoughts…we live in a fallen world, I always tell God the simple prayer of the tax collector…’‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’’

I appreciate your insights, thank you kindly. *

 

[Bookcat]

*I appreciate you chiming in here…I will definitely look into it.

Podo–thank you, also. I don’t know if they fall into mortal sins, but perhaps grave matter at times…impure thoughts I think (?) fall into grave matter. My motto? When in doubt, I confess…it’s just better that way. lol I love going to confession, sometimes life is hectic is all, and it can be difficult for me to get there, but glad I went today. And glad I asked the priest about my scruplous thinking at times…my penance didn’t seem very severe, so perhaps I am being scrupulous. I’m going to take his advice and not dwell! *

Yes impure thoughts are grave matter. But one needs full knowledge and complete consent (deliberate).

oh and partial consent…venial sin not mortal.

As to scruples…it is normally recommended not to confess doubtful sins…

so I am not so sure …if one wants to have the ‘when in doubt confess’ approach if one is tending in that direction…(of course one can include all ones sins in the summary at the end…‘and all my sins’…) for one is only obliged to confess mortal sins…not those that one is doubtful about (and of course if one is on the other end…lax…then it is more advised to confess them)

and I will add too that if we do we need to say they are doubtful or at least doubtful that the are mortal (if the matter is grave and we are not sure we gave full consent)

 

[Bookcat]

Regarding when one is tempted and one wonders if one gave compete consent to such thoughts…various theological works give some helpful signs of not having complete consent…such as:

being half asleep…distracted by another matter and hardly noticing the thought…after the act or thought one scarcely remembers what happened…one hesitates but does not want to offend God and so after the moments of hesitation one rejects the temptation…one resists thoughts but in a half hearted way or in a weak manner putting up half resistance (hence partial consent so perhaps a venial sin)…

 

[Bookcat]

hummmm…by the way…one of the venial sins I confessed yesterday…already committed today!

Good thing there is prayer too

 

[mangy_dog]

I go to confession at least once per month, sometimes twice. I don’t know if I’m being too scrupulous, or not, but let’s say, I confess the sin of worry…or anxiety…or having impure thoughts…whatever the sin might be, and I truly mean to avoid what leads me to that sin, but then a few days later, I find myself ‘‘falling,’’ should I go back to confess that same thing? I guess this could go with any sins…but, just wondering if anyone here has this same issue at times, with sins that you might struggle with? Not saying you shouldn’t confess those sins again, but if something becomes almost automatic…like you truly don’t intend to sin in that way ever again after confess…you really try to live a repentant life…but you stumble, is that considered a mortal sin, do you think? Maybe that is more of what I’m trying to ask. Thanks for your help with this.

Recurring sin after continuous confession requires drastic measures.

I speak from experience. You mustbreak away from people places and things that keep you from avoiding the “near occasions of sin”.

If it’s infidelity…do not see that other person again.
If it’s pornography…do not look, access or hold on to anything even lightly “adult material”.
If it’s a location…don’t return there.

You get the picture?

Breakaway completely!! and continue going to confession regularly because it is the inexhaustible source of renewable grace.

 

[OraLabora]

Some habitual sin is so ingrained in our personality that it is difficult to overcome. This can be due to psychological wounds we received as a child, patterns instilled into us by relations with our significant others (parents, siblings), or whatever. For example my wife was brought up in a hyper-critical family. Nothing was ever right, and the thing about her that drives me nuts is her inability to freely accept something done for her out of love, without attaching a criticism to it (“thanks for doing the laundry, but next time could you fold it this way…”).

Unfortunately some of the patterns are very bad, for example sexual, physical or emotional abuse as a child can lead to some very serious problems as adults including sexual sin.

Are these mortal sins? I rather doubt it. For example if you habitually lie because as a child you needed to do it to spare yourself a beating, I doubt habitual lying as an adult is a mortal sin. But if you didn’t have that issue as a child, and tell a whopper now to say, avoid paying too much tax or being caught with your pants down, that is probably mortal.

So for those things ingrained in you, you need to go back to the source, identify the reasons, forgive yourself (and if you can, those who harmed you), and then with the help of a confessor try to break the pattern. It won’t be easy and you will repeatedly fail, but you don’t need to beat yourself up and go to confession every single week over the same thing, but you should probably still avail yourself of the sacrament.

 

[whatevergirl]

Recurring sin after continuous confession requires drastic measures.

I speak from experience. You mustbreak away from people places and things that keep you from avoiding the “near occasions of sin”.

