Whom would you rather be with?

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Chevaleresse said:
Well, my standards for men go down basically every day. Right now they’re:
  1. Alive
  2. Catholic (maybe even practicing)
  3. Alive.
If I had a dollar for every scummy young man I’ve met in places they really shouldn’t be appearing… I’d be very wealthy. Of course the scummy types would be even more numerous after that happens.
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I would think after all the scummy guys you’ve met, your standards would be going up. As a single gal, my standards are stricter now than they were when I was a teenager (only 24 now).

Mine are more like
  1. Alive (ok maybe that’s negotiable) :rotfl:
  2. Christian (preferably Catholic, but def. showing a willingness to raise children Catholic and attend Mass with me)
  3. Respectful of me
  4. Honest
  5. Not selfish and caught up in his own world. I shouldn’t be putting 99% of the effort into the relationship. It’s not fair.
  6. Wants children
  7. Has a sense of humor (not necessarily a comedian, but not completely dry).
  8. Enjoys life
  9. Not a drug addict or heavy drinker. Shouldn’t be too into the club scene.
  10. Motivated about something.
That’s all I can think of for now. 😃
 
WingsOfEagles said:
I would think after all the scummy guys you’ve met, your standards would be going up. As a single gal, my standards are stricter now than they were when I was a teenager (only 24 now).

Mine are more like
  1. Alive (ok maybe that’s negotiable) :rotfl:
  2. Christian (preferably Catholic, but def. showing a willingness to raise children Catholic and attend Mass with me)
  3. Respectful of me
  4. Honest
  5. Not selfish and caught up in his own world. I shouldn’t be putting 99% of the effort into the relationship. It’s not fair.
  6. Wants children
  7. Has a sense of humor (not necessarily a comedian, but not completely dry).
  8. Enjoys life
  9. Not a drug addict or heavy drinker. Shouldn’t be too into the club scene.
  10. Motivated about something.
That’s all I can think of for now. 😃
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I wasn’t being entirely serious, but really, I don’t know where these guys are. Are they just too shy? The one or two my age that show up to Mass are married (and employed by the church, at that). sigh

Dating sites are so unpredictable and at worst the people one meets are only lying a bit about themselves, rather than a lot.
 
Chevaleresse said:
I wasn’t being entirely serious, but really, I don’t know where these guys are. Are they just too shy? The one or two my age that show up to Mass are married (and employed by the church, at that). sigh

Dating sites are so unpredictable and at worst the people one meets are only lying a bit about themselves, rather than a lot.
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It can definitely seem like slim pickings. I’m 24 and find I’ve been asked out more in the past couple of years than in late high school. Guys at that age don’t want a girl who wants a serious relationship (for the most part).
 
WingsOfEagles said:
It can definitely seem like slim pickings. I’m 24 and find I’ve been asked out more in the past couple of years than in late high school. Guys at that age don’t want a girl who wants a serious relationship (for the most part).
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Well, I’m about your age, and ‘men’ still act as though they’re 15 years old.
 
Chevaleresse said:
Well, I’m about your age, and ‘men’ still act as though they’re 15 years old.
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I assure you the problem is not confined to any one sex. Don’t allow resentment to foster or it could actually make it more difficult to form a healthy relationship with someone deserving it.
 
The thrilling people don’t seem to stay thrilling forever, from what I have experienced. But at first things can be pretty awesome, and I think it’s good to experience the thrilling, endlessly exciting types. However, in the end I think we usually go with the comfortable people. Just don’t let the thrilling people hurt you; don’t tell yourself that they’re going to change or that you’re going to change for good. It probably won’t happen. Have a good time while you’re young, and don’t get hurt and don’t hurt others on purpose. I think some of us need to get the exciting types out of our system before settling down. I am still young and somewhat in this phase, despite being very focused, somewhat reserved, and career driven. But artists and energetic people who want to make music and live life on the edge still get my attention way more than the serious, put together people who call/message me. At some point, I’ll probably change. But do what makes you happy at a given time. Life is short. Live well and treat others nicely. I have had some drinks–I hope there is wisdom in here. Peace out.
 
Et_Cetera said:
The thrilling people don’t seem to stay thrilling forever, from what I have experienced. But at first things can be pretty awesome, and I think it’s good to experience the thrilling, endlessly exciting types. However, in the end I think we usually go with the comfortable people. Just don’t let the thrilling people hurt you; don’t tell yourself that they’re going to change or that you’re going to change for good. It probably won’t happen. Have a good time while you’re young, and don’t get hurt and don’t hurt others on purpose. I think some of us need to get the exciting types out of our system before settling down. I am still young and somewhat in this phase, despite being very focused, somewhat reserved, and career driven. But artists and energetic people who want to make music and live life on the edge still get my attention way more than the serious, put together people who call/message me. At some point, I’ll probably change. But do what makes you happy at a given time. Life is short. Live well and treat others nicely. I have had some drinks–I hope there is wisdom in here. Peace out.
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I think it’d be useful to have a pencilled-in idea of what we mean by thrill or thrilling. Falling for exciting types like you describe can be connected with that suicidal human tendency to play with fire and flirt with danger. On the other hand, looking for some sort of intellectual interplay (or basically any sort of energy flowing in between) as opposed to stagnation could also be termed as wanting thrill, not only comfort. In this latter sense, I can’t live without thrill, myself. On the other hand, the thrill of a drama queen is something I would happily live my life out without, in comfort. In fact, I’m thrilled by the perspective. 😉
 
