Where does a single man meet a good, single woman?

[Thorns]

What the title says.

I have the “bad luck” of meeting very nice, sweet, moral women and clicking with them and getting along with them only to usually find out they’re engaged, or married, or in a serious relationship.

Or more bad luck. Women who are beautiful and nice and get along with me and like me very much in a more than friends type of way, again only to find out that theyre married and are trying to cheat on their husbands or get away from them.

How does a single Catholic man with the long term in mind find a good Catholic wife?

 

[UbiCaritas]

Well, DH and I met via Ave Maria Singles, so admit to a certain bias in their direction.

 

[Thorns]

Well, DH and I met via Ave Maria Singles, so admit to a certain bias in their direction.

Im scared of online dating. Its too easy for people to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Although I have heard many success stories like yours, I dont think online dating is for me.

 

[phil19034]

Im scared of online dating. Its too easy for people to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Although I have heard many success stories like yours, I dont think online dating is for me.

I would agree if you are talking about match.com or something like that. But using a Catholic dating site would be a little better.

Another place to meet a nice woman is at Sunday or Daily Mass at the local Cathedral or a large Church in the city.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

Online dating works for some, not for all. It’s very looks-based. Men under 5-8 may as well be invisible online, for instance. So a man has to bear deeper search costs to find out where those women are. Try parish and diocese-level activities, not necessarily singles organizations, what you want to try doing is building a social network. Will take awhile if at all successful so patience and prayer will be needed. Try secular activities as well, just with tighter filters for what you’re looking for. It’s important to get out of the house.

 

[Joe_5859]

Im scared of online dating. Its too easy for people to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Although I have heard many success stories like yours, I dont think online dating is for me.

To be fair, people have been pretending to be someone they’re not long before online dating was invented.

Not to say you have to use it. It’s not for everyone (I never went the online route). But perhaps you can leave the door open a crack rather than close the door on the possibility completely.

I agree with Zzyzx Road that building (or expanding) your social network is a good way to go. Any dating relationship I ever had came about from participation in shared activities rather than participating in something billed as a specifically “singles” event.

 

[Thorns]

Online dating works for some, not for all. It’s very looks-based. Men under 5-8 may as well be invisible online, for instance. So a man has to bear deeper search costs to find out where those women are. Try parish and diocese-level activities, not necessarily singles organizations, what you want to try doing is building a social network. Will take awhile if at all successful so patience and prayer will be needed. Try secular activities as well, just with tighter filters for what you’re looking for. It’s important to get out of the house.

Yea I realize that I dont have very many interests. The ones I do have are guy hobbies, so you never see females in the environments that my interests inhabit.

 

[maryjk]

I agree with Zzyzx Road that building (or expanding) your social network is a good way to go. Any dating relationship I ever had came about from participation in shared activities rather than participating in something billed as a specifically “singles” event.

Many of my friends have met their spouses through friends or through church activities. If you meet someone, other people will already know them. No lying about being married.

 

[Thorns]

To be fair, people have been pretending to be someone they’re not long before online dating was invented.

Not to say you have to use it. It’s not for everyone (I never went the online route). But perhaps you can leave the door open a crack rather than close the door on the possibility completely.

I agree with Zzyzx Road that building (or expanding) your social network is a good way to go. Any dating relationship I ever had came about from participation in shared activities rather than participating in something billed as a specifically “singles” event.

Oh i know the pretending bit existed long before the internet. Its just too easy for people to do that on the internet though. I feel you cant truly know someone through online interaction. And if you can only set up “dates” and meet up with someone without observing them in their “natural habitat” they could very well be living a double life and the internet makes that so easy to do.

 

[agapewolf]

Oh i know the pretending bit existed long before the internet. Its just too easy for people to do that on the internet though. I feel you cant truly know someone through online interaction. And if you can only set up “dates” and meet up with someone without observing them in their “natural habitat” they could very well be living a double life and the internet makes that so easy to do.

Online “dating” is not actually dating online. It’s a tool to be introduced. Just as one would go to a coffee shop and strike up a conversation with someone-- who you don’t know who they are or what they are about, you find a profile you like (and you have some information about the person already-- a filter), and you strike up a conversation. Just like if someone were to introduce you to someone, the site does it instead of a person. And you can read a bit about them before hand. (On some catholic sites, actually see where they stand on important issues). In my opinion, its better than the random risk of Joe somebody at mass or anywhere else.

Moving to meeting as soon as possible is the best way to go. The only way online functions as the introduction.

 

[altms]

A friend of mine told me a church is not a good place to meet a potential spouse, as everyone is at a ‘holy’ state…A good barometer would be a place where he/she is herself, e.g at work or school or home

Anyways, I met my girlfriend at work, and despite her outward beauty and likeable character, her fear of God and commitment to the church was the clincher for me.

 

[edwest2]

I would join a volunteer group. But God knows where I would find a real lady who wants to be treated like a lady nowadays. I’m the kind of guy who opens doors for her, buys her flowers, sends her cards and meets her for dinner, or takes her to dinner after we realize we’re compatible. I’d call other Churches and ask if they do community service work at a particular place or as a group.

I want a woman who takes her faith the right way. Sure, I want someone who’s smart, fun and attractive, but we should be on the same page regarding what we believe. No, we don’t have to have the same interests.

