Why can't women simply say "I'm not interested." to men?

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Xantippe said:
Maybe!

I think initial activities where one is working with and alongside rather than just gazing uncomfortably into the other person’s eyes are a good idea, especially for the awkward.
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Absolutely true. That advice has been given and rejected numerous times.
🤷
 
runwaymodel said:
Attractive women DO have trouble in dating. We seem to attract everyone, the good and the bad, so unless you have good instincts you can get stuck with someone who doesn’t truly care to know about you but only wants arm candy. Or they get possessive and jealous. It can be frustrating but over the years I have learned to not tolerate anything of that sort, perhaps that is why I am so assertive now. My intention is not to intimidate men, I really am quite nice which is often misinterpreted with flirting. I don’t flirt. Go figure.
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(Bolding mine)

I agree with you 100%.

I also want to point out that it isn’t even just a matter of ‘good’ and ‘bad’. I know lots of good, even wonderful men, that I would never marry. It isn’t just about finding a ‘good’ member of the opposite sex and convincing them that you are ‘good’ too. It’s about finding someone that you connect with. If attractive women had an inherently easier time with this, you wouldn’t see as many pretty and single 25, 30, and 35 year old women. You wouldn’t be getting wedding invitations from your less attractive friends years before you get them from your beautiful ones.

So much goes into when you find the right person. It has a lot to do with maturity and knowing yourself, but it also has a lot to do with when, where, and how you look for a partner, how you present yourself to potential dates and partners, what field you work in, where you live, and so many other lifestyle and personal factors, both internal and external.
 
Eternal_One said:
Ive been in Cali’s situation before and Im pretty sure the girl is not interested. Some girls keep guys in their “Recycling Bin.” Theyre deleted, but if they ever need a last ditch option or see a need in the guy for something down the road, they can always “restore” those lost files, or in this case, restore the guy and use him for something. Sounds like something better just came up and she changed her mind.
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You may think you’re “pretty sure”, but if you cut that person off you will never know what could have been.

If you are in Cali’s situation - desparate to find love - then I see no need to start making these sorts of assumptions. There’s little to be lost in giving a person the benefit of the doubt in this case.

Cali even gave her the opportunity to back off and she clarrified that she was still keen to meet up.
CaliLobo said:
Yeah I agree. It’s the fact that she called out of the blue almost two weeks later that appears incongruent. If she was interested she wouldn’t do such a thing.
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Some women - many women - (maybe most women?) - are shy about calling a guy. Perhaps it took her two weeks to work up the nerve to call.

Or perhaps she’s got some cluless friend telling her “oh, you can’t call now…wait at least two weeks…you don’t want to sound needy!”.

Anyway, we can argue about whether she was interested or not interested, but now we’ll never know.
 
underacloud said:
You may think you’re “pretty sure”, but if you cut that person off you will never know what could have been.

If you are in Cali’s situation - desparate to find love - then I see no need to start making these sorts of assumptions. There’s little to be lost in giving a person the benefit of the doubt in this case.

Cali even gave her the opportunity to back off and she clarrified that she was still keen to meet up.

Some women - many women - (maybe most women?) - are shy about calling a guy. Perhaps it took her two weeks to work up the nerve to call.

Or perhaps she’s got some cluless friend telling her “oh, you can’t call now…wait at least two weeks…you don’t want to sound needy!”.

Anyway, we can argue about whether she was interested or not interested, but now we’ll never know.
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Her interest was lukewarm at best. Cali made the right call.
 
Estevao said:
The Graphic® strikes again.

But I see some churchy nice guy nerds who have cool women in their lives, they figured a away around The Graphic®. I had this prof in university who was a total churchy history geek (I think he went to cambridge which is history nerd central) and his wife was lovely.
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What is The Graphic?
 
Groo said:
What is The Graphic?
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You don’t remember the graphic??? You know, the one that explains why no woman has accepted a date from a man since 1964, despite decades of polite persistence from men. And marriage? You can forget about that! Ever since women started working outside the home, they’ve come to realize how awesome it is to encounter jerks on a daily basis, and they’ve decided they want one to come home to every night. Of course, the problem is that all of the men in the world are too nice for today’s masochistic young women.

