Where is a good place to find a Catholic Wife?

[ChunkMonk]

Also, all of your “don’t date this and don’t date that” do not make much sense when it sounds like the man is having a hard time finding anyone to date as it is. Once he’s done following all your rules, there will be like 2 women in his entire county who he might be able to go out with. Not helpful.

I gave that advice because a man who is searching can begin to get desperate. He wants to find a good woman, but he can’t seem to find one, so he starts settling. He seeks out advice and from every angle his desire for ‘marriage material’ is sneered at and scorned. He starts to think maybe they are right and he does need to give the 33-year old single-mom stong-womyn with 4 kids from 4 different dads a chance.

I’m a voice of encouragement, shouting out amidst the chorus of women, “Don’t settle!”

 

[Hope_Philomena]

That’s because to you lot, the 33-year old strong-womyn single mom with more ‘experience’ than a porn star is a catch any man should be proud of having.

You see it all wrong. You have no idea what a person thinks or feels or goes through, you don’t know if that woman refused to have an abortion so her boyfriend left her, you don’t know if she has repented, etc.

 

[Spyridon]

Sometimes I see your posts and I think: “What an absolute garbage bin of an argument” other times I think: “What a spot on post!” And am surprised when it’s your username above it. Because no one totally fits in with a stereotype. Best to take people as they are, not try to fit them into a preconcieved notion straw man.

Likewise @ChunkMonk

I don’t hate you or something… I just intensely disagree with you on some things, and the post you made in this thread earlier is one of the things I’ve disagreed with you the most on.

I totally agree trying to pigeonhole people into our preconceived notions of who they must be is intensely intellectually dishonest, not to mention uncharitable.

 

[Spyridon]

Yeah, I know. That’s because to you lot, the 33-year old strong-womyn single mom with more ‘experience’ than a porn star is a catch any man should be proud of having.

I didn’t mean to convey that a promiscuous 33 year old single mom should be considered trophy wife material, especially not simply due to that unfortunate fact…

But rather that just because she’s a 33 year old mom who’s been promiscuous in the past, one shouldn’t necessarily automatically write her off as being without hope of ever becoming a good wife if she found the right man.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Which is why I wouldn’t judge her soul… But statistically she is a bad bet for marriage. Go read Sirach and see what he had to say about marriage to a bad woman.

People should be careful with who they marry. Men should also not feel like they are wrong for being discerning in their spouse hunt. And they should be made aware that the modern world is terrible at creating good women so the possibility that they settle or stay unmarried is high.

I was rough and unpleasant in my original post because I am a rough, unpleasant person. If we were in a bar and my name was attached, I would use more diplomatic language.

 

[Crusaderbear]

** C H U R C H ! ** probably near the front, or at the get together after mass. I’d say one of the Sunday masses…

 

[ChunkMonk]

And I would agree that cold, impersonal standards can only take a person so far when they are dealimg with real, flesh and blood people. Some girls could hit every mark I have and still turn out to be an awful wife. Some girls could be a laundry list of risks and still turn out to be a heaven-sent gift of marital bliss. But the chances are high that a bad bet doesn’t pay out. Anyway, I’m done hijacking homies thread.

Again, nice Catholic women (and their moms) don’t like men that talk like that in mixed company.

Good Catholic women don’t. Most Catholic women could care less as long as you got money and looks. (I don’t have either. I’m ugly and poor. Which is part of why I’m so bitter.)

 

[Spyridon]

Most Catholic women could care less as long as you got money and looks.

A sad but true assessment… except replace the word “Catholic” with “American”…

Such is life.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I actually like the look of that truck.
The thing about you, ChunkMonk, is that you and I disagree on many threads (I’m still recovering from your comments on the pet thread) but then once in a while you say something I totally agree with and think is just great, so I guess it takes all kinds to make up the Catholic church.

All these spouse threads ever do for me is realize that the hand of God is in there leading so many of us to our spouses, because when we try to find people ourselves we just fumble.

