Where is the support for families? Just kind of a rant

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Xantippe said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
That’s how nursery caused a parish to devolve in less than a decade.

Granted, the priest was no help. Many parishioners shared the drive of elders to get them to use the nursery—when before they were welcome. After someone on the parish committee remarked she was getting a number of complaints when her very quiet, clingy 2yo experiencing separation anxiety joined her for Mass, Father finally listened and agreed to address it.

His announcement consisted of a brief platitude about children being welcome in church, then went into how the nursey was good for parents because it allowed them to focus on Mass and good for children so they could form healthy attachments to caregivers other than their parents.😮
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The My Little Pony vestment story is hilarious!

I wouldn’t blame the existence of the nursery. I’ve seen parishes without nurseries that were bad about kids, and parishes with nurseries that were fine.

And yes, the priest was out of line. Kids don’t form “healthy attachments” to somebody they see once or twice, nor should they. That’s weird.

Our old (and very sensible pastor) says that kids are fine and kid noise is fine–but things like toy trucks that go BEEP BEEP are not fine.

Maybe this issue ought to get a bit more attention in seminary?
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Yes, I think Father could have done with a bit more training. No doubt he played a big role in the culture becoming anti-kid.
 
i believe that if a parish has a significant need for a mother’s group, the mother’s in the parish will establish one.

if only one or two mothers are feeling the pressures of motherhood are nearly unbearable, it is unlikely that a parish mother’s group is going to be started.

however, regardless of any particular parish, there are many ways available to experience spiritual benefits even if a house bound catholic.

my mother is 97 years old. she is blind. she only leaves her house when i take her to the doctor. yet, she enjoys and finds catholic radio a consoling, educational and spiritual experience.

if she could read, she, and all catholics, have an enormous amount of good spiritual and theological literature available to them. also, there are audio tapes and videotapes available that are spiritual and/or theological in nature. many people still enjoy audio tapes of bishop sheen’s sermons.

i understand that finding respite from the duties of motherhood is very important for some mothers. however, saying your parish has failed you by not providing the respite is not, as i see it, a very fair or just accusation.
 
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eddietoo said:
i believe that if a parish has a significant need for a mother’s group, the mother’s in the parish will establish one.
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Unless they’re all so spread so thin that there’s nobody who has the leisure and willingness to do it?

Organizing anything is a lot of work.

There’s a difference between the level of commitment necessary to attend a group, and the level of commitment necessary to organize a group. For example, this morning, I got my 4-year-old in the car and drove across town to another mom’s house for a mom’s group playdate. She, on the other hand: booked the playdate, prepped her house for company, got snacks from the store, and plied us with coffee and pastries, had about 8 kids rampaging in her playroom, and then got to clean up after we left–and she does this every month. It’s just a totally different level of commitment and effort.

(This was a Meetup, by the way.)
 
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Xantippe said:
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eddietoo:
i believe that if a parish has a significant need for a mother’s group, the mother’s in the parish will establish one.
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Unless they’re all so spread so thin that there’s nobody who has the leisure and willingness to do it?

Organizing anything is a lot of work.

There’s a difference between the level of commitment necessary to attend a group, and the level of commitment necessary to organize a group. For example, this morning, I got my 4-year-old in the car and drove across town to another mom’s house for a mom’s group playdate. She, on the other hand: booked the playdate, prepped her house for company, got snacks from the store, and plied us with coffee and pastries, had about 8 kids rampaging in her playroom, and then got to clean up after we left–and she does this every month. It’s just a totally different level of commitment and effort.

(This was a Meetup, by the way.)
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But there are Meetups and opportunities…at least if you’re willing to drive.

I think what the OP is referring to is that it seems no one has the energy but the Church resues to step in and be that big person to coordinate everything.

'Cause that’s what the Protestants do.

But not really. Because behind it all IS a mom who keeps it going. Some one to show up., etc.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
I think what the OP is referring to is that it seems no one has the energy but the Church resues to step in and be that big person to coordinate everything.