And online introduction services are not out of the question:

avemariasingles.com/about

Pray. It does work. Try to be patient and plan. Which I know is hard in our “I can get that instantly/quickly” society. My last thought is compatibility is so important. Being on the same wavelength matters. It’s like finding your dancing partner.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Xantippe]

Online “dating” is not actually dating online. It’s a tool to be introduced. Just as one would go to a coffee shop and strike up a conversation with someone-- who you don’t know who they are or what they are about, you find a profile you like (and you have some information about the person already-- a filter), and you strike up a conversation. Just like if someone were to introduce you to someone, the site does it instead of a person. And you can read a bit about them before hand. (On some catholic sites, actually see where they stand on important issues). In my opinion, its better than the random risk of Joe somebody at mass or anywhere else.

Moving to meeting as soon as possible is the best way to go. The only way online functions as the introduction.

Exactly.

Once you meet a few times, you’ll figure things out. A month or two in, you should be meeting their friends and they would be meeting your friends, rendering a double life pretty much impossible (unless they were very thorough). Maybe six months in, you start meeting family, and that’s even harder to lie about–there’s always an auntie or a cousin with a big mouth. Also, presumably if you are engaging in a chaste and gentlemanly courtship, the cheaters will get bored with that and move on.

From reading the advice columns, red flags include 1) never meeting their friends 2) never meeting family (there can be good reasons not to see family, but that’s also a red flag) 3) never see their home 4) dates are always at your place 5) rarely seeing them in the evening or weekend or holidays (Valentine’s, etc.).

I think the more likely scenario, though, is that people use old photos and fudge their interests. An old friend (an opera, ballet and theater guy) has funny stories about how the single ladies he met online would stretch their interests. He had a woman say she was into ballet who had last done ballet in elementary school and couldn’t name a single ballet title. He had another woman who claimed she loved theater. Well, her punishment was that he took her to a multi-hour Shakespeare play in the theater. “That was different,” she said–she’d hated every minute. Although the punishment did fit the crime, the whole thing could have been avoided if there’s been a little preliminary chit chat before he bought tickets.

I would definitely not encourage you to be long-distance with an online person, although I know it has worked out for some people.

 

[PaulGH]

What the title says.

I have the “bad luck” of meeting very nice, sweet, moral women and clicking with them and getting along with them only to usually find out they’re engaged, or married, or in a serious relationship.

Or more bad luck. Women who are beautiful and nice and get along with me and like me very much in a more than friends type of way, again only to find out that theyre married and are trying to cheat on their husbands or get away from them.

How does a single Catholic man with the long term in mind find a good Catholic wife?

I have seen a few women post here, saying that they are having trouble finding a good single Catholic man. Maybe you should search for one of those threads, and send the OP a private message introducing yourself.

 

[pianistclare]

Online dating works for some, not for all. It’s very looks-based. Men under 5-8 may as well be invisible online, for instance. So a man has to bear deeper search costs to find out where those women are. Try parish and diocese-level activities, not necessarily singles organizations, what you want to try doing is building a social network. Will take awhile if at all successful so patience and prayer will be needed. Try secular activities as well, just with tighter filters for what you’re looking for. It’s important to get out of the house.

This made me laugh out loud. (The part about looks, the post is excellent)
I met my husband through Catholic Singles.com, and I have to tell you his picture was HORRIBLE. :hypno: :manvspc:
I tell this story all the time: I talked to him in their chat room because I felt sorry for him.
It wasn’t until we skyped that I saw what he really looked like. Some people take REALLY bad pictures. By the time we chose to talk via internet camera…
I had already decided he was a good guy, a practicing Catholic, and not a creeper.

Anyway, depending on your age, if you are 30-ish…you can ask your married friends if they have single sisters, cousins, friends, etc. from their Catholic school days or parishes. A nice way to break the ice too…at a friend’s house over a backyard bar-b-que.

 

[KindredSoul]

I have seen a few women post here, saying that they are having trouble finding a good single Catholic man. Maybe you should search for one of those threads, and send the OP a private message introducing yourself.

My wife and I actually met here on CAF! I’d actually posted in a “Single Catholics post here” thread, that eventually got deleted for being a little too much like a dating site. I didn’t really figure anything would come of my post, but my wife responded with a PM almost immediately. We really clicked, decided to be friends first, and talked for months on both Skype and online, forming a good friendship before really advancing. So it can happen!

I would actually say, with the advent of Facebook and similar social media, as long as the person in question has obvious relatives and friends there, it’s become a lot easier to get a “taste” of what a lot of people are like in their natural element, even from online. Of course people can be fake there too, but that’s the same way people can be fake in any open setting. One does at least get more a chance to see how they interact with friends and relatives that way, and one can at least get a sense of whether or not they’re lying about something really major–because if their Facebook persona matches up to what they’re telling you, yet no one there has called them on it, it means they’d have to be fooling all their friends and family just as well as you in order to get away with it…and if they’re that good, I’m not sure knowing them in person will help much.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[phil19034]

My wife and I actually met here on CAF! I’d actually posted in a “Single Catholics post here” thread, that eventually got deleted for being a little too much like a dating site. I didn’t really figure anything would come of my post, but my wife responded with a PM almost immediately. We really clicked, decided to be friends first, and talked for months on both Skype and online, forming a good friendship before really advancing. So it can happen!

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

God Bless Catholic Answers!

 

[praestat_fides]

Men under 5-8 may as well be invisible online, for instance.

I can attest! lol

 

[svid2]

Pax Christi!

Eagerly following this!

God bless.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Im scared of online dating. Its too easy for people to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Although I have heard many success stories like yours, I dont think online dating is for me.

I’m there with you. I tried online dating for many years and always ended up with guys who weren’t really interested in a relationship just the idea of one. I’m not saying don’t try it who knows you could get lucky just be realistic, have no expectation and don’t take it seriously.