Where is the support for families? Just kind of a rant

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LuckyLexi

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Today, I got a personal recommendation of 4 bible studies on motherhood at 4 different Protestant churches. I had reached out to a woman who runs a non-denominational (only loosely Christian) moms group (that was full and had no room) and asked if she knew of any groups. Off the top of her head she came back with four. That provide childcare.

I have contacted every Catholic church within a half hour drive and the diocese and asked for ANY program for moms, and there are none. At any Catholic church. There are very few groups that meet, and none I have found offer childcare.

I don’t really have anything to say but just to rant. I feel like the church is all family! but when it comes to practical help or support, or even spiritual support (which you expect from a church), nada.
 
My little rural town of 3,000 has 1 Catholic church, three Baptist churches, one Methodist church, one Church of Christ, one Presbyterian church, one Lutheran church, an Assembly of God, and two non-denominational churches at least. There may be others.

Me? I go to the Catholic church, because I want the Sacraments. No big decision there.

My mother-in-law? She raised my husband Methodist, and baptized him Lutheran, and in the five years she’s been here, she’s hopscotched around the Lutheran and Presbyterian and Methodist and a couple of the Baptist churches. When she gets disappointed with the current preacher, she’ll move on to a different one. She attends their Bible class at her current church more often than she attends the preaching.

The other Christian churches in this town have to work much harder to differentiate themselves from each other. So they’ll offer fellowship meals, or Bible studies, or things like that. They’re good things to have— but it’s ultimately marketing, trying to stand out amongst ever so many interchangeable denominations. The Catholic church offers the Eucharist and Reconciliation, and everything else is just gravy.

If you want to see something happen, make it happen. 🙂 Get a Bible group together. Volun-tell someone’s teenage kids that they get to help watch the little guys for an hour so that the moms can get together. Find other people who are looking for the same thing you are, and find a time that’s most convenient for the most people. Find a space, whether it’s the parish hall, or unused classroom space, or cycle through private houses. If you want fellowship and community to happen, start that ball rolling. 🙂
 
Haha. I really thought it’d take longer for someone to suggest a SAHM with three kids under kindergarten age including a newborn to take on the work of ORGANIZING AND RUNNING an entire new Bible Study group. That is so far from reality it is laughable.

I live in an area with 7 Catholic churchs, the cathedral of the diocese, 5 parish schools (so obviously, they are equipped to handle children). I drive past more Protestant churches on my way to the interstate than you have in your entire town (okay, that may be a slight exaggeration).

Perhaps they actually care about supporting young mothers in their church and helping them, not “competing” or differentiating themselves.
 
You ought to try to look for a “St. Gregory’s Pocket” They are lay Catholic groups of Catholic women. I have found that a few tend to be on the nuttier “skirt only/TLM only” side but most are good women and they take turns with the burden of hosting.


As the mother of young children, myself, I tend to find church activities (those that aren’t Pocket activities) that occur later in the night when I can leave the little ones with my husband. He can manage for one night a month. Newborn can come with me. The older ladies love it!
 
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Nice, but not even in my state.

My kids are a nightmare at bedtime, always have been and haven’t grown out of it. I wouldn’t ask my husband to do it alone on a regular basis.

I was raised Baptist, btw. We went to the same Baptist church from as early as I could remember until I quit in college, my family still go there. No church hopping, no changing when the pastor changed, that isn’t how I was raised. Not all protestants are like that.

i have spoken with our priest, and the one before him. I’m tired of being told “sorry, we don’t have anything like that”. I’m tired, I’m lonely, I am struggling to find a support system. I feel like I need some spiritual enrichment in my life besides an hour on Sunday, which I don’t even get to participate in I spend all my time trying to keep my children quiet (because Catholic churches don’t “do” nursery). I’m frustrated and I needed to vent.
 
And even more frustrating because I’m reaching out and asking for support from the catholic church and getting nothing. I ask someone for a general recommendation to find mom support, and I’ve been given invitations to multiple non catholic offers for support, AND they provide childcare, so you can actually focus.
 
Congrats on your beautiful family. 😄 That’s very ambitious, to be able to juggle a newborn and a young family and still have the energy for extracurriculars!

