Why are people becoming increasingly against forming loving monogamous relationships?

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I think people do want monogamous and loving relationships but celebrity culture is pushing a different story. Virtual reality shows where created sex scandals are encouraged drive up viewing figures and celebrity relationships which last five minutes are highly publicised. Long term relationships are not celebrated in the media. Selfie culture takes over and with it the cult of ‘likes’ which finds expression in the real world by the amount of people slept with (what used to be called ‘a notch on the bed post). Add to that the constant need of many to be validated in some way and it’s a toxic combination which leaves many ultimately lost and in despair.
 
People tend towards monogamy naturally. But people also tend to look over the fence easily-and our society has increased the temptation factor quite a bit with more and more easily attainable apparently greener grass: more people fornicating IOW. So this makes for jealousy among some of us weaker souls-with more cheating going on resulting in more fractures in present relationships. And the problem spreads because once kids witness the ugliness in their own broken homes they may well give up on the idea of solid monogamous relationships being a realistic model.
 
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I think that pornography has a lot to do with it. Many people are addicted to pornography and it has corrupted the minds of the addicts. They are so addicted that they only see women/men as creatures that you can derive sexual pleasure from.
 
A lot of us want to find the one we can spend the rest of our lives with, but, are afraid of divorce. We live in a divorce culture that raises us to believe that love does not last.
 
To be honest, I’m afraid of divorce myself. My cousin just got divorced after almost a decade of marriage (wife initiated it). He looks like a wreck from all the stress and it is very painful to here their kids talk so nonchalantly about mom’s house. As a woman, I’m afraid of my prospects of finding a man because so many guys are afraid of committing to women for fear of losing their children and being financially raped by divorce.
 
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Well, ultimately people don’t want commitment anymore. They want someone to be committed to them sure, but they realise being monogamous becomes difficult because hey, we’re all difficult to live with at times.

Why only stick with one person and have a ‘difficult’ life when you can just do whatever you want as soon as you feel like it? Fewer problems, more instant pleasure.
 
I’m not sure, but it could be a matter of perception.
 
Given that, within the last year alone, I’ve heard people who are polyamorous or in an open marriage talk about still feeling there’s a stigma against them, I think monogamy is still what’s considered normal.
 
Less marriage, more sexual deviance and promiscuity, more moral relativism, more sexual assault, more mass shootings. Seems like society has taken a downhill turn.
 
From what I’ve seen with a few of my friends is that they seem to want a monogamous relationship, but sorta rush into it or not plan it out all that much. The other day My mom and I were discussing how it seems some people tend to jump right into it, having the high of being in a relationship. For those that work, I’m glad that they worked out.
That’s my opinion of how I’ve seen it around me.
 
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A couple of reasons, all connected.

In short: everybody wants to receive help, assistance, appreciation, affirmation, friendship, love, fair treatment, consideration, and probably attention of all things. But nobody wants to give it, let alone to have an obligation to give it on a reliable, constant basis. We are turning into snowflakes, demanding unrealistic amounts of care and assistance on a non-reciprocal basis, while avoidng obligations, burdens, duties and anything else that’s not pleasant, profitable or rewarding.

Next, everybody is optimizing gains these days — maximum bang for the buck, maximum profit from minimum investment.

While you can have a purchase & sale or an employment contract that’s a sweet deal for both parties and perhaps the best deal they’re realistically going to get, you still can’t have he absolute best theoretically imaginable deal for both parties at the same time. Nobody wants to meet in the middle. Everybody wants to find a sucker, nobody wants to be the sucker. Or if not sucker, then I guess an extremely charitable, open-handed donor, sponsor, protector and otherwise benefactor. We’re living in a society build up of beneficiaries. Give and take — you give, they take.

People are blind to this problem because in addition to pride and ambition they are also lazy. So they won’t think this through until it’s late, perhaps too late.

