Where to go from here?

[pensmama87]

Oh, Kendra. There’s a lot of words I’d use to describe this guy, and none of them are a good idea to use on these forums.

Ugh. I think you’ll be well rid of him, though I know that doesn’t help with the pain you’re feeling.

 

[Kal2012]

I don’t have anything constructive to say, but I can give you an internet hug. :hug3:

At least you know where you stand now.

Also, I understand about not wanting to get addicted to your anti-anxiety meds, but sweetie, the doctor prescribed them for a reason.

I fought my doctor about anxiety meds for years, but now that I’m taking them, I’m doing a lot better. (I’ve also taken most of the necessary health steps to reduce my anxiety and manage my stress).

I hate the fact that I’m “addicted”, but I like the fact that I’m able to manage my emotions better.

Feel free to PM if you need to vent or chat.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Kendra,

I am so very sorry that he just dropped this on you. That is absolutely horrible!

You are in my continued thoughts and prayers. :hug1:

 

[grasscutter]

Kendra,

With everyone else, I’m also very sorry about what you are going through and I pray for the best resolution also. It’s not the time yet, but when it is please know that I stand beside you in the grieving of your marriage and the man you knew. :hug1:

 

[pianistclare]

Yeah. While fixing dinner it occurred to me that while we are all on your side, clearly, I probably shouldn’t bash him. (although I really want to). You married him because you loved him.
As you grieve for the relationship, I hope I’m not adding to your pain. I’m sure somewhere, somehow, you still love him and wish this was all a bad dream. We do too.
But know that we love you, although we’re a bunch of hapless strangers.
We do care for you, your health, and your well-being. We know you’re lovely person, and a woman of faith.
God bless you Kendra.
I guess we all are hating the fact that this cad is hurting you, the one he professed to honor and protect.
Be assured of our continued prayers. :console:

 

[OraLabora]

So sorry to hear of the developments. All I can say Kendra is that you’re in my prayers.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Thank you so much for the support and prayers, y’all. I did call and had a meeting with Father. He is prior navy and a navy brat. So he totally understands my and his side of this way of life. That was such a blessing! He told me that if he isn’t willing to talk, then there isn’t much to do. He advised me to contact the chaplain and I told him that I already have.
I have been so worried about being divorced. I actually said, “what about my soul? This is my vocation!” Poor Father, his eyes became the size of softballs. He assured me that I would not be shunned. He said these things happen and that’s why we have the annulment process. Which now has me freaked out. We weren’t catholic when we married, BUT I definitely meant my vows and knew what I was getting into, so I’m afraid now that an annulment won’t be granted and I’m stuck.
I just want this to go away. Like, take me back before I walked down that aisle and just idk a tornado hits and I couldn’t get married, or something.
I had a plan before I met this doofus. I was going to get my BSN. I was going to move to the city (I grew up in a national forest) and I was going to eventually work my way up to a DNP and if a boy wanted to be apart of that fine. Oh but no! Kendra had to fall in love, change her major, get married instead of finishing and putting everything on hold to be a military wife. Willing to go wherever the needs of the navy were. Grrrrr. I was an idiot. I should have stuck with my plan. I’m 26, I could have a least be in a MSN program by now. :crying:

 

[pianistclare]

Thank you so much for the support and prayers, y’all. I did call and had a meeting with Father. He is prior navy and a navy brat. So he totally understands my and his side of this way of life. That was such a blessing! He told me that if he isn’t willing to talk, then there isn’t much to do. He advised me to contact the chaplain and I told him that I already have.
I have been so worried about being divorced. I actually said, “what about my soul? This is my vocation!” Poor Father, his eyes became the size of softballs. He assured me that I would not be shunned. He said these things happen and that’s why we have the annulment process. Which now has me freaked out. We weren’t catholic when we married, BUT I definitely meant my vows and knew what I was getting into, so I’m afraid now that an annulment won’t be granted and I’m stuck.
I just want this to go away. Like, take me back before I walked down that aisle and just idk a tornado hits and I couldn’t get married, or something.
I had a plan before I met this doofus. I was going to get my BSN. I was going to move to the city (I grew up in a national forest) and I was going to eventually work my way up to a DNP and if a boy wanted to be apart of that fine. Oh but no! Kendra had to fall in love, change her major, get married instead of finishing and putting everything on hold to be a military wife. Willing to go wherever the needs of the navy were. Grrrrr. I was an idiot. I should have stuck with my plan. I’m 26, I could have a least be in a MSN program by now. :crying:

