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I’m actually a proponent of couples marrying early. I don’t believe in the whole ‘make sure you are economically sound or that you know yourself’ mindset… I have to believe that these things are cultural, and that yes, it may be that its better for those in that culture to marry economically sound and to be older and know themselves, but however, its not true in all circumstances and certainly not for all cultures. I just think our culture here in the states is particularly very entwined with materialism and that causes a lot of problems in marriage that was not there before. I think because of our culture, we do not fully mature until much later, which is causing problems. I would say that if people began to be self sufficient and family orientated, that might change… but the family itself must be healthy- that is, they must be God-fearing.
A few points:
**–I’m also not necessarily against early marriage (was married at 22), but I like to see a couple be at least one year out of college (or the equivalent for the military or trades) at the time of marriage, just because it’s hard to tell how tell how a prospective spouse will deal with adulthood and real financial responsibility if they haven’t done it yet. I am particularly against the idea of marrying people right out of their parental home or college dorm. (My dad married my mom in college and while they’re quite happy, many years of rockiness were caused by the fact that he was so disappointed that my mom wasn’t the sort of housekeeper and cook his mom was. If he had married her as a young adult living on her own, a lot of that would not have been news to him. But then, there’d be no me, most likely!) **
**–It is actually common in traditional culture for it to be crucial for the man to be well-settled financially. While traditional culture has often been much more relaxed about younger brides than we are, in traditional culture, it has also often been the case that women are unable to marry without dowries. (The dowerless girl is a popular heroine, whether in Fiddler on the Roof or Pride and Prejudice. In literature, true love overcomes all, but it’s in the books because having no dowry has traditionally been a huge obstacle to marriage for women.) While that dowry system may sound very unfamiliar, I would argue that in today’s US, a college education and a career have replaced the dowry as a stumbling block for women–without those things, it has become very difficult for a woman in the US to marry well. I’m not saying that that’s good, but it is how things are these days.
–In today’s US, the rate of divorce for very young (i.e. late teenage) brides is very high. So, if a single man is anxious about the risk of divorce (and that is a huge preoccupation among the Dalrock guys), then he should avoid very young women.
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I can understand the lure of porn to men, but I just wish that man men realize that as soon as they agree to use porn, they have agreed to think of woman as their possessions and objects to use, that women* become* a nothing that are only good as long as they are beautiful and horny for them. When they do that, they give free reign to those thoughts and it clouds their mind set and woman can pick up on it. I think this is why we have such problems. Men excuse their lust thinking its normal, and women can’t bond with a man who thinks that way. Its just impossible for a woman to excuse a man’s lechery and still have an ounce self respect- and self respect is what makes them beautiful and alluring in the first place!!!
**Those are very interesting points.
At Dalrock (and similar) there is a lot of concern that if a single woman is older (i.e. 27+) then she will have had a lot of sexual partners and be unable to bond with a husband, and hence be a huge divorce risk.
However, you are quite correct that pornography may also impact the ability to bond. Hopefully, not permanently!
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