Where Has Modesty Gone?

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The innocuous carton of eggs, the milk, and bread moved along the black conveyer belt as my daughters surveyed the candy on the rack behind me in the checkout line at the grocery store. As they excitedly begged peanut M&Ms, my eyes drifted up and went wide as my jaw dropped at the sight of the licentious magazine cover before me.

Public Shock and Private Failure

I hastily flipped the magazine over and embarked on a quest to find the store manager, groceries in hand and daughters in tow. “Have you seen this?” I queried, showing him the magazine cover. I explained how such images rob children of innocence. “You’re right!” he said. To my relief, this man was sympathetic since he had daughters of his own. Much to his credit, he pulled these magazines from their racks.

But prior to my complaint, many parents, teens and children had lazily strolled through the checkout line seemingly unfazed by what they had seen. What point have we reached when we can view, and allow our children to view, such magazine covers without blinking an eye? Like the proverbial slow-boiled frog, could it be that we have been so slowly cooked that our sensitivities to modesty were boiled away before we knew to jump from the pot?

Given that America is the land of “freedom,” some wonder why so many American girls appear to be part of such a depressed lot. A recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that a startling 30.4% of girls in grades nine to 12 have thought seriously about suicide. The increase in recent decades of teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, eating disorders, promiscuity, addictions, date rape and depression is a sign we are failing our young.

One way we are failing them is with unbridled permissiveness. This permissiveness rears its head in a multiplicity of ways, but one way our permissiveness is blatantly manifested is by the situation where girls may wear what they like with no thought to the impact their mode of dress will have on themselves or on others. Our silence in this regard has been interpreted as assent by our girls, and with our perceived assent, many girls have chosen a style of dress that unwittingly leaves them vulnerable and unprotected — a state that adds nothing to a young girl’s self-esteem or true identity as a child of God.

Immodest dress only encourages boys to look at young girls as objects of desire, when what the souls of girls need most from boys is respect for their dignity and for the truth that they are made in the image of God (Catechism of the Catholic Church, No. 357). We do no service to boys, either, by our permissiveness, as they should also be taught to seek a life of chastity and virtue. Willfully permitting immodest dress by girls does not aid them in this regard but instead sends them quite the opposite message. When children understand who they are in Christ, it is then that they will truly understand who they are. It is only in recognition of their identity as treasured children of God, children called to purity, chastity and holiness, that our girls can fill the empty void that would otherwise take them down the road to depression, despondency and despair.

Read the rest here: catholicexchange.com/vm/index.asp?vm_id=2&art_id=29166&sec_id=#section56065

Where has modesty gone? I see sort of thin in Church nearly every Sunday and Priests do nothing about. People wearing shorts and t-shirts as they approach the altar to receive the Lord, young women wearing tight tank tops and short skirts…grown men who appear to be fathers who dress so shabbily that it is clear they would never go to their job similarily dressed…

Where is our shame?
 
I hear ya. Lately I’ve noticed the covers of Cosmo, Glamour and others where EVERY article teaser on the cover was about SEX, basically “how to perform in bed so he’ll NEVER leave you!” It’s an absolutely crazy-making and depressing race to the bottom now among women I guess. I can see why a girl would get suicidal, when your whole purpose in life is to be at the beck and call of boys, most of whom are so amoral when they’re young. Deep down they know their ultimate purpose in life is not to pleasure the boys, but no one ever says as much.

I can tell horror stories about growing up with a moderne mother 40 years ago, so I can only imagine what it’s like now.
 
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caroljm36:
I hear ya. Lately I’ve noticed the covers of Cosmo, Glamour and others where EVERY article teaser on the cover was about SEX, basically “how to perform in bed so he’ll NEVER leave you!” It’s an absolutely crazy-making and depressing race to the bottom now among women I guess. I can see why a girl would get suicidal, when your whole purpose in life is to be at the beck and call of boys, most of whom are so amoral when they’re young. Deep down they know their ultimate purpose in life is not to pleasure the boys, but no one ever says as much.

I can tell horror stories about growing up with a moderne mother 40 years ago, so I can only imagine what it’s like now.
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Interesting, my grandmother, said that every show of Oprah Winfrey’s is about sex. Let me tell you something, she’s wild and her shows morally offensive. After that, my grandma stopped watching that show. These days you have liberal talk show hosts having free thinking catholics saying things like “I had an abortion”, or “I’m in a homosexual union” and everybody applauds them. And they do this without feeling any shame! Part of it is because of our society’s acceptance and normalizing of sin.
 
It saddens me to see how people approach the Lord at Mass…it is as if they do not believe that Christ is truly there.