And this is why you have not been to a wedding or seen a new baby in the last 50 years.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You don’t remember the graphic??? You know, the one that explains why no woman has accepted a date from a man since 1964, despite decades of polite persistence from men. And marriage? You can forget about that! Ever since women started working outside the home, they’ve come to realize how awesome it is to encounter jerks on a daily basis, and they’ve decided they want one to come home to every night. Of course, the problem is that all of the men in the world are too nice for today’s masochistic young women.

And this is why you have not been to a wedding or seen a new baby in the last 50 years.
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Funny!

A more talented person would put together a CAF-friendly parody of Sir Mix-al-ot’s “Baby Got Back” with lyrics such as, “I like nice guys and I cannot lie.”

Possible swoon-worthy material for the song:

–changes diapers!
–takes toddlers to the park!
–cooks muffins!
–helps school kids with homework!
–can stir fry!
 
Xantippe said:
Possible swoon-worthy material for the song:

–changes diapers!
–takes toddlers to the park!
–cooks muffins!
–helps school kids with homework!
–can stir fry!
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To be fair though, three of those things tend to happen after dating success, not as a prelude to it.

I have no need now for women (except for my wife) swooning when I take my children to the park.

Of course, for the single man, there’s always the classic (and pretty cynical) approach of borrowing children for this very purpose.
 
underacloud said:
To be fair though, three of those things tend to happen after dating success, not as a prelude to it.

I have no need now for women (except for my wife) swooning when I take my children to the park.

Of course, for the single man, there’s always the classic (and pretty cynical) approach of borrowing children for this very purpose.
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My husband gets this response.

A few years back, we were at the optometrist’s at WalMart and I asked my husband to keep our two little kids for the 30-45 or so minutes of my appointment. He went off with the kids. The receptionist’s eyes bugged out when she saw him go off with the kids. “Where do you get one of those?” she asked.
 
Xantippe said:
My husband gets this response.

A few years back, we were at the optometrist’s at WalMart and I asked my husband to keep our two little kids for the 30-45 or so minutes of my appointment. He went off with the kids. The receptionist’s eyes bugged out when she saw him go off with the kids. “Where do you get one of those?” she asked.
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We’ve had experiences like that, too (perhaps not so coincidentally, they seem to happen whenever we’ve been in a rough patch.)
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You don’t remember the graphic??? You know, the one that explains why no woman has accepted a date from a man since 1964, despite decades of polite persistence from men. And marriage? You can forget about that! Ever since women started working outside the home, they’ve come to realize how awesome it is to encounter jerks on a daily basis, and they’ve decided they want one to come home to every night. Of course, the problem is that all of the men in the world are too nice for today’s masochistic young women.

And this is why you have not been to a wedding or seen a new baby in the last 50 years.
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No, had not seen that. I only speak from personal experience. Becoming jaded gave me a kind of edge that did help my short-term success with women, but made real intimacy a difficult. That hasn’t been so good for a marriage relationship.

And this is something I am working on changing in myself, but the wounds are pretty deep and healing is going to take some time.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You don’t remember the graphic??? You know, the one that explains why no woman has accepted a date from a man since 1964, despite decades of polite persistence from men. And marriage? You can forget about that! Ever since women started working outside the home, they’ve come to realize how awesome it is to encounter jerks on a daily basis, and they’ve decided they want one to come home to every night. Of course, the problem is that all of the men in the world are too nice for today’s masochistic young women.

And this is why you have not been to a wedding or seen a new baby in the last 50 years.
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:rotfl:
 
Groo said:
I agree that it’s academic at this point. Cali will be in a long term relationship within a year anyway; that’s my prediction. Then he’ll have a whole new set of problems.
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Is that a whine alert?
 
Groo said:
I agree that it’s academic at this point. Cali will be in a long term relationship within a year anyway; that’s my prediction. Then he’ll have a whole new set of problems.
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Yeah.

I feel like in a big city like he’s in, he’s right at the age where people make decisions fairly rapidly about marriage and family.
 
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