Who here really enjoys their Single Life Vocation?

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I’ll try a different tact here. I am probably called to the single life, being that I’m gay.
That’s probably what I will do for my life. And, I kind of feel consigned to it. It doesn’t exactly exicte me. You know, people dream about marriage, they dream about becoming priests and monks. Does anyone dream about all the great things they can do as a single person?

Is there anyone on these forums who is enthusiastically living the Single Life as their vocation? What am I missing about it? How does a single person lead a meaningful life? How can you matter to other people?

I dream about being single and living in a community. I dream of having friends who I share dinner with every single day, and who I share my evenings with every single day. Because currently, I go whole days without even speaking to a single person. I eat every meal by myself. Every movie I watch, I’m unable to share or talk about with anyone. I can tell you all, that I’m not doing that for the rest of my life. Hopefully there’s a way within Church teaching to. But, if there’s not I feel I’ll have to have a boyfriend.

I know this is long, but I’d be remiss to say that I also worry about no one attending my funeral. And I also worry about not having an emergency contact after my parents die. I’ve been sick plenty of times where no one helped me. I had mono for 6 weeks. By myself. It was awful. I don’t want to live my whole life where every time I’m sick I have to care for myself. I was throwing up with a stomach bug last week. I was too weak to get out of bed and get food for a period of time. So, I feel that these are important concerns.
 
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The grass is always greener on the other side, man.

I love my family and wouldn’t want to change a thing, but there are definitely times where I wish I didn’t have the responsibilities of a family man. Or I wish I had more time to give to God and to serve Him.
I find myself at times getting a little jealous of my pastor, or others in religious vocations. Even healthy couples and families have arguments, disagreements, difficulties, and it’s not always paradise.

Do you have friends that you can spend time with in or outside the church? Family members your age? Siblings? Cousins? Coworkers?
The single life doesn’t have to be a lonely life, I’d hope.
Although even married couples can be mighty lonely.

Hoping the best for, God loves you.
 
It shouldn’t be this way. I think as a society we can be very romance and family orientated in a way that leaves our long term singles in the cold. It’s easy for the married and parents to get an “I’m alright Jack” attitude and narrow their lives down to their spouse and immediate family. Long work hours and frequent moving doesn’t help either.

I don’t think this is what those who founded the church wanted for us. I think it’s a case of society influencing the church.

I wish I had some advice for you.
 
How’s your relationship with the Trinity?
Fets said:
Because currently, I go whole days without even speaking to a single person. I eat every meal by myself. Every movie I watch, I’m unable to share or talk about with anyone.
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When I watch a movie I might be talking to God sometimes while I do so.

Why not get closer to God if you’re not that much? And learn about Catholicism and apologetics and defend the Church.

You can make friends that are Catholic at a Catholic Church and online through social media. You might even find a friend on social media to talk with over the phone/face time daily.
 
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Fets Priests and Religious are single. They serve others.

What is your occupation, if it is not enough to be rewarding , why not look at changing it to one that you will gain enormous satisfaction from.
Also
Why not start , or find a group of like minded people like yourself. Singles and gay who are committed to living out the Commandments of God. A lot of good could come out of such groups, especially in the practice of certain charisms.
 
Well dear,
One can have friends & Be Gay & not lose your Chasity &/or your relationship w God. Not having sex, doesn’t include loneliness. Have you no other family like cousins, etc. Even ppl who don’t agree w homosexuality can live you & be your contact source.
I can see being fully involved in church. Homosexuality is not a sin. Heterosexualality is not a sin. Both groups are to remain chaste in body & pure in mind. When married, there is sex for procreation. It can continue after menopause. But purity of mind & maintaining the beauty in sex, is to continue. There’s stuff today, I don’t think God meant concerning sex.
You’re never alone w/o God. He’s always there. Your priest can be your contact.
Go to the Bible Studies, the prayer group. Go to pot luck supper. There is the KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS. They have a mission to help with. Don’t watch romantic movies that will have you longing unnecessarily. Stay away from strong sexual content. I do. I was a Virgin w one husband. I was happy w/o sex & w sex. In 51 yrs of marriage, do you think sex is ever present? He was Army and deployed w/o me. I never cheated. He’s old, w health problems, I’m not cheating.
May God give you strength to stay chaste & pure. May Jesus allow you to feel His love. May groups that you join, welcome you w love. You are never alone. In Jesus name.Amen.
Google scripture verses for loneliness
Tweedlealice
 
I read about a lay Catholic community called the Lord’s Ranch in southeast New Mexico. Check it out on the internet.
 
I’m sure there’s a condition where someone can’t do love without sex, luckily I don’t have that problem.

I think if you like someone enough you love them, that doesn’t mean you need to get naked! To spend time with people you like or maybe even love is wonderful, most people need people to some degree.

I went to Australia some years ago on my own. I watched a sunset and turned to no one to say “wow, look at that!” I saw a lot of things and had one or two encounters which I would have loved to have shared with a beloved person, regardless of gender and without having sex with them. We seem to need to share our experiences with others, seems to endorse our experiences, validates them somehow. I remember reading somewhere that an important reason for marriage is to have someone testify to your life. We seem to need that kind of reassurance that we are valid, our lives have purpose.

