Where is a good place to find a Catholic Wife?

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I am a Catholic man searching for a Catholic wife. I am 29 years old. Most of the Catholic women at my parish are already married or have no interest in dating me. Online dating is not my cup of tea. I have tried it before, and nothing good ever comes from it. The worst dates I have ever been on came from women I met on dating sites.

The older I get the harder it is as more and more people my age are tying the knot.

Not to be mean, but a lot of women today are not wife material and do not even want to get married. In today’s political climate it seems like a lot of women actually hate and degrade men constantly. This makes it very discouraging.

I never dated a Catholic woman, but would like too. All of my ex’s were Protestant or non-believers. I have pursued Catholic women before, but 0 have been interested.

I have been told by my elders that church is a good place to find a wife, but the few times I pursued women after mass I got told by them that church is an inappropriate place to ask them out. How am I supposed to find a Catholic spouse if it is inappropriate to even to try and get to know them at church?

Any advice?
 
Well. You’re in luck. Lady Lillian has just posted her shortened spouse standards list, to which the last post responder has replied 11 hrs ago. 😉 Check it out. If you meet some of the list, it’s worth a try. She is around 20, if I remember correctly.

I think it helps if you join volunteer groups at the Church.

You can also connect with Catholic organizations that you align with, such as the local pro-life group.

I think coffee gatherings after Mass can be great. You could also ask middle-aged women like me for advice; if you were in my city, I could point you to one Catholic woman who’s 27. Middle-aged women are sometimes good resource people.

You could join a conservative political party.

You could take a course at a Catholic college or seminary. In my city, there’s a theological college where both genders take religion courses.

Your comment about women not wanting to get married is probably inaccurate. You do have to stay away from at least 70% of women though, because they’re often taking women studies courses, advocating for same-sex marriage, or in agreement with leftist, feminist causes.

Also, if you speak to a woman several times at Church over several weeks, an opportunity to ask her out could arise. I don’t think it’s inappropriate. It all depends on how good looking you are, by which I mean happy, well-groomed, and wearing cool clothes. It might be worth it to throw a couple hundred into the appearance fund. Catholic women tend to eschew the St. Francis types if they want to get married.
 
The last verse in John’s gospel says that Jesus did many things that are not recorded, but if they were, they would fill all the “books” of the world.

I take that as literally true, not exaggeration.

There would be a book about me, a book about you, a book about each woman you meet. your task is to peer into that books and see what Jesus has done in the life of that future spouse, and to determine if what is there is on the same trajectory as your “book.”

There are all kinds of advice, I suppose, about “what to look for” and those are the gut-reaction kinds of things. But, we have to add to that gut reaction what we find out about that future mate and see if the compatibility and orientation to Christ is there.

I propose that the advice of the Bible should be respected first and last. There are a lot of practical things in between, but never worry about time pressure (and your “ticking biological clock”). That’s really not important, is it?

The goal of our life is to be holy like God is holy, and you want the partner who has that same ideal and goal such that you will both help each other to achieve that goal.
 
MP_Kid said:
Not to be mean, but a lot of women today are not wife material and do not even want to get married. In today’s political climate it seems like a lot of women actually hate and degrade men constantly.
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Wow. How on earth are you still single honey? :roll_eyes:
 
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I just had the same thought. 😉

@MP_Kid Are you well groomed, in an clean and good wardrobe? Usually women will not consider dating candidates who don’t meet that simple requirement.

Are you, well, interesting? Do you think women owe you anything if you are nice to them?

You have a bit a bit more specific as to why they aren’t snapping you up. An average man, that is groomed, presents well, has some hobbies, is lovely, and has a steady job usually won’t find it hard to attract a female companion. Only time can tell whether either are marriage material for the other.
 
If those are the only kind of women you are meeting, then maybe you should move, or try going to church in a bordering town? However, I think it would be better to stop searching, and just leave it in God’s hands. Don’t pursue women romantically, but instead just become friends with them. If God has it in His plan for you to be with someone, you will find that one of those friendships will evolve.
 
Respectfully, I say that this whole approach of “I want an X wife (or husband)” is wrong headed. It makes your hypothetical wife sound like a piece of property you are shopping for. Yes, you can be open to marriage. Yes, you can have a preference for certain qualities, including religion. But beyond that, marriage is something you think about entering into with someone you have a relationship with, with whom that kind of romantic love has developed.

