Why am I struggling accepting my pregnancy?

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Congratulations on the new life within you!

My husband and I were married last July, and in the first week of October, found out I was pregnant. We had initially thought of waiting some time before having a child (we have some legitimate reasons for which we could have postponed), but later decided to leave it to God. Our son is due in the first week of June, about a month before our first anniversary.

I had a lot of mixed emotions in the beginning. Although we had decided to leave it to God to decide when the first would arrive, I still struggled a bit to accept that it happened so soon. We had just moved into a one bedroom apartment as well. Baby will be born about 2 months before our lease is up, so we are trying to decide what to do after that. My husband has already set up the crib in our one bedroom apartment, and it works with our queen size bed and two dressers, even if a little cramped. We got a full size crib, but you could consider a smaller size crib as well, or a pack and play, as someone mentioned above.

Through a Catholic NFP Facebook group, I was able to join a group of Catholic mothers who are due in the same time frame, and it includes mothers who are expecting their first and others who are expecting their 5th+ child. Out of my friends, I’m pretty much the only one my age who is expecting (I am also the first to get married), and I have no sisters, so the online group has been very helpful.

I am hoping to also see if there are groups at my parish, although I have noticed that many of them tend to meet during the day, and because I have to continue working after maternity leave (at least for the time being), it makes it hard for me to participate.

Will be saying a prayer for you!
 
starlady said:
We got a full size crib, but you could consider a smaller size crib as well, or a pack and play, as someone mentioned above.
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Oh, yes–until the baby can turn over or is almost 4 months old, you can do fine with a Pack N Play bassinette.

A full-size crib is for bigger babies.
 
I didn’t know this. Thank you for the information. It may be useful one day.
Mom also said she did not get any post-partum depression that everyone is talking about. She said she was too busy and had no time to rest so maybe that is why she didn’t feel it. She also didn’t know about PPD so whatever bad feelings she was having she blamed it on stress and lack of sleep.
 
Xantippe said:
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starlady:
We got a full size crib, but you could consider a smaller size crib as well, or a pack and play, as someone mentioned above.
Click to expand...
Oh, yes–until the baby can turn over or is almost 4 months old, you can do fine with a Pack N Play bassinette.

A full-size crib is for bigger babies.
Click to expand...
We skipped the crib entirely for the first and never looked back.

0-6 months we did sidecar (SO much better for nursing)
6-12 months we did pack’n’play with a nicer mattress
12+ months twin bed with side rail (although we used the pack’n’play for traveling until well over 2)

None of our kids have been escape artists, however.
 
Mary888 said:
I didn’t know this. Thank you for the information. It may be useful one day.
Mom also said she did not get any post-partum depression that everyone is talking about. She said she was too busy and had no time to rest so maybe that is why she didn’t feel it. She also didn’t know about PPD so whatever bad feelings she was having she blamed it on stress and lack of sleep.
Click to expand...
People understand more now. Being busy dosn’t negate PPD.

Also, one can not have PPD and still not bond instantly. One can have PPD and be strongly bonded. While chances for poor bonding are increased with PPD they are not necessarily hand in hand.

I didn’t have PPD but I always felt like my babies were odd little strangers for the first few weeks. I love children but was no more attached to them than any children I was close to. That sort of bonded relationship took months for me.
 
PPD is not caused by boredom or by not being busy enough. Such a phrase is unhelpful to those who are already battling the stigma from PPD.
 
I was the one who insisted we try for ours— and even I cried when I realized I was actually pregnant. Because it was such an abstract thought-- I was used to life being predictable and planned five years out, and all of a sudden, I was transitioning to more of a live-in-the-moment kind of existence.

But I totally get the slap-in-the-face bit. 🙂 That’s something that you’ll need to work out over time, between you and God, and it will take a while. I had a lot of bitterness towards God for a while-- “I followed your rules, and this is what I get?!” It took a while for me to come to grips with my own issues, but I eventually did.

