Why can’t I stop this!?!

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YehoiakhinEx232

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I’m sick of this!!!
I was bullied at school, and had bad relationship with my mother, and because of all this, I have a sexual perversion. I have been trying to overcome this and stop sinning, after my last fall, I vowed I would never sin again, and I prayed as hard as I could, I clinged to Mary as hard as I could, and this evening, I was begging and pleading to Mary and Our Lord that I wouldn’t fall but I did! I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve asked my parish priest if there was any Catholic psychologist in this diocese and am waiting until the end of this week to hear from him! If I can’t get one, I’ll have to manage with a secular one my parents will provide and hope I find a way to get him to help me without receiving bad advice. Other than that, I don’t what I can do to stop this!
I wish it was just my hand so that I could cut it off! I want this stop, how do I stop this!?!
 
There is no such thing as Catholic psychology any more than there is Catholic physics or Catholic chemistry. A psychologist trained in science should be able to help believers and non-believers. I hope you find some peace.
 
There are practicing psychologists who work within the context of the Catholic Faith. There are even priests who fall within this category. If there is a Catholic college in the area or, better yet, a Catholic seminary nearby, they usually have contacts with health care professionals who act within the Catholic Faith. I have read an article on a study done by two of these psychologists who work with Seminarians and candidates for the religious life on the topic of disordered sexual attractions, specifically concerning homosexuality. Through the study over approximately 35 years, they found that by working through past issues which had taken place during the early development seminarian or religious, they were able to overcome these disordered attractions. They even found that when the course of therapy had been totally exhausted, approximately 64% of the men and 43% of the women they treated even identified as heterosexual. The link to this study is below if you wish to read it.

In the mean time, there are two books which I think may help you while attempting to find a psychologist/therapist. They are Healing Wounded Emotions and Healing Wounded Relationships both are by Fr. Martin Padovani, SVD who is a licensed therapist in the state of New Jersey. His work helped me address past issues while in my Novitiate and they may help you address some of the issues which have contributed to your self-identified sexual perversion.

I will be praying for you and will offer my Divine Office for you during Holy Week.

Don’t worry and have hope!

God Bless,
Br. Ben, CRM

The article mentioned above:
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1179/002436311803888302
 
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Except that psychology is not a hard science. It is very mixed up with philosophy (and opinion) in ways that chemistry and physics cant be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-psychology.
I’ve seen people greatly helped by psychiatrists, but sadly, people have also been greatly harmed, also.
 
Number one thing - stop beating yourself up. You are a good person in your heart and God knows it. He also knows what happened to you and loves you regardless. Second - do get some professional help. You don’t have to like everything a psychologist tells you, but you can listen and probably take away something of value from those sessions.
You need to take care of your mental and physical health and start healing inside.
 
Advice would differ depending on what your perversion.
I notice you blame your family for having this perversion. Could this be the first reason for failure to overcome it? I am not denying that our early development may foster a perversion. However, first things first, admit to yourself you have this issue. Admit that you have a problem, and that you can’t beat it by yourself, from what you can tell. You’ve tried.
So, ask God, Our Lord Jesus Christ, to enter into you and order this disorder.
Rosary every day is immensely helpful.
Look to make real, active relationships with real people, in particular the object of your perversion if that is possible.

Jesus can heal us. Go to confession, knowing all that is behind you. If ever you are tempted, say, “No, I don’t want to offend God.” or something like that. Surround yourself with holy images where you are most tempted.

If it has something to do with pornography don’t buy any films or magazines and consider filters.
 
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Hey friend, four things.
  1. You are not alone. Many have struggled with this sin and have overcome it with the help of God, so do not lose hope! Losing hope of victory is the first step, I think, in falling to sin. So do not allow this first step to happen!
  2. Seek healing. This can be found in confession, personal prayer, retreats. Methods for prayer can be found in books like Unbound books/retreats by Neal Lozano, or Be Healed by Bub Schuchts. These two books, I think, help you get to the root of the dysfunction so that God can put you and your heart in right order again. You can also enroll in the Angelic Warfare Confraternity and pray the daily prayers to help you.
  3. I have found that the key to living in freedom is what Jesus says in the Gospel- love God with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. For me that means using your intellect (mind), prayer (soul), your heart’s honest response (heart), and your concentrated will (strength) to overcome this. This is difficult because everyone has concupiscence, but some have particular predispositions to sin. Because of that, you may have to try 250x as hard as the person next to you but you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!!
  4. Have hope!! From St Theresa of Avila- “Hope, O my soul, hope. You know neither the day nor the hour. Watch carefully, for everything passes quickly, even though your impatience makes doubtful what is certain, and turns a very short time into a long one. Dream that the more you struggle, the more you prove the love that you bear your God, and the more you will rejoice one day with your Beloved, in a happiness and rapture that can never end.”
Praying for you!
 