I was a SAHM with two part-time jobs and two kids under kindergarten age when I was teaching high school Sunday School. Not because I really wanted to do it, or had a whole lot of energy for it, or because I had a kid in the class so I might as well, but because it needed to be done. Oddly enough, I found that as my kids grew older-- one’s now in 3rd grade, the other is staying home with me to Mommyschool his kindergarten year-- it became harder and harder to find time for me to do stuff for me (or for the parish community), because they started having their own obligations and interests.

Why not try the Bible study with the Baptists? It’s one of their strong points. You’re probably not going to cover your Maccabees, or your “Bathsheba and Mary” or things like that, but they’ll still have some pretty good insights into a lot of other things. I went to a private Baptist university, where Survey of the OT/Survey of the NT were required courses, and the professor was really solid, and I still remember some of her commentary and insights. There were always going to be differences in perspective— but you get that even in a roomful of Lutherans and Presbyterians and Methodists and Calvinists. 🙂
 
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I don’t have any answers but I can commiserate with your experience.

I grew up Lutheran and greatly enjoyed the fellowship and education of Sunday School as a child and I know my parents enjoyed the adults only Sunday School that happened at the same time. I haven’t a clue why Catholic Churches don’t participate in that kind of spiritual education.

And I’ll give you an “Amen” on the difficulty of being attentive in mass with squirmy little ones. I don’t want to be separated from my kids during mass and embrace the reason why we, as Catholics, don’t do it; but, man… I feel the appeal, lol.
 
And even more frustrating because I’m reaching out and asking for support from the catholic church and getting nothing. I ask someone for a general recommendation to find mom support, and I’ve been given invitations to multiple non catholic offers for support, AND they provide childcare, so you can actually focus.
You may want to contact them. The post is 3 years old and I know more have been added. I attend one that’s not on there.

There are no less than 5 active posts from lonely people on here–a lonely teen, a lonely 20 something, a mother swayed by LDS becuase the Catholics have done jack diggity to help even when she begged…etc, etc.

Part of this is on the Church. It has failed to listen to people. And some Catholic churches DO have a nursery during Mass. It is gaining popularity. You could also switch off Masses with your husband–a luxury my single mom friend never had.

And if you need a break-join the protestant groups. If that’s all that’s there and you need it…just go.

You can ask the priest to place an ad in the bulletin looking for other Moms without having to “be a leader”.

I would also suggest asking the DRE to set things up, rather than the Pastor. He or she may know how to get things started better.
 
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Except my husband is not Catholic and doesn’t attend mass, so switching with him is not an option. So as far as church goes, I’m pretty much a single mom - unless I just want to leave the kids at home with DH - but what does that teach the kids?

When I first contacted the priest, I also talked to the DRE, didn’t go anywhere either. Same DRE still, so I see no point. They do have bible study, at night, for all adults, and no childcare, so not ideal.
 
Except my husband is not Catholic and doesn’t attend mass, so switching with him is not an option. So as far as church goes, I’m pretty much a single mom - unless I just want to leave the kids at home with DH - but what does that teach the kids?

When I first contacted the priest, I also talked to the DRE, didn’t go anywhere either. Same DRE still, so I see no point. They do have bible study, at night, for all adults, and no childcare, so not ideal.
Leaving little children at home with your husband once a month is not going to harm their spiritual lives. You don’t have to do it every week–but give yourself a break. The Catholic Church more than allows it. In some cultures, children aren’t even brought to Mass until formation for the Eucharist. They still manage a rich faith. If you feel the need to take them to Mass once a week, take them to a Daily Mass on the following Monday. They may not know the difference.

Speaking of which, I know many moms who love Daily Mass because the old ladies are happy to help with children.

One of the reasons that the Catholic Church doesn’t have more available childcare is the abuse scandals. The protections and restrictions are very high (understandably). Unfortunately, that leaves us with children ways to just figure things out. Honestly, I refused to “take advantage” of the free nursery during Mass because I didn’t like that I didn’t know the caregivers–even if they were “vetted”.