chevalier said:
I think it’d be useful to have a pencilled-in idea of what we mean by thrill or thrilling. Falling for exciting types like you describe can be connected with that suicidal human tendency to play with fire and flirt with danger. On the other hand, looking for some sort of intellectual interplay (or basically any sort of energy flowing in between) as opposed to stagnation could also be termed as wanting thrill, not only comfort. In this latter sense, I can’t live without thrill, myself. On the other hand, the thrill of a drama queen is something I would happily live my life out without, in comfort. In fact, I’m thrilled by the perspective. 😉
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Yeah, no one needs drama queens or dramatic guys. And for the record, by thrilling people I don’t mean people who would push us to do anything dangerous. I mean people who might push us out of our comfort zone in a way that keeps us entertained…or something like that. It’s actually kid of hard to articulate. One of my “thrilling” people got me to open up a different side of myself that I had kind of kept pushed down, and that was a fun year (and I don’t mean weird sexual stuff haha). Intellectual interplay is awesome. But I will say this, right now I have someone in my life who is very much on my wavelength as far as intellectual desires go. He and I can discuss books, politics, people, etc. for hours. But for some reason, at night I’m still thinking about the figurative aloof artist who makes little films and lives life in his own way. Maybe I’m too serious about my career, and this is my way of living on the edge. I suspect that I will eventually end up with someone who is more comfortable and like the person with whom I have a strong intellectual bond. There will probably come a point when I get too annoyed with the hip/aloof/unserious guys. That time has not yet come, and maybe it never will.
 
I used to flirt with Danger, but then she told me that she just wasn’t ready to settle down in this stage of her life, that it wasn’t me, it was her, and that she hoped we could still be good friends.

I don’t much play with Fire any more (since the knee injury), but every so often we still hang out for a couple of beers and watch the game on TV.
 
Et_Cetera said:
Yeah, no one needs drama queens or dramatic guys. And for the record, by thrilling people I don’t mean people who would push us to do anything dangerous. I mean people who might push us out of our comfort zone in a way that keeps us entertained…or something like that. It’s actually kid of hard to articulate. One of my “thrilling” people got me to open up a different side of myself that I had kind of kept pushed down, and that was a fun year (and I don’t mean weird sexual stuff haha). Intellectual interplay is awesome. But I will say this, right now I have someone in my life who is very much on my wavelength as far as intellectual desires go. He and I can discuss books, politics, people, etc. for hours. But for some reason, at night I’m still thinking about the figurative aloof artist who makes little films and lives life in his own way. Maybe I’m too serious about my career, and this is my way of living on the edge. I suspect that I will eventually end up with someone who is more comfortable and like the person with whom I have a strong intellectual bond. There will probably come a point when I get too annoyed with the hip/aloof/unserious guys. That time has not yet come, and maybe it never will.
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I see. Well, I’m not sure I’m staying on topic but I think this is connected to an observation that the character traits and other circumstances that help the thrill are not exactly the same which help the comfort. Therefore (how about we break this up into points for clarity):
  • the comfortable people (safety, stability, reliability) may perhaps really struggle with the part that makes them thrilling, interesting enough (in addition to simply being stereotyped that way); (and perhaps the thrilling people, in the positive sense, not bluebirds, may be weak on the comfort points);
  • but also people seem to have wishes that can’t really be fulfilled in practice and are perhaps inconsistent, as in requiring their “ideal partners” to combine mutually exclusive traits of character or personality, e.g. both variability (for thrill) and predictability (for comfort);
  • people may also be classifying others so that a person with one type of classification doesn’t get much chance to show himself in other regards?
For the record, the same person can be classified as hopelessly thrill or hopelessly comfort by different people.
 
Hmmm. I am not a thrill-seeker, particularly since I’ve found people I found thrilling from a distance weren’t all that they were cracked up to be when viewed up close. If the person is someone I am truly comfortable with, though, I’m much more willing to venture into things that are exciting, because I trust them. So with the caveat that the comfortable person would need to find similar things exciting or interesting as I do, I’d say comfortable, hands down. Get comfortable, then make your own excitements/adventures together.
 
Thrilling I get in the front car of a roller coaster. Thrilling with relationships = scary and uncertain, too. I had thrilling and the guy ended up stalking me when we broke up. No, thanks.

:nope:
 
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