Who parents at Mass?

[armywife]

My dh does the parenting at mass. I help in the pews, but he’s the one who takes any of the kids out if they need it.

BTW, I was talking to dh about this and he said if he asked for help and I just closed my eyes to “pray harder” he would just go out to the car and leave me with all the kids by myself. Lord help me if that happened!

 

[KCtheMommy]

We’re pretty even over all. The last ten months I have been the one to take out the infant because I’ve got the milk.

DH won’t tolerate our kids offending other’s or disrupting the Mass, so he’s very much different than yours. While your DH tunes-out, mine will sometimes jump up and take-out too early.

We do a lot of things to have each of us enjoy a Mass. Lately we have been splitting up the family and going to separate masses, not taking the baby at all. I’ll take two or three, he’ll take two or three later. It’s just for now, until we get over this late infancy hump and Dash learns he’s not going to nurse anymore in Mass. He’s at the stage that any noise makes him pop off and look around while wanting my breast exposed for easy access to pop back on. Not happenin’! For now it’s best he not go. For us and the other parishoners. In another month or two we’ll try again. I have been trying ot go to daily masses with him, but he figured out the cathedral ceilings are great for acoustics and echoes when he yells. Not good! But I’m trying, even if I have to walk out.

The other kids self-discipline at this time. We have utilized the donut bribe for so many years that it has worked entirely in our favor! Caveat: if one of them messes up during the Mass – NOBODY gets a donut. Oh the drama if there is no donut! Even the three year old behaves perfectly because of this.

“Thanks A LOT PIPPI! Now nobody gets a donut!”

“Yeah Pippi, why did you have to be bad, I wanted a donut!”

“See Pippi, now you don’t get a donut AND your brothers and sister are mad at you!”

She hasn’t acted up AT ALL since last Palm Sunday.

If there are no donuts we stop at the donut shop and buy a dozen rewarding them for their good behavior.

I am adding this just in case use it with your toddler.

Oh yeah, and for the rest of the parishoners, I tend to see a pretty equal job on taking kids out between moms and dads, and yes, also grandparents! Unfortunately in our church with no cry room – there are a lot of parents who won’t take out the screamers when they really should.

So really, you didn’t give your husband the elbow when he wouldn’t let you out of the pew? Mine would have had a satisfactory knot in his bicep if he trapped me in the pew with a howler.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

**Two thoughts, maybe your hubby has some sort of social anxiety disorder? Definitely worth exploring further…

second thought, I would have made hubby move outta the way or I would have asked the family on the other side of me. I am sure they would have been happy to let you out and were probably mortified that you were climbing over the pews**

My husband is very shy. But, it’s not a disorder.

The pew was closed at one end - there was no other family blocking me in.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

My advice–sit the whole family in the cry room–maybe hubby will help out in there??

No cry rooms around here. I did see one at the Cathedral - I think it’s the only one in the archdiocese - but at least our current parish has a bathroom! Up at our parish in the Highlands you had to get an usher to take you over to the rectory to let you in to use the priest’s toilet.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

We have always been split fairly evenly on this issue…until my third daughter came along. She is a “momma’s girl” and seriously is even WORSE if my DH is in charge of her for the mass. I, myself, am getting pretty pregnant and really cannot hold her throughout Mass anymore. Just today, after Mass, I told DH that we have got to find some way of getting Helen to behave sitting by him and having him hold her because I just can’t do it anymore. She is doing better about sitting or standing by herself…but she is still a baby (I know…she’s a toddler…but she’s my baby still) and sometimes just wants to be held.

I hope you and your DH can work something out though. I think I’d be pretty ticked off if my DH wouldn’t have allowed me to get out of the pew though…

I should have mentioned: we actually do have it pretty sorted out. We usually go to different masses, without the children. This was a special occasion Mass at the Cathedral.

 

[dconklin]

I am the tyrant between the two of us - but our two kids have never been a big problem. I guess we spent their first year or two in the cry room. My wife would take our son out to the narthex after communion, but that has not been needed for a few years. Many times both parents are oblivious.

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