Who here really enjoys their Single Life Vocation?

[Fets]

Go to the Bible Studies, the prayer group. Go to pot luck supper. There is the KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS. They have a mission to help with. Don’t watch romantic movies that will have you longing unnecessarily. Stay away from strong sexual content. I do. I was a Virgin w one husband. I was happy w/o sex & w sex. In 51 yrs of marriage, do you think sex is ever present?

1. Those are really good suggestions. I would like to find a Bible study to go to.
2. I had a boyfriend for over a year, and like I was saying in my post, I honestly miss cooking together, and eating meals together and watching tv together a lot more than I miss the sex lol.

 

[tweedlealice]

It is true, 2 friends cohabitate together, in the past, for girls, it was OK. Guys felt weird, so I’m told.
Today, do good friends have to turn it sexual. Every romantic feeling going by doesn’t have to be recognized.
Start a boarding house w 5 renters & a big social room?? HMMM
GOD help us not to feel lonely. When we call on You for a hug, send it, pls. In Jesus name. Amen

 

[Le_Cracquere]

As a civilly divorced heterosexual, I can’t really say that I’m called to any sort of happiness in the way that the world would define that word. At the same time,. I can’t say that I’m called to “enjoy” myself in any way that the world would define it. I have supper by myself. The next morning, I shall have breakfast by myself. And one day I shall die alone, without any accompaniment in any terms that the world could describe it, and likely without any attendees at my funeral.

I wouldn’t care to publicize this sort of thing if I thought that were all there were to existence. But I don’t think our earthly lives are the last word on the subject. And I don’t think that our daily miseries, whatever they might consist of, are the last word on the subject either.

 

[Sarcelle]

Whatever happened to boarding houses?

They used to be common.

I know some communities have zoning laws which prohibit several unrelated adults from living together.

 

[Sarcelle]

Isn’t being single just a state in life and not a vocation?

I hear a lot of people say that while married and consecrated religious people have vocations, single people do not.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Isn’t being single just a state in life and not a vocation?

I tend to think that whatever state the Lord has put you currently in is your “vocation” at that moment.

I understand religious life being a “vocation” as people join it because they feel a definite call.

I am uncomfortable with the use of the word “vocation” for marriage and not single life, because it leaves all the people not called to a religious order who are single due to being widowed, divorced, gay, or just didn’t meet anyone to marry, in some temporary vocation-less limbo forever.

If you are married and your spouse dies or decides to walk out on you, then you go from somebody practicing a God-given vocation to the vocationless dumpster in a New York minute. That doesn’t seem to be how God would view it.

From a realistic standpoint, certain groups of people such as those who are gay and those who otherwise don’t meet the marriage criteria for the church (for example, physically unable to have intercourse) are highly unlikely to get married (in the eyes of the Church and therefore in the Church’s “vocation” sense), ever.

God sees value in everybody’s life, even if the person is not married and is never married. What God gives you to do and deal with IS your vocation.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I think the key lies in what you can do for others, not what you’re expecting them to do for you.

For both of these friends of mine, a large circle of good friends became family.

I think these two replies capture it quite well.

OP, having sex does not cure loneliness. I have known many people over the course of my life that were very promiscuous and excruciatingly lonely.

What you lack is intimacy. Intimacy is the cure for loneliness. You can get the closeness and intimacy you crave from forming deep, authentic, and intimate platonic friendships.

You have to get involved in your community and actively go out and make friends. Joined ministries at your parish or out in your community. Walk up to people and talk to them. If there is a connection ask them to coffee or lunch. Invite a group of people over for dinner. Etc.

 

[TheLittleLady]

You can get the closeness and intimacy you crave from forming deep, authentic, and intimate platonic friendships.

Amen, @mrsdizzyd, amen.

The greatest tragedy of the modern world is that we have completely lost the concept of intimate friendship.

There is a deep fraternal bond that men are designed to share with each other. The friendship of David and Johnathan in Scripture is a beautiful example. The novel “Brideshead Revisited” is one of many fictional works that celebrate authentic, deep friendship and the bond that lasts through years and catastrophes. Of course people take these and throw 21st century bias on these accounts and make them into “closeted sexual” relationships.

Women often find it more difficult to form these deep friendships with other women, but, when we do it is going to be a treasure. I have some deep, close, intimate friendships with women. I am a happily married woman, the intimacy of these friendships has nothing to do with sex.

