Who carries the greater pride?

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MargaretofCortona

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Technically if you were content with yourself and truly living for God nothing anyone says or does would hurt, offend or slight us. Is it our insecurities that cause us to feel insults?
We should be able to humbly accept disapproving opinions, harsh correction, and disagreements.
Man’s approval shouldn’t sway us.
I still have trouble with my older sister who seems to find something wrong with almost everything I do. She comments negatively on my hair, clothes, career choices, etc.
She’s right, I shouldn’t care for what she says. I feel like it is a cop out, like it is impossible for her withhold her opinions. She wouldn’t air her opinions if she knew I wouldn’t listen. What’s the point in that?
If I’m offended or hurt by anything she says, it is my problem not hers
 
You can’t control her. You need to learn to tune her out.

If you’re both under 18, it might be prudent to address this with your parents. If you’re older than 18 then you should consider taking responsibility for yourself and moving out.

It is a shame that she is such a difficult person. However, that doesn’t mean that you can change her.
 
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MargaretofCortona said:
Is it our insecurities that cause us to feel insults?
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In part, yes. In part, our pride. This is what Jesus referred to when saying ‘turn the other cheek.’ St. Therese of Lisuiex was one of many saints who gained great piety in ignoring insults and in not battling false accusations.
MargaretofCortona said:
What’s the point in that?
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The point in her criticism is her insecurity. It may help her to feel equal or superior when she puts you down.

Be at peace.
 
Margaret, I wonder if it is possible to respond in a different even cheerful way that takes away the point of your sister’s mean comments?
I don’t mean in a false way, but with a genuine rethink.

Her behaviour is unhealthy, in her relationship with you, but it has become a successful strategy that she may later use on others.
As long as you respond with hurt or indignation, then your sister is rewarded for her unreasonable behaviour.
That confirms her in her bad habit.

My experience is that if a person who needles you, feels their power over your responses slipping away, they will try all the harder for a while, redoubling their efforts.
If you don’t persevere in responding in a more healthy way, then you can’t break that unreasonable behaviour or its power over you.
If you do persist, the old dynamic can die out, which is desirable for her character as well as yours.

Another thought for the health of your relationship… to think whether you might feel superior in some way that might make her feel less, prompting her belittling of you,
And do you ever praise her genuinely? Do you sometimes do little kindnesses for her, not expecting reward for some time because the dynamic between you both may not be good, but continuing anyway?

God bless you both
 
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I’ve never considered it that. Is it our vanity makes us feel insults? Are we to repent for feeling offenses?
 
It can be our vanity, @MargaretofCortona, but not necessarily.

Are we to repent? Not usually. If we are overly sensitive and take offense too easily than there may be reason to repent, of being too prideful, but nothing you’ve mentioned in your post(s) make it sound like that is a problem here. You have a difficult relationship with your sister and need to work it out. Work it out with God, first, as you cannot change your sister - only yourself.
 
I wish we could have a discussion. I don’t know why people bully others to feel powerful or relish in on how their insults hurt others and make them feel superior
 
Every conversation always ends with a criticism of me. She doesn’t think I’m humble enough. I think she seems to always have something true but negative to point out about me. The correction and criticism is very one sided. It eats away at me more than it should.
 
That’s very sad, Margaret.
I hope there is some way of alleviating the problem.
May the Holy Spirit inspire you, and bless you both with healing of the root causes.
It’s good for us to be in touch with the need to be humble, but not at the expense of failures in charity.
Hoping things will become happier and more life giving between you and you sister soon.💐
 
Again, are you under 18? Then you need to address this with your parents.

If you’re over 18, grow up and stop engaging in this catfight.
 
Margaret, have you thought about why your sister is resentful?
Why she feels something in you or your attitude makes her feel undervalued, anything that to her mind conveys that you (or anyone else in the family) might feel you are superior to her?

Even the fact that it might be that you are more religious? That alone can produce an atmosphere of implicit criticism. Or might you sometimes try to correct her or her behavior? If so, possibly the best correction might be the witness of charity, going out of your way to be kind…without being offended if your kindness doesn’t receive credit for some time…because your sister doesn’t trust your love for her or believe that you value her.

Do you look for anything with which you can affirm her, even praise her a little sometimes, help her to feel appreciated? Not just maybe one big effort (that might fall flat and discourage you) but little thoughtful kindnesses on a regular bass. It takes a while to build trust.

You hurt, but clearly your sister is hurting also.
Kind wishes and prayer for you both
 
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We’re adults but have been fighting like this since adolescence. She has threatened to end our friendship which is very sad. I think it is a matter of communication differences or old resentment
 
I don’t think she is a jealous person. Just impatient, critical and judgmental. Our other sister sees the same quality and has elected to distance herself. I think she has very high standards for everything. Nothing can please her.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
We’re adults but have been fighting like this since adolescence. She has threatened to end our friendship which is very sad. I think it is a matter of communication differences or old resentment
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I think it’s the fact that two grown adults are living in the same house. That’s a recipe for caddy bickering. You both need to leave the nest and find your own ways. That will help considerably.

I have 3 brothers. My older brother thought I was a little snowflake and I thought he was a sarcastic dolt. We were constantly at eachother’s heals for STUPID things. He was mad I ate half a can of ravioli, even though there were 3 more cans just for him. I would get mad because he would dump all his junk by the door when he got home…hats, gloves, boots–everything askew and it was a royal mess…even though he quickly cleaned it. We just didn’t get along.

My middle brother–to me–could do no wrong. He and I got along wonderfully. He looked out for me way more than my older brother did and he loved when I would make him treats.

My youngest brother and I got along so-so. Never much fighting, never much friendship.

Now?

My eldest brother and I are thick as thieves. He and I get along wonderfully. We love to go out, when circumstances permit, on a double date. (we live hundreds of miles away but make efforts to see each other) We call each other and facebook each other and I’m also close with his wife, and he’ll chat with my husband. We chat to each other about our children and share parenting tips.

My middle brother- meh…we are nice to each other. His value system and the way he and his wife raise their children are VERY different.

My youngest brother-we’re in the same place. We don’t fight, but we don’t have a bond, either.

What I’m saying is that while you are in your parent’s house, nothing is going to change. You are going to continue to fall into the old patterns of childish quibbling and catfights.

You both need to move out, experience the real world and see how you fare. I imagine that it would do your relationship a world of good.
 
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MargaretofCortona said:
Technically if you were content with yourself and truly living for God
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That comment by the way… however much we like to feel ‘content with ourselves’ and that we’re ‘truly living for God’
if that’s what we think and feel, we usually have a humbling crash coming.
You did say those word, so there is some little tiny doubt, (maybe just a little) that you could conceivably think that about yourself or this is what conveys itself to your sister. If we do happen to think that, to any extent, it’s extremely painful when we discover all the flaws that we actually have.
 
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She is rude, envious, or both. If she does not know this, or notice it, tell her, then keep your peace and pray for her each time one of her “prayer reminders” strikes your ears.
 
Why did your sisters find it amusing they could push your buttons?
 
Just one sister. I have four sisters…and it was only occasional, not habitual…and far in the past!
She had what they called dyslexia. That included her being slightly out of phase with others’ thoughts and feelings, something she has overcome with time and experience. She’s a treasure!
 
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