Where to go from here?

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Don’t want to read and run, I don’t have anything to say but that I am praying for you!
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
This last conversation was over the phone. It was him. The staying with a friend thing got to me too. I can’t contact his command about cheating unless I have solid evidence, though.

This whole thing is like a long nightmare. I never suspected anything.
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You can contact his family and ask what’s going on. Not in a “I know he’s cheating way,” but in a “I’m really worried about DH. This isn’t like him at all. I’m afraid he’s had some sort of breakdown or is in some sort of trouble!” Unless they are REALLY cold, they’d share a little bit more information at that point.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
This last conversation was over the phone. It was him. The staying with a friend thing got to me too. I can’t contact his command about cheating unless I have solid evidence, though.

This whole thing is like a long nightmare. I never suspected anything.
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Right now, you’re the concerned wife whose husband has fallen off the map, whose belongings are missing, and who is concerned about sudden, drastic mood and behavior changes in him which may be a sign of a seriously compromising situation which jeopardizes both his marriage and his career.

Don’t go running down any paths (like adultery) just yet, you don’t have enough information. Just work the problems as they arise. Some of this, you’ll need the assistance of a mediator or legal counsel (who pays the bills, is anything held jointly, where is the family’s money & where is it going, is his work performance jeopardizing family stability). If you speak with his family, be careful to take the high road here, too. As you noted, he could be telling them anything…don’t count on them to have real information. That’s why it’s better if you work with the chaplain, your own advisor/counselor, etc.

He’s likely not in a hurry to finalize anything, because he gets a lot more money with his “married with dependents” status…pretty sweet, if he’s keeping the bulk of it. Where does the money go? Who is supporting you at present?

This kind of erratic behavior is a definite red flag for a clearance officer. I doubt he realizes he’s seriously jeopardizing his job with this stunt, even without adultery thrown in the mix.

Hopefully you’ll hear back from people today, and start to get some answers to your questions.
 
Kendra, I am so sorry this us happening to you. His behavior is very suspicious. Something happened during his deployment.

I am having a hard time with his telling you not to come to when got back, but his mom was there. There was something going on, something in the works.

I am angry for you as many are on this thread. He is a coward. He is selfish. He is self centered and cruel. He is doing what he wants without any thought of what it does to you, and if his family is condoning what he is doing by not speaking to you, they are as bad as he is.
 
KnitNut said:
Right now, you’re the concerned wife whose husband has fallen off the map, whose belongings are missing, and who is concerned about sudden, drastic mood and behavior changes in him which may be a sign of a seriously compromising situation which jeopardizes both his marriage and his career.

Don’t go running down any paths (like adultery) just yet, you don’t have enough information. Just work the problems as they arise. Some of this, you’ll need the assistance of a mediator or legal counsel (who pays the bills, is anything held jointly, where is the family’s money & where is it going, is his work performance jeopardizing family stability). If you speak with his family, be careful to take the high road here, too. As you noted, he could be telling them anything…don’t count on them to have real information. That’s why it’s better if you work with the chaplain, your own advisor/counselor, etc.

He’s likely not in a hurry to finalize anything, because he gets a lot more money with his “married with dependents” status…pretty sweet, if he’s keeping the bulk of it. Where does the money go? Who is supporting you at present?

This kind of erratic behavior is a definite red flag for a clearance officer. I doubt he realizes he’s seriously jeopardizing his job with this stunt, even without adultery thrown in the mix.

Hopefully you’ll hear back from people today, and start to get some answers to your questions.
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Yes.
 
Kendra, I have nothing to add other than, knowing you as a poster here, I feel like this has happened to a family member.

Praying for you.
 
PaulinVA said:
Kendra, I have nothing to add other than, knowing you as a poster here, I feel like this has happened to a family member.

