where is the line?

[Rebecca_New]

migurl:

I’m just wondering if a man and a woman are close friends, when does one begin to back away from the situation?

It is better not to start this kind of a relationship, but if it developes without your realizing it, then just back off. There is safety in distance.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I told one of my daughters that whatever she does with her boyfriend, imagine it is me, not him.

This based on the fact that I claim a daughter, like a son, shall leave his father and mother and become one with her spouse.

Until then, she’s mine – and what she won’t do with me she shouldn’t be doing with anyone not her husband.

I said that in part to employ the “gross out” vision – who knows, maybe it will backfire. My own past is not a good example, so I kind of have to skirt the line between hypocracy and telling honest stories of woe that have become me due to my own problems in this area when I was young, single and much more foolish along these lines.

Alan

 

[newf]

Rebecca New:

I do have to disagree most humbly with you on office lunches-the more the marrier. Men and women should not lunch together unless there are three or more people.

Maybe I should clarify…these are business lunches, where business is discussed. And I don’t know where you got the idea about the more the marrier…in any event, I think to mandate there should be 3 or more at lunch is legalistic and not reasonable.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

newf:

Maybe I should clarify…these are business lunches, where business is discussed. And I don’t know where you got the idea about the more the marrier…in any event, I think to mandate there should be 3 or more at lunch is legalistic and not reasonable.

This here also sounds like a fine line.

To mandate 3 or more sounds legalistic.

To say a couple should not be alone sounds a lot better, but says the same thing – which is legalistic.

It almost seems like if there is a potential for intimacy the lunches are more likely a result than a cause.

Not too helpful, I guess…

Alan

 

[Karin]

AnonymousOne:

Karin, that’s why we ALL got married. Because we love our spouse and want to do things with them that we don’t want to do with others…

Just becuase we got married does not mean that we forget about our friends or that we do not get together with our friends.

AnonymousOne:

But I think you’re being naive if you think that you’ll never have romantic feelings for other people. I love my wife dearly. Several years ago we met another couple at church. The woman and I “hit it off”. One day I saw her at the parish and we got into a fairly “open” and spiritual discussion. She confided to me that she wished her husband was more like me. I was flattered, especially because I was actually attracted to her, and she was attracted to me. She saw something in me that she wanted and her husband wasn’t providing. And, in fact, I saw something in her that I felt was missing in my marriage at the time. But alarm bells went off, and I realized where this could so easily lead, despite the fact that I love my wife. In fact, because I love her so much, I made sure that this woman and I were never alone again. It’s not an issue anymore because we’ve moved and lost touch with them, but I can guarantee you that I will not suggest we get in touch with them again!.

**Yes in this example I would not want to be alone with this person either. **

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AnonymousOne:

It is best simply to have a habit of not encouraging friendships with members of the opposite sex if you’re married…

Once again, this may not work for all people (having friends of the opposite sex)…but in our instance it does work and there has not been anything bad to come of them (friendships).

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AnonymousOne:

And you’re being very foolish and naive if you think it can’t happen to you because you’re so in love with your spouse.

I actually had my dh read this post…and he laughed so hard.
Neither one of is naive or foolish as you put it… we value our friendships and see no need to give them up…may I also once again add that we VALUE or marriage above all of these friendships…