Where does a single man meet a good, single woman?

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Xantippe said:
🙂

I think would be to pick an activity that chimes with your mutual interests. So, you’re musical and you’re wanting to take out a musician/music teacher/whatever, so you might have a subject line like: “Picnic and music performance at the park Sunday afternoon?” Or you’re messaging a fellow Catholic of traditionalist bent, and you write: “Latin Mass at the Cathedral and crepes for brunch?” Or you’re messaging a woman who shares your passion for Spanish film, and you write, “Spanish film and tapas Friday night?” Or you’re both outdoorsy and you write “Kayaking and lunch Sat. 10?” Etc. It’s largely a mental exercise of studying the profile, figuring out where the area of shared interests are, and planning a pleasant get-together with activities that you will enjoy even if she is a dud or a no-show.

Again, never, never email a stranger with “Hi!” as your subject line.

Best wishes!
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And remember, a bright woman who likes your profile will message you back with an alternative plan if it isn’t feasible for some reason (say she’s got an egg allergy, so she’s wary of crepes, scheduling problems, etc.).
 
Xantippe said:
🙂

I think would be to pick an activity that chimes with your mutual interests. So, you’re musical and you’re wanting to take out a musician/music teacher/whatever, so you might have a subject line like: “Picnic and music performance at the park Sunday afternoon?” Or you’re messaging a fellow Catholic of traditionalist bent, and you write: “Latin Mass at the Cathedral and crepes for brunch?” Or you’re messaging a woman who shares your passion for Spanish film, and you write, “Spanish film and tapas Friday night?” Or you’re both outdoorsy and you write “Kayaking and lunch Sat. 10?” Etc. It’s largely a mental exercise of studying the profile, figuring out where the area of shared interests are, and planning a pleasant get-together with activities that you will enjoy even if she is a dud or a no-show.

Again, never, never email a stranger with “Hi!” as your subject line.

Best wishes!
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That is a good point. To make a comparison, it’s like looking for a job. If you just send out mass mailings of an identical resume and cover letter to apply for hundreds of jobs at once, you are probably not going to get much response. But if you tailor each application to speak to the position and company you are applying for, then you will have a higher success rate.

It takes more time and effort, but will yield better results.
 
I think an introductory message on an online dating site is NOT the place to suggest getting together. I always appreciate when a gentleman moves things forward, but without a little bit of comfort level, that puts the woman on the spot to say either yes or no, and that’s not good. When I receive notes from someone online without ever having talked to him before, that suggest getting together, that makes me uneasy - he doesn’t even know me! When that happens, I say, “possibly, but let’s talk on the phone first”

I suggest a good introductory message that asks her about things in her profile, tells a little (not a lot) about you. Perhaps a generic statement about enjoying a specific activity with someone is good, but nothing that puts her on the spot.

Then, after a response, suggest a phone call. On that phone call suggest getting together. I would always want a phone call before meeting someone to make sure that there was some sort of ability to carry on a conversation and that my gut told me the guy wasn’t creepy.
 
agapewolf said:
I think an introductory message on an online dating site is NOT the place to suggest getting together. I always appreciate when a gentleman moves things forward, but without a little bit of comfort level, that puts the woman on the spot to say either yes or no, and that’s not good. When I receive notes from someone online without ever having talked to him before, that suggest getting together, that makes me uneasy - he doesn’t even know me! When that happens, I say, “possibly, but let’s talk on the phone first”

I suggest a good introductory message that asks her about things in her profile, tells a little (not a lot) about you. Perhaps a generic statement about enjoying a specific activity with someone is good, but nothing that puts her on the spot.

Then, after a response, suggest a phone call. On that phone call suggest getting together. I would always want a phone call before meeting someone to make sure that there was some sort of ability to carry on a conversation and that my gut told me the guy wasn’t creepy.
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That’s very sensible, but don’t you zap a lot of messages without reading? (I’ve never done online dating, but I’m absolutely ruthless with my inbox. If I don’t know for a fact that something is important, ZAP without opening or reading.) Or is the number of emails you get small enough that you can read all of them? If so, that’s good news for the guys, too.
 
No, I don’t zap. I think that’s incredibly rude. and I would never do that in my general email either- work and personal life are too important to me to think that my time is worth more than the people who sent me work items or personal notes and invitations.
 
I just want to say:
Xantippe has answered ALL of my e-mails…and never once has she invited me out for tapas or crepes.
Should I be worried? :whistle:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

hee hee…I just couldn’t resist.
 
agapewolf said:
No, I don’t zap. I think that’s incredibly rude. and I would never do that in my general email either- work and personal life are too important to me to think that my time is worth more than the people who sent me work items or personal notes and invitations.
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Hear that, guys?
 
pianistclare said:
I just want to say:
Xantippe has answered ALL of my e-mails…and never once has she invited me out for tapas or crepes.
Should I be worried? :whistle:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

hee hee…I just couldn’t resist.
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Funny!

If you were local, we could have crepes at my house–my husband makes them with a sweet cinnamon nutmeg ricotta filling and we also like pie filling, too (the fruitier, less gooey kind). Polish specialty.

I bet your husband makes great potatoes…😃
 
Xantippe said:
Funny!

If you were local, we could have crepes at my house–my husband makes them with a sweet cinnamon nutmeg ricotta filling and we also like pie filling, too (the fruitier, less gooey kind). Polish specialty.