Praying for you.
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I second that Kendra. I am following the thread with more than curiosity. I honestly care. And I have not contributed much because I really have nothing to add to what is being said. But I also want to say again, that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I brought this post to my wife as well so she is praying too. Kendra, I have no reason why this is happening to you, I only know that your saving grace is that you have found your way home to the Catholic faith. Cling to it now. Cling to Jesus. We are all praying for you.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I second that Kendra. I am following the thread with more than curiosity. I honestly care. And I have not contributed much because I really have nothing to add to what is being said. But I also want to say again, that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I brought this post to my wife as well so she is praying too. Kendra, I have no reason why this is happening to you, I only know that your saving grace is that you have found your way home to the Catholic faith. Cling to it now. Cling to Jesus. We are all praying for you.
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I agree with the others here, Kendra.

I feel so bad for you. This is all so horrible for you. 😦

I have been following your posts regarding this situation, and have been praying for you.

I cannot even begin to imagine how stressful and upsetting this all has been for you. I hope that you get some answers soon, and some help regarding the e-mail that you sent out, too.

Love, friendship, and prayers going out to you, dear one. Hang in there!
 
Kendra, I have nothing to add to what others have said, but I want you know I am praying and will continue to pray for you.
 
It might not be an immediate consolation, but Kendra…see how much you are loved by God’s people?
I urge you stay focused on getting at the truth, and be assured of our prayers.
 
KnitNut said:
Right now, you’re the concerned wife whose husband has fallen off the map, whose belongings are missing, and who is concerned about sudden, drastic mood and behavior changes in him which may be a sign of a seriously compromising situation which jeopardizes both his marriage and his career.

Don’t go running down any paths (like adultery) just yet, you don’t have enough information. Just work the problems as they arise. Some of this, you’ll need the assistance of a mediator or legal counsel (who pays the bills, is anything held jointly, where is the family’s money & where is it going, is his work performance jeopardizing family stability). If you speak with his family, be careful to take the high road here, too. As you noted, he could be telling them anything…don’t count on them to have real information. That’s why it’s better if you work with the chaplain, your own advisor/counselor, etc.

He’s likely not in a hurry to finalize anything, because he gets a lot more money with his “married with dependents” status…pretty sweet, if he’s keeping the bulk of it. Where does the money go? Who is supporting you at present?

This kind of erratic behavior is a definite red flag for a clearance officer. I doubt he realizes he’s seriously jeopardizing his job with this stunt, even without adultery thrown in the mix.

Hopefully you’ll hear back from people today, and start to get some answers to your questions.
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The vast majority of the bills are automatically withdrawn from our joint account. Being that I am staying with my parents and he is with a friend, we don’t have rent, power, cable, etc.
Right now he is still supporting me. There hasn’t been a paycheck since this all started. I’ll have to wait until the first to see how much I will be allotted. As of today there was $900 in checking and $900 in savings. He hasn’t been using this account. I’m sure he is keeping an eye on it, though.
 
Kendra, please know I’m praying for you and your husband.

Others have touched on this, but while it seems rather more likely that there’s something else going on (something, erm, consensual), contacting the military is also important because they need to know if there’s some sort of major change in his behavior followed by his going out-of-contact unexpectedly. Frankly, were this an NCIS episode, he’d be being held under duress somewhere. (Yes, I know that TV shows are nothing like real life. 😛 ) The point is that this is bizarre behavior that could point to–

–an affair, which is cause for concerns about clearance;
–a mental breakdown, see above plus any affect it could have on his job (I can tell you that if my husband was a Navy pilot, I’d darned well not want someone with a mental breakdown supervising the repair of his plane);
–some insane, prime-time-worthy plot to destroy valuable pieces of government property. (I throw this in for the dark humor value.) See all of the above.

Finally, he has no right to keep your belongings hidden from you. This is where you need an advocate. Please consider having contact with him for the next while be with a third-party witness there or on the line, if only to confirm what’s going on in the future.

Best wishes, and my sympathies on having to deal with this. I’m sorry. It really does suck.
 