It breaks my heart that when kids begin to form these good, important, friendships with people of the same sex they are conditioned to believe that this must mean they are homosexual or even that they have gender dysphoria. I am not saying that all homosexuality nor GD is from misunderstood feelings of friendship, to be clear, however, when kids have not seen their parents, the TV shows, movies, etc modeling genuine friendship, it can be easier to be confused about those feelings.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think those “deep, close, intimate friendships” are prone to the same things that happen in long relationships. After about 10 years, someone changes and since there is no real commitment to the friendship like there is in a blood family relationship or a marriage, there’s no real reason to keep up a relationship with someone who is gone off down a different life path and is no longer acting like a supportive friend because they’re busy with their new activities. If you are able to hold onto a few people for a lifetime then that’s rare and also precious.

At this point in my life I would rather have someone who has steady friendly contact with me at a 50 percent level for 30 years than someone who is going to have/ want 90 percent super-intimate friendship contact with me for 10 years and then change radically, or go off to some other country and not be heard from again. I also think with a lot of these super-close friendships, familiarity breeds contempt and longtime friends think they can just unload on you or treat you like an old shoe and you’re going to sit there and take it. I’d rather be alone than put up with that.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

There is a deep fraternal bond that men are designed to share with each other.

I agree. I think a good recent example of this was George H.W. Bush and Jim Baker. There was a real and true intimate friendship there. Baker was at Bush’s side in his last moment. He weep for his friend, prayed for his friend, and comforted his friend by rubbing Bush’s feet for half and hour or more.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I think those “deep, close, intimate friendships” are prone to the same things that happen in long relationships.

They are, and just like any long term relationship, it is up to those friends to decide whether or not they want to work through the natural ebbs and flows of friendships.

Now, I am only in my 30s, but I have mantained friendships from elementary school. We are obviously very different people in our thirties than we were at 6, but the friendships were important enough to us to maintain even as things changed.

Certainly, any person should expect to have a variety of types of relationships from acquaintances up to intimate friendships. Certainly, the majority of ones friendships will not be deeply intimate. Nonetheless, it is still true that those few deep intimate friendships we maintain can provide us with the closeness and intimacy we crave without having to add sex to the equation.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m in my 50s, and the oldest friends I still keep in touch with are people I met in freshman year college or just before that. They’re good people, but our lives and interests have diverged quite a bit. I did not make any friends in elementary school, junior high or high school who I wanted to keep in touch with, except one person who was (supposedly) my best friend when we were in school but made it pretty clear she did not want to continue the friendship as adults. I also had a few “friends” in high school who turned out to be such bad apples I was glad to be rid of them and completely avoid any contact with them as being extremely toxic.

I do have a group of really nice friends I have met through groups revolving around a few interests I have. Lots of good people there but they are scattered all over the country. We keep up with each other online but only meet up in person a couple of times a year.

In my late 30s I did form a few of those very intimate, Damon-and-Pythias style friendships. They lasted about 10 years apiece before they ended for the reasons I described above. I do not bear any ill will towards those people, but it was definitely time for the friendships to end and I do not miss them as I wouldn’t have time for a connection like that at this point in my life. I am in the process of trying to make some new friendships with people who are kind of in the same boat as myself with having family members die off and who share some of my interests.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I think lonesomeness is a product of our times. There are friends I’ve had that I haven’t connected with in a long time because they got married, had kids, worked full time, had aging parents. Who has time to go for coffee and catch up? Although you may not see them as lonesome, life is and can be overwhelming. Not enough hours in a day, falling into bed exhausted, is a cross of it’s own.

I had a friend who by choice remained single. She did not work full time to make room for ‘other stuff’ by volunteering at her church. Her aunt was a sister in an order that had a presence in Africa and she used to go over there and spend a month when she could. That’s the kind of life that someone could look at and say ‘I wonder what that’s like!’

I also know a woman who had terrible arthritis from her 20’s and she made the decision not to marry, so as ‘not to burden’ another human being. Really, another brave choice.

I know people that I wonder how they get out of bed everyday to meet the challenges that they face. There are amazing people in the world, and a huge part of who they are is because they are people of faith. You play the hand your dealt, and plug into God, and see where life will take you. It could be that in 10 years from now, you’ll be saying ‘I totally did not see that coming!’ God bless you and keep you in His loving care.

 

[elohimrules]

I have a spiritual director and it has been the best thing for me because i tend to be shy and not get involved a lot at church. You may want to consider a spiritual director, ask your priest tell him your situation and maybe he can find someone who would fit your needs. I know my spiritual director works with gay people and he is awesome! So something to think about, blessings friend!

 

[adgloriam]

Sarcelle:

Isn’t being single just a state in life and not a vocation?

I tend to think that whatever state the Lord has put you currently in is your “vocation” at that moment.

