Why can't I change?

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CBinNY said:
I was in a similar spot too. I stopped attended mass in my depression and unanswered prayers. Although I would say a Hail Mary or Our Father now and then, I had stopped practicing my faith. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. It only got worse. I lost hope.
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But Our Lord in his mercy led me back to mass, confession and hope. If you haven’t gone to confession do it now. Pour it all out, everything. Then surrender your life to God, not just saying the words but begin to change what you love first. Attend mass. Read some of the bible each day or some orthodox book. It probably won’t get better immediately but in time it will. Read books on conversion, there is the purgative way then the illuminative way and finally Unitive way. The purgative way can be painful and bring many tears as the Holy Spirit works on us. I’m reading “Fulfillment of all Desire” by Ralph Martin but there are many other books that can guide you. This is a journey I’ve found not just one prayer straightens everything out. But the best thing is as I returned to a state of grace, hope returned. Divine Mercy is also great way to understand how much God loves us and that knowledge affects you deeply and gives you confidence again. I’m praying for you. May God Bless you many times over.
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Interesting. I looked up the book you mentioned on youtube and the person tused the same kind of word I mentioned that you used above… purgation!

youtube.com/watch?v=SpMXiL7OIIA
 
Purgative way is the state of beginners in the spiritual life,
it is the purifying of the soul in view of attaining to intimate union with
God. from ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/SLP2B1.TXT
We need to change how we value things in this life. The Holy Spirit works on us helping us change.
 
AnotherMe said:
**Thank you for all your support and prayer. I hate to be a downer. But I really am not in a good place. Even worse, my depression and despair is showing to my child. Life is so hard. I thought I would have been someplace by now. Instead, I believe it is too late in life to live up to the potential of what talents and abilities I had.
**

**
Thank you for the link. I will read it. **

**
I have gone these routes. I never followed the suggestions of the Nutritionists all that much. It just didn’t register. I don’t known how to cook. The will power just isn’t there. I do it for a day or two then go back to what I ate. It’s really pathetic. I even went to a few 12 step programs. Not much happened.

As for getting help for depression, I have done that too. Been there, done that. Perhaps I should get help again. But as I have stated, nothing changes. 😦 It’s just the same cycle, over and over again.**
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Now, how hard did you try with medication? If one didn’t work, did you stop or did you go back to the doctor and explain tell them this? How many times did you go back?

Well, a lot of people try, once, and if one medication goes up, they say they “tried”. I’m not saying that’s your case, but it’s just one case. Now, I just wanted to explain that we call this a “science,”, but it often takes a little persistence to get the right dosage, medication, and even when you get the right dosage and medication, it’s not unusual for even that to, after a time, simply lose its effectiveness as the body acclimates.

So, during that time, the doctor might choose another medication…later, he can even go back to the original, again, and it might even be effective, again. It takes a lot of trial and error, patience, persistence.
 
ClearWater said:
Now, how hard did you try with medication? If one didn’t work, did you stop or did you go back to the doctor and explain tell them this? How many times did you go back?

Well, a lot of people try, once, and if one medication goes up, they say they “tried”. I’m not saying that’s your case, but it’s just one case. Now, I just wanted to explain that we call this a “science,”, but it often takes a little persistence to get the right dosage, medication, and even when you get the right dosage and medication, it’s not unusual for even that to, after a time, simply lose its effectiveness as the body acclimates.

So, during that time, the doctor might choose another medication…later, he can even go back to the original, again, and it might even be effective, again. It takes a lot of trial and error, patience, persistence.
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I was persistent. One medication was dangerous! I would rather stay off meds if I can. But I will look more into it later.

Here is another question. Might my “bad luck” be my way of paying off my past sins?
 
AnotherMe said:
Interesting. I looked up the book you mentioned on youtube and the person tused the same kind of word I mentioned that you used above… purgation!

youtube.com/watch?v=SpMXiL7OIIA
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Here is something you can read:

Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid. Believe in Me, and trust in My mercy. When you think you are farthest from Me, it is then that I am nearest to you. When you think that all is lost, it is then that your victory is close at hand.

All is not lost when the result is not as you planned. Don’t let your present feelings affect your judgment, and don’t react to a difficulty - no matter what its source - as if there were no hope of being freed from it.

Don’t think that you are totally abandoned if for a time I have sent you some trial or have withdrawn the consolation you sought, for this is the road that leads you to the kingdom of heaven. Doubtless it is better for you, and for my other servants too, to undergo these trials than to have everything come out just as you desired.

Taken from the “The Imitation of Christ”.
 