It might help if you try not to be so self-condemning. Self-condemnation can sometimes fuel a bad habit because it lowers your self esteem and robs you of much energy. Instead, think about all of the good aspects of yourself as a person. The bad habit is only a small detail of your life and is temporary. God loves the whole you and he understands human weakness. I’m guessing you are young. Please be aware that struggles like this are very common and that it takes time to overcome some moral challenges.
 
TheOldColonel said:
It might help if you try not to be so self-condemning. Self-condemnation can sometimes fuel a bad habit because it lowers your self esteem and robs you of much energy. Instead, think about all of the good aspects of yourself as a person. The bad habit is only a small detail of your life and is temporary. God loves the whole you and he understands human weakness. I’m guessing you are young. Please be aware that struggles like this are very common and that it takes time to overcome some moral challenges.
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Old Colonel’s are very wise.
 
Wait, you really expect to not sin anymore, ever? Buddy, you’re going to struggle with sin for the rest of your life. It’s just part of being human. You can’t work yourself into such a tizzy when you fail. It’s gonna happen. Just calmly go to confession and keep going.
 
Well, I mean…it’s kinda in the act of contrition to resolve to “sin no more”.

God understands how we are, though. There’s like 3 stages of spiritual development I have heard of.
One with common mortal sin, one with infrequent mortal sin, and one with correcting minor imperfections.
It can be a loooooooong ride, but Christ does help us to no longer sin in the mortal realm, and then to avoid venial sins much as well.
One of the things that makes me love Catholicism is that we know that you are not doomed to always be sinning so terribly like some protestant sects might believe.

But when we fail, we should see it as a hiccup on the long journey of life to sainthood. Then, it is clear that it is not how many times we fall that matters as much as how many times we get back up.
 
I’m not saying you don’t try not to sin. I’m just saying you don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself.
 
blackforest said:
As a social worker, I can tell you that there are a number of faith-based approaches to psychotherapy. In the OP’s state, I’d even look for a Protestant Christian counselor if a Catholic one is unavailable.

I believe this resource has already been posted. http://www.catholictherapists.com/

Here’s another one. http://www.findchristiancounselor.com/
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I support science-based medicine and therapy. I do not support the importation of ideas with no scientific basis into medicine and therapy. I do not mind if people with non-scientific views practice medicine or therapy. But they have a responsibility to their patients not to confuse the two.
 
lupitarose said:
Hey friend, four things.
  1. You are not alone. Many have struggled with this sin and have overcome it with the help of God, so do not lose hope! Losing hope of victory is the first step, I think, in falling to sin. So do not allow this first step to happen!
    Praying for you!
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This is true.
Sin, especially sexual sin, isolates us.
Isolation is what entrenches sin in our habits and hearts. Isolation allows sin to become a continual cycle of temptation, sin, regret, isolation. Repeat. The presence and help of others shines the light of day on this sin.

Sexual sin hates the light of day. It wants us to feel ashamed, so we do not serve others.
That is the real tragedy. It’s hard enough to endure personal failure, but when personal failure keeps us from serving others, that is tragic.

I’ve struggled with lust for over 40 years with increasing success, but still struggling.
The single most effective thing I ever did was start visiting nursing homes for the parish. It put my personal preoccupations and struggles in perspective.

Minister to those who need healing, and be healed.
 
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I get where you’re coming from and argue that therapists have every ethical obligation to follow evidence-based practices. At the same time, psychotherapy isn’t black and white, and evidence-based and faith-based approaches are not mutually exclusive. A search of peer-reviewed literature will reveal quite the contrary.
 
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