I had a healthy pregnancy, and was able to work until about 2 weeks prior to my due date. The first trimester was actually the hardest time for me, as my body adjusted-- I found myself very fatigued.

I found a midwife who offered what I wanted (a waterbirth) and who treated a normal pregnancy like a normal part of life, not a sickness. It cost me $4k out of pocket, which covered my 9 months of pregnancy, delivery, and one month of postpartum care.

I joined a birth board on a pregnancy forum, so I would be surrounded by ladies who were in the same stage of pregnancy as I was. It was good support.

The one-bedroom-apartment isn’t an issue. Babies don’t need all the junk the glossy magazines insist they do. 🙂 My friend gave us a bassinet-- my baby hated it. Another friend gave us a crib-- it hardly ever got used for that first year. Mostly, I slept with my baby, because I could nurse in the middle of the night without really waking up, and it led to better sleep for all three of us. Yeah, I know the billboards say “don’t do that”. But the billboards change their advice every five or ten years, so I picked what was right for us. If you’re a heavy sleeper, dead to the world, don’t sleep with your baby in your bed-- because that really will be dangerous. But if you’re a light sleeper, and you’ve got your radar turned on, you have less to worry about, although caution is still important.
 
I did cloth diapers, because I wanted to be able to buy my stuff once, and then just have to do laundry. I asked relatives to buy me the prefolds I picked out (4x8x4 cotton, not the polyester sandwich type) and assorted cute covers until I had enough experience to figure out what kind of diapers I liked enough to buy more of. And that changed, depending on the age. But even the smallest cloth diapers were too big for a newborn, so I used disposables for the first few weeks.

I also used a Moby. The way you wrap it depends on the strength and development of the baby, and it comes in various fabrics of various stretches, but I liked it because (a) we were both happier with the baby physically close to me; and (b) I had my hands free to work on my work. Whenever you’re looking at a wrap or a carrier, pay attention to what shape the legs make when they dangle. If it’s a 90* angle, it’s good, because that means the baby has good support under its butt; if the legs hang straight down, that’s bad, because it means the baby’s weight is entirely on its pelvis.

I did all my baby clothes shopping at baby thrift stores. You get a onesie for 50 cents or a pair of jammies for a dollar… that’s good, because they’ll only wear those first clothes from 0-3, then 3-6, then 6-9, then 9-12 months, plus the seasonal changes, so the number of clothes they’ll wear is only limited by how much you do laundry.

So-- your friends and family will be happy to buy cute baby things. Rely on them. And plan ahead-- figure out what you’ll need not just for the 0-3, but what season it will be for 3-6 and 6-9, so that you have a handful of staples for weather changes or as the baby grows. The initial outlay in the early years can actually be done very economically-- the expenses start coming when you suddenly decide that your kid needs to be enrolled in dance, or gymnastics, or horseback riding, or baseball, or whatever. 🙂

But often times, it’s hard to appreciate the big picture while we’re standing in the middle of it. When you look back at things this time next year-- you might be able to say, “Ahh, that makes sense.”

I wish y’all the best! ❤️
 
I am a military nurse. I’m guessing - this is only a guess! - that your husband is either National Guard or in a Reserve component.

While he is on active duty, you will be covered under TRICARE Prime, which will pick up the tab for the birth (if he is on orders at that time) and all the child’s well baby checks as long as your husband is on orders. He will also draw full pay and benefits, to include housing (Basic Allowance for Housing, abbreviated BAH) at the with-dependents rate.

He also has the option of paying for TRICARE as a traditional Guardsman or Reservist - and I highly recommend this - it’s cheap and keeps your medical costs way down in the long run. They charge you monthly and it’s very affordable - and no, I don’t mean that as a relative term.

We have several Guard units here at the base I’m at, as well as a large Air Force Reserve component. TRICARE coverage is universal, regardless of the service affiliation (Army, Navy, Air Force - you name it, it all works the same and covers the same things in the same way).

Wanted to add this: TRICARE does not have a preexisting condition clause. You will be covered for a pregnancy from the day of enrollment.
 
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