Bear, I think this idea is wrong and extremely dangerous. I’m gonna explain why: Theologically, you have free will and can ruin your relationship. Socially, a third party can slander an others relationship into pieces and then say it was God’s will that put them there.

You understand my reasoning?

-Your phrasing takes responsibility out of the picture remitting everything to Providence.

 

[tweedlealice]

not a vocation?

.
Nope. It is s vocation! A chaste vocation. Believers really love God. He is first. If you find your help mate, you Marry. Otherwise, soak yourself in church, Bible Studies, visiting the sick. Education to get degrees, you feel will help you in your chosen career. Live a full life.
Don’t watch things to tempt you.
It can be peaceful & unemcumbered.
Blessings
Tweedlealice .

 

[tweedlealice]

Blessings!
Now, you are missing something. Since you are a believer, you are in fellowship w God. You are not alone w Him. But, even so, you’re not living up to your potential! You’re not living. Church has mass 7 days a week. There are Bible Studies, Prayer groups, choir, Singles & Divorced groups. There is KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS groups. There are charities to get on board. Feeding babies in the Nursery at Hospitals. Helping Salvation Army & various Homeless Assistance groups. There is Boy Scouts!! Holy Smoley! Why is your life so isolated? SPORTS! Coaching kids…,
I have a feeling, the divorce sucked your life from you! It doesn’t have to. You’re in mourning for the death of your marriage. Did you have kids? How long were you married? If BILL & HILLARY CLINTON are still married, all marriages can survive. We’re married 51 yrs. We had big bumps in the road. Craters, in fact. No woman was going to ruin my marriage & cause my kids any more pain than they had already w that unstable time. I confronted them. 3 overtime. Pulled my husband back. Mid Life crisis is really a time of assessment! Am I where I wanted to be at this time? Kids are teens & driving everybody crazy. Do I love my kids and/or wife? A young thing pops up & off we go… it is LUST! It is NOT LOVE. The Teens will be OK, one day. Believe me. I don’t know if anything applies. But there is a life out there that God wants you to live.
Message me, if you need.
Jeremiah 20/11. I have a plan for you…
Ephesiand 3; 14-21 PAULS PRAYER FOR US…I Corinthians 13: 4-8. Love is patient & kind…,
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Bear, I think this idea is wrong and extremely dangerous. I’m gonna explain why: Theologically, you have free will and can ruin your relationship. Socially, a third party can slander an others relationship into pieces and then say it was God’s will that put them there.

You understand my reasoning?

-Your phrasing takes responsibility out of the picture remitting everything to Providence.

I’m not a philosopher. God never lets anything happen without a reason. That includes things that happen as a result of the free will of man. God gives us trials and tests, and many of them are caused by the sins of either ourselves or others. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t the will of God to give us a trial or a test.

 

[kgmlg]

I am heterosexual. I have always dreamed of finding the right man, in every sense of the word. Prayed really hard for one….really hard. Had a few “maybes” at some point, but at this stage of my life, I guess the Lord’s answer to my prayers is an outright no. Sucks, but such is life.

I have learned to live with it. I have very close friends who help out in times of need, but all are married.

I occupy my time doing volunteer work, reading, experimenting with stuff in the kitchen, being on CAF (of course! ) and things like that, and its not all bad.

Where I DO see the joys of being single and living alone is when I get invited to spend time with some families. And boy oh boy, this is where I start thanking God for being single. I also have a lot of people who are in large families who absolutely envy my situation, so that makes me feel nice. Also makes me value the importance of silence, and having time to myself.

Good friends are important when one is alone, hard to find, but important. All my close friends (except my BFF who I met in kindergarten ) come from a bible study I did some years ago. So maybe that is a good place to start.

I understand you completely. I just tend to look at the brighter side of life instead of the “what I want but didn’t get” side, and it helps.

God bless you!

 

[adgloriam]

God never lets anything happen without a reason. That includes things that happen as a result of the free will of man.

What can be said is that God can bring about some good out of something evil or bad - and in being omnipotent nothing happens without Him permitting. That does not mean the evil or bad are of Our Lord’s Holy will.

I’m no expert and I was unable to even begin to understand the book of Job (after several attempts). But your first sentence I quoted is extremely dangerous Bear, because I have found that same usage in several sects seeking to manipulate and use their followers, that quote served to legitimize what served their purposes as being God’s will.

And I don’t think “everything is a test or trial”. That pretense blessing of hardship and evil can add to cruelty - you can sanctify everything by offering it up with mercy and charity, but that not make anything Holy in itself or that injustice and evil are God willed.