'Cause that’s what the Protestants do.

But not really. Because behind it all IS a mom who keeps it going. Some one to show up., etc.
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Right. Even in the Protestant churches, it’s not the pastor booking dates, buying donuts, brewing coffee, making pleasant conversation, and getting little kids to play nicely–it’s 1-3 core moms doing that and making the groups function.

A lot of the moms who would be great at doing that are homeschooling–so they need to be at home on weekday mornings doing school during prime playdate time for toddlers.

If moms are completely overwhelmed and tied up with their own home commitments, they are not going to have anything to give to other moms in terms of support and organizing.
 
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Actually there is no official teaching on the noises kids make and their location during Mass. Wish there were!
 
AMEN!

The whole “we have the Sacraments so suck it up, buttercup” mantra is kinda the opposite of making disciples and meeting people where they are.

This is a mom with a real cry for help. I am stunned that her parish will not respond. To be honest, if I knew what Diocese I’d likely contact the Family Life office on her behalf!
 
TheLittleLady said:
Actually there is no official teaching on the noises kids make and their location during Mass. Wish there were!
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It has. All people are called to be reverent. All baptized people have the right to attend Mass. This includes persons who need to work on learning reverence as they grow.
 
Your concerns are real. That big study a few years ago showed that the most devout mom has very little impact on her kids. They overwhelmingly follow the faith of dad. When dad has no faith, last thing you want to do is make that attractive. Your willingness to take the kids, even when they are a handful, is speaking volumes to your husband and just might be the example it takes to bring him home.

If you were at my parish I’d sit with you in Mass and help kid wrangle!
 
Bingo Lucky, Sadly this is all too common with in the Catholic Church, there are some Catholic Churches that do offer baby sitting for mass, but those are few and far in between, the Catholic Church on a parish level isn’t set up to be a place where families or single people can come to for aid. Parishes on the whole do more fund raising and donation collecting for diocesian based things such as providing funding and stipends to seminarians / seminaries , retired priest foundations, large scale relief efforts and sometimes a priest might be from another country and might have some kind of permission from the Bishop to collect donations for his home diocese or something of the sort. Most of the time Parishes only provide aid during the Holidays, namely Christmas and Thanksgiving, there will be a local food pantry collection or perhaps every so often i have seen notices for needs for baby items, diapers, etc but that is rare. Most of the time in local natural disasters funds are collected for the diocese to then dispurse where the diocese feels the money is needed the most. Like the redcross or any disaster relief group, only a certain portion reach those in need while the remainder is spent on overhead an etc.

Funding is a major problem too in all parishes, more often than not there isn’t extra money to go around; An then there is the lack of volunteers which has to make one wonder why wont people volunteer their time to help others in their own parish. But then you also have to consider is there enough of a need for what you are looking for. If a parish doesn’t have enough people for what ever program you are looking for, then there isn’t going to be a program. A Catholic Church is just a gathering place for prayer and worship. The rest of what you seek is via Networking, If you don’t take the time to get to know people in your parish or place of worship, you won’t know who can help you or if they might know someone who can. Some priests may offer those in need financial assistance out of their own pocket, or what ever, but that is their own perogative and they are not going to announce that, and on top of that they are barely making any money to begin with, so they are limited on how they can financially help as well.

You do have a valid rant though LuckyLexi, and you are not alone in noticing it, But that is just the way Catholic Churches are.

( again this isn’t a personal attack on anyone or the Church, it just is what it is, if anyone is offended by what i have to say, that is not my problem, just disagree and know i wont read what you have to say nor respond to any baiting attempts. my response is for the Original Poster to mull over or ignore )
 
Great news, I just found a Bible Study at another parish I hadn’t looked at in a few months, and childcare is provided!

And, it hasn’t already started, it literally starts TOMORROW. I think God really wanted this for me, otherwise why would I find it the day before it starts, while every other one I’ve seen started last month?
 
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