I bet your husband makes great potatoes…😃
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Ah tis tru, tis, true…faith and begorrah…he makes a fine plate of potatoes…
(insert irish brogue here^^) :irish3:

Our specialty is potato tacos…a blending of two fabulous cultures. 😉

Our family motto is: “Tea in the morning, potatoes going to sleep”.
Tae ar maidin, agus photai dul a chodladh
 
You also can’t take it personally on internet dating sites if you don’t get a response. My 1 year membership at Catholic Match just expired and I never received a single response to any emails I sent. Maybe they were dumb emails (I didn’t think so at the time), maybe the person didn’t like my pics or profile, or maybe . . . . they weren’t paying subscribers. You can have the best profile and send the best email to a person but if they’re not a paid subscriber, they won’t be able to reply or even read it in the case of some sites. I’m going to hold off of online dating sites myself until there’s a way to filter out non subscribers.
 
Bataar said:
You also can’t take it personally on internet dating sites if you don’t get a response. My 1 year membership at Catholic Match just expired and I never received a single response to any emails I sent. Maybe they were dumb emails (I didn’t think so at the time), maybe the person didn’t like my pics or profile, or maybe . . . . they weren’t paying subscribers. You can have the best profile and send the best email to a person but if they’re not a paid subscriber, they won’t be able to reply or even read it in the case of some sites. I’m going to hold off of online dating sites myself until there’s a way to filter out non subscribers.
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Correct. Non-paying folks don’t get access to you. That’s a very good thing.
I was on C Match…seemed like more of a CAF thing…they talked a lot with each other, had quite the community and loyalties built up, but seemed content with NOT meeting anyone. Was odd.
C. Singles was more people who were really looking. No clue about Ave Maria.
Like I said, meeting Joe was different, in that I didn’t think of him as potential mate. I made friends with him. After two years we were GREAT friends and we met. I felt like I was in love with him already, but took the step to actually meet and see what would happen. I flew to Ireland. By then, I knew everything there was to know about him, and trusted him. We had talked nightly for 2 years. I wasn’t scared. But I had no idea this friendship would go that way.
And isn’t that the way it tends to go?
You’re friends first.
Some of these nice young men want to find a wife.
**Find a great friend…see if she ends up being your wife. **
You’re not buying a car. You can’t go somewhere and find the one with all the right specs.
You MIGHT encounter her in the pew next to you one Sunday.
You MIGHT meet her in at a friends backyard BBQ.
You MIGHT encounter her on the quad.
You MIGHT meet her in the dentist’s waiting room.
But the chance to develop that initial meeting into more comes after you make the decision to pursue the friendship.
All of the suggestions are those made with the intent of making you available to single women. Putting yourself out there.
They are never guarantees or set-ups. That’s why friends shy away from participating in this. They’re willing to invite you to see if you click with someone. But they are NOT willing to help you meet your wife. And I don’t blame them. It’s not their job. But they certainly can keep inviting you to all kinds of parties, events, meetings.
If they shy away from that, ask them why? It might be painful, but in the long run, you’ll thank them.
(hint…lose the suspenders and fedora) J/K 😉
 
pianistclare said:
(hint…lose the suspenders and fedora) J/K 😉
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Not kidding at all, actually. And while you’re at it:

–neck beard
–obnoxious t-shirts
–hair in your eyes
–pants trailing several inches of frayed threads at the cuffs because you don’t wear a belt or pants the right size
–dandruff
–flip flops (unless you are within 100 yards of a pool or body of water)
–v-neck shirts (unless you are a surgeon, in which case, rock on)
 
Suspenders are actually OK, but you’d better be just about to yell, “Tiiiiiiiiimber!”

(I’m from a big logging town. Loggers don’t wear belts, as a rule.)
 
–baseball caps worn while not playing baseball or driving a tractor

In fact, just to be careful, consult a female friend or relative before wearing any head covering.
 
I mentioned before that I met my husband on AMS.

Clearly, I should elaborate a bit. 😉

DH is quite good-looking and has a great career. Objectively speaking, I have a great smile and some attractive features, but I’m also (and was when we met) about 50 pounds overweight, while DH is (and was) in great shape. I was/am also a bit socially awkward. In short, I’m hardly a model. 😛 AMS also has, from what I could see, a lot more men than it did women. Yet he married me. I still wonder why sometimes 😛 , but the point still stands: having another available pool of people to meet is never a bad thing in your situation, and the people who go online to date are not always interested in looks, or solely in looks.

As far as messages go, in our case we started by talking about a few things mentioned in our respective profiles (books, music, travel, etc), and that led to more personal things (“what was it like being the oldest of X number of kids?”). After a few months, we met in person, then we dated for a while, got engaged, and here we are a year and a half later with a baby who we adore nearly as much as we love each other. 😃

It doesn’t hurt to try, right? Worst case scenario, you’ll have some opportunities to work on some social skills both online and in person. Best case scenario, you meet the woman of your dreams. I’m seeing this as a win-win situation, myself…
 
Xantippe said:
–baseball caps worn while not playing baseball or driving a tractor

In fact, just to be careful, consult a female friend or relative before wearing any head covering.
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😃 You would get along with my wife. She also believes that jeans were not meant to come in the form of shorts. That really put a dent in my wardrobe when we started dating. 😛
 
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