Where was God when my wife died

[rinnie]

This is partly to apologize to any posters who I upset before I abruptly stopped posting last December. I think I took out some of my frustration and pain at CAF. Sorry.

My wife was diagnosed with cancer in 2012, and underwent an operation followed by chemo, but sadly took a turn for the worse last Christmas and died in February. I miss her lots.

Our local Catholic priest is new in town, and the first time we met was when I asked him to officiate at the funeral. His dad was very ill at the time and we got wet-eyed together. He said he will do any kind of rite, not just Christian, to help the loved ones of the departed, and offered either the town church or the local village chapel. I told him of my wife’s wish for a simple Baptist service. We sang psalm 23 in English as she had wanted: “Yea, though I walk in death’s dark vale / Yet will I fear no ill / For Thou art with me, and Thy rod / And staff my comfort still.”

Neither the priest nor the nuns in the hospital offered any proofs about why God allows suffering, or if there is such a place as heaven, or even whether God exists. Those kinds of apologetic might be popular on CAF but turn out to be irrelevant in the face of death. All that matters then is the simple intuition, for which no proof is possible or asked, “Thou art with me”.

Please feel free to discuss any of the above. (It will also help me at this time. )

First of all let me tell you I carry you in my heart. I had a run with death not long ago and its a dark ugly place.

I lost my brother to a brain tumor, then my Father in Law, then my beloved Dad, then my own baby. For awhile I felt God was picking on me.

It took me years to get thru this, and at times I believed God even left me. But it is later I learned that when you feel God leaves you the most is when he is carrying you.

I still have a time with my Mom, she still misses my Bro and Dad daily. But I told her its her cross to carry. Only she can do it with the help from God.

But remember while you are suffering your loved ones are in heaven and in perfect happiness with God. They did all God asked of them, and it was their time to go home and have eternal life and peace with him, Their suffering is over.

I remember someone told me when I lost the baby, as you are sad, millions of angels in heaven are rejoicing for the baby is coming home. Didn’t help at the time, but it puts things in order now.

You are the chosen one to stay behind and continue to carry you cross and accept it from God and You carry that Cross proud. But remember God is with you, you are not alone. And when your mission is finished, you also will be called home and will look into the eyes of God and hear good Job!

And will endure everlasting Joy with all of your loved ones in heaven forever and ever. But like the rest of us here on earth, we can say we do not always understand WHY God does what he does, we just trust and obey him and wait to be called home, and pray we can also enter into eternal happiness with him.

Remember this life is short, the next is everlasting. I will continue to pray for you that you can carry that Cross, with perhaps Joy In your heart, and may someday help others understand.

 

[inocente]

First of all let me tell you I carry you in my heart. I had a run with death not long ago and its a dark ugly place.

I lost my brother to a brain tumor, then my Father in Law, then my beloved Dad, then my own baby. For awhile I felt God was picking on me.

It took me years to get thru this, and at times I believed God even left me. But it is later I learned that when you feel God leaves you the most is when he is carrying you.

I still have a time with my Mom, she still misses my Bro and Dad daily. But I told her its her cross to carry. Only she can do it with the help from God.

But remember while you are suffering your loved ones are in heaven and in perfect happiness with God. They did all God asked of them, and it was their time to go home and have eternal life and peace with him, Their suffering is over.

I remember someone told me when I lost the baby, as you are sad, millions of angels in heaven are rejoicing for the baby is coming home. Didn’t help at the time, but it puts things in order now.

You are the chosen one to stay behind and continue to carry you cross and accept it from God and You carry that Cross proud. But remember God is with you, you are not alone. And when your mission is finished, you also will be called home and will look into the eyes of God and hear good Job!

And will endure everlasting Joy with all of your loved ones in heaven forever and ever. But like the rest of us here on earth, we can say we do not always understand WHY God does what he does, we just trust and obey him and wait to be called home, and pray we can also enter into eternal happiness with him.

Remember this life is short, the next is everlasting. I will continue to pray for you that you can carry that Cross, with perhaps Joy In your heart, and may someday help others understand.

Thank you rinnie. Last year I wouldn’t have known what you meant by death being a dark ugly place. I had lost my parents but they both died of old age. It was much harder with my wife, she was taken young after a long struggle, and now I too know that dark ugly place and wish I didn’t.

It’s still hard for me to understand that everyone goes through this. Every day 150 thousand people die. Every ten seconds another 18, every year another 56 million. All of them have loved ones who grieve, and I never really knew what that meant until now.

But the horror of it does subside with distance, or at least the confusion of emotions is continuing to fade. It does no good to mope around, that won’t bring her back. And it does no good to live in denial either. So sometimes give yourself permission to grieve, and sometimes give yourself permission not to grieve. That’s as close as I can get today to helping others understand.

And to you and your Mom, and to everyone, “encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. All God’s people here send their greetings. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” (2 Cor 13)

 

[rinnie]

Thank you rinnie. Last year I wouldn’t have known what you meant by death being a dark ugly place. I had lost my parents but they both died of old age. It was much harder with my wife, she was taken young after a long struggle, and now I too know that dark ugly place and wish I didn’t.

It’s still hard for me to understand that everyone goes through this. Every day 150 thousand people die. Every ten seconds another 18, every year another 56 million. All of them have loved ones who grieve, and I never really knew what that meant until now.

But the horror of it does subside with distance, or at least the confusion of emotions is continuing to fade. It does no good to mope around, that won’t bring her back. And it does no good to live in denial either. So sometimes give yourself permission to grieve, and sometimes give yourself permission not to grieve. That’s as close as I can get today to helping others understand.

And to you and your Mom, and to everyone, “encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. All God’s people here send their greetings. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” (2 Cor 13)

I can only promise you this, it will get better. And if I told you that you would get over it, I would be lying to you. But you will with the grace of God get through it.

And you are right you have to take the time to grieve. Back in the old day widows wore black for a entire year. I believe there was some merit to that. You had one full year to cry, be sad, and people took care of you.

Today everyone tries to be the hero, and I believe it backfire on us. They say get over it, etc. Move on, but you can’t just do that right away.

So I think people try to hid their emotions for the first year, and it only takes longer to get them out. People should be encouraged to cry, talk about the emotions they are going through.

They say it begins with denial, then anger, then sadness, then you eventually have acceptance.

But its hard to get there. My Mom still had bad days, she calls them. And between us I don’t think she will ever get over my Dad. I just continue to pray for her. But she now has more good days then bad, so that’s good.

If you ever need to vent, ever, you can P.S. me and I will listen. Sometimes that’s all you need, not answers, just a ear. I will continue to pray for you.

 

[wildrumpus]

…

What I think her death might do is to get you to think and read more about suffering in general, and perhaps provide a balance to the Protestant tendency to glorify the risen Christ, and soft pedal the suffering Christ.

…

I hardly think this is the time to lay your anti-Protestant viewpoints on the griever. Please stick to what you know and keep silent on other matters. I know of no Protestant anywhere, and I know thousands, who “soft pedal” Christ’s suffering. That was a hurtful thing to say.

 

[wildrumpus]

Where was God when my wife died

So sorry for your loss. I will pray for your peace.

Where was God when your wife died? Maybe He was preparing her place in heaven where she no longer had to suffer. Maybe He was helping her suffering last for a shorter period than it would have otherwise. Maybe He was waiting for the right time to take her home when He knew you would have the support you need to carry on until you see her again. Maybe …

No one has the right, perfect answer to your question. We are all put here (on earth) for a short time, a blink of an eye. Why does God let bad things happen? clairenstreb.brinkster.net/Personal/Old/BadThings.html

God Bless You.