Where does a single man meet a good, single woman?

[Xantippe]

Its not weird there justbto socialize, but I would feel like its not my place to be seeking a potential spouse among my friends’ friends. They might feel awkward about that and might stop inviting me to their parties, and rightfully so if I became branded as “that guy.”

If you ask them for pointers, they’ll think it was their idea all along.

You get one free pass per single woman.

patrickmadrid.blogspot.com/2009/02/pats-top-ten-orthodox-catholic-pick-up.html

 

[Thorns]

A lot of the married people I know (and some people who are just bf/gf) are very uncomfortable around single people. Some view single people as a threat to their relationships. Others view a person’s single-ness as evidence of some horrible personality flaw.

Its not even that most of the time. Usually the married couple become so wrapped up in their own relationship, that many times they no longer have time or need for friends anymore. And if they have kids, you see even less of them.

 

[JorduSpeaks]

Its not even that most of the time. Usually the married couple become so wrapped up in their own relationship, that many times they no longer have time or need for friends anymore. And if they have kids, you see even less of them.

I can relate to that. I’ve been the only single person at more than a few of the “young adult” group meetings at my church. It seems that all people wanted to talk about was either what they did on their honeymoon (besides the obvious) and school politics (why little Johnny likes this teacher and not that one, or why Ms. Suzy is a better teacher than Mr. Sebastian). They were talking like this right in front of me, and all I could do was sit there like an idiot. I had to stop coming to those meetings for a while because there was just no way for me to contribute to their conversations.

 

[TraderTif]

Funny story, that: I’m about 5’8", but my wife is actually one inch taller than me! Even though we met here, and not in a dating site, it’s probably still amusing that when she PM’d me that first time she was annoyed, asking me if I’d turn her down for being taller than me, because I’d mentioned I wanted a woman who was shorter than me (I explained to her that I would give a taller woman a chance if we really clicked, it’s just that I felt I would feel short, and obviously I gave her that chance! ). So at least there are some women out there that evidently will not only date a short guy, nor for that matter are they only willing to date a guy shorter than they are, but be interested enough to protest if they thought a shorter guy wouldn’t date them!

But then, I’m perfectly willing to believe I just got myself one special gal!

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

Well, honestly…height!! Who cares??? (But yes, it does make for a very good “how we met story”!!!)

I’ve met a few other people who found their spouse in a similar fashion, either here at the CAF or on similar “non-dating” forums. (Computer game sites, collector forums, whatever.) It can happen.

 

[pianistclare]

Its not weird there justbto socialize, but I would feel like its not my place to be seeking a potential spouse among my friends’ friends. They might feel awkward about that and might stop inviting me to their parties, and rightfully so if I became branded as “that guy.”

Well, I have to say…
if you put it out there that you’re looking for a WIFE?
Not surprised no one invites a second time.
Nobody should ever do this. It takes a longtime to discern whether or not a person you’re seriously dating is wife/husband material. That’s not something you do at a picnic.
You guys sounds like you don’t know where to even MEET people. That’s why I suggested “friends”. Everybody knows single people.

 

[pianistclare]

This might be a generational effect going on here, then. I’m 30, and I can tell you that of all the people I knew dating back to high school, the norm was either serial monogamy or non-monogamy. If you weren’t seeing someone, you were either promiscuous or weird, so non-promiscuous people felt highly pressured to find a relationship with someone as soon as they were single. If you stay single long enough, well, nobody wants to be the person who missed the thing that caused everyone else to reject you, so they defer to everyone else’s judgment.

Wow. Thanks “sonny”. I’ll just crawl back into my recliner with my walker and leave the thread. Sheesh.
I’m not dead, you know. I’ve been married 3 years. Second time around.
Still kickin’, but hey…you youngsters have fun. :crutches:

 

[Xantippe]

This might be a generational effect going on here, then. I’m 30, and I can tell you that of all the people I knew dating back to high school, the norm was either serial monogamy or non-monogamy. If you weren’t seeing someone, you were either promiscuous or weird, so non-promiscuous people felt highly pressured to find a relationship with someone as soon as they were single. If you stay single long enough, well, nobody wants to be the person who missed the thing that caused everyone else to reject you, so they defer to everyone else’s judgment.

I’m 39, and that’s how it was when I was in school. Lots of serial monogamy in junior high and high school and then a few joined-at-the-hip couples and no dating in college (but I believe dating reappeared as an option for young adults as now). It’s been like that for a long time. I suspect since the late 60s/early 70s, actually.