The key to what I just said is “have a relationship with.” You have to have that first and then the romantic love may develop. But you don’t start a relationship with a person you meet by trying to hang a “spouse sign” on them and seeing if it fits. I have seen this approach fail multiple times with people I know.

How would you like a woman to do that to you? You meet her and she immediately starts sizing up your potential as a potential husband. If you don’t make the cut, the conversation is over. Even if you make the cut, she isn’t interested in the real you, she’s just on the hunt and you and you are a valid target. This happens all the time and it’s demeaning no matter what gender is doing it to the other.

How about you go out and meet some people, all kinds of people. Get interested in them as people and encourage any interest they might have in getting interested in you. Volunteering for church projects and charity efforts is a good way to do that. And don’t keep arm’s distance from anyone. Even if someone is not spouse material, they may have a sister or a daughter or a friend who could be your future wife.
 
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The quickest way to find a wife is to quit looking.
Instead, focus on building relationships and friendships,
get active in ministries, get active in clubs through meetup website,
avoid the online dating forums.
It sounds like you are a good guy, that means you are a beta male,
so you need to have friends who are girls before one of them can be a girlfriend.
 
You can take my old lady. She’s been quite bothersome lately. 😉
 
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You don’t know if somebody is “wife material” if you haven’t been in a relationship with them. Honestly, I don’t really even know what that means. Like, do you need to see a sampler of her needlepoint and cooking abilities before you consider dating her?

Try to just meet new people, without the intention of dating so much. If later you find yourself Spending time with a particular girl more and more, then maybe ask her out then. Because really at the end of the day it comes down to liking being around that person. When you’re married you kind of see a lot of each other, and if you’re not best friends with that person you’re going to have issues. So make friends first, because that’s honestly the biggest part of it.

P.s. Don’t worry about the whole friend zone thing either. That’s only a excuse women use if they never would have dated you, but they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
 
The “old” Catholic Answers forum used to “advertise” a Catholic singles site.

I have friends who met and married through that method.

[How well do you project an image that you have the resources to support a wife and her babies?]
 
People usually meet other Catholics through Catholic dating sites, Catholic activity groups or ministries that both are in (such as Bible studies, Theology on Tap, charity volunteer groups, etc. ) They do not hit on each other at Mass. If there is coffee and donuts or something similar after Mass, that is an okay place to socialize and maybe meet someone, but I would think a guy trying to chat me up as we were walking out of Mass was creepy unless it was someone I had already known for years (such as we went to school together, etc.) It implies he was looking at me during the Mass instead of looking at Jesus, for one thing.

Excluding online dating is going to really reduce the pool of people you have to choose from, IMHO, especially if you are looking for a specifically Catholic person and one who is older. Sometimes you have to have a lot of bad dates before you find “the one” but several of my friends found spouses pretty quickly on those sites and they are happily married years later.

I’m troubled by your statement about “a lot of women today are not wife material and do not even want to get married” and that they “hate and degrade men constantly”. Sounds like you are dating with a big chip on your shoulder. That would make most women run in the other direction.

Most women do not want to get married the first couple times they date you. It’s a huge step especially in the Catholic Church because you cannot just divorce and marry some other guy if it doesn’t work out. You need to give people time and get to know them before you bring up marriage.

I would also echo what someone else said, do you have the money and means to support a wife? Women looking to get married would like a partner who has shown himself to be a responsible provider, especially at age 29. A lot of the guys I met when single who were in a hurry to get married did not even have jobs, or had low-level jobs, and were not working their way through college or showing any sign of trying to move themselves up the ladder economically. I wasn’t interested in being the main breadwinner for a family.

You would be better off looking to make some strong friendships and then maybe one of them will blossom into a romance over time. Or else, look into getting a Catholic mail order bride, which to be honest is what the men I’ve known who sounded like you ended up doing. And in some cases they were really happy too.
 
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I’m going to answer based on what I know, the United States. If you live in another country, while some things might apply, I do not know for sure.

Looking for a Catholic wife in the Church is what you should do. That does not mean you are limited to the single females who attend 10 AM Sunday Mass at St. My Home Parish.