This may be easier for someone who has built a relationship with God of course, since what greater validation could we have than to live for Him, and to live a life which is pleasing to Him.
 
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Defintely try to make some friends, including online ones too. I’m sure you can make some friends on here! 😃
 
Dear friend who was gay (RIP) was very involved in his parish and served as an officer in his local Knights of Columbus council (including as Grand Knight).

Another lifelong single friend is involved in everything that takes place at the parish, so much that they ended up putting her on staff!

For both of these friends of mine, a large circle of good friends became family.
 
As a currently single-not-by-choice person with very few family, I think the key lies in what you can do for others, not what you’re expecting them to do for you.

If you go reach out, get involved in things (both Catholic and secular), and try to help others, connections come naturally.
If, on the other hand, you go out with the attitude of “I need to find a community to live in, so my own needs are met” that doesn’t seem likely to work well.

Getting involved in a parish is one way to go about it. You could also just get really involved in some hobby as long as it wasn’t presenting a moral conflict for you.

It’s a bit of a struggle for me too, but as I get older I’m seeing more and more people, both single and married, who really want some sort of friend network to take the place of a family network they don’t have for one reason or another. People’s work and family commitments and our mobile society make it difficult to maintain connections, especially for local needs (e.g. someone who might occasionally be able to give you a ride, pick up groceries, etc - my awesome Internet friend in another part of the USA cannot do that).
 
Me I do. I love that God called me to celibacy, what a most glorious gift it is. I treasure it.
But I am very involved in my parish life so I don’t feel alone like you do. But I do live alone and am alone. God has given me many friends, despite some limitations I have with health.

You see I moved here on a whim 3yrs ago and knew no one. I wanted to do something for God and tried to get involved in the church but thought I could not do anything cos my health is a bit wobbly but with the support of my priest I got into volunteering and I do a little of that. I began going to daily mass and met loads of people. I was asked to help with little things, sometimes I help clean the church (I dont do much), sometimes I help with bereavement tea’s after mass or charity teas etc. and now I know people, just because I joined in. It is not easy cos I am sick as anything half the time, but God helps me all the time. I joined in Lent and Advent prayer groups and now I know these people and even me the sick person has managed to help them out with things! Imagine that. They have driven me places and invited me around for lunch etc. They always make sure I have plans on Christmas or Easter and I am not alone. I dont mean one person, just someone one will consider me. Actually not just me, any of us who are on our own. I am just saying, have you tried joining in the family that God has given you? The church. Yes most of these people are older than me or different to me and may be in families but they are still friends. I have even made friends outside the church.
Also have you ever considered joining a Catholic community group or discerned a vocation in a Third order or Secular Institute? I definitely suggest volunteering and joining in more with parish life. Like others have said take care what movies you what, keep things chaste. Also watch what friendships you make. Stick to good healthy friendship that will help you keep celibate, that’s why I suggest within the church as society often doesnt understand celibacy and wont place a value on it and it can be difficult to deal with that temptation on top of your own.
Remember that despair is the devil talking, so dont listen to him. Hope in God, so start off by praying for His help. Ask God for friends, ask him to help you find good Catholic friends and to direct you on how to start doing his will so that you can please him and in that way everything will fall into place. Pray for the grace of celibacy and thank him for the wonderful gift he has given you. Be assured that God loves you and wants the best for you, meditate on this and really trust in Him and believe this. What he has chosen for you truly is the very best for you, even if you cannot see it now. Offer any suffering to him. It might be a good idea to begin you day with a morning offering prayer. God bless you.
 
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Fets said:
Does anyone dream about all the great things they can do as a single person?
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No. Not excited.

I have SSA (gay like you) and would much rather marry someone and have a family. Isolation is not my cup of tea.

But alas, we’re all trying to figure things out. And because I’m Catholic, I’m not making plans to enter a romantic relationship with another guy.

Part of the problem is (Western) modernity’s expectation to form romantic relationships and marry. There’s no real alternative today.
 
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I’m divorced with a declaration of nullity. Being single is much better than being in a bad marriage.

Sometimes I am happy being single and sometimes I’m lonely, but I was lonely in my marriage at times, too.

I am very involved in my parish and also do volunteer work for my diocese. I am in the Secular (third order) Carmelites and have made many friends there.

I do not have any blood relatives close by but my ex-husband’s adult niece lives with me. She is like my daughter. She will finish college in two years and wants a place of her own. When that happens I will be a year away from retirement and I’m not sure what I will want to do at that point. Some friends have offered to sell me an acre of land on their 40 acre farm, so I could go there and buy a small modular house or mobile home.

When I first separated from my husband God led me to a truly wonderful neighborhood where all of the neighbors help each other out. When I was sick they would bring food over for me and leave it by the front door and they helped me with minor house repairs.

I have been sick with no one to help and that is hard. I pray a lot when I am in that situation and remind myself that I am never truly alone.

I set up a prayer area in my house and it really helped to have that dedicated space to pray in every day.

Definitely find ways to get involved in your parish and look at your Diocesan website as well to see what is offered for your age group.
 