OK. You got that off your chest.
Now, Worry about the annulment later. Everything in due time.
You’re young, time to reboot. At least you don’t have any little ones that will tie you to him for at least 18 years. God is merciful.
All will be ok, maybe not immediately, but they will. In the meantime, we trust and we all pray.
Try to get some rest tonight dear. It’s been a long day.
Sending you hugs.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you so much for the support and prayers, y’all. I did call and had a meeting with Father. He is prior navy and a navy brat. So he totally understands my and his side of this way of life. That was such a blessing! He told me that if he isn’t willing to talk, then there isn’t much to do. He advised me to contact the chaplain and I told him that I already have.
I have been so worried about being divorced. I actually said, “what about my soul? This is my vocation!” Poor Father, his eyes became the size of softballs. He assured me that I would not be shunned. He said these things happen and that’s why we have the annulment process. Which now has me freaked out. We weren’t catholic when we married, BUT I definitely meant my vows and knew what I was getting into, so I’m afraid now that an annulment won’t be granted and I’m stuck.
I just want this to go away. Like, take me back before I walked down that aisle and just idk a tornado hits and I couldn’t get married, or something.
I had a plan before I met this doofus. I was going to get my BSN. I was going to move to the city (I grew up in a national forest) and I was going to eventually work my way up to a DNP and if a boy wanted to be apart of that fine. Oh but no! Kendra had to fall in love, change her major, get married instead of finishing and putting everything on hold to be a military wife. Willing to go wherever the needs of the navy were. Grrrrr. I was an idiot. I should have stuck with my plan. I’m 26, I could have a least be in a MSN program by now. :crying:

26 is perfectly fine. All the stuff you wanted to do, you can do just as well now.

Best wishes!

 

[Irishmom2]

I know you won’t understand this now, but you will one day, like the rest of us.

26 is young. 26 is a baby. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Look at this as your “do over.” Do the thing you gave up in order to do what you did. Maybe that’s what you should have been doing all along.

Get ready for it. Get psyched. Get information, and then come fall, get going!

 

[estesbob]

Thank you so much for the support and prayers, y’all. I did call and had a meeting with Father. He is prior navy and a navy brat. So he totally understands my and his side of this way of life. That was such a blessing! He told me that if he isn’t willing to talk, then there isn’t much to do. He advised me to contact the chaplain and I told him that I already have.
I have been so worried about being divorced. I actually said, “what about my soul? This is my vocation!” Poor Father, his eyes became the size of softballs. He assured me that I would not be shunned. He said these things happen and that’s why we have the annulment process. Which now has me freaked out. We weren’t catholic when we married, BUT I definitely meant my vows and knew what I was getting into, so I’m afraid now that an annulment won’t be granted and I’m stuck.
I just want this to go away. Like, take me back before I walked down that aisle and just idk a tornado hits and I couldn’t get married, or something.
I had a plan before I met this doofus. I was going to get my BSN. I was going to move to the city (I grew up in a national forest) and I was going to eventually work my way up to a DNP and if a boy wanted to be apart of that fine. Oh but no! Kendra had to fall in love, change her major, get married instead of finishing and putting everything on hold to be a military wife. Willing to go wherever the needs of the navy were. Grrrrr. I was an idiot. I should have stuck with my plan. I’m 26, I could have a least be in a MSN program by now. :crying:

I’m 62 .eVery great tragedy in my life has turned out to be a blessing in the end.The best thing that ever happened to me was the very painful breakup of my first marriage followed a few years after with marriage to the love of my life I was 38 when this happened and yes we were able to get an annulment.

 

[PolarGuy]

Kendra:

–Nothing you have done is a waste: Whatever you go thru, makes you stronger.

–It is hard, but try not to dwell on “how much better it might have been!”

–Stay strong; note all the people here who are clearly quite concerned for you and who are rooting for you.

–Remember something Winston Churchill said: “When you’re going through hell, keep going!” (and he knew something about going thru hell!)

 

[KnitNut]

Classy. I wonder when command found out? They might not have…a conversation with the chaplain might be interesting. I suggest it primarily because his behavior is deceptive, erratic, and dishonorable. I don’t think I’d be trusting him with critical and/or confidential/secret/TS information.

Well, since he started it…can your friend represent you? Why did he file in Alabama? One of you must have lived there for at least 6 months prior to the filing. Is that true?

And…since he filed an action, you may now “have at him” for discovery. You at least need his bank records (of all existing accounts, insurance policies, investments, etc.), phone records, credit account records…the full financial profile, as you know he has been siphoning off money. The filing should also put a freeze on your joint assets, meaning he can’t liquidate things. In these matters, you really should have a lawyer, and you really should do full discovery. I think it might bring you some closure and help you understand what (or who) his problem really is. And if he’s the immature, deceptive cad he seems to be…well it’s not your fault he’s not worthy of a clearance.

