Oh, I see.
I see, but, divorce is really ruinous, its surely why God hates it. It breaks hearts, and how God suffers when hearts break. I have noticed that we are much quicker to get over others losses than others are. I mean myself included! For example, when my sis-in-law’s baby died at 9 months, we were all bereft! So many tears were shed, such grief we all experienced! But over a year later, I guess most of us had moved on. There was a family picnic, and this sis-in-law, who used to be so outgoing, were sitting apart, quiet, during the festivities. I actually asked my mother-in-law - why was she so withdrawn? Was she ill? My mother-in-law explained it was the grief. We get over it sooner. Because for her the loss is obviously greater so it lasts longer.
**Eh, in my aunt’s particular case, the divorce and her dealings with her ex-husband was literally the first thing out of her mouth for the next decade. There was a lot of unavoidable pain, but also a lot of avoidable pain that she imposed on herself, all of her kids, and the extended family, when she had to make her pain the center of every extended family gathering for a very, very long time. I’m not talking about quietly suffering a year later–I’m talking about LOUD and lengthy suffering and recriminations, to the point of not being able to see that your kids have needs, too.
The first 5-10 years, I was very sympathetic, but 15+ years later, I think a think a lot more stiff upper lip was called for. There’s still major drama at big family events when we know my uncle is attending, and I think that’s very unfair to the people whose big day it is.
I was sympathetic for a long time, right up until I started noticing the damage she was doing to her kids and our extended family.
**
Not sure what you mean about your Aunt’s pain being self-inflicted. You do have to be careful about making judgments. It is taxing on the rest of us when loved ones suffer divorce and their shock and grief and bad feelings just last and last and last and we are over it already. Sometimes we make judgments out of our own impatience rather than seeking to understand the truth of the matter. And there is a time to express anger. Its a delicate situation to listen to it. You want to sympathize but of course you cannot support vengeance. But anger is a valid stage of the grief process which one must go through. For your aunt, if the marraige was 20-30 years, the grief and shock going on for 10 years is not so surprising. It is a suffering to have to listen to it that long, but, its one of those charitable things we have to do. Just listen. Show her Christ’s mercy. In some ways divorce is harder than death…
The good news is God heals hearts.
I told him that it is our stuff and we should both go through it and didn’t get a response after that.