You mention that you have to “single parent” in many things. That seems to be a big stressor for you–and it’s not fair. You may want to sit down with your husband and talk about how it’s affecting you.

In short, you need to figure things out…its not fair or right, but it is what it is.
 
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My little rural town of 3,000 has 1 Catholic church, three Baptist churches, one Methodist church, one Church of Christ, one Presbyterian church, one Lutheran church, an Assembly of God, and two non-denominational churches at least. There may be others.

Me? I go to the Catholic church, because I want the Sacraments. No big decision there.

My mother-in-law? She raised my husband Methodist, and baptized him Lutheran, and in the five years she’s been here, she’s hopscotched around the Lutheran and Presbyterian and Methodist and a couple of the Baptist churches. When she gets disappointed with the current preacher, she’ll move on to a different one. She attends their Bible class at her current church more often than she attends the preaching.

The other Christian churches in this town have to work much harder to differentiate themselves from each other. So they’ll offer fellowship meals, or Bible studies, or things like that. They’re good things to have— but it’s ultimately marketing, trying to stand out amongst ever so many interchangeable denominations. The Catholic church offers the Eucharist and Reconciliation, and everything else is just gravy.

If you want to see something happen, make it happen. 🙂 Get a Bible group together. Volun-tell someone’s teenage kids that they get to help watch the little guys for an hour so that the moms can get together. Find other people who are looking for the same thing you are, and find a time that’s most convenient for the most people. Find a space, whether it’s the parish hall, or unused classroom space, or cycle through private houses. If you want fellowship and community to happen, start that ball rolling. 🙂
I really can’t disagree with the bold any more vehemently. Calling fellowship within a church “marketing” is really low and it’s sad to read other Christians take shots at how others fellowship. We don’t do this to differentiate ourselves from anyone else. We really see ourselves as a family, and enjoy having meals and bible studies together.

I’m sorry to read that you feel the opposite. Honestly, it really does sadden me.
 
I can defiantly sympathize with you. Here is just one example.

One time an old priest came to our parish to say Mass and try to get people to sign up for a Marriage Encounter weekend. Hardly anyone was interested, but I went back to talk to him about it in hopes of signing up and getting some info for some friends in another parish who wanted to go. The priest said that child care was not being offered for the weekend, which I thought was odd, because most weekend retreats for young families offer childcare for the weekend. He said, oh we used to have childcare but we don’t anymore. I asked why not, and he said that their lawyers advised against it. When I heard that, steam started coming out of my ears and I almost scolded the old priest. Then he started talking about the good old days (1980’s…apparently he had been involved with Marriage Encounter for a long time). He said so many people wanted to go that there was a waiting list - of course they had childcare back then. Now…nothing but crickets. Our friends didn’t go either because of the lack of childcare.
 
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I’m sorry. I’m talking about the people in my town. I’m sure your town is very different. 🙂

I’m living in a poor, rural town that’s 85% religious. 5% of us are Catholic. That leaves 80% for everyone else to share. Almost 50% of the people in my town are Baptist. There are three Baptist churches. 10% are Methodist. There’s 1 Methodist church, but just because you’re Methodist, doesn’t mean you go to the Methodist church. And so on and so forth. What I’m saying is that, in my town, the Catholics go to the Catholic church because of the Sacraments. If you don’t like the externals-- the homilies, or the choir, or the atmosphere, or the architecture-- your choices are the other Catholic churches 30 minutes away, or 45 minutes away, or whatever. In my poor, rural town, however, the other Christians go to the church where the pastor says the things they like, or have the extras that they enjoy. And when they decide they don’t like the pastor, or they don’t like the extras, they go to the next church down the street. In my town, there’s no loyalty to a particular sect— if the Lutheran minister decides to do Holy Absolution for his flock, and the Methodist decides that doesn’t sound right, because he’s just a man, so what’s he doing with that— then the Methodist can go be with the nice normal Baptists or Presbyterians, and maybe they’ll check back in on the Lutherans after a pastor change or two.

I’m not taking shots. I’m just talking about my experience, from my perspective, and my experience and perspective don’t seem to be doing so hot in this thread. 😉
 
Isn’t Marriage Encounters a weekend event? I think it’s understandable the Church wouldn’t want to be responsible for overnight accommodations for a group of children. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my children stay overnight with unknown people.