Maybe the good ol’ Novena to St. Joseph for a good spouse is the best thing to do. It worked for my mother and she didn’t even say it herself because she wasn’t all that motivated to get married. Her sister said it for her and she was engaged within a few months to my dad.

 

[Lara]

Actually, I’m a nice Catholic woman and I like much of what ChunkMonk has to say.
He’s incorrect about the 25 year maximum.

He’s right that you shouldn’t date a girl who talks about equality and women’s rights. She should understand while it IS a partnership, her husband’s authority in spiritual matters trumps her ideas.

A girl with divorced parents IS a big risk. She may not have learned about compromise or sacrifice or some other essential component like perseverance through adversity. But she could still be a possibility if she knows her parents’ flaws by name, and won’t repeat them.

Single moms ARE a big risk. You will have all the challenges of parenting her child if it goes further and this is something you should try to avoid if possible. And you will always be second to her child.

He’s right that your average Catholic parish IS filled with not really Catholic women just like I see on this forum. Really catty things have been said in this thread alone. You don’t want the high school catty stuff that these women profess. Women should be nurturing and forgiving of men’s verbal blunders.

And it IS true that a boring girl DOES often appear more wonderful to old guys. So you do have to be careful.

And he IS right that staying single is better than picking a bad wife.

So only one mistake really.

As for swearing, there’s nothing really wrong with it. Men need to blow off steam. They’re at least honest if they swear. There are far worse things than swearing. My new landlord swore about the door lock not working, and to me, I took it in stride. His wife died a few months earlier, he had nothing but trouble with the former tenants. This was a way of just unwinding from all that stress. If I were to be picky and say, “Gee, I can never handle a landlord who says the f word,” it wouldn’t be humble at all. I swear whenever I’m sewing, for Pete’s sake.

 

[LittleFlower]

Most Catholic women could care less as long as you got money and looks. (I don’t have either. I’m ugly and poor. Which is part of why I’m so bitter.)

Okay, but what are you doing to change that? To be more attractive and also more happy with yourself?

Poverty is hideous, are you receiving assistance, are you completing further study, do you need to move for better job opportunities?

Are you overweight, do you exercise, do you eat well, do you take care of yourself?

Are you taking the bull by the horns and changing anything in your situation?

I know plenty of average looking folks, who work part time and live out in Whoop-whoop that have found a partner, who they dearly love.

You are reducing your dating pool so much, that the attention focusses itself on the women who aren’t performing to your standard. You can then wash your hands of why you don’t need to work on yourself because even if you were better put together and hardworking, they wouldn’t be around right?

It’s actually quite sad.

Until you work on yourself, and are happy with yourself—which you aren’t, you said yourself you are bitter—no one will touch you with a ten-foot pole. And they shouldn’t, because you have made yourself into the exact person you wouldn’t even date yourself.

I wish you all the best.

 

[MonteRCMS]

I suggest you look on YouTube. I posted an appropriate link, but a bot said it was objectionable and removed it.

 

[Lara]

Lots of ugly men find wives. But not many of the poor ones do, alas.

 

[Xantippe]

He’s right that you shouldn’t date a girl who talks about equality and women’s rights. She should understand while it IS a partnership, her husband’s authority in spiritual matters trumps her ideas.

A girl with divorced parents IS a big risk. She may not have learned about compromise or sacrifice or some other essential component like perseverance through adversity. But she could still be a possibility if she knows her parents’ flaws by name, and won’t repeat them.

Single moms ARE a big risk. You will have all the challenges of parenting her child if it goes further and this is something you should try to avoid if possible. And you will always be second to her child.

He’s right that your average Catholic parish IS filled with not really Catholic women just like I see on this forum. Really catty things have been said in this thread alone. You don’t want the high school catty stuff that these women profess. Women should be nurturing and forgiving of men’s verbal blunders.

And it IS true that a boring girl DOES often appear more wonderful to old guys. So you do have to be careful.