UbiCaritas said:
Kendra, please know I’m praying for you and your husband.

Others have touched on this, but while it seems rather more likely that there’s something else going on (something, erm, consensual), contacting the military is also important because they need to know if there’s some sort of major change in his behavior followed by his going out-of-contact unexpectedly. Frankly, were this an NCIS episode, he’d be being held under duress somewhere. (Yes, I know that TV shows are nothing like real life. 😛 ) The point is that this is bizarre behavior that could point to–

–an affair, which is cause for concerns about clearance;
–a mental breakdown, see above plus any affect it could have on his job (I can tell you that if my husband was a Navy pilot, I’d darned well not want someone with a mental breakdown supervising the repair of his plane);
–some insane, prime-time-worthy plot to destroy valuable pieces of government property. (I throw this in for the dark humor value.) See all of the above.

Finally, he has no right to keep your belongings hidden from you. This is where you need an advocate. Please consider having contact with him for the next while be with a third-party witness there or on the line, if only to confirm what’s going on in the future.

Best wishes, and my sympathies on having to deal with this. I’m sorry. It really does suck.
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Agreed. You need an advocate. One associated with the military. They won’t look favorably on this, and you need them on your side.
Peace.
 
UbiCaritas said:
Kendra, please know I’m praying for you and your husband.

Others have touched on this, but while it seems rather more likely that there’s something else going on (something, erm, consensual), contacting the military is also important because they need to know if there’s some sort of major change in his behavior followed by his going out-of-contact unexpectedly. Frankly, were this an NCIS episode, he’d be being held under duress somewhere. (Yes, I know that TV shows are nothing like real life. 😛 ) The point is that this is bizarre behavior that could point to–

–an affair, which is cause for concerns about clearance;
–a mental breakdown, see above plus any affect it could have on his job (I can tell you that if my husband was a Navy pilot, I’d darned well not want someone with a mental breakdown supervising the repair of his plane);
–some insane, prime-time-worthy plot to destroy valuable pieces of government property. (I throw this in for the dark humor value.) See all of the above.

Finally, he has no right to keep your belongings hidden from you. This is where you need an advocate. Please consider having contact with him for the next while be with a third-party witness there or on the line, if only to confirm what’s going on in the future.

Best wishes, and my sympathies on having to deal with this. I’m sorry. It really does suck.
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I did try calling him today. He didn’t answer but text me saying, “Hi. Saw where you called. What’s going on.” I told him that He’s my husband, I haven’t heard from him in almost a week. He isn’t acting like the person “I have known for 6 1/2 years. Hell, you aren’t acting like the person from 2weeks ago” That was a couple hours ago and no response. Seriously, anyone could have sent that text to me. I really need Gibbs to give him a good head slap. 😛
 
I’m very much thankful for all of the prayers and kind words and help. I am seriously having a hard time thinking this could be God’s will. :crying:
 
Kendra, please don’t think this is God’s will. Your husband has free will. This is HIS choice as unfortunate and heartbreaking as it is. If you can, please go to daily mass. I think it will help you.
 
I wish I could add something to this topic, but people have already said everything better than I ever could.

But do want to say that I feel very sorry for you Kendra. 😦 I am praying for you everyday.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
I’m very much thankful for all of the prayers and kind words and help. I am seriously having a hard time thinking this could be God’s will. :crying:
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It’s not. Please don’t think that. God doesn’t want your husband to mess with you and betray you. This is human doing, your husband’s freedom to do something stupid. As unfortunate as that is sometimes, God gives us that freedom.

Like others, I’m praying for you. I was in that situation 2 years ago when my husband completely out of the blue announced he was unhappy, told me nothing I could do would fix it and said he was leaving. I know what it feels like to have that bomb dropped on you. (We reconciled after a couple of months of nonsense.)

The best thing I can advise you to do is to get legal advice asap. You don’t want to make a wrong step at this moment, accidentally do something that can later be used against you if it comes to legal separation.
 
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