If it’s infidelity…do not see that other person again.
If it’s pornography…do not look, access or hold on to anything even lightly “adult material”.
If it’s a location…don’t return there.

You get the picture?

Breakaway completely!! and continue going to confession regularly because it is the inexhaustible source of renewable grace.

*Well, I’m not battling infidelity or porn or anything along those lines…but I know what you are saying. I have decided to not watch certain shows, as they can be near occasions of sins…of dwelling on impure images. I think that so much of our everday advertising, and seemingly what should be innocent shows on tv, can become near occasions of sin. The devil is alive and well–everywhere it seems. Thanks for your thoughts here…and I agree about going to confession regularly…there is nothing better than the feeling of being able to start anew, also, that I love about the healing component of confession. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Some habitual sin is so ingrained in our personality that it is difficult to overcome. This can be due to psychological wounds we received as a child, patterns instilled into us by relations with our significant others (parents, siblings), or whatever. For example my wife was brought up in a hyper-critical family. Nothing was ever right, and the thing about her that drives me nuts is her inability to freely accept something done for her out of love, without attaching a criticism to it (“thanks for doing the laundry, but next time could you fold it this way…”).

Unfortunately some of the patterns are very bad, for example sexual, physical or emotional abuse as a child can lead to some very serious problems as adults including sexual sin.

Are these mortal sins? I rather doubt it. For example if you habitually lie because as a child you needed to do it to spare yourself a beating, I doubt habitual lying as an adult is a mortal sin. But if you didn’t have that issue as a child, and tell a whopper now to say, avoid paying too much tax or being caught with your pants down, that is probably mortal.

So for those things ingrained in you, you need to go back to the source, identify the reasons, forgive yourself (and if you can, those who harmed you), and then with the help of a confessor try to break the pattern. It won’t be easy and you will repeatedly fail, but you don’t need to beat yourself up and go to confession every single week over the same thing, but you should probably still avail yourself of the sacrament.

Can I just say that your post here is so beautiful, I am speechless. I do think that some of the recurring sins I confess, do come from a dysfunctional childhood. My parents died when I was 10…my dad died when I was 9 from cancer, my mom the same year, in a car accident. That said, my sister raised me…and my BIL (her ex husband now) verball abused me…I grew up turning to the outside world for affirmation…namely men. I am happily married and don’t have THAT problem, but I still on a rare occasion, turn to secular things for comfort and affirmation. I didn’t think about that much, until reading your post here. Thank you! Your post can help countless others, no doubt. :tiphat:

 

[OraLabora]

Can I just say that your post here is so beautiful, I am speechless. I do think that some of the recurring sins I confess, do come from a dysfunctional childhood. My parents died when I was 10…my dad died when I was 9 from cancer, my mom the same year, in a car accident. That said, my sister raised me…and my BIL (her ex husband now) verball abused me…I grew up turning to the outside world for affirmation…namely men. I am happily married and don’t have THAT problem, but I still on a rare occasion, turn to secular things for comfort and affirmation. I didn’t think about that much, until reading your post here. Thank you! Your post can help countless others, no doubt. :tiphat:

I also had a dysfunctional parent (my mother) that cause me grave harm as a child. Without going into details, her dysfunction caused great harm to my confidence as a male, and haunts me to this day in adult life, and I’m 51 years old.

So I feel your pain which in some ways seems like exactly mine with gender roles reversed.

 

[whatevergirl]

I also had a dysfunctional parent (my mother) that cause me grave harm as a child. Without going into details, her dysfunction caused great harm to my confidence as a male, and haunts me to this day in adult life, and I’m 51 years old.

So I feel your pain which in some ways seems like exactly mine with gender roles reversed.

I’m not glad for your pain that you suffered as a kid, but glad to know that we can share that together, and offer our sufferings to Christ. We all carry crosses to bear, and I think God permits them so we can help others, do you agree? Although, I get weary of some of mine. A hug for you, prayers that your burdens too get lighter! :hug1:

 

[OraLabora]

I’m not glad for your pain that you suffered as a kid, but glad to know that we can share that together, and offer our sufferings to Christ. We all carry crosses to bear, and I think God permits them so we can help others, do you agree? Although, I get weary of some of mine. A hug for you, prayers that your burdens too get lighter! :hug1:

Thanks, yes we all have our crosses to bear and mine has been fairly weighty lately. So hugs and prayers returned!

When it gets too heavy, I like to sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and hand over the problem to Christ. It seems to work!