I completely understand the difficulty of attending those kind of activities though. We recently attended a Retrouvaille weekend (amazing by the way) and, thank goodness, my mom was willing to watch the kids for the whole time and is helping us with the additional Saturday commitments; but, there are going to be days that one of us can’t attend because we have kids. It would make it much more likely that people could attend if at least the post sessions had childcare.
 
Isn’t Marriage Encounters a weekend event? I think it’s understandable the Church wouldn’t want to be responsible for overnight accommodations for a group of children. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my children stay overnight with unknown people.
The way Marriage Encounter used to be run, and the way the few marriage and family retreats I’ve been on have run is that the retreat is held at a hotel with a large conference room. The families stay at the hotel. During the day, childcare is provided in another room near the conference room while mom and dad listen to speakers, learn stuff, etc… Families get back together for lunch, then break again for the afternoon. Around 3 or so the day is over and everyone gets back together until the next morning.

The idea is to have a relaxing weekend for the family. The better the hotel, the more people will sign up for the retreat. I’ve gone to two that have been at hotels that have waterparks in them.
 
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That sounds really lovely; if you hear of any like that coming up let me know! We have never experienced that kind of retreat. 🙂
 
My mother-in-law? She raised my husband Methodist, and baptized him Lutheran, and in the five years she’s been here, she’s hopscotched around the Lutheran and Presbyterian and Methodist and a couple of the Baptist churches. When she gets disappointed with the current preacher, she’ll move on to a different one. She attends their Bible class at her current church more often than she attends the preaching.

The other Christian churches in this town have to work much harder to differentiate themselves from each other. So they’ll offer fellowship meals, or Bible studies, or things like that. They’re good things to have— but it’s ultimately marketing, trying to stand out amongst ever so many interchangeable denominations. The Catholic church offers the Eucharist and Reconciliation, and everything else is just gravy.
You only have one option but I’ve seen plenty of posts here where Catholics are also jumping between churches for various personal reasons. Obviously they live in high catholic areas.

When competition between churches is focused better meeting the christian needs of their members, can’t imagine how that is a problem. My problem is when it veers away from delivering better core services into pure entertainment.
 
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midori:
My mother-in-law? She raised my husband Methodist, and baptized him Lutheran, and in the five years she’s been here, she’s hopscotched around the Lutheran and Presbyterian and Methodist and a couple of the Baptist churches. When she gets disappointed with the current preacher, she’ll move on to a different one. She attends their Bible class at her current church more often than she attends the preaching.

The other Christian churches in this town have to work much harder to differentiate themselves from each other. So they’ll offer fellowship meals, or Bible studies, or things like that. They’re good things to have— but it’s ultimately marketing, trying to stand out amongst ever so many interchangeable denominations. The Catholic church offers the Eucharist and Reconciliation, and everything else is just gravy.
You only have one option but I’ve seen plenty of posts here where Catholics are also jumping between churches for various personal reasons. Obviously they live in high catholic areas.

When competition between churches is focused better meeting the christian needs of their members, can’t imagine how that is a problem. My problem is when it veers away from delivering better core services into pure entertainment.
I don’t live in a high Catholic area but I choose to drive about 30 minutes, as opposed to 25 minutes, because of a few reasons…a priest who refused to stop using incense at every Mass (I’m deathly allergic) and who also became too focused on money and would only announce parish activities that were his pet projects. I had a third option, also about 30 minutes, but I chose the church I did because it was just more solid. The priest gave passionate, doctrinally accurate homilies as opposed to caned trope with a cutesy point. They had a few prayer groups and other attractive things.

Churches MUST keep their parishioners in mind. Had it not been for my deadly allergy my temptation to switch parishes would have been mighty tempting anyway…my husband and I had constantly talked about it, especially when the priest created a mass babysitting program and made it “highly suggested” and would not address bullying by parishioners who thought kid-free Masses were their solemn right.
 
My parish has a women’s Bible study with childcare…at 10AM on Tuesday. 🤨
 
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