Finally, your attorney may suggest filing a countersuit, basically another divorce claim but you initiating against him. This is an interesting idea, as I think in Alabama the judge can actually prohibit the defendant from remarrying…so if you filed against him, the judge could conceivably toss his petition, hear yours, and give him a judicial slap-upside-the-head. It’s a weird point - I admit I don’t know the full statute/nuance.

Okay, one last “finally”. See your counselor/doctors. Take medication you need to function. You have a plan, you have goals. Whatever this guy is up to, it’s not healthy, nor Godly. More than ever, you need to rely on your support system. You need to set your personal direction, and start taking steps in that direction. What he is doing is NOT your fault. You deserve much better. Allow yourself safe space to mourn, but don’t let it paralyze you.

As far as age? A friend of mine went to nursing school in her 60s, after nursing her husband through a lengthy, ultimately terminal bout of Parkinson’s. She is a home health nurse and LOVES her job. You’ve got PLENTY of time. Just get started!

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Classy. I wonder when command found out? They might not have…a conversation with the chaplain might be interesting. I suggest it primarily because his behavior is deceptive, erratic, and dishonorable. I don’t think I’d be trusting him with critical and/or confidential/secret/TS information.

Well, since he started it…can your friend represent you? Why did he file in Alabama? One of you must have lived there for at least 6 months prior to the filing. Is that true?

And…since he filed an action, you may now “have at him” for discovery. You at least need his bank records (of all existing accounts, insurance policies, investments, etc.), phone records, credit account records…the full financial profile, as you know he has been siphoning off money. The filing should also put a freeze on your joint assets, meaning he can’t liquidate things. In these matters, you really should have a lawyer, and you really should do full discovery. I think it might bring you some closure and help you understand what (or who) his problem really is. And if he’s the immature, deceptive cad he seems to be…well it’s not your fault he’s not worthy of a clearance.

Finally, your attorney may suggest filing a countersuit, basically another divorce claim but you initiating against him. This is an interesting idea, as I think in Alabama the judge can actually prohibit the defendant from remarrying…so if you filed against him, the judge could conceivably toss his petition, hear yours, and give him a judicial slap-upside-the-head. It’s a weird point - I admit I don’t know the full statute/nuance.

Okay, one last “finally”. See your counselor/doctors. Take medication you need to function. You have a plan, you have goals. Whatever this guy is up to, it’s not healthy, nor Godly. More than ever, you need to rely on your support system. You need to set your personal direction, and start taking steps in that direction. What he is doing is NOT your fault. You deserve much better. Allow yourself safe space to mourn, but don’t let it paralyze you.

As far as age? A friend of mine went to nursing school in her 60s, after nursing her husband through a lengthy, ultimately terminal bout of Parkinson’s. She is a home health nurse and LOVES her job. You’ve got PLENTY of time. Just get started!

We have both always been residents of Alabama. I have emailed her the documents I have received. There are like what feels like a million questions that “need” to be answered. She’s going through all of it. Heck, they don’t even have the correct town that I am a resident of, yet they have my address and they don’t have the correct county we married in. And that’s just the first page.
I’m not worried about the whole not getting married again thing. “Incompatibility of temperance” is a no-fault divorce and the county he filed in is where I grew up. My maiden name is popular there and they don’t know him. From my understanding, it was probably filed there, instead of his county of residency is because it is faster here.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yeah. While fixing dinner it occurred to me that while we are all on your side, clearly, I probably shouldn’t bash him. (although I really want to). You married him because you loved him.
As you grieve for the relationship, I hope I’m not adding to your pain. I’m sure somewhere, somehow, you still love him and wish this was all a bad dream. We do too.
But know that we love you, although we’re a bunch of hapless strangers.
We do care for you, your health, and your well-being. We know you’re lovely person, and a woman of faith.
God bless you Kendra.
I guess we all are hating the fact that this cad is hurting you, the one he professed to honor and protect.
Be assured of our continued prayers. :console:

Yes! It is a natural reaction to say she is better off and good riddance. But as Catholics we should pray for him to be the man he should be and we should pray for a marriage in trouble and we should recognize that Kendra is hurting and cannot possibly just say bye bye without feeling like a part of her is dying. Which it kind of is…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yeah. While fixing dinner it occurred to me that while we are all on your side, clearly, I probably shouldn’t bash him. (although I really want to). You married him because you loved him.
As you grieve for the relationship, I hope I’m not adding to your pain. I’m sure somewhere, somehow, you still love him and wish this was all a bad dream. We do too.
But know that we love you, although we’re a bunch of hapless strangers.
We do care for you, your health, and your well-being. We know you’re lovely person, and a woman of faith.
God bless you Kendra.
I guess we all are hating the fact that this cad is hurting you, the one he professed to honor and protect.
Be assured of our continued prayers. :console:

We have both always been residents of Alabama. I have emailed her the documents I have received. There are like what feels like a million questions that “need” to be answered. She’s going through all of it. Heck, they don’t even have the correct town that I am a resident of, yet they have my address and they don’t have the correct county we married in. And that’s just the first page.
I’m not worried about the whole not getting married again thing. “Incompatibility of temperance” is a no-fault divorce and the county he filed in is where I grew up. My maiden name is popular there and they don’t know him. From my understanding, it was probably filed there, instead of his county of residency is because it is faster here.

Well I think we can assume that when he had you on speakerphone his lawyer was there! I am so sorry he has chosen this. As a man I am ashamed of my gender in this instance…

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Yes, a part of me does feel like it is dying. I haven’t slept since Wednesday night. It is after 11 pm on Friday and still no sleep. My step dad even called the house on his lunch break because he was worried because I was still in the living room this morning before 5 am. Just sitting, TV off, just there. I’m angry or numb. And sick. I feel ill.

Actually no one slept well last night. Mom stayed up with me until after midnight. She’s disabled and stress makes her condition worse and I feel so guilty because her baby is hurting means that she is too. My real dad called me and he’s extremely upset.

I kinda know that this isn’t my fault and that everyone suffering because of my pain knows it isn’t my fault. I just feel like if I didn’t get sick none of this would be happening. I have an appointment with my psychologist on Tuesday. I’m so afraid that this is going to make me spiral back down into the hell I was in last year. My antianxiety meds aren’t helping. My coping skills aren’t helping. I’m suppressing and isolating. I don’t want to look weak. I hate failure. I LOATHE it. This is the worst. Absolute worst.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes, a part of me does feel like it is dying. I haven’t slept since Wednesday night. It is after 11 pm on Friday and still no sleep. My step dad even called the house on his lunch break because he was worried because I was still in the living room this morning before 5 am. Just sitting, TV off, just there. I’m angry or numb. And sick. I feel ill.

Actually no one slept well last night. Mom stayed up with me until after midnight. She’s disabled and stress makes her condition worse and I feel so guilty because her baby is hurting means that she is too. My real dad called me and he’s extremely upset.

I kinda know that this isn’t my fault and that everyone suffering because of my pain knows it isn’t my fault. I just feel like if I didn’t get sick none of this would be happening. I have an appointment with my psychologist on Tuesday. I’m so afraid that this is going to make me spiral back down into the hell I was in last year. My antianxiety meds aren’t helping. My coping skills aren’t helping. I’m suppressing and isolating. I don’t want to look weak. I hate failure. I LOATHE it. This is the worst. Absolute worst.

St. Dymphna pray for us. Pray that Chaplet dear. Repeating the Hail Mays will put you to sleep. Ask for the intercession of Padre Pio as well.
The rosary is a powerful weapon, as well as an instrument of peace.
Love you.
Clare

 

[oldgraymare2]

Oh ((Kendra)),

Dear One,

You are NOT to blame for any of this. When we get married, it is supposed to be “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.”

Your husband is the one who sadly–for whatever reasons–could not honor the vows that he made to you.

I hope that you will be able to get some rest and some sleep. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Rau]

Yes, a part of me does feel like it is dying. I haven’t slept since Wednesday night. It is after 11 pm on Friday and still no sleep. My step dad even called the house on his lunch break because he was worried because I was still in the living room this morning before 5 am. Just sitting, TV off, just there. I’m angry or numb. And sick. I feel ill.

Actually no one slept well last night. Mom stayed up with me until after midnight. She’s disabled and stress makes her condition worse and I feel so guilty because her baby is hurting means that she is too. My real dad called me and he’s extremely upset.

I kinda know that this isn’t my fault and that everyone suffering because of my pain knows it isn’t my fault. I just feel like if I didn’t get sick none of this would be happening. I have an appointment with my psychologist on Tuesday. I’m so afraid that this is going to make me spiral back down into the hell I was in last year. My antianxiety meds aren’t helping. My coping skills aren’t helping. I’m suppressing and isolating. I don’t want to look weak. I hate failure. I LOATHE it. This is the worst. Absolute worst.

One wonders how your in-laws are interpreting these developments.