 

[marymary1975]

A lot of ineligible women will tend to be more flirty with guys. This is for two reasons: 1) they miss all the attention they got when they were single, and 2) there is no (perceived) risk of a relationship actually forming. Basically, they are leading you on and using you for their own gratification. They might not even initially be aware that they’re doing it, but the fact of the matter is that they are flirting with you BECAUSE they have no genuine attraction to you. If they were genuinely attracted to you (and they were not having marital problems), they wouldn’t be flirting with you, as you would constitute a danger to something they actually value.

I absolutely agree with this! And I think this is why you tend to end up chatting with married women. In order to find a certain kind of person you need to think about the characteristics and behavior of that certain kind of person so you can identify. I am quite convinced (and having been on that situation once) is that part of the issue of finding a practicing catholic, faithful girl or guy has to do with the fact that a person who is actually living that kind of life is going to have a tendency to be more reserved. I’m the secular world is hard to recognize them because the non faithful tend to be more outgoing . at church is common to find the married ones because they then to be more flirty and outgoing for the reasons exposed above. A single woman at church who is actually the kind you are looking for would probably be in a corner fixing flowers for the virgin paying little attention to the people around her or maybe in a corner reading a book. Study more their behavior and try the less flirty more reserves and maybe you’d be surprised.

 

[Thorns]

I absolutely agree with this! And I think this is why you tend to end up chatting with married women. In order to find a certain kind of person you need to think about the characteristics and behavior of that certain kind of person so you can identify. I am quite convinced (and having been on that situation once) is that part of the issue of finding a practicing catholic, faithful girl or guy has to do with the fact that a person who is actually living that kind of life is going to have a tendency to be more reserved. I’m the secular world is hard to recognize them because the non faithful tend to be more outgoing . at church is common to find the married ones because they then to be more flirty and outgoing for the reasons exposed above. A single woman at church who is actually the kind you are looking for would probably be in a corner fixing flowers for the virgin paying little attention to the people around her or maybe in a corner reading a book. Study more their behavior and try the less flirty more reserves and maybe you’d be surprised.

Well not to toot my own horn, but those type of women come looking for me at work. I am otherwise quiet, businesslike, keep to myself but if someone talks to me I’ll talk to them. Then the flirting (on their part) starts and the emails, touchiness, etc ensues once they feel comfortable enough or after routine small talk and conversations. Then it comes up in one way or another that they’re married, but they make suggestions or aggressively make advances anyway. Then there are those that fall into what Jordu was talking about and I just have to accept that.

Anyway, Ive approached the quiet girls like that before in a casual way and theyre either nervous and dont want to talk or they are quiet for a reason, as in they dont feel like talking to anyone. Lol.

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t know what’s more hilarious in this thread, the generalizations about women perpetrated, or the tales of grandeur.


The most attractive men are the ones who don’t think they are all that and a bag of chips. .

 

[maryjk]

Well, I have to say…
if you put it out there that you’re looking for a WIFE?
Not surprised no one invites a second time.
Nobody should ever do this. It takes a longtime to discern whether or not a person you’re seriously dating is wife/husband material. That’s not something you do at a picnic.
You guys sounds like you don’t know where to even MEET people. That’s why I suggested “friends”. Everybody knows single people.

I couldn’t imagine getting upset if a single friend asked me about another single friend.

I mean really, how else do you meet people? I know when I was single, I spent time at work and with friends. If you don’t meet your future spouse at work or through friends, how else do you meet them?

Wow. Thanks “sonny”. I’ll just crawl back into my recliner with my walker and leave the thread. Sheesh.
I’m not dead, you know. I’ve been married 3 years. Second time around.
Still kickin’, but hey…you youngsters have fun. :crutches:

Feeling the same way.

But of course, you know, each generation thinks their situation is unique.

I don’t know what’s more hilarious in this thread, the generalizations about women perpetrated, or the tales of grandeur.


The most attractive men are the ones who don’t think they are all that and a bag of chips. .

 

[Bataar]

There are a lot of ways to meet women. For me, it usually starts with a pleasant conversation which, if it leads to more pleasant conversations, I suggest going out. In a few cases, the girl just said no, but in other cases, it was, “OK.” A light dinner or going out for coffee. If the conversation and chemistry are there, it just keeps going.

Peace,
Ed

You’re skipping some major points here. You say there are a lot of ways to meet women but don’t say where or how. If you start with a pleasant conversation, that implies you’ve already met her.