How would any of us dress to a formal dinner party?
 
I can sympathize with you topic creator. I think young women today are much more charged sexually. The thing is, whenever you encounter these young girls in social situations it always seems like they are doing this for attention or rather doing it because they feel it is what people expect of them.

It’s like so many young girls are just so desperate for attention that they will try harder against the next girl.

It makes me sad, because I see this happening in my sister. I think this is a big product of the popularity of divorce and the fact that so many “parents” don’t want to be that and despise their children as some burden on their lives, rather then a gift.

There is no doubt in my mind that a female wishes to please. She wants to be loved, she wants to feel safe and she will CLING to whoever offers her such feelings, (if she does not receive this love from her parents) even if they are just a fascade.

The thing we need the most are REAL PARENTS. Not parents who want to be your “buddy” or parents who look the other way and pretends everything is okay. We don’t need parents who offer the pill to her daughter the minute she has a boyfriend.

Parenting is not oppression PARENTING IS CAREING AND MORE PEOPLE NEED TO DO IT!
 
Thank you. I think it’s wonderful you show such concern for your children.
 
I do not have children but I am certainly cognizant of the kinds of immodesty I see even when at a store. Once I was in a 7-11 and you know how they have a few magazines by the register…well they had a Maxim magazine on a rack about 3 feet off the ground, so who is going to see that first? A small child. I wrote 7-11 a complaint about it, I doubt they did anything, but I just wanted to let them know how I felt. It’s just ridiculous and unnessesary. I hate it.
 
What point have we reached when we can view, and allow our children to view, such magazine covers without blinking an eye?
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Cosmo has been what it is for 30 years (not sure exactly how old it is), along with its advice for sex in the shower, pleasing a man, etc. It has been on grocery shelves that whole time. Mothers spend lots of time in the grocery store. Perhaps they no longer blink an eye because they are resigned to it after so many years. Anyone under a certain age doesn’t blink because it has always been there, for an entire lifetime.

Perhaps if having semi-nude women plastered all over the checkout stand were an innovation, someone would blink. Even so, I doubt it. Not many people feel in control enough of their environment to attempt to change the grocery store. Hey, around here they now play a continuous feed of advertising on a tv hanging in the checkout aisle. It is radically obnoxious, but I don’t notice anyone but me is upset enough to do anything about it.
 
I agree that this is a serious problem in our society. IMHO I think the reasons for it are:
  1. Desensitizing ourselves (most notably - young adults) by watching garbage on TV that encourages promiscuity and immodest dress/behavior.
  2. The media jamming it down our throats (i.e. magazine covers) - which is nothing new, really. But, again, we become desensitized.
  3. Parents who do not ‘parent’ and seem not to care how their children dress or act.
As far as how you present yourself in church. Again, parents should be setting examples and teaching their children why they attend mass and how to present themselves. I’m appalled when people don’t AT LEAST dress as if they are going somewhere important and sacred. And, I’m not implying that someone has to dress in expensive, trendy clothes to dress appropriately.

Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers on how to rectify this (outside of prayer - which is always a good solution.)

I can, however, raise my children appropriately and, as small of a difference as it may seem to make in the grand scheme of things, it is something I can do.
 
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Jesus4Me:
As far as how you present yourself in church. Again, parents should be setting examples and teaching their children why they attend mass and how to present themselves. I’m appalled when people don’t AT LEAST dress as if they are going somewhere important and sacred.
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I’ve not experienced immodesty in church myself, but I see a lot of slovenliness, the worst being at “Youth Masses” where nearly every kid is dressed to shovel manure.
 
Great points!

I often play “magazine switch-a-roo”.
I grab a Newsweek, Real Simple, Good Housekeeping, etc and place them directly in front of the offensive magazines. :whistle:
This, of course, is only if the store refuses to make changes per your request.
 
We are experiencing the results of mass immodesty with our teens. We won’t allow the bare bellies and ultra short skirts/shorts on our girls. Although they go to Catholic school, the “dress down” days are just too revealing. As a teacher, I have had to send many a young lady to discipline to get something on to cover up, tops and/or bottoms of shirts and pants. After giving countless detentions for the skirts, we finally had to ban them altogether at our Catholic high school. After next year, the girls must wear skorts (a combo of skirt and short). This year, if they wear a skirt, they must wear dark, opaque tights underneath. It’s not fair to the male students and male teachers to witness the immodest dress. It is also difficult for male faculty to tell a student her skirt is too short without risking sexual harrassment allegations. If you see my post under teen rebellion, we are also having difficulty with the dance style. The students call it cultural. It is so graphically sexual, however, that it looks like a re-enactment of the act with clothes on. I’ve had difficulty in convincing the administration and many of the faculty that this is not just another phase. It’s just plain wrong.
Which pope was it that said that the greatest problem was the lack of awareness of sin? We’re there.