Before you do any of these things, be the sort of man that will be a good husband and father. Are you faithful to Holy Mother Church? Are you kind and compassionate? Are you well groomed? Are you educated (formal or self educated, but, more than “I watched this YouTube video” sort of educated)? Are you a faithful steward in time, talent and treasure? Do you have good manners and a sense of humor? Do you have good companions, friends who are faithful Catholics? Are you able to relate to people across socioeconomic, political and religious lines?

Get those ducks in a row

Make plans now to attend the National Catholic Singles Conference.


Google your Diocese + your interests. There are Catholic groups for people in various professions, “Knights on Bikes” for motorcycle enthusiasts, medical professionals, teachers, writers, people in recovery, look and find out what is available at your Diocese level.

Also get involved with the Catholic community. Stay after the next parish event and offer to help clean up. Join the Knights, join a Bible Study group, volunteer to help with Catechists or Youth Ministry or the Choir. When people get to know you, they will have friends, sisters, daughters, nieces who attend St This and Such across town or in the next town over. Just let those connections happen in an organic way.

Google “Theology on Tap” in your town or the closest large town, your Diocese will also have the schedules. “Catholic Young Adult Groups”.

Get involved.
 
Laura_N said:
P.s. Don’t worry about the whole friend zone thing either. That’s only a excuse women use if they never would have dated you, but they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
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That’s a very good point.
 
MP_Kid said:
Not to be mean, but a lot of women today are not wife material and do not even want to get married. In today’s political climate it seems like a lot of women actually hate and degrade men constantly. This makes it very discouraging.
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mmmm, yeah. Whatever you are reading or listening to that gives you that message, put it far away from you. That is poison and turns men into bitter, ugly creatures.

Spend your time reading things that uplift the spirit and give joy and hope.
 
MP_Kid said:
I am a Catholic man searching for a Catholic wife. I am 29 years old. Most of the Catholic women at my parish are already married or have no interest in dating me. Online dating is not my cup of tea. I have tried it before, and nothing good ever comes from it. The worst dates I have ever been on came from women I met on dating sites.

The older I get the harder it is as more and more people my age are tying the knot.

Not to be mean, but a lot of women today are not wife material and do not even want to get married. In today’s political climate it seems like a lot of women actually hate and degrade men constantly. This makes it very discouraging.

I never dated a Catholic woman, but would like too. All of my ex’s were Protestant or non-believers. I have pursued Catholic women before, but 0 have been interested.

I have been told by my elders that church is a good place to find a wife, but the few times I pursued women after mass I got told by them that church is an inappropriate place to ask them out. How am I supposed to find a Catholic spouse if it is inappropriate to even to try and get to know them at church?
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–Note that the fact that a lot of women your age are taken demonstrates that a lot of women are interested in marriage.
–Were these specifically Catholic dating sites?
–Is this women in real life constantly degrading and hating men? That’s unusual.
–Do you have anything in common with Catholic women beside being Catholic and fogging a mirror? As people upthread have mentioned, common interests and shared activities are important.
–Hitting on women after Mass is a lot like hitting on women at a family reunion–AWKWARD.
 
Women around your age are looking to find a good Catholic husband to marry too… the world over. I would say firstly to make sure you stay in prayer asking God to prepare you for marriage and ask Him to prepare your future wife as well. Don’t get weird either( I doubt you would I think this guy was a little off tbh)because I can remember one time I was in church, and this guy kept asking me question after question while I’m trying to concentrate on mass, It was uncomfortable and I now sit on the opposite side of the church. I would say what you are doing now is good… you can go on Catholic websites and/or blogs and join in on the chats and might connect with someone that way. I would suggest making sure you add a little information about yourself and a pic if you’re feeling bold, so any single Catholics like you can find out some info about you if they find you interesting. If you use facebook/Instagram join those Christian groups you can add on Facebook. Finally, I would wear or use things that give hints. What I mean is writing with a pen that has scripture on it, wearing a rosary around your neck or a cross necklace, wearing a Christian cuff for men, a Christian phone cover… I met a godly man who struck up a conversation with me who happened to be Catholic like me, by the rosary necklace I was wearing and the pen I was using. We didn’t date or anything as we only crossed paths that day, but you never know! My accessories always attract other godly people and to tbh it wasn’t even my intention. Also, I found it lets people know that I love God and proud of it! It might help to keep the ungodly women away and bring the godly women towards you.
 
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