There would be more marriages if people could have the assurance that the other party would neither want to nor be able to quit easily over a relatively trivial problem or upon the discovery of a better alternative deal. And again, everybody wants to receive this sort of guarantee, but nobody wants to give it.

Myself, I’m reluctant because while I don’t mind contributing my share or a bit more, I don’t want to be anyone’s sucker or a con’s prey. I don’t want to be the spouse who gets all of the responsibilities and burdens but none of the rights or benefits. I don’t want to be tied up in a marriage that exists only on paper. I don’t want to end up providing security and stability for someone who doesn’t want attachment or closeness. I don’t want to be in something the other party deep inside secretly considers to be only a trial or conditional marriage, which a lot of people do, though they won’t tell. A lot of people lie these days, when at stake are the stability, security and comfort that they crave. I certaintly don’t want to be anyone’s stepping stone for monkey branching to a more lucrative marriage option (after divorcing me). And I don’t want to hear, after some 10, 20 or 30 years, something like:

– I’ve never loved you, but I needed X.
– I’ve always loved someone else.
– I’m homosexual, I’m not attracted to you.
– I no longer feel female.
– I no longer want to be married.
– It’s best if we stop having sex.
– I don’t really want to spend time with you. I feel better alone, on my own, let to my devices.

… And so on and so forth. I’ll have none of that.
 
The media normalized the lie humans aren’t capable of monogamy. They claim we evolved from non-monogamous species and etc. Well, they’re wrong about how evolution works. The science shows humans are perfectly capable of life-long monogamy. It’s a choice.

And when the media behave better, they treat it as an unattainable ideal. Guess what? It is an attainable ideal if people worked at it. And some of the underlying problems that need to be solved to get to this ideal have already been mentioned.
 
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My opinion is because many people don’t have good role models in this area. They simply don’t know what true love is and what it looks like. Look up the divorce rate. Society doesn’t prioritize it, it says we should be working independent, relying solely on ourselves.
 
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Agree but I think it’s deeper than that. Look at the people who participate and produce the pornography. Most of these people have a very broken troubled past. Many broken since childhood which should be a carefree happy time. Broken shattered families and are very lonely lost people. Yes pornography is horrid filth but have you ever considered the men and women behind it? Many of whom go on to have children out of wedlock and continue the cycle in society. Broken families from the start is what Satan wants and looks like it’s going to get worse before it gets better
 
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I have been to more weddings in the past 12 months than in my entire life. Definitely, people are waiting until later in life to get married. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. I think it means they take the commitment that much more seriously.
 
Having lived in Hawaii which is a prime spot for honeymooners, I saw no end of happy honeymooning couples. People still get together and get married and go on honeymoon.

Now it remains to be seen how long these couples stay together.
 
bclustr9 said:
It just seems like no one really values this anymore.
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Huh? I don’t know how old you are, but society in general, not just Catholic people, are putting a huge amount of weight these days on loving, monogamous relationships. Whereas from the late 1960s until the AIDS scare of the 1980s, the emphasis was on having a lot of different sex partners, not bothering with monogamy, not even bothering with relationships in many cases, and doing what feels good.

Also, there are always going to be people who value a loving marriage or, even if they aren’t big on marriage, a loving monogamous partner relationship. It’s a normal human thing to want.

I sincerely doubt you have met every person in the world or considered every situation in the world outside of your immediate circle of friends and acquaintances to come to such a sweeping conclusion. If you are a younger person, it’s likely that other people your age may not be ready yet to rush into monogamous commitments, but will change their minds as they grow more mature.
 
ZMystiCat said:
Given that, within the last year alone, I’ve heard people who are polyamorous or in an open marriage talk about still feeling there’s a stigma against them, I think monogamy is still what’s considered normal.
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This is definitely true. Also, if you conduct your sexual and romantic life today the way people did in the 1970s, you will get a huge amount of flak from your peers. Monogamy is “in” right now, even though often it’s a form of serial monogamy.
 
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