AnotherMe said:
I was persistent. One medication was dangerous! I would rather stay off meds if I can. But I will look more into it later.

Here is another question. Might my “bad luck” be my way of paying off my past sins?
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No, if anything you are being purged (our journey to perfection starts here), but things will change for the better, you just need patience and perseverance (pray for all the things you are lacking)

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. .
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Perhaps this is the reason I am not changing.
I had an inner urging to humble myself and do the dirty and grimy work around the house on a regular basis. Much like the work my saintly, faithful Mother did when I was growing up; get on my knees and clean the floor. Make sure the bathrooms are clean. Vacuum, polish, ect… Although I have done “some of these things,” I have not humbled myself and did the really dirty work on a REGULAR basis. Perhaps, that’s one reason things have not changed. In doing so, I could offer up the sufferings of unemployment up. My inner voice was also telling me to volunteer my time. However, I reached out to volunteer organizations several times. They never got back to me. 😦
 
Reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius was infinitely helpful to me in changing my behaviour and my attitude, and brought me closer to God.

You can read it online for free, or it’s pretty cheap to buy a copy. Read it. I am sure it will help in some way.
 
AnotherMe said:
Perhaps this is the reason I am not changing.
I had an inner urging to humble myself and do the dirty and grimy work around the house on a regular basis. Much like the work my saintly, faithful Mother did when I was growing up; get on my knees and clean the floor. Make sure the bathrooms are clean. Vacuum, polish, ect… Although I have done “some of these things,” I have not humbled myself and did the really dirty work on a REGULAR basis. Perhaps, that’s one reason things have not changed. In doing so, I could offer up the sufferings of unemployment up. My inner voice was also telling me to volunteer my time. However, I reached out to volunteer organizations several times. They never got back to me. 😦
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lapis_lazuli said:
Reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius was infinitely helpful to me in changing my behaviour and my attitude, and brought me closer to God.

You can read it online for free, or it’s pretty cheap to buy a copy. Read it. I am sure it will help in some way.
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Thanks. I’ll look into it.
 
‘Another me’ stop punishing yourself! When we go to confession God forgives ALL YOUR PAST SINS. There is no payment GODS MERCY, GRACE, and FORGIVENESS ARE A GIFT , we try to do good things in this world not as payment but as a response to Jesus’s mercy. As we deepen our understanding of this forgiving love, either through Divine Mercy or The Sacred Heart of Jesus, it helps our love of God grow. The understanding of the gift of forgiveness and the hope of eternal life should give you hope. This hope should help with your depression at least some, start focusing on the good things in your life too. And keep trying for medical help some depression really needs medical help don’t give up that route. I continue to pray for you asking for Gods blessing and his wisdom for you.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
The spiritual exercises of St Ingnatius might help you ‘Anotherme’. They teach about the spirit of desolation, when you feel nothing will ever work out, or God doesn’t love me or it’s all hopeless. It also teaches about the spirit of consolation when you feel close to God. It helps you to recognize these states of mind and how to deal with them. Books by Fr. Timothy Gallager are good sources of information. Ask your priest about Ignatian Retreats or find one in your area by internet search. Still praying for you.
 
CBinNY said:
The spiritual exercises of St Ingnatius might help you ‘Anotherme’. They teach about the spirit of desolation, when you feel nothing will ever work out, or God doesn’t love me or it’s all hopeless. It also teaches about the spirit of consolation when you feel close to God. It helps you to recognize these states of mind and how to deal with them. Books by Fr. Timothy Gallager are good sources of information. Ask your priest about Ignatian Retreats or find one in your area by internet search. Still praying for you.
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Thank you CBinNY. I will look into it. I appreciate your suggestions and prayers.
 
CBinNY said:
The spiritual exercises of St Ingnatius might help you ‘Anotherme’. They teach about the spirit of desolation, when you feel nothing will ever work out, or God doesn’t love me or it’s all hopeless. It also teaches about the spirit of consolation when you feel close to God. It helps you to recognize these states of mind and how to deal with them. Books by Fr. Timothy Gallager are good sources of information. Ask your priest about Ignatian Retreats or find one in your area by internet search. Still praying for you.
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THANK YOU for suggesting I look into St. Ignatius! Everything about him is awesome! I am really going to get a lot out of this man’s teachings.
 
Great to hear. Dear Lord encourage Another me and give wisdom and direction and help with a good job. In Jesus name I ask for this. Amen
 
I have an eating disorder and I’m familiar with the feelings expressed here…I will pray for you…

Hail Mary, full of grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of our death,
Amen.

:signofcross:
 
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