I often find single life very lonely. Yes, I have a demanding job which is good as it keeps me occupied and I give a lot through my work. There are things I do in the parish too. But the fact remains when I get home at night I would dearly love to share the joys and sorrows of the day with someone and sometimes it would be nice to have someone say ‘Don’t worry I’ll cook tonight’. As you say, it’s particularly poignant when ill and even with family close by they have other obligations, which often means battling on (we are perhaps stronger than others imagine just for this reason).

A close group of friends is very important (my best friend and I did everything together and when he moved away it was dreadful for both of us but we make time to visit each other etc.)

There are some positive things though. I love being able to go away and make new friends, do all the quirky things I like to do (like visiting obscure shrines and spending an entire day reading a novel), arranging prayer as I like as I don’t have to worry about other obligations, going to Mass during the week when I feel like it, being free to go away to different conferences, being able to spend entire night’s with friends putting the world to rights. Keep seeing the positive and let God direct you.

Not sure if you are a big reader but books have always been a constant companion. Find the right ones and you’ll rejoice in being single as no one will disturb you!
 
I am not Gay but am single and it is very rare for me to come across a lady who i feel so attracted to that i want to enter into a marriage with her, it just simply has not worked out for me and i partly blame myself for that as well. I think what is key is to live every year so to speak as if it is your last, what would you do differently if you were told by your doctor that you were 99% likely to die within a year? I think what is key is to trust God that he will provide for you and live positively, know that every good act you do brings God a great deal of joy, our life in some cases is like waiting for a train to take us somewhere wonderful, that wait at the station can be boring, it can be frustrating but it is up to us to fill it with as much good as we can and not worry about how much misery and loneliness we may run into, God gives everyone the help and reassurance if we ask for it. As far as i am aware God never condemned someone to Hell because they were not able to find their vocation or because they missed their vocation, he only condemned souls to Hell because they despaired and did not have faith that he could save them.
 
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I’m single and pretty happy. I keep a routine: reading books, writing, art, exercise, enjoying the outdoors, prayers (Rosary, Divine Mercy, St Michael Chaplet, conversation with God or my angel or Mary or another saint), frequent Mass, lots of tea and healthy eating, cooking, singing at choir. I teach English to Chinese students as an independent contractor and am working through a graduate degree. Pretty scant social contact because of current life circumstances. I hope this doesn’t sound anti-social, but to some extent I’ve gotten used to my living situation and other people can sometimes be wearisome to me. I didn’t used to be this way.

It took me awhile to fall into that sense of contentment and learn to appreciate the silence and peace. To be honest, if it was possible, the idea of living in the wilderness as a hermit (not for a lifetime, but for a period of time) isn’t unappealing to me. I was lonely and upset with my situation for awhile but that has mostly gone away. There was a situation in the recent past where a creepy woman at my last job who was infatuated with me wouldn’t respect my boundaries or acknowledge my signals that I wasn’t interested. It became anxiety-inducing and physically uncomfortable. Once I got away from her I had a newfound appreciation for chastity that I hadn’t had before. I believe God allowed me to fall into that situation to grow from it.

I have the privilege though that I don’t plan on living like this forever. I still want to get married in time and life will change once I have my degree next Fall. From the bottom of my heart I really wish I had answers for you. It isn’t only gay people that are affected by the isolation and loneliness of the contemporary world, but gay people are the ones who are usually hit the hardest. It used to be in the past that families were larger and people tended to stick together. If you were an aunt or uncle who wasn’t married you could usually enjoy the company of family, nieces and nephews, and a more tight-knit parish community. But the world has changed. Families are small. People no longer live in small towns or villages so much. People frequently move. The world is hyperstimulated and hypersexualized: there is less focus on love and more focus on pleasure.

I pray you will find a niche and that your life will improve. Don’t stop praying to God or having hope for the world. Never give up. God wants you to be happy more than you want yourself to be happy.
 
I have never felt called to marriage. I am very involved in my parish to the point to where people will call me before they call the priests.
 
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ConfusedLucy said:
It shouldn’t be this way. I think as a society we can be very romance and family orientated in a way that leaves our long term singles in the cold. It’s easy for the married and parents to get an “I’m alright Jack” attitude and narrow their lives down to their spouse and immediate family. Long work hours and frequent moving doesn’t help either.

I don’t think this is what those who founded the church wanted for us. I think it’s a case of society influencing the church.

I wish I had some advice for you.
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I certainly agree with this post. I feel it to, and I think a lot of people (not only religious people) are feeling that our society isn’t really working for us anymore.
 
I used to be quite close to God. And I would pray to Him all the time. I would say, “Well its just you and me tonight God”. And I would pray really hard like for hours sometimes. And I would still inevitably be crying myself to sleep most nights. I was going to Mass about 5 times a week then and working at a monastery.

SO, that’s why I harp on about having people in my life. Christianity is not a lone person and their relationship with God. That doesn’t work. Christianity is Christians + God. I mean… God shows Himself to us in other people right? So, if you don’t have other people in your life, maybe that’s part of even having a relationship with God, you know?
 
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