 

[Thorns]

I don’t know what’s more hilarious in this thread, the generalizations about women perpetrated, or the tales of grandeur.


The most attractive men are the ones who don’t think they are all that and a bag of chips. .

Well i certainly dont think Im all that. It is certainly a reality that I am chased by such women at work, which constitutes for me a great temptation and trial. Its just sad that they are so beautiful, but none are wife material or even single.

 

[maryjk]

Well i certainly dont think Im all that. It is certainly a reality that I am chased by such women at work, which constitutes for me a great temptation and trial. Its just sad that they are so beautiful, but none are wife material or even single.

Maybe they aren’t really chasing you. But instead are simply friendly, nice women.

Couldn’t it be that you are misinterpreting their actions?

 

[pianistclare]

Maybe they aren’t really chasing you. But instead are simply friendly, nice women.

Couldn’t it be that you are misinterpreting their actions?

Interesting point…sometimes, when we are constantly seeking a mate, we assume that everyone else is too.
They might just be nice people. Many of us project our feelings into random situations.
At any rate, either way, less is always more…less pressure, less worry…all make for the days and the relationships to go better. Peace.

 

[Thorns]

Maybe they aren’t really chasing you. But instead are simply friendly, nice women.

Couldn’t it be that you are misinterpreting their actions?

No, I dont think Im misinterpreting. When they flirt, they are very touchy and will even try to rub against me or try to put my hand on their body. Their emails sent through our work computers that suggest we go out and have a good time with their cell numbers included in them, dont seem like theyre just being friendly. And for the most part, all of these women (theres 4) are married too. They all dress immodestly but Id be lying if I said they werent smoking hot. Its hard to be single and wanting someone and then have women like this in your presence. If I had a wife I could love and looked forward to seeing and being with everyday, these other women wouldn’t be a trial at all for me, I feel. That is what I mean that these women arent wife material btw.

But yes, there is also another group that is just friendly which I am disappointed when I discover that they are married or engaged or whatever. They are classy and well mannered.

 

[Xantippe]

Maybe they aren’t really chasing you. But instead are simply friendly, nice women.

Couldn’t it be that you are misinterpreting their actions?

Yes!

I was also thinking of a poem by Kipling, where a self-conscious 17-year-old girl is complaining about how she, a shrinking violet, is ignored by all the young men, while the young men flock to her rival, a charming, vivacious 49-year-old lady:

poetryloverspage.com/poets/kipling/my_rival.html

I wish I had her constant cheek:
I wish that I could sing
All sorts of funny little songs,
Not quite the proper thing.
I’m very gauche and very shy,
Her jokes aren’t in my line;
And, worst of all, I’m seventeen
While She is forty-nine.

(There’s more to the poem, but that’s the basic idea.)

 

[Thorns]

Yes!

I was also thinking of a poem by Kipling, where a self-conscious 17-year-old girl is complaining about how she, a shrinking violet, is ignored by all the young men, while the young men flock to her rival, a charming, vivacious 49-year-old lady:

poetryloverspage.com/poets/kipling/my_rival.html

I wish I had her constant cheek:
I wish that I could sing
All sorts of funny little songs,
Not quite the proper thing.
I’m very gauche and very shy,
Her jokes aren’t in my line;
And, worst of all, I’m seventeen
While She is forty-nine.

(There’s more to the poem, but that’s the basic idea.)

Apparently nobody bothered to read the OP.

I have no problem attracting women. I always attract the wrong type. Or get along with ones who are taken.

Thats why I asked in the OP, WHERE does a single man meet other single women? Preferrably Catholic.

 

[Xantippe]

Apparently nobody bothered to read the OP.

Why do you think that? It was very short.

The poem actually is very apropos–namely that inexperienced young men (like yourself or the 19-year-olds in the poem) can’t even see “nice girls.”

More:

The young men come, the young men go
Each pink and white and neat,
She’s older than their mothers, but
They grovel at Her feet.
They walk beside Her 'rickshaw wheels –
None ever walk by mine;
And that’s because I’m seventeen
And She is foty-nine.

 

[maryjk]

Apparently nobody bothered to read the OP.

I have no problem attracting women. I always attract the wrong type. Or get along with ones who are taken.

Thats why I asked in the OP, WHERE does a single man meet other single women? Preferrably Catholic.

Actually, many people read the OP and gave ideas. You simply shot them down.

On line
At Church
At work
Through friends