Frustrated,
Bev
 
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scienceteacher:
We are experiencing the results of mass immodesty with our teens. We won’t allow the bare bellies and ultra short skirts/shorts on our girls. Although they go to Catholic school, the “dress down” days are just too revealing. As a teacher, I have had to send many a young lady to discipline to get something on to cover up, tops and/or bottoms of shirts and pants. After giving countless detentions for the skirts, we finally had to ban them altogether at our Catholic high school. After next year, the girls must wear skorts (a combo of skirt and short). This year, if they wear a skirt, they must wear dark, opaque tights underneath. It’s not fair to the male students and male teachers to witness the immodest dress. It is also difficult for male faculty to tell a student her skirt is too short without risking sexual harrassment allegations. If you see my post under teen rebellion, we are also having difficulty with the dance style. The students call it cultural. It is so graphically sexual, however, that it looks like a re-enactment of the act with clothes on. I’ve had difficulty in convincing the administration and many of the faculty that this is not just another phase. It’s just plain wrong.
Which pope was it that said that the greatest problem was the lack of awareness of sin? We’re there.

Frustrated,
Bev
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Wow. I must say, I am glad that your school is making this a priority. Have you had anyone protest it yet? Immodest dress is such a problem in the schools and society at large. We are (I think) strict about the way our girls dress, but my perception may not be as good as some, considering I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. We make sure the girls always have skirts on for Mass and we do the “fingertip” test to be sure. And I do notice that my girls think that a lot of the styles these days are inappropriate and catch them saying things like “I would never wear that” and “Eww, why doesn’t she put some clothes on?”. My 7 year old wouldn’t even think about wearing a midrif, and my 11year old is very self-conscious about anything that would “cling” (especially to her bum :o ). I wish there was more we could do to change society, but maybe, if we all teach our children better, they will change it for themselves.
 
Just as an aside, have you seen skimpy bikinis they are making for LITTLE little girls? I couldn’t believe it. I was at Old Navy with a friend of mine once, and I saw these eyepatches they are trying to pass of as girl’s swimwear, and these aren’t for teenagers either, I’m talking 3 - 6 year olds!

Putting that kind of trash on your child has to be a form of abuse.
 
Sexual pleasure is only licit within the context of marriage. Someone or some thing that seeks to change or tempt a change from this is not seeking your best interests.
 
My young lady just turned 14 today. I say young lady very proudly because she is exactly that. There is one reason she is that way. That is my wife.

You can’t blame a wolf for eating a cute bunny. That’s what its mother taught.

Our children are reflections of ourselves. If the students are wearing skimpy clothes it is because the parents let them.

It’s really is that simple.
 
It’s not just “Cosmo,” “Fitness,” and “Shape” at the checkstands. With last week’s Sunday paper, I got a J C Penney catalog with a teenage girl on the cover. A whole lot of breast was exposed. Then got to the TV schedule. The Williams sisters (tennis players - very good ones) were on the cover. I had to keep the thing face-down all week. It would have been a near occasion of sin for any male over 12 years old who saw it, and coming in the newspaper, a lot of males saw it.
But is anyone really surprised? It’s taken years for the culture to become this inured to immodesty, and I don’t know what the cure is.
scienceteacher has my sympathy. It was bad enough teaching in an all-boy high school and chaperoning dances and attending games.
We can only control our own children and then for only so long. If we’ve done our job, maybe they’ll become role models.
 
As the mother of daughters and sons I’ve given this problem quite alot of thought.
Many good points have been made concerning girls and their desire to please - they often don’t understand the image they are presenting.

But I also have a big problem with the male side of this issue also.
Girls have picked up a message they have received loud and clear from many males …

You are not worthy unless you are HOT!
You would look pretty if only you’d lose a few pounds.
I’m not interested in your thoughts or your feelings - what kind of a body do you have?
I like you today, but if someone “hotter” trots by I could be gone any second.

And you even see this with adults. How many marriages do you see where the wife is discarded after having borne and raised children to be replaced by a younger woman?

So…when I see so many girls dressing like this I see their desperateness for approval - I see competitiveness with other girls for attention.
But more and more, I see this behavior in adult women as well for the exact same reasons.

Many women feel their worth is based on how attractive they are to men, and I think that is a big factor in the stye of dress we are seeing these days.
 
Just curious. TPJCatholic is the magazine or others like it back on the rack?
 
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