And he IS right that staying single is better than picking a bad wife.

So only one mistake really.

As for swearing, there’s nothing really wrong with it. Men need to blow off steam. They’re at least honest if they swear. There are far worse things than swearing. My new landlord swore about the door lock not working, and to me, I took it in stride. His wife died a few months earlier, he had nothing but trouble with the former tenants. This was a way of just unwinding from all that stress. If I were to be picky and say, “Gee, I can never handle a landlord who says the f word,” it wouldn’t be humble at all. I swear whenever I’m sewing, for Pete’s sake.

–So if her husband tells her not to go to church or to not baptize the children or not to put them in CCD, he gets to enforce that because he is the spiritual head of the family? Run that one past your pastor.
–A guy with divorced parents or parents with a bad marriage is a big risk. Why only talk about the woman’s parents’ marriage as being an issue?
–“not really Catholic”??? That’s not very charitable.
–“Women should be nurturing and forgiving of men’s verbal blunders.” Why? I’m nurturing and forgiving ChunkMonk by pointing out to him that his speech patterns are going to drive away the kind of women that he thinks that he wants to attract. If one of my daughters brought home a guy that talked like that, I’d tell him, “We don’t talk like that at our house.” It saves a lot of embarrassment to learn that online than in person from somebody you actually want to impress.
–My mother and my grandmother would never have tolerated cussing in front of them, and particularly in front of kids. It’s not “traditional” at all to tolerate bad language in mixed company. Whatever language you tolerate around your children, you’re going to be hearing from them, often in inappropriate contexts. No thanks!
–Being a woman does not mean writing every man I meet in person or online a blank check for bad behavior.

 

[Spyridon]

@Lara, @ChunkMonk is single and ready to mingle…

Maybe you should private message him

I’m being kinda snarky, but also serious - sounds like you guys might make a good couple.

 

[Xantippe]

Also, all of your “don’t date this and don’t date that” do not make much sense when it sounds like the man is having a hard time finding anyone to date as it is. Once he’s done following all your rules, there will be like 2 women in his entire county who he might be able to go out with. Not helpful.

I think that’s an excellent point.

The OP is not struggling with “how do I deal with the hordes of practicing Catholic women that are lined up around the block like Walmart shoppers on Black Friday” but “how do I find practicing Catholic women to date”?

Totally different problem.

 

[Hope_Philomena]

He’s right that you shouldn’t date a girl who talks about equality and women’s rights. She should understand while it IS a partnership, her husband’s authority in spiritual matters trumps her ideas.

The Church teaches equality. You can still respect spiritual authority from the husband while understanding that, for instance, women deserve equal pay in the same work positions.

A girl with divorced parents IS a big risk. She may not have learned about compromise or sacrifice or some other essential component like perseverance through adversity. But she could still be a possibility if she knows her parents’ flaws by name, and won’t repeat them.

This is starting to get offensive. Are your parents divorced? Mine are. That says nothing about my understanding of compromise or sacrifice or perseverance. Don’t judge people based on their parents.

 

[Boler]

women deserve equal pay in the same work positions

This is exactly what he’s talking about (if I may @ChunkMonk). Generally, women in equal work circumstances already receive equal pay. Thus, women who bring up and echo the topic about equal pay are obviously influenced by new feminism.

 

[LittleFlower]

This is exactly what he’s talking about. Generally, women in equal work circumstances already receive equal pay. Thus, women who bring up and echo the topic about equal pay are obviously influenced by new feminism.

This is utter nonsense! I know women who earn between 10-35% less than their male counterparts and are more qualified than them.

More women than men are graduating university, but the earning capacity still takes a great hit.

Feminism is not the issue here, it’s outdated views from bitter men that are simply not being tolerated.

 

[Boler]

My understanding is a marriage in which the wife had one prior sex partner is twice as likely to end in divorce, and the rate goes up with more partners. What’s wrong with advising caution in consideration of the statistics?